Hey! So I haven't wrote anything for a good while now, and given that I need to work on my writing skills, have decided to start this fanfic.

It focuses mainly on MerDer, and their four children: Christopher (19), Emily (17), Nicholas (11) and Jessica (8). It a story focused on loss, love and survival. There was no plane crash in this story. After all, we all need some more Mark and Lexie in our lives. Pairings are the same as in the show.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. It sucks, I know.

Derek stared at the floor beneath him, his eyes red and tear stained.

"I can't believe this is happening to us. Why us. Why this, why now" he said, sniffling.

Meredith merely focused ahead of her, unable to provide any comfort to her husband, unwilling to face the reality they had been forced to confront that fateful afternoon.

"I don't know" she responded, her expression blank as she turned to face Derek sitting beside her.

Both of them acknowledged, in the bleak stillness of this moment, that nothing would ever be the same. Their lives had been irrevocably altered; only memories of the happiness they had previously known remained. Here was their unalterable reality. Nothing, or no one, could do anything about it. All they had was each other. Even that failed to provide the reassurance they both longed for.

Ten hours earlier:

"Hey" Derek said softly, smiling that famous McDreamy smile that never failed to render Meredith incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together.

In awe of her husband, she merely replied by smiling, a small giggle escaping as she placed a bunch of charts at the nurses station.

"Did the kids all get off to school on time" Derek asked, simultaneously glancing over at the OR board in the vain hope that Meredith would be finishing early tonight. After all, it was their anniversary, and being the hopeless romantic he was, and despite Meredith's vociferous protests against making a big night of it, Derek had gone all out with the celebrations.

"They did indeed" Meredith replied, aware that Derek had something in mind for the evening, but unwilling to betray any sign that she knew of his secret plans.

"You are unusually perky considering you haven't consumed the requisite amount of caffeine this morning" Derek quipped, an amused look of his face. Meredith had been on call the past week, and her morning coffee break with Derek proved to be the only advantage when having to endure the arduous night shift. "Coffee, my dear", he joked, theatrically placing his hand in front of hers.

"Why yes" she joked. "I was also thinking about our work out tonight. Got to keep in shape"

"What work out", Derek replied, a confused look painted across his face. "I can't remember..

Before he could continue, Meredith abruptly stopped him in his tracks. "Derek, I am not talking about exercise".

"Oh" Derek replied, the veiled meaning behind Meredith's teasing unravelled. "Damn, now I have to try and focus on anything but our work out tonight' Derek sighed, emphasising the euphemism Meredith had employed.

"Damn, I have a 911" Meredith said, the conversation returning to work.

"See you tonight" Derek replied, stealing a quick kiss as Meredith darted towards the OR.

"I can't wait" Meredith replied, before she was out of sight.

"Derek" Cristina shouted, waving in order to gain his attention.

"What's up" he said, still beaming with joy from his earlier encounter with Meredith.

"It's Jessica" Cristina replied, her face betraying a slight sense of worry.

"What is it" he said, worry evident in his voice.

"Don't panic. The school said she had been vomiting, nauseous and having problems with her vision, so thought it best to bring her here". It was testament to her ability as a surgeon that she had the capacity to remain calm and reassuring, regardless of the situation.

"Oh….Ok" he muttered, fearful for his youngest child.

"Everything's going to be fine. I paged Owen, who paged Alex and Arizona. We've got this" she said, placing her hand on Derek's shoulder. Initially, she hadn't thought much of Derek, but had grown significantly closer to him as the years had passed. After all, Meredith was their person.

"Is she here" he asked.

"She is five minutes away. Everyone is waiting in the ambulance bay" Cristina replied.

"Meredith – she's in surgery. I.."

"I am just about to phone up. Go meet Owen and I will keep Meredith updated. Oh, and Derek, don't worry. We've got this. It's probably nothing". Cristina then moved towards the phone, dialling the OR Meredith was currently operating in as Derek made his way towards the ambulance bay.

"Dr Grey, it's for you" the OR nurse said.

"Damn, this guy is bleeding out. Tell them it will have to wait. If it's an emergency page Dr. Shepherd, or Nelson".

"It's your daughter – Jessica. She was taken ill at school and is on her way here"

"What….. Tell Derek I will be there as soon as I can. And page Nelson." Whilst worried about her daughter, Meredith had to retain her focus. Being a neurosurgeon required the utmost concentration at the best of times – even more so when the patient in question had a massive subdural haematoma.

"Patients name is Jessica Shepherd, age 8" the paramedic instructed. "Has been complaining of a severe headache, double vision and partial vision loss in her right eye en route".

"Vision loss" Derek questioned, placing his hand on his daughters shoulder, reassuring her as best he could.

"Derek, we have this" Arizona stated, ordering a mass of tests, all of which Derek missed as he focused his attention on his daughters' pained expression.

"I am staying" he forcefully replied. "I won't talk medicine, or intervene. I just want to be with my daughter, that's all". There was no way that he was leaving his frightened daughter to be endlessly prodded and poked. He didn't mind having to temporarily abandon his role as a doctor, but as a father, he could never leave his daughter.

"Ok, fine" Arizona replied.

As Arizona conducted a basic exam, Alex looked over towards Derek, asking him a series of questions.

"Has she been ill at all up until now" he asked, scribbling down some notes. "Has she complained of any headaches, nausea, anything"

"She has had some headaches for a while. Whilst we were in New York we took her to see a doctor, who found nothing out of sorts. He told us to get her eyes tested, which we were planning on doing this Friday" Derek thought the worst. Had they missed something? Surely, the two foremost neurosurgeons in the entire country could not have failed to realize their own daughter was sick.

"Any nausea, sickness at all"

"Not to my knowledge. Oh wait, she was sick on Monday. We were going to keep her home from school, but she felt better after half an hour. Do you think we missed something" Derek asked, his worst fears gradually coming to the fore.

"I think you did everything right" Alex replied.

"Ok, we are going to do an MRI, just to be on the safe side" Arizona interjected, looking at Derek and smiling. She not only had to look after kids, but reassure their parents too. This was even more important when the parent in question was a colleague and friend.

"Ok" Derek said, holding his daughters hand tightly, smiling as best he could.

"Derek. Where is she, what happened", Meredith asked.

"She's just on her way back from MRI, and I have no clue. First she had a headache, then was complaining of vision loss. I just don't know." Derek slowly placed his hand through his hair, looking up at Meredith.

"Ok", she said, placing her hand on Derek's chest, softly kissing him on his forehead. She was always the one to stay calm. She was the glue that held the family together, the one that would always get everyone else to carry on.

Finally Alex brought Jessica back in, accompanied by Arizona and a doctor they had never seen before.

"Hey" Meredith said, softly kissing her daughters' head and gently stroking her cheek. Derek instinctively took Meredith's hand.

"Jess, how about we play a game whilst your mummy and daddy go talk to the nice doctor outside" Alex cheerily said, handing Jessica a doll. Known as Uncle Alex, Jessica felt safe and content in Alex's company.

Arizona had taken Meredith and Derek to a nearby relatives room, asking them to sit down before introducing the man standing beside her. "This is Dr Matthews"

"What is it" Derek interrupted, calmly yet resolutely.

The unfamiliar doctor removed some scans from a file, placing them on the nearest table.

"I am afraid to tell you that your daughter has a brain stem glioma"

"What" Derek shouted, grabbing the scans from the table for his own perusal. Patients had been misdiagnosed before, and there was no way he would let himself even consider the possibility that this was happening – at least not until he had seen the scans for himself.

"Oh my" Derek gasped, his eyes filling with tears, his body falling on to the chair beneath him.

"Considering the rapid onset of the vision loss, and the size of the tumour"

Before the doctor could finish his diagnosis, Derek intervened. "She will be dead in the next six months, if that",

"We can try chemotherapy, see if we can give her some more time. I am sure you know the statistics". This time, it was Meredith who spoke.

"But she is unlikely to respond to treatment. And even if she did, it's….in…inoperable"

"Yes. I am terribly sorry" Dr Matthews replied.

Derek placed his head in his hands, Meredith felt the tears falling rapidly down her cheek. There was no way she could hold back. Her emotions were completely unchecked.

"I understand that this is a lot to take in at this moment in time. I have prescribed some painkillers for Jessica, so I would suggest that you go home, think about what it is you want to do, and then come and see me tomorrow morning. We can come up with treatment options, work out a plan. If you need anything, here is my number. Once again, I am so sorry" Dr Matthews then shook Derek and Meredith's hand, slowly exiting the room with Arizona.

Meredith and Derek were silent, unable to move, barely able to breathe. How could this be happening to their perfect daughter. They were interrupted by Alex, who was obviously saddened by the news.

"Jessica's asking for you" he said, holding the door open.

"Ok" Meredith said, wiping her eyes, making herself look as presentable as possible, so as to not worry their daughter, who was oblivious to all that was going on. Derek took Meredith's hand, leading the way. Before exiting, Alex placed his hand on Meredith's shoulder, a thousand unspoken words coming from such a simple gesture.

"Daddy, can we go home now. Nick promised he would play doctors with me". Pained at the realization that his daughter would not be able to play for much longer, he picked her up gently.

"Yes, we are going home now sweetie. But we will have to leave playing for tomorrow, as it is already nearly past your bedtime"

"Ok daddy" Jessica replied, yawning and resting her head against Derek's shoulder.

The journey home was indescribable. Unable to speak, both Meredith and Derek glared ahead, occasionally looking back to check that Jessica was not in any pain. The house was empty; both Emily and Nick were at sleepovers – part of Derek's plan to have the house to themselves to celebrate their anniversary together. Neither of them could have ever imagined – beyond their wildest nightmares – that anything like this would have transpired. It was almost as if they would soon be woken up by the familiar ringing of their alarm clock. But they were awake, and this was their reality.

Breaking the silence, Derek composed himself briefly. "There's nothing that we can do. Our daughter is going to die".

At that, both of them burst into tears, unable stop the tears from falling. There was no escaping their daughter's fate. The dice, it seemed, had well and truly been cast.