Hi. I wrote this story a really long time ago, but it was bad. Well, it's still bad, because it's a mindless drabble and I didn't use any capitalization. I thought it was cool back then, to not use capitalization. Anyways, I redid it, and it's slightly better, so now I am reposting it so. YAY. Rated for the pairing (well…) and the swearing.
there is no connection between what zidane thinks and what zidane says.
zidane thinks, "oh, for the love of the gods, kuja. let my friends go and this can all be over with. maybe when they're not paying attention we can find an inn and hold each other through nights of men steadily hammering buildings back together, in one of the towns your beloved bahamut destroyed. it's all right, kuja. i forgive you."
he says instead, "you rat bastard! where are all my friends?"
zidane thinks, "you're not really a rat bastard, kuja. but i want to save the world too, and we both can't have everything we want. if you would just stop destroying each and every city, things would be-
he says instead, "kuja! you're dead!"
zidane bites his tongue and silently decides, "i must find a better way to express my feelings."
zidane walks through the door, wondering why he's leaving a frog to take care of his friends, how could that possibly be a good idea? he walks to the black mage, through the portal, right into kuja's-
bedroom.
zidane catches kuja's glance and feels inclined to have his guard up, but he is actually becoming interested in kuja's bed. zidane wonders what it would be like to get into bed with kuja, to press up against him and to forget about all of this.
kuja talks about the gulug stone. zidane thinks about the inn.
zidane still thinks about it as his group trudges through oelivert. he thinks of it while he mindlessly spews forth flirtations and romantic insinuations for dagger, not quite sure while he still maintains the facade of being such a ladies' man when he really has it in for another male.
the final battle comes, and zidane is still thinking about the inn. attack after attack, zidane wonders what would happen if he simply put his sword down and ran his hands through kuja's feathery hair. ah, kuja is gorgeous even after the final blow, with blood on his face and his body. zidane wants to cry for what he has done to kuja, but there isn't any time.
somehow, there's always more work to be done.
necron falls, and zidane still thinks of kuja. he informs his friends that he is going to look for kuja despite their adverse sentiments.
"You're making a big mistake!" says Steiner. And "If it weren't for you, I probably would have led a meaningless life-" says dagger.
somehow, zidane cannot bring himself to care. so he instead watches as the hilde garde flies away with dagger in tow. he can see her crying, even from many miles above him.
and all he thinks about, is the inn.
the iifa tree is about ready to collapse, but zidane plunges in anyway, kuja's name pounding in the back of his head over and over, as if it is the only thing that truly matters, now. the pounding only subsides when he actually does find kuja.
kuja murmurs something about not being able to understand zidane. zidane doesn't really listen, he's just happy to have found kuja. shocks of exhilaration pulse through his body as he lifts kuja upwards and towards him. he will carry kuja all the way out, to safety.
"what are you doing here? i thought i told you to go..." kuja says, consciousness coming and going as his final moments lay quietly ahead.
zidane is about to say something uncaring, and maybe even scathing. he could say something that wouldn't give way to how he was feeling, or something that was, ultimately, a lie. but zidane decides to be truthful now, and speak what he is thinking.
"i'm taking you to an inn, maybe in lindblum. could you fall asleep to the sound of hammers, kuja?"
kuja dies quietly in zidane's arms just after zidane sets foot outside the iifa tree. seconds before, zidane considers telling kuja that he loves him, but again fails to say what he thinks.
he says instead, "we're getting really close to that inn, kuja."