Disclaimer 1: This is fanfic. That means I do not own any of it. I just borrow it to play with for a little while and let people see the pathetic results if they really want to.
Disclaimer 2: I'm not making any money from it. It's just for fun.
Disclaimer 3: What isn't borrowed is all made up. None of this is real or most likely at all realistic. Please don't trust any of the information in here. Most likely you know more about whatever I'm writing about than I do.
Disclaimer 4: Attitudes, views and opinions expressed by the characters or in the story are not necessarily those of the author. Even when writing Science Fiction or Fantasy I do not tend to attempt to create perfect/better worlds in which everybody gets a happy end ... or whatever is best for them. Please accept that some characters will have a bad ending or be unhappy.
Prologue
-Well, there isn't much going on on the Warworld. At least that I'd know of. I'm on holiday right now, so I don't have the latest news, but I can tell you that it's practically deserted anyway. Pretty much everybody is here on Rukkat. It's quite an interesting world. You should visit it someday. Nice and sunny.-
Jesse snarled and gave the holo-projector a half-hearted kick, then pulled his leg back into his cocoon of blankets quickly. The room temperature was still somewhere above 10°C. There was a radiator that still achieved half it's nominal heat-output, but it felt freezing cold.
The projector responded with a fizzing sound that did nothing to help Jesse's pounding headache either and then Commander Razzle's smirking face disappeared.
Jesse cursed. So much for getting any news from home. Razzle's holo-messages might be full of annoying jabs, but they were the only real source of information he had besides the official news and office gossip.
He'd have to get the projector working again somehow so he could record a reply that didn't give away just how miserable he actually felt and would prompt Razzle to write again, preferably with more information.
He sighed, freed his arms from the blankets, pulled the projector closer and hesitated only one moment before starting to dismantle it. It probably wouldn't ever work again anyway and there was nobody on this gods-forsaken planet that was any more qualified to perform repairs than he was - and that was saying something, because while Jesse had picked up a few basics of Outrider technology maintenance from Razzle he was far from even remotely understanding how any of it actually worked.
Perhaps he could talk Lord Rjzen into lending him a working projector? Somewhere within the wide spectrum of what they called working here in any case? Every piece of technology on Ishara was either broken or about to break from lack of maintenance, but since nobody had the skills to fix anything they had to make due with what they had.
-Dear Razzle,- Jesse hissed at the projector while he groped around inside it and randomly poked at various parts to see whether anything came loose or felt blocked. -Thank you for the kind invitation to Rukkat. You in turn really should visit Ishara, and preferably soon. The place is just perfect for you, you couldn't possibly get bored even if you stayed several years because Absolutely. Every. Thing. Is. Broken.-
He hit the wall with his fist at every word. That hurt both his hand and his head, but at least the projector couldn't suffer any further harm from it.
-Another device give in?- Lord Rjzen's head was poking through the door that led from the staff dorm to the office.
-Holo-projector.- Jesse confirmed. -And I really ought to reply to this message, too.-
Rjzen nodded understandingly. -Your clan aren't much good at writing, eh?-
Jesse stiffened. He hadn't actually gotten a single message from his clan the whole time he'd been here. His siblings had written, of course, but while that was cute and very sweet of them it hardly qualified as official mail from the clan. They were only kids, after all. Well, Cozz wasn't a kid. He was a married man in fact and Jesse supposed that announcement of the birth of one's first nephew did come under the heading of clan news, but it wasn't exactly world-shaking.
Razzle was the only one with any proper understanding of political and military affairs who ever seemed to remember him long enough to record a holo-message and that was just to taunt him. Or maybe not. Razzle was good at reading other people and hard to read himself, but Jesse vaguely suspected that deep down he was a lot kinder than he let on. Very deep down.
Even the all-knowing Razzle seemed to assume that he had other proper correspondents, though.
-Whatever gave you that idea?-
-I see the incoming mail. Seriously, we've rarely had anyone here that got less mail from home than you do and some of the guys ... well, you've probably heard more of their life stories than I have.-
Jesse shrugged. He'd rather not compare himself to the dead-end runaway street kids, washed up junkies and homeless pirate gang members that worked in the mines. Not even in his own thoughts.
-My Afrar and dear old Commander Laxus are probably the most lazy people in the universe.- He continued the topic of mail instead. -I suspect recording a message smells like work to them. And I've pissed off everybody I know on the Warworld. Guess that's not much of an incentive to write.-
He had half expected some sign of life from Irzhe, maybe even cousin Monica, Laxus' half-fleshling daughter who still longed for her old home and clung to him for the mere reason that he understood her favourite language. Could they all be dead?
But no, Irzhe and Monica hadn't even been on the Warworld during the battle of Yuma. Besides, even Cain would probably have found the death of her mother worth a mention or two.
-I s'pose they're too ashamed of me.-
He realised too late that he'd said it out loud.
To his surprise Rjzen came in and sat on an unoccupied bed causing a cloud of dust to rise. -Your friends on the Warworld? They're probably too busy settling Rukkat, you know. It must be quite exciting and hectic over there. Just imagine finally having a home again after such a long time. Most likely it's all topsy-turvy and they've forgotten everybody else as well.-
Which was obviously why they hadn't written before Commander Ettar had unexpectedly conquered and secured Rukkat and thus finally achieved what they'd all been so desperately trying to do for decades. Fucking Ettar! And Jesse had been freezing his ass off on Ishara composing duty rosters for mine workers, confirming bills of loading and trying to drown his memories and nightmares. Funnily enough it worked on the nightmares, but not the memories. He'd expected it to be the other way around when he'd first decided to try alcohol. Still, no dreams when you passed out drunk, no waking up the entire dorm screaming in the middle of the night. His dorm-mates called it a success.
No, Jesse knew why he hadn't received mail from friends, on the Warworld or elsewhere. It was because he didn't have any friends. He'd trained himself not to say that out loud anymore after hearing the reaction of the psychologist at the trial, though. He was perfectly fine, dammit. He did not need a shrink!
-I meant the rest of my family, actually. Almost all the mail I got came from the Warworld. Not this one, though. - He nodded towards the projector. -That's actually from Rukkat. Nice and sunny the old Bastard says.- He gave Rjzen a mock pathetic look. -I'm cold now.-
Rjzen laughed. Complaining about the cold was considered a running joke around here. Jesse supposed the only options were to either laugh or cry about it.
-Hey, a few more months and you'll be able to go and check on them in person. Your home-world's quite pleasant, too, I've heard. Remember us when you're enjoying the sunshine.-
All of a sudden Jesse remembered the feeling of blue moss under his feet, a slight breeze in his face, blue-barked trees and white stone buildings with blue ivy creeping up the walls. What was this? He'd only visited the place twice! It wasn't home. He shoved the thoughts away along with those of dark, narrow streets between tall black buildings erupting into flames, children screaming, walls toppling over as the Warworld's central computer died.
-I don't know. Maybe I'll just go straight to the Warworld instead. I'll get there faster and most of my siblings are at the academy there. I miss the kids the most, I think.-
It wasn't quite true. Actually the one he thought of the most was Jean Claude, but that was a hopeless cause. He couldn't approach him or any of his family after what he'd done to them.
Rjzen nodded understandingly. He was very close to his two brothers Jesse knew.
-So are you coming over for dinner, then? I hear Rissa's coming. We could have some music and dancing afterwards.-
Jesse smiled. He probably wasn't much of a dancer, but once he was drunk enough he no longer cared whether he made a fool of himself and Rissa was awfully attractive for an utterly undisciplined pirate queen old enough to be his mother.
-Let me use your holo-projector in the morning?- He wheedled. -Else I'll have to stay and try to fix this one now.-
Rjzen laughed. -Like you'll be in any condition to record a message before lunchtime. But sure, you can use it. It only shows black and white, but recordings do show colour if you view them on another projector. They've got wandering stripes, though, and the sound's somehow off.-
Well, Razzle would have to live with that. It'd probably drive him up a wall that he knew exactly what was wrong with the projector, but was too far away to fix it. Jesse smirked. Just the comeback for the nice and sunny comment.
Once he'd overcome his initial feelings of awkwardness at sharing meals with the man he had then thought of as his jailer Jesse had become quite fond of visiting Lord Rjzen's home.
The house was nothing much compared to his own clan's home on Varen. It didn't even measure up too well next to clan Elhessar's temporary home on the War World. The food was no better than that served in the company mess either, but the place was warmer, had better alcohol and not everybody there had a criminal record. Sometimes while there Jesse almost forgot what he was and felt proud again.
All the invited guests still were criminals, though. Rjzen and his clan were the only voluntary inhabitants of the ice world and they were common miners and smiths. And Jesse, despite all he'd done, was a noble and a Commander, which apparently entitled him to very respectful treatment in their eyes. Not that the commoners sent to work in the mines were treated at all roughly. Jesse supposed it would be too lonely living here all your life if you refused the society of criminals. No tourists ever stopped by on Ishara.
Most of the time everybody pretended that they were all voluntary co-workers. Rjzen was the boss and head of his clan, but to Jesse and the other office staff that meant little and he was usually included in all their jokes, pranks and gossip just like any other employee.
-Oh, stop always talking about leaving us.- Rissa leaned across the table to Jesse pouting seductively and displaying her ample breasts. -My bed would feel cold and lonely every time I remember all the things we did there.-
Jesse couldn't help admiring the view. Had there really been a time when he'd considered green an unattractive skin colour?
He knew only too well how Rissa coped when he wasn't available. The Fleshling custom of having sex in bed was quite the novelty among Outriders and had been an instant hit on Ishara. And it certainly hadn't been all his doing. He wouldn't be made a fool of ... at least not until he was a little more drunk than right now.
-I'm sure you'd find someone to warm it for you.-
-Boss! Boss! Oh guys, you're not going to believe this!- Pinthar, a pickpocket from a minor noble house on Eshar rushed into the dining room looking unusually excited. -There's an unscheduled ship requesting permission to land. Of a noble house no less and flying all its colours real important like.-
Dead silence fell over the room. In all the time Jesse had been here only prisoner transports, scheduled supply ships and traders' freighters had ever stopped on Ishara. All of them had come announced and out of necessity and not a single one had stayed an hour longer than it absolutely had to.
-Well.- Jesse said finally. -If they are showing colours, which house are they?-
Or was it too much to expect of Pinthar to recognise the unique symbols of every clan? Jesse himself only knew the most important, but then he hadn't lived in the vapour zone all his life. Would it be too embarrassing if neither Pinthar nor he could identify this house?
Pinthar's eyes went even wider. -Elhessar.- He breathed.
Jesse gaped at him. -Elhessar?-
Well, he certainly wouldn't have had any trouble recognising that house either.
-Whatever do they want here?- Rjzen asked. -And with so much pomp at that.-
-Oh, that's not surprising.- Rissa threw in. -They're real show-offs.-
-Not Jean Claude.- Jesse countered without thinking. -He's more likely to sneak up on you. Kitty-cat maybe. I heard he tried to intimidate the jury before my trial.-
-Kitty-cat?- Rissa asked in a slightly sarcastic tone that seemed oddly familiar, but Jesse had no idea whom it reminded him of and it didn't matter either.
-My personal nickname for Istar.-
He probably ought to reconsider calling him that, though.
-Well, we can't leave them hanging there.- Rjzen decided. -Pinthar, give them permission to land. Jesse, make yourself scarce until we know what they want. Inspect the kitchen or something. I'm sure something needs repairing or restocking. The rest of you, come with me and try not to look too shabby. They'll probably expect a proper delegation to meet them.-
Rissa grinned her dangerous mischief grin. -Oho, this will be fun. I'll delegate The Devil something alright. Always wanted to go a round or two with him.-
For Rissa's own sake Jesse hoped that she meant sex rather than battle. No matter how good she was the weapons master of house Elhessar was invincible in hand-to-hand combat. He even taught the subject at the Warrior Academy. And he loved hurting people.
The thought of the Warrior Academy gave Jesse pause, though. It was nearing the end of a term right now, wasn't it? Could and would Istar of all people leave his students in less expert hands at grading time just to kill Jesse, when he could just as easily have come during the holidays?
But if this wasn't Istar come to kill him, then who and why? Jean Claude to talk things over and offer him a chance to redeem himself? The thought was too good to be true and besides, why should Jean Claude borrow a clan owned ship and blaze in flaunting the family colours? He'd prefer his own sleek stealth ship and didn't need Afrar Irozz's permission to use it either.
-Oh Jesse?- Rissa was leaning in the door of the kitchen when Jesse looked up from the box of spoons he was pretending to count. -One Irstz Sorasz Elhessar to see you. Says he only wants to talk and maybe offer you a lift, if Rjzen doesn't mind letting you leave tomorrow. Claims old Bucket-face won't care.-
-Irstz?- Now what could Elhessar house's master of ceremonies want with him? -The schemer?-
-Funny,- Rissa laughed. -That's what my brother calls him, too. Guess there must be something to it. My dear brother also says Irstz is pretty harmless for a Cat-of-War, not much one for killing or maiming.- She shrugged. -You can probably rely on that. My dear brother always had a good nose for people. Of course, it's been a while since I've heard from him. Maybe I ought to have given him my address or something?-
In any case it coincided with Jesse's own assessment of Irstz. It wasn't that he couldn't probably kill you just as quickly and easily as Istar could, just that he'd think long and hard about it first and most likely come up with reasons why you might still be useful alive. There were a lot less important clan members Irozz could send to kill someone, if that was all he wanted done, people who'd actually enjoy, or at least not mind, performing the task.
Jesse slipped a kitchen knife into his sleeve, wondered vaguely whether he was sober enough to use it if he had to, thought longingly of the sleek throwing knife he'd bought at Istar's recommendation what seemed like a lifetime ago and went to see the schemer.
Irstz wasn't hard to find. He'd made himself at home in Rjzen's office, the warmest room in the building.
-Don't you have a cleaning crew?- He asked when he heard the door slide open.
Had he been expecting Rjzen?
-You'll have to take that up with Skuz.- Jesse told him. -Usually this is the one place on the base they do clean properly, though.-
-Ah, and who would I need to talk to to get the second radiator repaired?-
-Nobody.- Jesse admitted. -If any of us knew how we'd already have done it.-
-How delightful.- Irstz frowned. -Oh well, I'll survive for one night, I suppose. I did cope with worse in my active time, but it's been a while.-
Jesse leaned against the wall, but resisted the temptation to fold his arms, he didn't want to appear too defensive and Irstz might guess the presence of the knife.
-I owe you an apology.- He said. -For something inexcusable. All I can say for myself is that I intended no harm to anyone. Quite the opposite in fact.-
His hands were shaking. Was it nervousness or the alcohol? Which one would he even prefer?
Irstz's eyes closed in a pained grimace, but only for a moment before he had himself under control again.
-You made a terrible mistake.- He said. -And the consequences are painful for us both to think about. Let us not dwell on them. Just remember that you owe a debt to our surviving children now. They deserve your special protection.-
-That goes without saying.-
Why was Irstz letting him off the hook without even a hint of a threat? Obviously, if they expected an advantage for their children from his sponsorship, they did not intend to kill him anytime soon. Or at least Irstz didn't. He was the one most likely to find excuses to keep people alive after all.
Maybe he could relax concerning Irozz's intentions as well. The brothers had probably discussed the issue. That didn't mean that Istar had agreed to anything, though.
If only he knew who the victims in house Elhessar had been, but he didn't want to provoke Irstz after he'd declared his wish not to talk about it.
-I have not come here in my own name, but in that of Afrar Irozz.-
Jesse bowed his head in acknowledgement and respect.
-My esteemed brother bade me remind you that you still owe him a favour and to inform you that he has made up his mind what it is to be.-
That came like a kick in the gut. Somehow he had assumed that Irozz would no longer bother with the favour Jesse had promised him in return for house Elhessar taking in his little sister Cain when she'd been stranded on the Warworld with nowhere to go.
Back then even Jesse himself hadn't seen what of even remotely appropriate value he might do for a clan as powerful as Elhessar. And since then he had accidentally killed some of their children. There was no way he could refuse them anything now. No matter what Irozz asked of him, he had to find a way to do it. There had been a time when he'd thought that he could do anything.
-How can I serve Afrar Irozz?-
Irstz's eyes flashed to meet his for a moment. Had he expected a more cautious answer? Or did he consider it inappropriate for Jesse to answer with a formula more commonly heard from commoners?
-By ... well, I don't suppose you've heard, yet, but we are facing another war. A civil war.-
-The colony lords.- Jesse remembered. -They were content to sit back and wait while the old blood clans were slowly fading away on the Warworld. The move to Rukkat will allow you to recover, though, and all the colony lords' patience has been in vain. You expect them to strike now before there is any time for you to gain strength.-
Irstz shook his head. -I'm not expecting, Commander Jesse, I know. Three days ago Afrar Thir Zherensz Zystin sent out an open call to the whole army to assemble under Commander Ettar and wipe out the old blood once and for all.-
Ettar, the Ice Bird, as the other Commanders called him. Jesse knew very little about him, even though Razzle had warned him that he'd face him someday. Why hadn't he taken that warning more to heart and spent some time investigating Ettar instead of trying to pry into Nemesis' secrets?
He'd been such a fool. He'd seen Artesz all content with the status quo despite the embarrassing weakness of Commander Laxus and decided that the colonists were too lazy to revolt. Then he'd looked at Uthen, the richest colony clan, thinking that if anyone could afford to revolt it was them ... and he'd found a small house that for some reason seemed to struggle to keep up it's numbers, many of them sickly, and wondered whether they weren't too busy just surviving. They certainly hadn't looked like a threat.
And then he'd written off Jean Claude's worries as imaginary. He should have known better. Jean Claude was no fool.
-Ettar has a private army, or so Jean Claude once told me, but how many others will actually follow that call? Surely it can't be big enough to stand alone against the entire Outrider army?-
-It won't have to.- Irstz snapped. -And if you actually believe it, you are a bigger fool than I took you for.-
-Rather too ill acquainted with the individual colony clans and their Afrare to judge who would go just how far. I've never even talked with Ettar and know nothing of Zystinsz political position. Surely they have rivals that will refuse to support them. Others will be too prudent ... or lazy.-
-We do not know that for sure yet either.- Irstz said. -Or rather, my mission could not wait until I had heard the first replies. I came here straight away. Zystin is strong and popular, though, and the old blood are now at their weakest point. The colony lords must know that they might never get this good a chance to strike again. So, do not count on many of them letting a dislike for Zystin get in their way. You understand that if an Afrar declares for Zystin it is a matter of loyalty for all the soldiers of his house to offer their services to Ettar?-
Jesse nodded even though he hadn't known that. What of their loyalty to Nemesis?
-You can refuse though, go rouge and stick with the other side.- Irstz continued. -It is considered dishonourable, but you are not exactly famous for your loyalty and have always demonstrated a certain disaffection with your clan. Therefore Afrar Irozz has judged that it is not too much to ask of you to declare for our side, no matter what Afrar Hiretz decides. You will refuse your clan's bidding and follow Nemesis, even if he orders you to fight your own kin, even if you have to kill Commander Laxus with your own bare hands.-
Jesse glanced down at his small, weak, Fleshling-like hands, the heritage of his mother. They were gloved actually to hide the glyph that they'd cut into the back of his left hand at the trial more than to keep warm. And they were trembling. It was probably the alcohol, Jesse decided. He wasn't feeling that nervous anymore.
-I guess they should still be good enough for that.- He commented. -It won't need a Cat-Of-War to take a pathetic excuse for a Commander like Laxus down, in any case.-
But who was the more pathetic excuse? Lazy, self indulgent Laxus commanding a useless space station in the middle of nowhere, or a shoved aside and forgotten alcoholic that couldn't even cope with his own dreams?
Irstz laughed. -Personally, I doubt it will actually come to that extreme. It would be too big a coincidence that you should meet him out of all the rebel army and unarmed at that. It is very likely that you will find yourself having to shoot Arteze soldiers, however. We expect you not to miss on purpose.-
-That isn't usually my habit.- Hadn't he noticed the trembling, though?
-Indeed, I did not mean to imply an insult. I merely want to make sure you are prepared. You have never seen a civil war before. I expect many of us will find themselves having to make very painful choices before long.-
-Understood.- But he had once betrayed the very species that had raised him. He had turned on everything and everyone he'd ever known, and never hesitated to kill a Fleshling soldier. Why should this be any harder?
-Good.- But Irstz was looking at him through narrowed eyes. -Also understand that officially, unless Artez declares against Zystin, you will be standing alone. As long as you remain loyal to Nemesis however, Elhessar will continue to show you the same friendship it has in the past and should you really need clan support we will step in quietly. Remember that that is only for real emergencies, though.-
They were offering to take him in should he be seriously wounded or permanently crippled? Why?
-That is very generous of you.-
Too generous considering what he'd done and that the favour they asked for was something he'd most likely have done anyway. It was the Warworld, not Varen, that he considered his home and so, despite his blood ties with the colonists he felt more closely connected with the old blood. And it had been mostly their children that he had killed.