The dark haired detective was sitting on her couch in her apartment, the day's events running through her mind. She finishes the bottle in her hand and adds it to the growing pile on the table, the Red Sox game highlights blaring from the television screen.
"How was I so stupid? She needed me and I…I let her down, I'm such a shit friend." Jane puts her head in her hands. 'Why? Why was I so stupid, so bullhead, I should've admitted I was wrong, instead Maura is angry with me and I'm a fucking failure!'
With a broken look in her eye Jane stands and walks into the bathroom, she looks into the mirror above the sink and hates what she sees, a broken, ugly, scarred, women you can't even tell when her best friend is hurting. The blade in her cupboard looks really appealing at the moment, but she won't dare put it against her skin again, she promised Maura she wouldn't do it ever again, and Jane Rizzoli does not break a promise.
She doesn't realise she's crying until the tear has made a path down her cheek and fallen into the sink, another one follows, then another and another. The sobs rack her entire body, Jane falls back hitting the bath, the pain doesn't bother her. She pulls her knees into her body and cries for hours.
The light seeks her out and pulls Jane from her nightmare, its warm glow forcing Jane to remember all that had happened yesterday. With a groan she stands up, her stiff muscles protesting to the simple movement. She stumbled from her bathroom into the kitchen and pulled out a beer from the fridge. She then went back into the bathroom, stripped and got into the shower. The hot water ran over her body, the stiffness in her legs ebbing away, she focused solely on the slight sting the water was leaving on her skin. Jane stayed in the shower long after the water had run cold, not wanting to leave the shower and face reality. Eventually when her toes had become numb from the water, Jane admitted defeat and left the shower, her beer was still on the side and she took a long swig from it as she walked into her bedroom.
Maura was hurt. Jane had hurt her, even though she had sworn to herself she would never hurt her again. Jane was disgusted with herself and could barely look at herself in the mirror as she got changed. Her stomach was knotted and felt as though maggots were moving around inside. She was sick to her stomach. Jane felt horrible.
The look on Maura's face when she realised Jane had broken her promise was not something Jane was going to forget soon. It had been the main point in her nightmare, and haunted her waking thoughts too. Maura had looked broken, she had sounded broken…she was broken…and it was all Jane's fault. Hot tears rolled down Jane's face. She was done with feeling sick with herself. Jane did not like self pity, she did not need it and when she told Maura that she was 'the biggest fuck up ever' she hadn't wanted pity, she was telling Maura the truth.
Jane didn't want Maura to be broken. No not after all the time she had spent fixing her, healing her wounds and patching up her heart. Jane would not be the reason Maura had returned to her former self. She refused to be.
With that thought Jane pulled on her shoes, grabbed her phone and keys and left the flat with a final promise to Joe Friday that she would get a walk later. Jane decided to leave the car and run to Maura's it would give her less time to think and she would then be able to act on instinct. Half an hour later Jane was at Maura's door, trying to even her breathing out so she could talk to Maura properly. Knock knock, Jane calmly knocked on Maura's door, praying that she would answer. She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the security chain sliding out of place. The door opened and the most pleasant sight (to Jane anyways) greeted her. Maura wasn't out of her pyjamas, she had no makeup on and her hair was messy. Jane thought she looked perfect. Maura always looked perfect. Neither spoke for a while as they both just took in each other's appearance. Jane was the first to break the silence 'Maur… I'm so sorry. It was a stupid, stupid thing to do and I regret it with all my heart.' Jane looked into Maura's eyes seeking reassurance that what she was saying was getting through to Maura, that Maura knew Jane was being sincere.
Maura stayed silent and Jane took this as her cue to continue. 'I shouldn't have broken your trust, telling you're secret like that was wrong…and unacceptable. I'm just hoping that even though I don't deserve it, I hope you'll forgive me, I hope you'll give me another chance to earn your trust again.'
Maura was still silent, her eyes were watering and Jane could tell she was about to cry again. 'Please Maur…I'll do anything.' Jane pleaded feeling her own eyes filling with tears.
'Jane I…you hurt me bad. And it's not as easy as just saying I forgive you, and that I trust you again, these things have got to be earned. But I want you as my friend, Jane. Let's start again. Get to know each other again. Let's start on a clean slate.'
A/N: It's not great but I needed an outlet…so tell me what you thought, thanks :)