The Great Oreo
By F. Scott Shitzgerald
one balmy summer day at oreo high school. oreo was walking down the hallway when he saw amy the hedgehog. "hi, imma just take a nice wet shit right here. is that ok?"
"oh, i am too"
they both shit together until the sunset appeared. it was a beautiful sight. they held hands as they finished their shits, wiping gently.
"do you want to hear me sing a song?"
"ok"
oreo starts singing some Evanescence
"wake me up
wake me up inside
(can't wake up)"
amy was moved to tears.
they had romatic relations off-screen.
it was glorious.
the next morning, the sun was shining. the birds were singing.
oreo and amy sat in bed together, fully clothed.
"I love you. amy said.
"I love y-" BOOM!
Suddenly oreo was cut off. By a gunshot!
Oreo's blood flew all over amy. jesus christ! there goes his intestines. all over the fucking wall
Amy screamed in horror. She peered out the window.
There was a toy person. A fucking nutcracker. With a sniper rifle. She rushed to the closet, tears running down her face.
THE NUTCRACKER FUCKFACE KILLED OREO
"He was a good man." The yellow M&M sniffled, dressed in a black suit.
Rain was pouring at the funeral. The rain hid amy's tears.
What remained of oreo descended into the ground. The priest - the pillsbury doughboy - read a prayer.
Amy swore vengeance on that nutcracker bitch.
The funeral ended. Everyone returned to their homes.
The graveyard sat in silence. Suddenly...
The dirt began to move. Something was crawling out. A hideous shit-colored corpse emerged.
OREO LIVED
AND HE WAS PISSED
WATCH OUT NUTCRACKER
HOLY FUCK OREO'S GUNNA KILL YA
GUNNA RIP YOU APART
Oreo pulled out his semi-automatic rifle. Covered in oreo blood, he walked through the pouring rain. He wasn't in good shape, but his automatic healing kept him alive. His goal: track down the nutcracker fuck.
End of act 1
ACT II:
Nutcracker was sitting alone at his table, polishing the rifle he used to end his enemy's life. He opened his nutcracker holy book and recited his daily prayers:
"Give us this day, our daily nut
As we forgive those who nutpassed against us
And lead us not, into temptation, but deliver us from oreos
Amen."
A Clockwork Oreo
Oreo came in wearing a mask and a white suit. He approached the nutcracker while he sat silently praying. Oreo jumped onto Nutcracker in a fit of rage. He scratched and threw his arms violently overtaken by his fury and frustration. After the initial blows to Nutcracker's head, Oreo was swept off his feet and landed flat on his ass. He was surprised by Nutcracker's speed and strength. He quickly rolled onto his stomach to crawl away but was pulled back by Nutcrackers strong hands. Oreo acted on every impulse that came to him to try to escape but after a series of holds Oreo found himself flat on his back, crying with pain. Nutcracker had managed to get an armbar onto Oreo and there was no way to get out. He cried out begging Nutcracker to end his pain.
"The Nutcracker knows no mercy," Nutcracker whispered. And with a mighty pull broke Oreo's arm in two.
Suddenly a noise came from the entrance. Nutcracker fled leaving Oreo alone on the floor, a broken spirit.
THE END