It hurt.
It was so very very painful.
To hear the one person that you devoted literally everything reject you.
But that was Merlin.
That was Merlin's life.
Built on secrecy and lies.
An unwavering will.
He'd proven himself again and again.
Over and over.
Little things,
Little acts of trust and advice.
Big things.
Heroism in day and darkness.
Starting while his king was still a young arrogant prince.
But it was never enough.
How could it be?
All those sacrifices, all the people lost to fight
For Camelot's sake.
No. For Arthur's sake.
Always for Arthur.
But he was just a servant.
Just Mer-lin!
An idiot, they said.
(He devoured spells, tomes, and everything he could get his hands on)
Clumsy, they said.
(His hands hurt so much, so very tired. And there's an odd feeling of magic about. What does he need do?)
Late, they said.
(He barely has time to hide everything away before heading out. He hasn't slept in 3 days)
A fool, they said.
(He has rules, rules he must obey if he is to live)
But Brave, they said.
He's a coward . . . . . .. ..
(Broken promises, dreams, and wishes are scattered in his mind. Lies, lies, lies. Make it all go away. I'm so sorry)
Sometimes he doesn't think it's worth it.
How much damage has he caused trying to keep Arthur alive?
How naive Arthur is.
To everything.
And he can't help but resent his king for that.
There are days when it feels like nothing has changed.
He is Merlin.
The most powerful Warlock to ever live.
But he is also just a servant.
A servant in a kingdom that hates magic.
A worthless insect to most.
He's always pushed aside by those he cares for.
How many times has Arthur turned away his council?
How many times has Arthur listened to a noble or knight instead?
He said he trusted me.
How can he?
I've done nothing but be loyal.
I've never steered him on the wrong path.
Why does he always listen to other over me?
Because I'm just a servant.
And in the end that's all that matters