Murdoch Mysteries

Why do you question my feelings?

Title: Why do you question my feelings?

Author: AbbyGibbs

Disclaimers: Well, I do not own them. Everything belongs to the creators of Murdoch Mysteries and to Maureen Jennings who created the characters in the first place. I'm just borrowing William Murdoch and the others for the time of a story.

Classification: hurt/comfort/romance

Pairing: William/Julia.

Rating: T that can change into M at some point (as always to be on the safe side, isn't it?)

Spoilers: none. Though, this has been inspired by episode 9 of Season 2 "Convalescence"

Summary: William is confused by the dream he's had when he was sleeping and when he had felt a hand on his shoulder and turned it had been Julia. What if Murdoch had decide to talk to Julia to see why she's pushed him away?

Author's note: I have to admit, I'm a probie for this show, but I really love it and I just love the interaction between William and Julia and in my opinion they could easily becoming a great couple even though now have her with Garland (yikes) what a waist. But thank goodness he isn't in my story. I can't explain why but there is something with Darcy Garland that is bothering me other than the fact that Julia like him. It's my first fic for this fandom.

Thanks to Laci for being such a great friend and my beta. Sorry that you have to read this in the beginning, I know you don't like that, but that's how it happened in the episode and I needed for this story.

Thanks also to Yannick Bisson, Hélène Joy and all the other actors for giving life to the characters.

Feedbacks: well, I'd love them, of course – who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.

But those who like it drop a review, please!

Chapter one

"Why can't we always be like this?"

"Because we want different things. You want children, you want a family."

"I only want you."

"That's not true, William, and you know it."

"All I know is that I've never loved anyone like I do you."

"You never love the same way twice, but you will love again. Love is like gravity, William; you have to let yourself fall."

Since he'd had that dream, Detective William Murdoch couldn't stop his mind from thinking about it. Why had he had such a dream? Sure, one explanation could have been the drugs Miss Burgess had put in his food. William knew that was the easily found excuse. There was more to it, but he wasn't sure he was ready to handle the truth behind the dream and that was exactly what was troubling him.

Was he telling the truth to Julia in the dream? Did he only want her? Or was she right and did he actually want more? Was he subconsciously looking to fall in love with another woman, a woman that would want children because he wanted some? Murdoch didn't know. Since Lisa's death, Julia Ogden had been the first woman he had allowed himself to get closer to. And then they had finally given in to their feelings. And he felt really happy as if he was living again.

He had loved when Julia had surprised him in his office just to kiss him, and to hand him the bullet extractor she had bought for him. Higgins had opened the door and caught them kissing. He had to cough to let them know he was there. Constable Higgins couldn't help the smile that had appeared on his face then, they had both been so cute has he had caught them red-handed.

He told them a body had been found. Lillie Dun, poor woman, had bled out.

Dun was expecting her boss's baby, Mr. Bixby, and of course he didn't want to anything to do with it. He had made it clear to her and had told her to take care of it. Lillie had felt so helpless and sad, that she thought they only way she had to take care of it was to ask a doctor to abort the child she was carrying. If they had to believe the victim's mother Lillie couldn't have afford it. She was hoping to find someone who would help her anyway.

As Lillie couldn't find anyone to help her, she took the matter in her own hands, she had heard about some oil that, could help and took just a tiny bit of it, but the results of it were catastrophic. Lillie Dun bled to death.

Not a case Murdoch liked to be reminded of, he and Julia kind of ended their relationship after it. Dr. Ogden thinking he wasn't honest with himself when he said that what matter the most for him was them to be together. At least that's what she had understood out of their conversation. It's not because you're not agreeing with a person that you have to break up with that person. These particular memories had a tendency to resurface on a regular basis.

William was starting to think that the problem wasn't him.

Julia was the one having a problem with what she had done, all these years ago, the fact that she had chosen to end her pregnancy to be able to go to medical school was definitely not an easy choice to make, but now, she had to live with the consequences, deal with the emotional part of it. Murdoch knew that was something she would never admit it to anyone.

That Dr. Isaac Tach had saved Julia's life back then didn't erase the fact that in the eyes of the law the man was a criminal, regardless of what William could or could not understand the man's motives. Or the fact that he was grateful for saving Julia Ogden's life. All that didn't change the fact that in the eyes of the law Isaac Tach was a criminal and Murdoch was a policeman. Why was it so difficult for her to understand that?

It was as if she thought that his opinion of her had changed or that he loved her less because of what she had done, but that was far from being the truth.

He loved her for who she was, and was determined to make her understand that, all he needed was for her to give him a chance.

TBC...