I know I've been out of it for awhile now. I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and requests for me to continue to write...it means so much! When you start writing you think you will feel creative throughout the entire story, and yet...I am having awful writers block with my other three Gabby stories (Rewrite of Coverstory, Undercover and Job Offer) Please bare with me. In the meantime, I wrote this about a month ago and maybe it'll help tie everyone over :) Thank you so much!!
I own nothing...I wish I did, I would write things slightly different ;)
Breathing: an involuntary human necessity. It makes your blood pump through your veins, returning to the heart and then repeats the process.
Blood: consistency made up of white and red blood cells; warm in humans and other mammals. Cold in amphibians.
Heart: the one organ a human needs in order to truly be alive.
Yet what happens when all of these things stop working at one time? Not an actual death, just a heart-stopping, blood-chilling, no-breathe reaction/event…what then? A select few of humans never experience this; some are lucky enough that it doesn't occur until they are old and grey. However, there are many who are cursed with feelings this—either at a young age and/or multiple moments in their life time.
Of this last group, I guess one could say that some deserve it or ask for it; that they should even expect it. But I don't really believe that. Why? Because I happen to be a member of this group; a lifetime subscriber, in fact. To be fair, I cannot say that I could or should be president…or even treasurer; but I definitely belong.
No, I didn't ask to be brought up by deaf parents. Nor did I ask for the trauma that happened to me when I was 16. Hell, I didn't even ask for the broken hearts I have experienced nor tears I have cried. And I certainly did not ask to fall in love with my emotionally-guarded boss.
Not long after our meeting, we developed a deep understanding of each other…a very close friendship. One night, over a bottle (or two) of bourbon, we even confessed our MOAS—mother of all secrets. He told me of his first wife and only child; how they died in a horrific car accident when he was overseas. While he was fighting for this country, the people in it betrayed him and killed his family. And I told him…I told him about the rape when I was 16 that caused my transformation into the Goth lifestyle.
We never spoke about what we confessed that night; I guess we both realized it was too painful for either of us to discuss. Yet he became more protective of me after that night; while I became skeptical of the women he dated. What no one else ever found out was the real reason behind his "fascination" with red heads. He told me that since Shannon had red hair, he knew he would never love anyone with that same hair color again; therefore he kept his heart safe by dating women with this trait.
He made me call him before and right after each date I went on. Funny how I never found it intrusive; he even made me do it when I briefly saw McGee. He was always worried about me getting home safely. But we did have rules: if I slept over with any of the dates, I had to call him before midnight to let him know I was still sober and feeling safe. If not, well, he could always find me. McGee was the only man I dated to ever catch on; and he's the third person I've ever told about my past.
Most people probably saw our age difference and expected that I saw Gibbs as a father figure. That role was already occupied…by Ducky. Ducky and I immediately clicked as well. He would share stories long into the night—mostly when Gibbs was out on a call or assignment. We never ceased to amaze each other- and we still don't. Ducky is the one person who knows about my feelings for Gibbs (though I never officially told him). I know he knows about my past; and I never once blamed Gibbs for confiding in him. It's a heavy burden for anyone to bear, and I know Gibbs; he takes everything too much to heart and tends to blame himself. So I understand his need (not want or desire) to tell Ducky. Though thankfully, Ducky has yet to ever mention it to me…at least out loud.