Siiigh…so much to say. First off, I'd like to thank Jeanniebird for encouraging (more like demanding xD) my cousin to get me off my ass to write. I must admit that the lack of reviews for my stories had put down my enthusiasm for this website, especially since there's been over 700 hits for Secrets Revealed and only 11 reviews. But I greatly thank every one of you who has taken the time to leave behind a review. I wanted to apologize for the abruptness of "Water", it was nowhere near complete before R posted it…If y'all want, I can finish it and re-post it. Just let me know! Now, onto matters concerning Secrets Revealed; I am in the process of finishing the fourth chapter, but it might take a little while. My involvements with my school's theatre department and the volunteer club is filling up my schedule. Until the next chapter is posted, expect a couple more one-shots like this one to keep yerself entertained! I can't wait to see what you have to say!
It hurts. My chest hurts so much that I want to tear it from my chest. And yet I can't do a thing as I watch the man I love walk off with another woman. It's not my place to be this selfish, I know. Our relationship was only ever filled with arguments and lust. But I cannot stand here and say that I never felt anything. See, with my previous boyfriends I never felt the feelings I feel now. Just watching him walk into the room makes my heart beat faster. Hearing his voice causes the hair to stand up along my neck. Looking into his eyes makes me grin foolishly, regardless of the mood I was in beforehand. I still dream about him for God's sake. I woke up crying my eyes out after seeing him die, and the only thought that ran through my mind was that should have been me. Thinking that made me stop in my tracks. I mean, why the hell did I think that? He left me dammit! He refused to see the love that I gave him, instead deciding that he needed to be with that…that whore. That whore who is prettier than I am, who is more experienced than I am, who is older than I am. And yet, I see similarities between us that make my irrational mind think that maybe, just maybe, he really did care for me, and only left to protect me in some odd way.
But then reality comes right back around and bites me in the ass. Seeing them hold hands, seeing him hold her in his arms, seeing him kiss her; it just starts the whole depression process over again. I'm told that I can stop being miserable, just give up on him and give another guy a chance. But I can't. And I don't think I ever will be able to. Some people say that I'm too young to know what love is, but when you feel it you just know. It's really not something that you can ignore. If you try to, it just eats you up from the inside, constantly pestering you until you acknowledge it. And once you acknowledge it you're…afraid to let it go. Afraid that, once you do let it go, it won't ever come back. And who would want me anyway? I'm disproportioned, unsociable, and not all that pretty. I don't get close to many people for a reason. And when I do, crap like this happens. I wake up almost every morning wishing that I had never met him, that he had never came into my life so memorably like he did.
But then I start to thinking; wasn't it my fault that it ended this way? Didn't I fail to do something at one point? That one little thing could have been the factor that finally pushed him away. And then I start to hate myself. Start to wish that I had just stayed away, that I knew then what I know now: happy endings just aren't possible. They seem to be at first, sure, but then reality comes around in full circle and changes your view on that. Heh, reality just seems to screw up everything, doesn't it? And yet without it we would live in a non-real world for the duration of our lives, not knowing a thing about hardness or rejection.
No, what needs to happen is he needs to go. I refuse to lose another home just so that he can live a happy life right in front of me, tearing me down time and again. I've lost too many homes already. From now on I need to become harder, stronger, and not let someone affect me like that ever again. Love really isn't worth the pain; I know that now.
So, how did y'all like it? I know this might seem a little OOC, but it just happened to come out this way haha. So, PLEASE leave a review! I take both the good and bad with equal enthusiasm!
~Nara