This was my Rumbelle Secret Santa 2014 contribution
Sliding Doors
How a simple choice can send your life into two completely different directions
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There was that infernal beeping noise again. Rumple couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from. All he knew was that it was louder now and possibly done intentionally.
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All the days since his curse and dagger were destroyed have been a blur. "Or has it been weeks?" He couldn't remember. All he knew was that the time was blended, blurred and become nonsensical to him. "No matter." Rumple knew this day would be different. He could sense it. Things would change.
He knew he got dressed every day, bathed, but he couldn't recall details. Was it raining today or yesterday? What color was his suit, Belle's outfit? Did he remind Henry to polish the clocks? Was his shop still spotless? When was the last time he took Belle to bed and given her every part of him?
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"Belle" She was sleeping next to him. He could feel her stirring. When she woke, maybe this time they could talk. "Talk." Something they haven't done in some time. He was ready though, and today would be it. Rumple would open up to his love, confess his fears, his devotion, and apologize for not believing enough in himself , in them at the time to talk about the darkness that was overtaking him.
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All the discussion as of late has been one-sided. Rumple planned to change that. Because every day prior had been the same, changing out of dirty undergarments into fresh clothes, while Belle would stay silent, and then settle in and read aloud.
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She changed he knew. No longer did she seem so angry at him, yelling at him to give her some type of response. She stopped crying too or at least not so often now. But he was here, and that damn beeping noise would not abate. Not long enough for him get the cloud out of his thoughts; it was really getting on his last nerve.
Belle still loved him, of that he was certain. Though at times he wished she didn't as it would make it easier. Her hand was on him, caressing his legs. "Oh the lotion" Rumple recalled Belle telling him that it would make the burns better. As much as it soothed him, he knew it was more her touch healing his skin than that lotion. It was such a blur again, "how did he get those burns?"
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And that blasted noise was keeping him from concentrating. He wasn't going to let that deter him. Today was different, he knew. This noise wouldn't stop him from gathering the strength he needed for Belle.
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Maybe he would take her out again. He recalled the last time; they went to Epicurious and tried a dish native to this world, but from a farther land than Storybrook. A Korean dish, a shrimp pancake that Belle loved, "yes" he could do that. He remembered that dinner; Belle was more beautiful than ever. Everything was perfect that night, and Rumple finally felt like a man again. A worthy man.
He wondered if they didn't go to the restaurant that night how it might have changed. Would he have lost his nerve? Most likely, but then again Rumple knew if they had kept the original plans that evening he would close up, not wishing to admit the struggle he was having, not wanting to bare all of himself to Belle and her to see his scarred soul. Talking and opening would have taken longer. "Talk" He needed to tell her something he just needed to remember.
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She was reading, his Belle was reading. He tried to listen carefully, ignoring the heavy clouds in his head, and the beeping. Gods he loved her, his eyes closed he could imagine her smiling. He felt Belle lean in and kiss him, but why did she have tears? Her kiss was wet and he tasted salt.
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Soon he would hold her, comfort her, and talk. They needed to talk, and today was the day things were changing, and he could finally have peace knowing his love for Belle won out over his darkness.
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The taste of her tears, her caress, her voice, and the beeping. Rumple was missing something, but he slowly felt the answer was coming to him. The clouds were lifting in his head, but he just needed a little more sleep then he'd be ready. Ready to pull her to him and…
Rumple felt his body being moved around. He heard voices, and he wanted to chase them off. He needed to chase them off, to wake up, and to let them know. They needed to stop.
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Belle spent every night here. She was used to the pain her body felt when she'd fall asleep in the chair leaning herself towards his bed.
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She remembered all of it. His hitting rock bottom, his needs, fears, his intentions, and his realization that he needed help and letting her in to see the man he was hiding. That was what finally did it. Taking that big step and allowing her in, to see all parts of him. And with that he finally stopped letting fear control and let True Love's kiss break his curse and the control the dagger had on him.
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Sadly neither of them was prepared for the firestorm after. The days after that went by as a blur to Belle. She couldn't recall that last time she really bathed, ate or talked to anyone.
The hospital agreed that Belle could be the one to care for Rumple's basic needs. She bathed him, changed his clothes, and taken the lotion they told her would heal the burns that covered his body to soothe over his skin.
Nothing changed in the days since this happened. "Or was it weeks" Belle couldn't remember.
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She remembered talking, taking things slow, but it was honest. Rumple taking her to a new restaurant where he playfully encouraged her to use her adventurous side try a new dish. Belle wished she could recall that dish, it would add to the perfection that night was in the beginning. Belle finally was able to bring out the man she saw inside. That man emerged for the first time letting his walls down, and trusting her, trusting them.
Now it was gone. And Belle wondered if they never went out that night, if they had gone to Snow and David's instead. Would fate have changed things? He opened up that night more than ever before, everything was perfect, but it ended so soon after. She knew Rumple, she knew how difficult it was for him to give her everything he was inside, but she'd rather have it take him longer to break the last and oldest of his walls than to have both of them here, like this.
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They told her it had been too long. She knew the family he finally was letting into his life would be here. They would be here for her, for him.
She leaned in, kissing his lips, unable to speak to tell him what she needed to, the tears were too great. Belle's tears mixing with her kiss, she sadly hoped he'd feel this and wake. "He'll never know." That is what pained her the most.
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Belle had recalled how she attempted everything. The first few days she yelled at him, telling him to hang on, for him to give her a sign. Belle was angry that he slept; he slept while she cried and struggled. "I need you awake so I can tell you how angry I am." Belle's tearful laugh at the irony of her thought.
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After that she talked and talked. Told Rumple about Henry taking care of the clocks in the shop that it would be spotless for when he returned. She'd tell him when Snow, David, Regina and Emma stopped by.
With no movement or sign from him Belle tried reading. She'd held his hand; sat on his hospital bed, hoping that he'd feel her presence. She even threatened to find a way to amplify the noise from the monitors. Telling Rumple that she knew the noise was probably annoying him.
But there was no change. And there never would be any. So today was the day. It felt different already. Not good, but prepared. Noting the time, Belle leaned in again and whispered "Please Rumple, give me a sign."
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She sat on the bed, holding his hand tightly as Dr. Whale and a few nurses walked in followed by their family. Snow sat by her side, pulling Belle into a big hug.
"I love you Grandpa." Henry whispered in Rumple's ear.
They all made gestures of comfort to Belle, Regina taking a side next to Snow and touching the shoulder of Rumple unable to hold the tears she had for her former mentor.
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Belle was unable to comprehend the words that Dr. Whale spoke. It was only a few words, and thankfully she saw David nod with a direction to go ahead.
The nurses moved Rumple carefully to detach the support systems from him. Belle cried leaning her head on his chest wishing it had not come to this.
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Belle didn't see the nod between the nurses and David and Emma telling them when Rumple had finally passed. She knew and felt the moment he was gone. His body didn't change but she felt warm arms holding her, a whisper in her ear telling her that everything would be alright, to let him go.
There was no breeze in the room but Belle could feel his hand caressing her face, giving her his last kiss.
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A hand was on his shoulder but Rumple didn't move. He selfishly wanted to hold her face a bit longer, caress her skin, and memorize her lips. He wanted to wipe her tears that he caused again.
But the grip grew a bit stronger. Not hurting but tighter to get his attention.
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"Papa. Papa, it's time to go." Baelfire was doing what he could to gain his father's attention.
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With a start Rumple turned to look at his son, his boy.
"Bae." Was all he could say as a bittersweet smile crossed his face, tears glistening in his eyes.
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Nodding Bae embraced his father and whispered" She'll be fine Papa." Squeezing tighter he added. "They'll take care of her. You don't need to worry anymore."
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Letting go of his son's embrace, "Good. Good" was all he could say.
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Turning one last time to look at his Belle' his Belle, his hero, his light, his True Love, but no longer his now.
"Thank you…Belle"
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Epilogue
A different choice
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Belle came storming into the house, a mixture of fury, sadness, guilt, and worry followed her.
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There he was standing calmly in the middle of the living room, and thankfully nothing broken around him. No tirades like he had when first he tried to stay away from his temptation, his addiction. Magic had been his only friend for centuries. An addiction along with the curse finally causing him to crash and hit rock bottom. A point so low she felt he'd never be able to fight and pull himself out of. But he had shown strength, and she was proud, but still scared for him.
"Well" She was expectant, not accusatory but nervous.
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"How did you know?" Rumple approached her slowly; he looked down, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. A lingering kiss, as he dropped his hand still holding hers, his thumb caressing her wrist.
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Trying to control the flood of emotions she waited, a few deep breaths before she could continue. "Henry texted me, said you were at Granny's with him and David." Belle using her free hand brought it to his cheek urging him to look at her. "He said you seemed agitated like before, and that when Regina showed up you bolted. Can you tell me what happened?"
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"I" he hesitated, not sure how or even if he could admit what he had done. The feel of Belle's caress reassured him. "I failed today Belle. I was at the shop, and the urge to do something, to feel useful and strong again was too great. I wanted, no needed to make some magic. I went through the books trying to find a simple potion." Rumple looked at her with urgency "Thinking I could do something that would be helpful, that you might approve of. Then Henry and David came by to bring me with them to lunch."
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Belle couldn't help but let out small chuckle at that. She knew that Rumple was not used to this. He spent most of his 300 years isolated, and even when he wasn't isolated he still didn't get close to others. It was difficult for him, and this new plan to have Rumple become a bigger part of the family was strange, and awkward, but it's what they all needed. Even if Rumple always insisted he could conquer this alone and only needed her.
"And after? What happened after Rumple? You left quickly; did you call anyone on the list?"
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Shaking his head, Rumple moved to hold her against him, to bury his face in her hair.
Taking in her fragrance, the smell of her body lotion seemed to stop the small shakes he would get now.
"No, I didn't call anyone. Regina came in, and I could feel her magic. It was so tempting, and I grew angry and left." Pulling her even tighter against him, he was overwhelmed. "I'm so sorry Belle. I couldn't stop myself, and hate being this man again. I'm useless to you with no power, but no I didn't call anyone."
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Belle pulled away slightly to looked at her husband's face. Before she could speak Rumple continued.
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"I went to Bae's grave. I felt weak, and was angry. I wanted my magic back, and I didn't want to hurt you again. Letting you know how I was feeling. The desperation growing inside and the thought that I was once again failing you, and me."
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Belle stopped him. "Rumple don't you see. You aren't failing us. You are opening up, you are aware that this is difficult and you will always be tempted." Belle kissed him tenderly "You are my hero this time. To see you fight your biggest enemy, and to start opening and admit that this is difficult. You are showing me the man I always knew you were, and I love you."
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"I love you too" Rumple moved to kiss her more, ready to take another step with her. It will be slow maybe even slower than he anticipated but for her he'd fight. "So I thought because of today we'd change plans. Maybe not go to the Charming's for dinner."
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Belle had a slight look of disappointment at the thought that Rumple may be reverting slightly, to avoid them. Having a family felt out of place for him. He was hard to read but she knew he'd try for her sake.
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"I made reservations at Epicurious just in case you were agreeable about us going there instead. I figured if it could be just the two of us that we could talk more"
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Belle nodded understanding that he wanted to really let her in. That the last of his walls, the ones built centuries ago might finally be crumbling.
"If that is what you want. I can call Snow and tell her then. Though I think Henry will be disappointed. He loved last time hearing your tales of growing up with your aunts and of your more harmless deals"
With that, Belle went to call Snow, doing her best to hide her disappointment.
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Before she finished dialing Rumple stopped her. "Perhaps instead we'll just be a little late tonight. We should go see them, and I will be alright. Besides the possibility of regaling Henry with some of Regina's past magical mishaps holds a certain charm for me."
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The look in his eyes, told Belle that the walls went up some. Her choice to push and go out the two of them and talk, or go with this moment where his ease, and tension about extended family was lessened. It may take longer to bring that barrier down again, but Belle also knew that rushing the healing process doesn't work.
"Let's go with our original plan. Henry will be happy to see you."