DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and places are the sole property of Hideaki Sorachi. Any resemblance to any actual events, locales, organizations, or person, living or dead is entirely coincidental. If by any chance, there are other disclaimers needed, then they belong to Disney and Lewis Carroll.
KAGURA IN GINTAMA-LAND
A cold. She had somehow caught a summer cold. Being force to stay bed ridden, Kagura couldn't even turn her head before Gintoki showed up, asking if everything was okay. Sometimes, having a silver haired, red-eyed overprotective yet a lazy good-for-nothing father was not worth the privacy invasion. She already had not, she didn't need another. Coughing a bit, Kagura could feel the need to sleep but her mind just wouldn't let her. Turning her head, she knew that Gintoki would come running. And just as she predicted, she didn't even finish turning her head before the sliding door open and both Gintoki and Shinpachi came in, fussing over her. An overprotective father and an overprotective black haired, big brown eyes, glasses wearing brother in one go. Yup. She definitely had the life. Looking at Gintoki she managed to ask:
"Gin-chan, would you read me something? I can't sleep." Not knowing what story to read to the girl, Gintoki sat down on her left and started thinking. He didn't seem to come up with any ideas until Shinpachi spoke up. "Gin-san, why don't you read her 'Alice in the Wonderland'? It should be easy enough for even you to do right?" Clearly appeased, Gintoki cleared his throat until he just understood what he just said.
"What do you mean 'easy enough'? I can come up with one if I wanted to you know?" Not convinced, Shinpachi ask, "Oh? Then name one." Gintoki being who he is couldn't name one and they all knew it. Coughing a bit himself he started. "I would love to but Kagura here is expecting Alice in the Wo-".
"But I don't want-" "Alice in the Wonderland it is!" Hushing Kagura when she made another attempt to correct him. "Anyway, Once upon a time...what? Why you shaking your head?" Looking at Kagura, Gintoki saw her shaking her head before opening her mouth. "Change it to-to 'Kagura in Wonderland'. I rather hear that."
"Jesu. Children these day. Okay okay, stop glaring at me, seesh. Okay, it's 'Kagura in Gintama-Land'...No. I'm the main character and I say it's Gintama-land. Now shut up, close your eyes and listen. Once upon a time, Kagura, a young yato with shoulder length orange hair held up with two crotch buns, dark blue eyes, sun sensitive pale skin and the most enormous appetite to ever exist was-" As Gintoki spoke, Kagura started to close her eyes as Sadaharu laid on her right side to provide her heat and Shinpachi dab the sweat from her forehead. Soon, she had drifted off to sleep.
"Really? Not even a full minute and she's asleep. Such an ungrateful brat."
"Mah mah Gin-san. She's sick remember? Give her time to rest. Anyway, what was the story going to be like?" Shocked, Gintoki looked at Shinpachi with a look of surprised. "You want to know?" Nodding his head, Shinpachi gave the look of admiration as he looked at Gintoki. Humbled, Gintoki decided to continue with his story with a sleeping Kagura.
It was dark. Cold, dark and damp. And she was floating in her pajamas. Hearing an irritating voice above her, Kagura squeezed her eyes closed even tighter and attempted to move away. Before she could get away, a pale hand reached out and pinched her cheek til it was red. Upset, Kagura lashed out, only to be met with air. Blinking her eyes repeatedly, Kagura didn't notice at first the room she was in. Sitting up right in her futon, Kagura took in her surrounding. Cracked blank walls, a tiny room and absolute quiet. 'This feels familiar.'
"Gin-chan?! Shinpachi?!" she called out. "Sadaharu?!" she tried again. When she got no reply, she sighed. 'Those bums. Leaving a sick little girl to fend for herself. Sticking bastards.' Getting up, Kagura slide opened the rusty door and was faced with a scene she wasn't prepared to see anytime soon. In front of her was the small round table in a tiny room that she used to eat at when she was home. Turning her head frantically, she started seeing the room more clearly.
She was home! It couldn't be! How?! Gin-chan and Shinpachi didn't know where she lived so they couldn't have brought her here. Then how? Suddenly, an image of her father came in mind and she grew angry. 'That shitty old man butting into my life again. He probably came to visit and saw me sick. Probably walked out with me too since Gin-chan wouldn't have kicked up a storm, deciding I was 'too much trouble'. Blah!' Storming to the entrance of the house, she heard knocking and assumed it was her father. Running up to the door, she swung it open and started ranting before she saw who was at the door.
"You shitty old man! Who said you could take me home baldy?! I'll rip off whatever hair you have left and shove them down...your...your..." Finally seeing the person at the door, Kagura fell backwards, landing on her butt.
"Oh Kagura. Are you alright?" asked the figure at the door. Unable to conjure a response, the figure took it upon themself to go inside after closing their umbrella and knelt beside Kagura, placing a hand on her forehead. "Oh good. You're not running a fever anymore. But you shouldn't be out of bed yet. What would you do if you caught another cold?" Standing up, the person walked pass Kagura, only to turn their head at Kagura's shaken voice. "W-who...who are you?!" Confused at first then smiling, the person knelt in front of Kagura with the same smiling face. "Don't you recognize me Kagura? It's me, Kamui, your big sister."
Kneeling in front of her was Kamui. Her suicidal, nearly killed her once, blood lust driven brother. recognize her? No. Her older brother was that, a man! The person in front of her was in a dress. Kamui don't wear dresses. He wore an evil grin. That's what he wore. His hair was still the same waist length braided orange color with the little extension at the front of his split bangs. His eyes the same blue as hers, same pale skin and the same sadistic smile. No. The only difference was instead of his usual red chinese dress shirt and pants with black sandals, he wore a long traditional red Chinese dress with black heels. Looking closer, she could see he was wearing lipstick and eyeliner too. If she wasn't mistaking, the bouncing things on Kamui's chest could also be breasts, and large ones at that.
Unsure of how to respond, she got up, walked past Kamui, went back inside her room, only to emerged fully dressed back in her usual attire, just to walk pass Kamui once more, put her shoes on, grabbed her umbrella, then inhaling as much air as she could, bellowed out as she ran with her opened umbrella: "I DON'T KNOW YOU ANYMOREEEEE!"
Running as fast as she could, ignoring Kamui's constant calling for her, she continued to run until she finally collapsed in a dense covered forest having finally losing her brother yet suddenly becoming her sister. Catching up on the much needed air, she looked up from the tree she was sitting under, only to see a white rabbit sitting above her, appearing to be asleep. Well, it wasn't exactly a white rabbit. It was a rabbit wearing a familiar black uniform with brown short hair and an even more familiar red sleeping eye wear. Just seeing the bastard got her irritated. Standing up, she suddenly kicked the tree she was under, knocking the white rabbit off and onto the ground. Groaning the rabbit peeled the pad off his eyes and glared at her.
"What was that for China? Can't you see an innocent rabbit taking a nap, doing his job?" Whined the rabbit. "No. All I see is a lazy sadistic bum who clearly isn't doing his job. Why are you dressed that way anyway? And how did you know where the Yato planet was at? Nevermind." Shaking her head, she grumble to herself. "First Kamui, now you. Whatever. I don't have time for this. I got to get back to Gin-chan." Turning her back to the man turn rabbit, Kagura started to head off before she heard grumbling behind her. Not turning around fast enough, she didn't see the rabbit jumping up, or kicking her in the mid back so that she would fall into a giant hole that wasn't there before. "SOUGO! YOU SHITTY SADISTIC BUNNY! WAIT 'TIL I CATCH YOU! I'LL COOK YOU INTO RABBIT STEW YOU NASTY BASTARD! AND THIS DAMN HOLE WASN'T HERE BEFORE! FUCK YOU TOO CHIILING!"
Not wanting Sougo to get the last laugh, she aimed her umbrella at Sougo, shooting the ground beneath his feet so that it collapse underneath him, dragging him down into the hole with her. Pissed, both Kagura and Sougo continued to hit each other until they nearly reached the ground when Kagura grabbed Sou-bunny by his ears and used him as a landing pad.
Landing safely, Kagura congratulated herself on a job well done when Sou-bunny flipped her over and started walking down the hall in front of them. Angry, Kagura got up to follow the rabbit when she came across a room that only had a round table, food and a tiny door but no white-soon-to-be-stained-red rabbit. Not seeing another way put, Kagura headed towards the tiny door, intending to make a bigger door when she heard a voice. Looking around, she finally located the voice to something on the table. Looking down, she saw a pixellated version of Tama. _
Shock to see Tama, she knelt until she could get a better look. "T-Tama... Is that you? Why are you pixellated again? Wait! Are you under attack again?! What virus is it this time?" Still unable to believe that what she was seeing was a pixel Tama, she continued to poke until Tama got fed up and slapped her hand away. "Now now Kagura-san. You must listen. What you are experiencing is called a dream fever."
Blinking owlishly, Kagura just stared at her for a bit. "D-dream...fever? This is all just a dream?" Bending so that she was eye level with the little thing, Tama continued with her explanation. "Yes. Dream fever. This has all occurred because the current fan is writing a story with you as their main character. The only-" Unfortunately for Tama, all Kagura heard was 'you' and 'main character'. Twirling around, Kagura got into character, appearing in a red dress, with a white apron that had a golden string at the waist line, black English school school, white stockings and a black hair band.
With stars in her eyes, Kagura lifted Tama until she was looking at her directly. "Well? What am I suppose to do now? Follow the shitty rabbit right? Well, where is he?" A bit terrified at Kagura's sudden mood change, Tama pointed to the food on the table. "T-the only way to get h-home is to find the food that s-shrinks you. But be careful for-" Feeling the solid footing beneath her feet gone, Tama fell onto the table. Groaning a bit from having it her metal butt, she looked up to see Kagura devouring everything on the table. When Kagura's hand reached for Tama, she ran only to run faster when the hand started to chase her around the table. Upset, Tama did a u-turn and jumped in front of Kagura's face, only to jump out of the way at the last second when Kagura's hand that had followed her hit her square in the face.
Stumbling a bit, Kagura glared at Tama only for her to glare back. "Listen before you start doing something you'll regret you moron!" Since Tama never called Kagura names before, she shut up for a moment to listen to what Tama had to say. "As I was saying before you tried to eat me. Only one of the food on the table will make you shrink down into the right size. Since there is none left because you were greedy, you'll probably bloat and start to get sick before throwing up everything you ate." As Tama spoke, Kagura started feeling the symptoms. The more Tama spoke, the more Kagura bloated until she did end up throwing up. As she threw up, Kagura started to shrink. Now the size of a baby mouse, Kagura started to fall, and realized that she was going to fall in her own vomit. Shaking her head violently, she started screaming, even using her umbrella, hoping it will slow her descent.
"NNOOOO! Anything but that! I don't want to die in my own vomit!" Taking pity on her, Tama decided to help her. Taking in a lot of air, Tama blew as hard as she could, so that Kagura would then land at the door. Feeling relieved, Kagura turned her head. "Thanks Tama! I owe you!" As she headed for the door, Kagura got ready and then kicked it open only to met a violent sea storm. With so much water pouring down, her umbrella wasn't able to support her anymore and she went tumbling down into the sea. Barreling her way to the sea, Kagura prayed hard so anyone to save her. As if her prayers were answered, Kagura saw a boat right under where she was going to land. Crying tears of joys, Kagura called out to any life form in the boat. As she neared the boat, she could start making out details, like how the boat was actually a box and the only lifeforms in the box was a mouse. A person dressed in nothing but mouse ears and, mouse nose and a mouse tail belt. As she actually landed in the box and on the person, she saw that it was actually Hasegawa.
Jerking back, she gave a startle cry of disgust. "Wah! Ew. Why of all people did it have to be you? And why are you a mouse?"
"Ever read 'Alice in the Wonderland'? Yes? Well then, I'm the mouse that hates cats, dogs, sensitive and suppose to cry about the injustice that have occurred in my life because of Gintoki and you all. Anyway, this one time where I-" Tuning him out, Kagura started to piece together things that have already occurred in her dream to the book. Although she only read it once, she very much like the book. thinking back, she clued in that Kamui was her 'big sister', Tama was the 'door' and the sadistic bastard Sougo was the 'white rabbit'. Thinking about the ass got her more agitated and she just randomly punched the closest thing to her, which was unfortunately Hasegawa renamed Mousy-gawa. Not feeling satisfied, she continued to beat him until the reached land, where she then promptly abandoned him. Before she got off the beach, Mousy-gawa gave her a warning.
"Be warn little one. You may be Hideaki Sorachi's character, but this plot belongs to a nut job aka Chiiling and you have to play by her rules. Everyone you meet will be demented and more sadistic than you remember."
"So, they're crazy than usual?" receiving a nod, she headed out into the forest. She may have walked for about a minute or so when she ran into a black blur with white ears. Immediately recognizing who it was, she chased after it. "YOU'RE DEAD SOU-BUNNY!" Mad, Sougo skidded to a halt. "I'M A RABBIT YOU DUMB ASIAN!"
Falling for her trap, Sougo didn't see Kagura as she reached out and grabbed him by his ears, lifting him off the ground. Since a rabbit's ear are their sensitive area, Sougo froze. Laughing evilly, Kagura than began to torture him, stretching his ears, pinching his cheeks and plainly hanging him upside down by his tail. Feeling sick, Sougo tried to cover his mouth but with Kagura waving him back and forth by his tail, he didn't succeed.
"WAAHH! EEWW! That's disgusting you stupid bunny!"
"If you stop shaking me, it wouldn't be problem moron!"
"Who you calling a moron dipshit?!"
"The retard that won't stop shaking a vomiting rabbit asswipe!"
They continued to bicker more until Kagura finally got sick of Sou-bunny throwing up and hoisted him up right, only to tie him to a nearby tree. When he finally got enough senses back, he decided to make a deal with her. "Hey China...I know you want to get back."
"Who said I was trying to get back? I like it here. It's my dream and I can dream whatever I want." Seeing Sougo's smirk did nothing to lighten her mood. "Oh really? Did you know that Chiiling have no intention's of feeding you any food that she didn't plan to "make" herself?" Confused, Kagura didn't understand at first. "Meaning you can't eat unless you finish this story." Shocked by what she was hearing, Kagura started to cry about being starved to death and how Chiiling was an eviler person than Hideaki Sorachi. Seeing an opening, Sougo took it. "You have to go to the queen's castle to finish this story to be able to leave. I'll even help you."
Not believing what she was hearing, she gave Sougo a suspicious glare. "You? Help me? Why?" Sougo gave a glare of his own. "You think I like being a white rabbit, with ears sticking out of my head and a tail poking out of my tailbone?" Seeing his point, she allowed him to continue. "Anyway, I'm going to the castle but I need a few things first. There's a list at my house of what I need. Go get it and the items on the list and I'll take you there." Not convinced, she asked him a question.
"Why can't you get it then? I'll just follow you." Giving her a blank stare, Kagura just registered that she had tied him up. Reaching over to untie him, she was met with an invisible barrier. Raring back, she gasped. "What was that?!" Grinning like a madman, Sougo replied. "That China is the author telling you to get it by yourself. Get going or you'll starve."
Grumbling, she started to walk ahead, checking back to see if he was still there. When she came across a house, she decided that it was Sougo's since it was crappy like he was. Walking inside without knocking, she looked around and saw another table full of food. Not thinking, she ran the buffet and started to eat everything again. With her mouth full, she never notice a pair of eyes staring at her. When she did, she called him over. Scared, the creature obeyed. Seeing who it was, Kagura just shrugged. "So, it's just you Yamazaki. Who are you suppose to be with that dog collar and mo-hawk hairstyle?"
Shuddering, he replied: "I'm Bill, the lizard that works for the White rabbit."
"So, even in my dreams, Sou-bunny is still bullying you huh?" getting a nod, she offered Yamazaki the chicken leg she had in her hand. Turning down the offer, Yamazaki gave a piece of paper that Sougo told him to give Kagura when she arrived. Reading the paper, Kagura dropped all the food she had and clutched her stomach. The paper read:
"By the way China, all the food on my table is poison so don't eat it. And the list is for available spots for cemeteries in Gintama-land. Hope you like one of them." Voiced Sougo from the doorway. Clearly Sougo knew her well. Waving two fingers in a salute manner, Sougo walked off. Gasping in pain, Yamazaki tried to offer comfort when Kagura's body started to grow. She grew so large that when she hit all the walls, she accidentally kicked Yamazaki to the chimney and up he went until he was booted out the house altogether.
Figures the bastard had ulterior motives for helping her. Planning to cut both his ears and feet off, then burning them since there was no way they could bring any type of good luck, she looked around when she noticed that she was above the tree lines when she started to feel queasy again. Giving off a loud burp, Kagura then began to shrink 'til she was the same size she was before. Seeing as how Sou-bunny had tricked her and she booted Yama-Bill to gods know where, she decided to continue traveling through the forest.
Walking in the forest, she was getting tired when she saw two being playing uno. Running up to them, she cam toa dead halt when she saw who it was this time. There in the middle was Katsura with his long black hair, amber eyes, and his usual blue kimono. On the other side of him was Elizabeth, still the strange creature in white, big round eyes, dull beck, flipper slippers and hairy legs. Even more ordinary was that she was dressed in a similar blue kimono, wearing a similar wig to Katsura's hair. She didn't even need to ask to figure out that they were 'Twinkle Dee and Twinkle Dum'. Feeling a undescribable angry, she walked up to them and punched Katsura behind the head, ruining their uno game.
"Wah! Leader, what's wrong?! Why is the first thing you do is punch me? We haven't even-ACK!-" Continuing to punch him, she beat him until she stopped suddenly and turned to the quivering Elizabeth holding a sign that read: scary. "E~liz~a~beth-chan~, do you know where I can find a white bunny wearing black around here? And don't lie or your next." Turning the sign around, it read: no. Feeling the menacing aura from her increasing, he quickly pulled out another sign that said: But the Caterpillar should know where he is. Seemingly pleased with the answer, she begins to walk in the direction Elizabeth pointed at whistling a light tune, giving one last punch to Katsura who was twitching on the ground, bleeding severely.
Reaching a part of the forest with high grass blades, she muscled her way in when she suddenly ran straight into a giant mushroom. Landing on her butt, Kagura looked up and saw a scary sight. There, sitting on the giant mushroom was the old hag Otose, wearing antennas and smoking a pipe, which is usual. The unusual thing was that she was dressed in worm like suit, which strengthen her belief of the hag being the 'caterpillar'. Annoyed, she began to walk away when a sandal hit her from behind.
Mad, Otose decided to cut her scene short. "Take this. It's to make you grow or shrink. Now get out of my sight. I don't like being seem like this." Taking the initiative from the hag, Kagura continued walking, she placed all but one of the pickled seaweed packages in her non-existent pockets, Kagura felt her stomach churning again. Clearly not learning from the past events from eating the food in Gintama-land, she started to grow until she broke the tree lines and came face to face with the front of a boat.
Looking pass the boat, Kagura saw a black-haired perm with round sunglasses. She always knew that he was a bird brain but this was taking the cake. Tied to his face was a bright orange bird beak, fake white paper wings on his back to his arms and rubber brown duck feet, Sakamoto was definitely thinking on another planet's level because he doesn't fit the 'pigeon' image.
Laughing like a crazier madman than Sou-bunny, Sakamoto got his cannons ready and fired at Kagura's face. Pissed that he was shooting at her, she raised her fist and punched both Sakamoto and his boat clear across the sky. Tired of being big, she went back to being regular size. Tired of walking through the forest, she decided to take a break next to a sturdy looking tree. Feeling the non tree-like pressure against her back, she turned and realized that she was leaning against a house. Soon, she was smelling the fresh smell of food and wandered inside through an open window. Going from room to room until she came across the dining room, she saw that it was not empty. Standing there arguing like usual was the stupid prince and his alien butler.
"No old man! She's the cutest thing on the planet! You're just blind!"
"That things far from cute! You're the blind one stupid prince!"
"Did you just call me stupid?! I'll make your life hell old man."
"You already do stupid prince!"
Tired of this scene, Kagura tried to walk away but was stopped by the idiot prince. "Hey, Chinese girl. Where are you going? You haven't paid respect to me, the 'duchess' yet."
"Don't forget me idiot duchess. I may be a cook, but I still deserve more respect than you stupid prince." Clearly intended to start another fight, Kagura backed away when she felt she ran into something. Looking up, Kagura saw one of the most disturbing sights in all of Gintama and Gintama-land. There standing behind her was Catherine, wearing nothing but too small white baby shirt, diapers and a pacifier in her mouth, it was fairly obvious that this strange and ugly creature was supposed to be the 'pet'. Not liking any of the characters introduced in this house, Kagura did what she always do when she finds something unpleasant. She punched the living day lights out of it.
Beating them until she was satisfied that they would not be recognizable by either Hideaki Sorachi or Chiiling, she left the house and made her way towards the next set of character that were bound to show up in the story line. Since in the never ending forest, she ran into Tsukiyo.
"Oi, Tsu-neko-nee, why are you dressed like that?"
"Chiiling wanted to add me but didn't know how so she made me the 'Cheshire cat'. Couldn't you tell? I'm wearing a purple pinkish stripped cat tail with matching ears and my kimono's the same." Twirling to show Kagura her tail, she was indeed the Cheshire cat, only in human form and with a scar running on her forehead and under her eye while smoking a pipe and carrying deadly ninja weapons. Seeing as how she was getting nowhere since she didn't remember or actually read the entire book, she asked: "Hey hey Tsu-neko-nee, do you know what happens next? I didn't read the rest of the book."
"Well, you're going to have to meet the crazy hatter, the nutjob queen and eventually be killed but-"
"What was that? Killed?"
"But I'll lead you to-" "Don't ignore me!" "the 'March Hare's' home so you'll at least see the other Yorozuya members."
"Gin-chan and Shinpachi are here too? What about Sadaharu?"
"They're all there. Come on, I'll show you." Leading Kagura towards where the rest of the Yorozuya are, she left her there, warning her that when she meets the queen, to beware. Walking in, she sees a long table full of food once again but time, see learned her lesson.
"Excuse me, but is this soon poison like all the others?!"
"No stupid. As if I'll poison my own sweets." Turning around, she saw Gintoki, dressed not as the 'mad hatter' but as Gintoki usually do, with his black short sleeves suit, black boots and summer kimono. "Gin-chan, why aren't you dressed weirdly?"
"Chiiling thought it'll take too much effort to draw me in different clothing so we got stuck in our regular clothes. Beside, she did give me a hat at least to look the part." Placing the weird-looking hat on his head, Gintoki turned around to allow Shinpachi into the scene. "And she made Shinpachi-kun here the 'march hare'. Exactly the same only with bunny ears." Awed by what she was seeing, she turned when she heard a bark, only to back away. Behind her was Sadaharu as the 'dormouse' wearing fake Mickey Mouse ears and a fake rat's nose. All in all, he looked weird.
"NNOOO! SADAHARU! WHAT HAS THAT DEMON DONE TO YOU?!" Tears in her eyes, she turned to face Gintoki so averted his eyes. "Apparently she wanted Sadaharu to look creepy. She succeeded right?"
"WHO CARES ABOUT WHAT SHE WANTS?! LOOK WHAT'S SHE DONE TO MY POOR SWEET SADAHARU!"
"That's the point Kagura-chan." Glaring as hard as she could, Gintoki turned around until he was face to face with Shinpachi. "Anyway, since we're at the Shimura's dojo, let's eat!"
"Wait Gin-san! Ni-san and I don't have enough to pay for your big mouth and that bottomless pit!"
"What?! Why don't you have enough? Don't your sister have a job? And you! Don't you get paid?" "Paid? What pay?! You don't pay me in the real world and you damn as hell don't pay me in a dream world either!" bickering back and forth, they did not see Kagura as she went to the kotetsu and hoped herself to whatever snacks that where there.
When she had her full, she left the still bickering duo and sleeping dog-mouse and made her way through a part of the forest that had thick trees. Though the trees are not out of the ordinary, it was the signs attached to them that was strange. The signs had no particular meaning to them but the words 'this way', it was pointed in different directions, some pointing to the sky and others at the ground. One tree on the other hand did manage to draw in her attention. This tree unlike the others had an awfully strange face that Kagura once saw in the beginning of Gintama-land. Walking closer, she confirmed that it was indeed Tama once more. "Tama, what are you doing here? I thought you were at the beginning of this crazy dream?"
"I am here as the gateway to help you arrive at any destination she chooses." Tilting her head to the side, Kagura asked, "She? She who?" Then as if realizing her foolish question, she shook her head. Of course Chiiling would make Tama the 'gateway'. It was the easiest way for Chiiling to make her go from one place to another without typing so much. "Ok. Clearly Chiiling is getting tired of writing this story so can you take me to the ending already Door-Tama?" Shaking her head, Tama replied, "I'm afraid I can't. Chiiling is determined to at least put in all the events that happened in Lewis Carroll's version and some of Disney's version as well. Until then, I can not take you home, but I can take you to the queen's castle."
"Well then, what's left after the Queen's castle?"
"It is the trial, meeting the 'Knave', 'Gryphon' and the 'Mock Turtle'. After that, you may return home."
"Yataah!" Extremely please with what she was hearing, Kagura followed Door-Tama through the door she opened, leading towards the Queen's castle. Now inside the Queen's garden, or more precisely her work area, she saw the Mimawarigumi dressed in what she can only assume was the card solders' cosplay. Walking up to them, she saw them trying to fill in empty liquor bottles with something. "What are you doing?" asked Kagura, catching the Mimawarigumi's' by surprise. "We are filling the Dom Pérignon with tequila."
"Why are you filling them up with tequila?"
"We had a party earlier to celebrate our elite-ness but we did it without the queen knowing and now she wants to entertain the king with Dom Pérignon. But since there is no more, we have to fill them with tequila and hope the queen doesn't discover our treachery." Unknown to them, as they were speaking, they never saw a shadow looming over them until it was too late. "Oh? Such treachery is afoot in my workplace. Perhaps you all need a reminder of who's queen here?"
As the 'Red Queen' spoke, Kagura eyes grew huge until she jumped up for joy and hugged the queen around her waist. "Yatah, it's you boss! I didn't know you were the queen. If I did, I would have come earlier Otae-nee-san." Returning the hug, Otae went back to glaring daggers at the Mimawarigumi. "I want does bottle filled with real Dom Pérignon and then refill the tequila with real tequila and then I want you to go out and restock the entire cabaret with your own pay kapish?" threatened Otae. Catching the hint, they scramble to get their orders done. Satisfied that they were doing what they were suppose to, she turned her attention to Kagura. "Since we have free time, why don't you come join me and Kyuu-chan?"
"Kyuu-chan is here too?"
"Yup. She the 'Red King'. See, here you comes now with Tojo."
"Tojo's in my dream too?"
"Unfortunately yes since he stalks Kyuu-chan everywhere. Lucky Chilling didn't make him an important person so he's also a card soldier." Just as Otae finish explaining, Kyuubei and Tojo arrived next to them. Happy to see another female face, Kagura gave her a hug while Kyuubei punched Tojo in the face when he started to complain about 'hugging the young master'. Clapping her hands together, Otae manage to get everyone's attention. "Now that we're altogether let's play a game."
"What kind of game Queen-nee-san?" Grinning evilly, Otae just smirked. "One that I know you'll enjoy." Suddenly pulling a chain out of nowhere, Kagura saw that at the end of the chain was both Sa-chan-san and Sou-bunny. She could understand why Sou-bunny was chained but not Sa-chan-san. Look up, she gazed at Otae, hoping for further elaboration. "She stalked into your dreams to follow Gin-san or the 'mad hatter' but landed here. So I figured I'll put her to use with Sougo-kun here. Not really anyone important but they do make a wonderful torture pair if I do say so myself. Now everyone, let's play Jan-ken pon."
Excited, everyone gathered around the table and were about to play when something suddenly dropped from the ceiling. After the dust cleared way, they saw that it was also Kondo that had probably snuck into Gintama-land, intending to stalk Otae. Pissed and disgusted, Otae put on her 'business' face before she went and kicked, more like stomp him on the balls. Clutching hi private part, he saw Otae dial some number. "Yes, animal control? I have a gorilla on the loose and I need it put down. Yes yes, the Mimawarigumi will do. Thank you." No sooner than she closed her phone did walls left and right start exploding. Outmatched and out-men, the smartest choice would have been to run but Kondo just smirk.
Otae-san, though I love you so, I predicted this would happen. And as such, I the 'knave' came ready. Behold, meet the 'gryphon' and our 'mock turtle'!" Suddenly the Mimawarigumi were surrounded by the 'mock turtle' or the Shinsengumi. A voice could be heard at the entrance of the cabaret. Standing there in his black uniform and a turtle shell backpack was Hijikata. Blowing out a puff of smoke from his cigarette, he said, "Though we have nothing against you Otae-san, Kondo-san is still the Shinsengumi's leader and as such, we are to follow his orders. Since Chiiling has finally got fed up with this story, she's going to sum everything up as fast as she can. Thanks to Yama-Bill, we now where the comman-I mean our knave is at so we came to retrieve him. I'm the 'gryphon' and you've just been betrayed by your 'white rabbit'. Now, surrender quickly so we can go home and-"
Another explosion but this time from behind Hijikata, sending him flying through the air. "My my Hijikata-kun. A little hasty aren't we now. Don't tell me you forgot about us now?" Standing on the other side of the newly formed hole in the wall were all the characters Chiiling is too lazy to mention individually so they just got lumped together. Though for comic relief purposes, Katsura stood out. Suddenly, the entire Mimawarigumi and Shinsengumi were aiming whatever weapons they had at them. "Katsura, you're under arrest!" hollered out both parties.
"Zura you asshole! Why did you come out?! You're a wanted criminal moron!"
"It's not Zura, it's Katsu-RRRAAAAA!" The third-party was being bombed left and right to the point that it just became an all out war. Everyone was hitting anyone that was anyone. Kagura stayed back, way from all the mayhem. Feeling tired, Kagura decided to just take a nap in her seat. Before long, she had drifted off again.
Waking up with a start, Kagura wuickly look in her surroundings. Relieved that she was back in Gin-chan's room, she flopped back down. Hearing the door bell ring, she hollered out for Gin-chan and Shinpachi to get the door. When the doorbell continued to ring, she got up to answer it. "Yeah yeah, I'm coming. Hello, we're the Yorozu-ya...AAHHH!" There standing at her front door was Kamui and once again he was wearing dress.
Waking up with another start, Kagura took in Ginoki's and Shinpachi's startle form, as well as Sadaharu's. Unsure of what was happening, Shinpachi reached our to push Kagura back down onto the futon.
"Now now Kagura-chan. It's okay. Whatever it was, it was a dream ok?"
"A dream?" Nodding his head, Shinpachi continued. "Rest a bit more okay. We'll wake you when it's time for you to eat." Taking his word, Kagura drifted back to sleep, never realizing that the sliding door above her head was gone, Sadaharu was smoking or Gintoki's and Shinpachi's rugged looks. When it looked like Kagura was asleep, all three released a breath of relief.
"Finally! I didn't now how much longer we come keep this up. A bit more and she would have seen the house in ruins." Scolding , Gintoki frowned. "Let her. It's her fault to begin with. No one told her to get up and start acting like she's part of 'Alice in Wonderland'. Jesus, that kid ran all around Kabuki district, destroying things in her dream. Luckily, we managed to get her home before she destroyed anymore things." As if on cue, the other cast members that were playing a role in 'Kagura in Gintama-land' suddenly came up and started yelling random things. "Damn you Yorozuya! Control that damn girl of yours. She nearly killed us all with her delusions!"
"What?! You rather have her dream of 'Cinderella' or 'The Little Mermaid'?" Continuing to bicker, they noticed to late that Kagura was once more awake, or at the very least half conscious. Suddenly, she yelled out "Kagurella!" followed by a "The Little Kagura!" Unfortunately for all of them, nothing could be heard in the Kabuki district but the loud ringing of "NNNNOOOOOOO!" from everyone as Kagura began chasing them down, once more filled with dreams.
This is a one shot. I got lazy by the time the duchess and cook came in so it's a little less than what I wanted. Though all in all, I'm pleased with myself. Reviews and comments are welcome. Please excuse any missing information and misspelled words, misused grammar and punctuation. Thank You.