This is basically a written memorial to the character Cordelia Chase. I wrote this when the ep. "You're Welcome". I wanted to put in my two cents about Cordy's death.

Cordelia Chase

"Who's Colin Farrell?" Cordelia Chase asked, turning to him and Angel felt his resolve to keep from breaking down weakening.

She was different. This new Cordelia was different. She was sweet and smart but different now. Tortured. He still loved her, but –

She wasn't the woman he'd fallen in love with nearly two years ago. She wasn't the bitchy, know-it-all, better-then-you fashion addict who always knew exactly who was who and what was what.

She wasn't the same. She wasn't the woman who liked to stay up for hours every night coordinating and re-coordinating her shoes to match her hairstyle as well as her clothes. She wasn't the same woman who thought that having money would make her a better and happier person.

And she definitely wasn't the girl who'd turned to him nearly four years ago and asked, "So, do you still have that little grr problem?"

She was different. This new Cordelia was different. Sure, he still loved her. Would always love her.

But he missed the he Cordelia that had somehow gotten lost in translation somewhere.

"Nobody." Angel answered her question, forcing a smile unto his face so that she wouldn't realize what had happened. "Some nobody." Cordelia shrugged, not at all like the old Cordelia who would have rolled her eyes and told him that he didn't know anything.

"Whatever." She pushed past him into the office. "Coming?" Angel nodded.

He missed Cordelia. He missed the sophomore who, nearly seven years to the date, had bought him a cappuccino and then spent the rest of the night making him laugh. He missed the girl who would sometimes call him up at three am to tell him that she'd had a nightmare where she had horrible hair and would he please come over…

He missed the Cordelia that had dragged him to his first Duran Duran concert four years ago because she didn't want to go alone.

Most of all, he missed the Cordelia that he'd fallen with.

"Angel! Stop brooding!" Cordelia snapped and Angel smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry." And he was. He was sorry. He would always love her, but he missed the innocent vibrant girl he'd met seven years ago at the Bronze.

He missed her. He missed the girl whose life he'd ultimately destroyed in his quest for redemption. He missed her.

Cordelia Chase.

When Cordy went "Who's Will Farrell?" I went, "Oh my god. This is not our happy cheery, I'll get there in the end Cordy'. This is broken up, I've seen everything there is to see Cordy. I just kind of wanted to convey that idea. Now that I've rambled on, send me a line through the blue tube labeled 'review'.