Ok, so Paramount and the estate/family of Gene Roddenberry own Star Trek. Not me. So there you go.
This is probably set somewhere between Star Trek: Generations and Star Trek: Nemesis because in my head Data has his emotions chip. Just FYI.
"No, damn it all, I said MOUNTAIN DEW!"
Jenn was fighting with the food replicator in Ten Forward for the nth time.
"It's a soda pop from 20th century Earth! It's made from a host of chemicals, some carbonated water, a huge amount of caffeine, some fake citrus flavoring agents, and a 20th century food coloring called Yellow number 5. Just fucking make it!"
She pounded the replicator with her fist as, for the nth time, the computer said "Unable to complete your request."
It was turning out to be a nightmare, living on the Enterprise.
Through a freak temporal wormhole incident Jenn had been propelled from her safe, quiet life in the 21st century 300 years into the future. They tried everything to get her back to her time, but they couldn't replicate the exact conditions that had brought her there. In the end, they sent her through a quick education program, and she spent 2 hours every day with Counselor Troi acclimating to life in the 24th century.
At first, Jenn was excited by it all. She hadn't left anyone in her time that she missed much...her parents had died when she was young and she'd been in and out of foster homes all her life. As soon as she was old enough, she struck out on her own. She'd never really made a whole lot of friends. So she was completely excited about learning new technologies and seeing what humanity's future was like.
It had been three months now and she was beginning to long for a pizza.
Adjusting to life wasn't terribly difficult. It wasn't that much different than her life in 2008 had been. She still had a job to do during the day, there were still books to read when she quit work for the day. She found herself the center of attention many times when she came to Ten Forward...she was a sort-of ambassador to the past for the crew of the Enterprise.
The little things were what were beginning to get to her. The replicator could make millions of recipes from a million different worlds, but it couldn't make her a bowl of Kraft Mac and Cheese. It couldn't make her a pizza. And, most frustratingly of all, it couldn't make her a Mountain Dew.
Guinan watched Jenn struggling with the replicator for a moment before walking quietly to her side.
"You know, you could just program the thing to make the drink you want," Guinan said softly.
"Yeah, I could, if I knew the first fucking thing about 24th century computers."
Guinan laughed.
"Just trying to help. And ease up on the language. Words like that haven't been heard in a good 250 years."
"Sorry," Jenn mumbled, "I just wish I could have a cigarette."
"Cigarette?"
"Yeah. Little paper tube filled with dried tobacco leaves with a cotton filter at one end. You light the other end on fire and suck on the paper tube. You inhale the tobacco smoke, and then exhale."
"Sounds interesting. It can't be good for you though."
"Well no...it caused cancer and lung disease and a whole host of other health problems."
"But you still did it?"
"Yeah."
Guinan shook her head.
"I'll never understand why you humans seem to do whatever you can to kill yourselves before your time."
Jenn punched the replicator again and went to sit at the bar. Guinan followed. Jenn sat next to Data and Geordi.
"You know," said Geordi, "I could probably program the replicator for you if you explain to me exactly what that Mountain whatever is."
"Don't worry about it," Jenn replied, "I'll just stick to...um...water...or something."
Data turned to her.
"I am curious. Would it not make you more comfortable if Geordi programmed the replicator to create the beverage you wish to drink?"
Jenn laughed bitterly.
"You know something, Data? I really don't think so. I think the computer would just fuck it up."
Guinan and Geordi winced as a puzzled look crossed Data's face.
"'Fuck it up?' As in make a mistake?"
"God, YES, Data, as in make a fucking mistake!"
Jenn threw herself out of her chair and stormed out of Ten Forward. Data turned to Guinan, still puzzled.
"Did I say something wrong?" Data asked.
"No," said Guinan, "She's just suffering from culture shock."
--
Jenn threw herself into the nearest Turbolift and went to her quarters. She knew they were still a good week away from Earth and she was beginning to wonder if she would make it there without really losing her mind. She knelt on the sofa and stared out into the starry void, thinking of the things she was leaving behind. Most of them she didn't really miss. She had never really watched a whole lot of television so that was no big loss. Any book ever published on Earth was loaded in the Enterprise's library memory banks so if she wanted to read a favorite book she could. Her cats, though, she missed terribly. She had had two of them, Paprika and Nutmeg, that she loved dearly. She knew she'd never see them again, and she had come to terms with it, but it still hurt.
Food was another thing she missed. What she wouldn't give for a tuna noodle casserole or some Top Ramen! It was strange, but not being able to make simple things like Top Ramen made her feel like she was in an alien world more than anything else.
Jenn sighed as she stared out into the inky blackness of space. She imagined all the worlds there were out there and how, if she worked hard enough, she'd be able to see a lot of them. Instead of comforting her, the thought made her shudder and long for her old apartment.
--
Data rounded a corner and ran into Counselor Troi as she was leaving her quarters.
"Counselor Troi, may I speak to you for a moment?"
"As long as it's only a moment, Data. It's time for my session with Jenn and I'm already running a little behind."
"It is of Jenn that I wish to speak. I am afraid I may have upset her in Ten Forward today. She was frustrated because the replicator could not make a beverage she wanted and when I suggested she allow Geordi to program the replicator to make it, she became angry and left. I do not understand why she became upset."
"Well, this world is quite a bit different from the world she left. She's been feeling a little alienated lately, and a little like she's being put on display. She was probably frustrated. There's nothing familiar here for her, and humans are never comfortable when their surroundings are completely alien to them. I don't think your suggestion upset her, I think the fact that something as simple as a favorite drink is impossible to get here made her feel very out of place."
"So she was not upset with me, but with the circumstances of her life?"
"Yes…something like that. I'm sorry, Data, but I really have to go now. We'll talk more later."
Data watched her go, considering what she had said. He thought, perhaps, there was a way he could make Jenn more comfortable with her new life on the Enterprise.
--
"So Data tells me you were a little frustrated in Ten Forward today."
"Yeah…I should probably apologize to him. It's not his fault the god damn replicator can't make a Mountain Dew for me."
"You're still frustrated."
"Hell yes, I'm still frustrated! I've only been here three months, of course I'm frustrated. Wouldn't you be?"
"Yes, but we're not here to talk about me."
"Ok, you know what Troi? You can shove all your psycho bullshit right up your ass. I swear to god, every-fucking-thing else changes in 300 years except psychology mumbo jumbo. I'm just not in the mood for two hours of touchy feely 'how does that make you FEEL?!' nonsense. I'm just not up to it tonite, ok?"
"I think we could probably take a break for tonite. But I want to help you. You seem to have had a bad day today."
"You want to help me, Troi? Then get the hell out and come back tomorrow."
--
Jenn stayed in her quarters that night. She attempted to read but was too restless to take in a single word. She wandered around her quarters, toying with anything that came under hand. Finally she turned off all the lights, broke out an illicit bottle of Romulan Ale that Guinan had provided her with, and sat staring at the stars while getting impossibly drunk.
Somewhere around 4am her door beeped at her. She had fallen asleep at some point, the glass she had been drinking from spilling onto the floor. The door beeped again and she stumbled drunkenly over and unlocked it. It opened to reveal Data, holding a small grey kitten.
"Data," Jenn slurred, "either you have a cat in your hand or I'm so drunk that I'm hallucinating."
Data cocked his head and looked at her, puzzled.
"I do have a cat in my hand," he said. "May I enter?"
"Sure, it's a free country…erm…ship…"
Jenn turned around and promptly passed out, falling on her face. Data dropped the kitten and knelt next to Jenn, pressing his com badge to call sick bay.
"Data to sick bay, medical emergency, deck two, Jennifer Garber's quarters."
The medical team arrived and Doctor Crusher immediately knelt to examine Jenn.
"I do not know what happened, Doctor," Data said. "She has lost consciousness."
Dr. Crusher was laughing silently as she read her tricorder.
"Data, she'll be fine. She's just a little…well…drunk. And I think I'd better delete this tricorder reading or she…and I suspect Guinan…will be in a lot of trouble come morning."
"I do not understand."
"She's been drinking Romulan ale…quite a lot of it by the looks of these readings. She's going to be absolutely fine, if a little under the weather when she wakes up. You should probably get her to bed, though."
Dr. Crusher waived the rest of the medical team back out of the room and stayed behind as Data carefully picked up Jenn and put her to bed. Dr. Crusher pulled a hypospray out of her bag and handed it to Data.
"Jenn's probably going to have the mother of all headaches tomorrow. If you have time, you should probably drop in and give her this. It will help with the pain. I'll let Stellar Cartography know she probably won't be down in the morning…Romulan ale has a way of making you pretty much worthless the next day."
Crusher laughed to herself as she walked out of Jenn's quarters.
Data stood for a moment, bewildered. He heard quiet mewing and found the kitten hiding under a table. He picked up the kitten gingerly and walked to the replicator.
"Feline supplement 127."
He placed the kitten and the bowl of replicated cat food on the floor and sat down behind Jenn's workstation. He looked up Romulan ale and the effects of alcohol on human beings.
--
"Oh my god…"
Jenn attempted to get out of bed, succeeding only in falling onto the floor. Her head was spinning and she had tunnel vision. She knew she was about to be violently ill but wasn't entirely sure where the nearest toilet was. She felt cool, strong hands under her elbows, helping her to stand.
"Going to puke…" she muttered. "Can't move…"
She felt a sensation of movement, like the strong hands were propelling her across the room. The sensation made her stomach twist violently and her mouth began to water horribly. She felt herself lowered to the floor and sensed that there was some sort of receptacle in front of her. She didn't care what it was; she was going to throw up into it. She was helpless to stop it.
After ten minutes of intense sickness, during which she felt like she had thrown up most of her internal organs as well as the entire contents of her stomach, she lay down on the floor and moaned quietly. The pain in her head had magnified, and she still felt horribly ill. Phantom arms seemed to lift her off the floor and carry her back across the room to the bed. They laid her gently on the mattress. Jenn was grateful to those arms and tried to say as much, but her mouth felt cemented shut. She was only able to moan again, but she tried to moan gratefully. She felt something cold and metallic pressed against her neck and heard a soft, hissing sound. Immediately, her vision cleared and the pain in her head lessened. She looked up and saw Data hovering over her, a concerned expression on his face. She groaned, closing her eyes and pulling the pillow over her head.
"Are you all right?" Data asked.
"No," Jenn moaned in reply. "I can't believe I just threw up in front of you."
"Do you require anything? Perhaps some water?"
"No thanks," she said, pulling the blanket up to join the pillow covering her head. "I'll be fine. You can go now."
"I am concerned. I do not feel it would be right for me to leave."
Jenn suddenly felt a light pressure on her hip.
"Um, Data? What's on my leg right now?" She prayed it wasn't his hand.
"A grey kitten. I brought him to you last night to try and cheer you up."
Jenn considered this information for a moment.
"You were here last night?" she asked finally.
"Yes."
"And I assume I was drinking?"
"Yes, you were."
"And what exactly happened next?"
"You passed out and I called a medical team."
Jenn groaned again.
"So now I'm in trouble, right? Me and Guinan both, right? Aw shit…"
"Doctor Crusher seems to have misplaced the record of her examination from last night."
Jenn took the blanket and pillow from her head and stared at Data.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Remind me to send flowers to Bev."
Relief flooded Jenn and she turned her gaze to the kitten, curled in a tight ball and sleeping calmly on her hip. She suddenly felt more comfortable than she had since her arrival and she stroked the kitten's fur.
"Thanks for the cat, Data. Can I keep her?"
"Yes, you may keep him. A cat that belongs to a crewmember had a litter of fifteen and they are attempting to give all of the kittens away. I found taking care of a cat to be a great comfort while attempting to 'make my place' on the Enterprise, and thought perhaps taking care of a cat would help you feel more comfortable."
Jenn's petting had woken the kitten, and he was now chewing playfully on her fingers. She picked him up and sat up, tickling his ears. She put him back down beside her and threw her arms around Data, an unexpected flow of moisture coming from her eyes.
"Thank you so much," she whispered. "I can't tell you what this means to me."
Slowly, hesitantly, Data put his arms around Jenn and hugged her back.
"I am glad you approve," he said.
END