Disclaimer : JAG characters belong to DPB, CBS and Paramount.
1200
ZULU
J.A.G.-HQ
Falls
Church, Virginia
Mac sat on her chair, her back to the desk, and starred out of the window. She hadn't slept all night, in fact she had hardly slept all week. She didn't realize the looks her colleagues gave her; she didn't realize that Harm came by her office about every ten minutes, looked at her through the blinds with a concerned expression and then walked into the kitchen. She in fact did not realise anything at all, she was on auto pilot, mechanically fulfilling her tasks. Today was the day, April 19, for the last twenty years it was always around this date that she got depressed despite of blossoming plants, green trees, humming birds and the sunshine. She asked herself whether the pain would ever pass, the pain caused by the biggest loss of her life. She still could not understand what had happened, why it happened and why she didn't do anything about it. Back then she might have been able to change something, to turn her life into something good. When she realized what had happened and what it meant for her, it was already too late. She would give everything to be given a second chance, but this was impossible. Eighteen years ago, when she realized what she had let happen, she tried to change it at first, but she could succeed, those people had been good, they did not leave any signs for what had happened and where they had gone. After five restless years, marked by her search, she decided that it was too late, too late for her happiness. She had made a terrible mistake, she was responsible and it was her duty to stop being selfish.
A knock on her door brought her back into the present. She looked up and saw Harm entering her office.
"Hi Marine, I hope I didn't startle you too much, you seem to be miles away."
Mac looked at him, slightly confused and only managed to say "I just thought about a case. Is there any special reason you came by for?" Harm had a concerned look on his face but decided that this was not the right setting to ask her what was wrong. "I wanted to ask you whether you would like to have lunch with me. You look like you could need something to eat." Mac didn't know what to answer, on one hand she only wanted to be alone, on the other hand she could use a bit of cheering up. "I am sorry Harm, but I have plenty of work to do." "Come on Marine, you worked all morning and you could use a break." "No, I am sorry, maybe another time, I really have to work." she answered him slightly more annoyed than she intended. Harm knew when he had to stop, Mac was bothered by something but he had no idea what and was unlikely to tell him if he pushed her too hard.