My Goodbye or my Hello?
"I have too..." I said softly, not being able to meet my love's eyes. I knew that the sadness and the guilt would overpower me to change my mind. I couldn't allow myself to change my mind.
"But why?" she whispered out and I could smell her tears that leaked down her cheeks. I felt my heart clench and shatter into pieces. I had caused her to cry again and I couldn't comfort her this time.
"Kagome..." I looked at her bowed head, the crystalline tears falling to the ground. She clutched her hands sadly and her once shinning hair seemed dull and lifeless.
I reached out a hand and lifted her face to look at her. Her eyes were brimmed with tears and seemed dead. So dead...
I have to do this for her, and she knows it, I can see it in her eyes. And yet I didn't want to do it. I wanted to live on with her as my wife, to be with her until my last breath. I suppose, in a way, I would be with her until my last breath. These are selfish thoughts, thoughts of living with her was ridiculous. To even question living with her was absurd. We were from different times.
She shamefully wiped away her tears and looked away from me. "Why does it have to be this way?"
I bow my head.
I wish I had an answer for her as well.
I take a step towards her and held her hands delicately in my own. "I will return to you...someday. When we meet again, my Kagome, it will be only you."
She looked at me sadly, understanding what I was saying.
"When I see you again, I will only have you. I can give my whole heart...all my love...all of it will be yours. Until then..." I kiss her lips tenderly, tasting the salt on it. I grab the sword at my side and release it from its hold. I hold the sword like a father would a child and silently handed it to her. She gazed up at me questionably. "I want only you to have it," I whisper painfully. She would always have something to remind her of me...so she'd never forget.
I pull away and she sobs loudly before running away from me, her head in her hands.
Sango and Miroku look at me knowingly and they bow their heads. Little Shippou looked up at me, tears falling down his cheeks. I have always been so cruel to him, and yet, he mourns my departure. I kneel and pat his head. He begins to bawl and launches himself at me. I never really admitted it before, but I always looked at Shippou as a son.
I release him and walk towards the forest's edge. The soul stealers twirled ominously around the branches, awaiting my arrival.
I cast one mournful glance back at my comrades. My friends.
I begin to walk, wishing I could say goodbye to Kagome one last time. I wish I could run to her and give myself to her completely. But that is a false hope.
Kikyo is waiting for me at the God tree. Her cold eyes meet mine and I bow my head in greeting. She beckons her soul stealers and I walk towards her. Something that I prided myself in was my loyalty.
But at this moment, I wish I wasn't so proud of my ability to keep a promise.
"Inu-yasha, it is time," Kikyo said coldly and she raised her hand to the air.
The ground shook around me and I almost lost my footing. The world outside the barrier seemed to disappear into a glowing ball of flame and the fires of hell sprouted around me menacingly. I felt my breath catch as smoke filled my lungs. I fought the urge to cough out loud and my vision blurs.
How I wish I could hold Kagome one last time. See her smile. See her laugh. Hell, even let her sit me if it made that smile appear again. Her sparkling eyes, her laughing smile, her bubbly personality. Everything I love about her. Everything about her I hold dear. The memories...
All something I will take to the grave with me. I want her to be implanted in my mind forever, that way...when I return to her; I know that she is mine.
I closed my eyes and sighed softly. I feel Kikyo's grip on me and I feel like I'm falling into a never-ending sleep. A small sigh of relief comes from my lips as the world slips away from me and I am surrounded by darkness.
I open my golden eyes and peer around the void that I have fallen into. It seems so eerily silent and cold that I feel myself shiver.
I hear footsteps sounding around the darkness, an endless echo of an approaching figure.
A piercing light surrounds the silhouette and I squint to make out whom it is.
"Inu-yasha," the figure's voice is feminine and sweet.
"Kagome?" I ask on an impulse as a scent penetrates my senses.
No…it isn't my Kagome.
"Kikyo," I whisper and stand to face Kikyo. Only, it isn't the Kikyo I left with. This Kikyo seemed warm and gentle instead of the cold and heartless woman with a clay body. "Is this...?" I let my sentence trail.
"Hell?" Kikyo says softly and smiles. She shakes her head, "No. This is not Hell, Inu-yasha."
"Where am I, then?" I hear myself asking.
Kikyo closed her eyes and sighed, "Inu-yasha, you weren't suppose to come with the clay one."
I blink in surprise and I bit my lip. I owed Kikyo my life, she died because of me, it's my fault I didn't trust her!
As if knowing what I was thinking, Kikyo smiled, "I know you think it's your responsibility to take me to Hell. But, no, Inu-yasha, you deserve to live. You have a life now. A life that does not involve me."
"I don't understand, Kikyo," I whisper.
She turned from me and began to walk into the darkness. "Live, Inu-yasha. Live with my reincarnation. That is who you belong with."
"But I-" I was unable to finish, for at that moment, the world began to dissolve and I felt myself drift into a deep sleep.
---
"...He seems alive."
"What are we going to..."
"...We can only hope..."
Whispering voices filled my head as I picked up snippets of people's conversations. But who were they.
"Inu-yasha..."
Kagome? Is that you that I hear? My Kagome?
"...You..."
What was she saying? I couldn't hear properly. I felt like my body had been ripped in half.
I wearily opened my eyes and I focused on some deep blue orbs that could only belong to my Kagome.
She smiled brightly, tears falling from her eyes, "Inu-yasha!"
K-Kagome. She was still here. I was still here. But...
Where am I?
I peer around at the trees. But they are not my trees. I close my eyes and open them again, trying to see if this is a dream.
"Kagome..." my parched lips gasp out.
I try and sit up, slowly inching my body up. But...it seems so strange.
Like I am slowly fading away from this world but yet still here.
"Kagome," I say again and look at her. She's clutching the Tetsusaiga firmly like a lifeline. Tears flew freely down her cheeks and I make a move to wipe them away.
My hand passes right through her.
I gasp and withdraw my hand as if I have burnt myself. She closes her eyes and shakes her head sadly. "Return to me..." she gasps out.
"Return...to...me..."
"What?" I manage to say before this world, my Kagome, everything fades away again.
---
Return.
She wants me to return.
I snap my eyes open and realize that I am in the embrace of Kikyo. But it isn't the Kikyo of fifty years ago. No, it is the clay figure of earth and bones that walks by hatred.
I push her back vigorously and stagger in my steps. The flames diminish and I pant heavily.
Kikyo glares at me angrily. "What are you doing?" she snapped.
"Returning," I say softly and crack my knuckles.
I will return to you, my love. My Kagome.
"You cannot leave me like this, Inu-yasha. Your heart, your soul, your pain, your death, your life, everything belongs to me!" Kikyo snapped angrily. I only smile faintly. I know this is not the Kikyo I know. This is her hatred of a single betrayal. Something that ruined our lives. The Kikyo I know lives on in my new love. My Kagome.
"No." I say it darkly, and the wind swirls around us like a whirlwind, my hair blows behind me, drawing more attention to my blazing golden eyes. "No."
"How dare you!" Kikyo hissed and clenched her fists. "You will allow me to die?"
"I will allow you to travel to where you belong," I say dangerously calm. "You do not deserve Hell, Kikyo."
I flash forward and I dig my claws into where her stomach will be. I expect to see her blood on my claws, but I simply feel as if I'm digging through a clay pot. Easy and clean. No mess.
She looks at me with anger flashing in her brown orbs. But as I retract my fist and hold the small part of Kagome's soul in my hand, her eyes seem to glaze over and she looks at me with only one emotion I could think of.
Love.
She smiled and closed her eyes. Her body began to dissolve away into a pile of ash and clay shards. "Thank you," she manages to whisper out before her body is no more.
I hold Kagome's soul in my hand tenderly and look at Kikyo's fallen body sadly. I remove my haori and place the ashes delicately into the red fabric. I will return the clay figure to her sister, Kaede. She would see to it that Kikyo's soul will finally be put to rest.
Kagome.
I will return to you.
And when I do: it will only be you.
No one else will make me stray. My heart. My soul. My being. My life. Everything I have to give will be yours and only yours. Yours to have, yours to crush, yours to cherish, yours to have forever. And no one will make me leave you. You are mine and I am yours for the taking. My heart is yours, my darling.
And I see only you.