To Thine Own Self Be True
by Mallory
Peyton's a liar.
Peyton's a liar, and a damn good one; she's the kind of girl who'll pass a lie detector test ten out of ten times because she always believes what she's saying; when Peyton lies, she lies with her body, her soul, her mind; she lies wholly.
And she lies to herself.
Nathan, she says, is a jackass.
And he is.
ucas, she says, is wonderful.
And he is.
And the lie works itself subconsciously, and wraps itself around her brain; until she believes that Nathan really is the jerk; until she can't remember why she wants him; until it's not about the crush on Lucas, but about a way to get out of a horrible relationship.
She's lying to herself for a fleeting crush on the dirty half-brother of her beautiful boyfriend, and she doesn't even know it.
And so she begins trying to wreck their relationship:
"You ever think I might want to talk?" he asks her, and some small part of her, which she can't even hear, says Yes, but her voice says:
"No, you don't."
And when he gives her the excuse she takes it, and she's out, and she's free, and she doesn't know what she's going to do.
Because her lie has failed her; and now she realizes, now she knows, she doesn't want Lucas the way she wants Nathan. And she's miserable.
And she watches him with Haley, and it's not fair! He used to touch her like that, brush the hair out of her face. He used to kiss her like that.
And she wants him back. She wants him back.
She's desperate for something so she goes to Lucas. Lucas, she wants to say, hold me like he did.
And her mouth opens to ask Lucas, and there's Brooke, and the words won't come.
Am I truly unlovable? she asks.
No, she says. No. I'm fine.
Peyton's a liar, and a damn good one; she's the kind of girl who'll pass a lie detector test ten out of ten times because she always believes what she's saying; when Peyton lies, she lies with her body, her soul, her mind; she lies wholly.
Peyton lies to herself.