Most people are under the impression that growing up in an orphanage is depressing. Those people are right, obviously. It is sad, and bleak and lonely. For most people, that is.
Matt, the student third in line to be the three best detectives in the world, considered his time at Wammy's Orpahanage for Especially Gifted Children extremely satisfactory. Maybe that wouldn't be saying much for a regular childhood, but given the circumstances it was plenty.
Some part of it maybe was that he didn't consider that he had anything to be depressed about. He barely remembered his parents, and liked it fine like that. Life before Wammy's didn't matter, it didn't exist. There was no room for sadness when he had all he could possibly want right there.
He was the third best in the orphanage, and although he hardly ever got recognition for it, he knew being one of the best among the other little geniuses was nothing to throw away. He had his video games that provided all the adventure and excitement of the outside world without him actually having to leave his couch. He had his best friend, Mello - the second best of the orphanage. From every young student in their home, he had chosen Matt the one worthy to be his best friend, and Matt couldn't be more thankful for it. He loved hanging out with him, he was cool, and smart, and maybe a little scary sometimes, but he never hurt him.
He was thankful to have Mello, but if he had to be truthful... What he was most thankful for was Near.
They weren't really friends. Matt had tried once, but Mello's reaction to his attempted friendship had left Matt frightened for the little boy's well-being. Mello never hurt him, but the thought of Near being in pain because if him was enough to dissuade the boy from any future pursuits of friendship. Of all of Mello's malicious actions, that had been the one that he truly resented. But Mello was his friend, and he'd seen what he could do to people who displeased him. He wasn't eager to get on his bad side. Mello hoarded two things: chocolate and resentments.
And besides... He didn't mind watching from a distance.
Yes, despite his temperamental friend's obsession with his rival, Matt was sure no one had analyzed Near more than himself. It became his favorite pass time during the years, surpassing even his video games. He knew so much about the little albino, and it fascinated him knowing there would always be more to know. He would never get Near, never all of him. But he treasured every little fact he could gather about him in a little chest on his mind. When watching from afar started to not be enough, when his body asked for closeness from the boy he loved studying, he turned to his little facts. He reviewed his little treasures with a passion he lacked from most other things in his life. He turned to them when Mello was just being too much and he needed to hold on to something to keep him grounded. It sometimes occurred to him that his growing obsession was starting to push the bounds of sanity in itself. It was hard sometimes, he had to consciously stop himself from getting lost in the mystery of the boy. Maybe it'd be hard to hide such a deep… interest from his friend in other circumstances, but Mello seemed to be as obsesses with the boy as him, just focused on other aspects.
Unfortunately, he seemed to be starting to give himself away. His grades started slipping, little by little, point by point. He was still a top contender, but it was hard to focus on his algebra homework when his mind always turned back to dark eyes and white hair between two pale fingers.
It was enough to annoy Mello, though.
"Matt!" his friend yelled, after he got his third test below his average that month. He had been ambushed as soon as he walked their room. He knew Mello had been looking forward to take out his anger over another second place.
"Your grades are dropping, dumbass! You need to focus on your school work, I can't have an idiot for a best friend!" His blue eyes were wide and angry as he scolded his best friend. He expected Matt to be smart enough to outdo everyone but himself. And, by consequence, Near. Not that he liked to remember that.
"I'm sorry, Mello" he apologized, dropping to his bed to be eye to eye with the blonde boy sitting at his desk. He didn't hold eye contact, preferring to look at his own hands. He didn't particularly care about dropping a few points, especially since he knew he didn't stand a real chance at being L's successor. He still felt guilty for disappointing his friend. "I'll try to work harder. I just get distracted sometimes..." He didn't know how to finish that sentence, hut luckily he was interrupted by Mello. He was often lucky lime that.
"By those stupid video games! How long have I been saying you're wasting precious study time with those pointless, childish games?" he admonished, smirking. He was always happy to have something else he was right about. "Good God, Matt! You're like that stupid sheep with his ridiculous toys!" The thought of his best friend having something in common with the person he hated most in the world left his cheeks red with anger.
"What? No, Mells!" he pleaded with the blonde volcano, about to burst. He needed to get his mind away from Near as quickly was possible. "I just need someone smart to tutor me! You could help me, right? I'm sure if anyone can help me, it's you."
As quickly as that, his friend seemed to settle down - his eyes stopped being so disturbingly wide, and the red started to face from his face. If there was something sure to put Mello in a good mood, it was giving him a compliment.
"I suppose that's true." he smirked at his friend. It was another reason he liked having Matt around, it always gave him more confidence about his own intelligence. Confidence he desperately needed, when his abilities were constantly being questioned by the mere existence of a certain angel faced albino. "But obviously I don't have the time to help you. I have to work hard to make sure I will be the one to become the world's greatest detective." He smirked again at his friend. He wondered if it ever caused him pain to know he didn't stand a chance of gaining that tittle. Certainty not as much pain as Mello had for being number 2 in the rank. "You'll just have to work harder." It was made clear the conversation was over when Mello turned to his computer and continued the work he had interrupted when his roommate had arrived. He had vented his anger, and had no further interest in continuing the conversation.
Matt sighed inaudibly. It was clear his friend was only interested in his own reputation, he had no intention of helping Matt studying. That would mean putting someone else's interests above his own, and that wasn't something the impetuous blonde was used to doing.
He lied down on the bed, trying to relax, but he was finding it to be impossible. The stress of being scolded by his friend was adding up to the fact that he had barely had a glimpse of Near all day. That was to be expected - whenever they received the results for their tests Near had the habit of making himself invisible for the rest of the day. It probably wasn't as much habit as it was self-preservation. Another score above Mello would mean another beating, if the blonde saw so fitting. Matt felt liked a coward whenever he watched his object of interest being shoved or kicked or punched. All he could do to stop it was remind Mello he would get in trouble if he really hurt Near. All he could do to comfort the beaten boy was give him a regretful look, one who he was sure was received with scorn. He wanted to hold the boy in his arms, keep him safe from Mello, and the world, of everything that could hurt his fragile self. It was a feeling he had been avoiding giving a name for almost as long as he'd known Near.
The weight on his chest was beginning to grow too heavy, he needed relief, any form of it. Usually he would turn to his video games to keep his mind from dwelling too deep in the rabbit hole, but he wasn't in the mood for another lecture. He decided he needed to get out of his room, get his blood flowing, maybe go outside and punch a tree, just something!
"I think I'll go to the library, maybe I'll focus better there." he me mumbled, jumping from his bed and walking out of the room.
"Yeah, fine." Mello responded absentminded, with his eyes still fixed on the computer and his fingers quickly typing up new sentences. Matt sometimes admired how devoted Mello was to his work, the concentration he put into everything he did. When he was working he was calm, the only thing on his mind was his work. It was the closest he could get to being peaceful. Even in his sleep he held his face in a grimace - his dreams filled with disturbing images of mocking cherubs attacking him with their little swords. He didn't even want to think about what that meant.
Matt walked through the hallway, aimlessly. He didn't know what to do to ease his restlessness. Honestly punching a tree was beginning to sound like the better option, at least he'd relieve some of the tension he was feeling. But that would send him to the infirmary, and he didn't need people poking around about his sudden tree-punching activities, especially his volatile best friend.
Even with that option out of the table, getting some fresh air felt like a good idea, so he walked the narrow hallways of Wammy's until he made his way out of the front door.
It was unusually pleasant outside. The clouds that hid the sky most days had breached, and for once he could see a piece of blue sky. You could already see the moon in the sky, like it could wait for the night to see her beloved earth. The cool air of the spring evening left a nice feeling on his skin as he walked the entrance and entered the small patch if woods just outside of the orphanage. He could feel the peace like it was a tangible think in the air. Everything looked so still, the rustling of the leaves as a breeze passed them was the only hint time hadn't stopped all together.
It felt nice, just walking around alone with his thoughts. It was rare that he didn't have an annoyed voice at his ear, complaining to him about another terrible injustice. He let his mind follow it's own path and it went in the predictable direction - Near.
He hoped he was okay, he didn't like being too long without seeing the boy. And not only for his own selfish, obsessive reasons. He knew Mello wasn't the only one who held a grudge against Near for him being the best. The albino boy was targeted by a lot of bitter, resentful students. Mello had been able to mostly put a stop to it. Apparently the blonde was territorial - the only abuse he would allow Near to suffer was his own. Still, Mello wasn't everywhere and those boys were nothing if not tenacious. He felt the palms of his hands becoming clammy, and his stomach was in knots. He knew he had no real reason to fear for Near's safety, but he couldn't stop picturing little Near shaking, curled up on the ground trying to protect himself from the boys' rage. He could picture it in painful detail, since he'd seen it in person so many times.
Suddenly being alone with his thoughts didn't feel good anymore. The soothing calm he felt around him now felt like the quiet before the storm. The idea something bad was happening latched on his brain, and it would not let go. Instinct took over and he suddenly he was running like a mad man in Wammy's direction. But most importantly, in Near's direction.
The sun had already set when he burst into Wammy's, sweaty and out of breath. As he leaned against a wall for support, the realization came that he had no idea of where to go from there. He didn't know where to find the boy, and running around jumping into every room searching for the boy would attract a lot of attention he didn't want.
The walls were completely deserted, which struck him as odd until he realized it was probably dinner time by then. It was better for him, since he could search for Near without raising suspicions. It was extremely rare for the younger boy to eat in the cafeteria with his peers, which had always come as a frustration to Matt, since it would be a place where he'd be able to see the albino without getting noticed.
Now that his heart had calmed down and his breath had evened out, some of his irrational, blinding panic was beginning to subside. But even with his mind clearer the overwhelming need to see Near remained. Even if he wasn't in danger, he needed to see him, with his own too eyes. That was the kind of urge he'd been trying to control since his... interest had begun, but it wasn't possible. Not that day.
He started walking aimlessly, knowing instinctively that whichever direction he chose to take would lead him to Near. It was the way things played out in the books, after all.
It felt like his body was on autopilot, walking itself to where it most needed to be. When he got a hold of himself, he was entering the common room.
There he was... Crouching next to his white puzzle on the floor, focused solely on completing his beloved game for the hundredth time over.
He didn't look up at Matt, although he had certainly noticed his presence. Matt was glad for this, since if he had looked up he would have seen him looking at him with his eyes wide open to a silly extent, mouth open agape like a fool. He was amazed at his instinct, considering the possibility it had been fate itself which had led him to Near. Which, in retrospective, was a silly thought. What led him to Near had been the fact that the boy commonly preferred playing in the common room while the others were eating, something Matt was well aware of, due to years of near obsessive watching.
Even tough, finding the boy there at that time when he needed him so much really did feel a little bit magic.
He noted, relieved, that the boy didn't look hurt in any way. Looking back, he knew he was probably just desperate for an excuse to look for the boy.
But he'd seen him. He could no longer justify his presence with his worry, but he didn't move to leave. Near still hadn't looked up. He felt like he was being given a choice. He looked at the boy on the floor - his perfection both tempted him and chastised him. He wanted to teach out and touch him, even if not physically, but he knew his touch could hurt him, taint him.
He knew he couldn't make that choice. With his heart tight in his chest, he turned to leave.
"Matt." before he could get to the door, a small voice reached out to him. The read head turned to look at the boy, wondering if he really had spoken or if it had been an illusion from his desperate mind. It seemed that Near hadn't moved an inch from his place of the floor. Before Matt could doubt himself into leaving the room, the boy looked up at him for the first time. His dark eyes captured Matt, locking him into his place. "Would you care to sit with me and help me with my puzzle?"
AN - Thank you for reading! I know MattxNear is uncommon, but it's one of my favorites! Let me know your thoughts in the comments! If anyone reading is interested, I'm in need of a beta. Let me know if you're interested.