A/N: Lots of people seem to think Bellatrix was born evil. There are a lot of fics about her torturing animals at the age of five, using the Cruciatus curse when she's ten and murdering someone at fifteen. But what if she started out as a perfectly ordinary child? What changed her so much? That's what this story is about.
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns most of the characters, and lyrics belong to Evanescence's "Field of Innocence".
Field of Innocence
I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now.
"Only one more year."
Little Bellatrix Black looked up curiously.
"One year 'til what?" she asked, one eyebrow raised inquisitively as she turned to see if her sister had any idea what their cousin was talking about. Andromeda merely shrugged, her brown eyes full of laughter.
"Until we get our letter, of course." Sirius grinned cockily, flicking his black hair away from his equally dark eyes. "Our letter from Hogwarts."
The Black children, more specifically Bellatrix, Andromeda and their little sister Narcissa, along with their cousins Sirius and Regulus, were all sitting together in a corner of the crowded ballroom, keeping themselves to themselves. Family gatherings were a fine occasion for the adults to gossip about the latest happenings, or boast of the large amount of money they were all making, but the children felt there were many things they could be doing instead of being forced to sit quietly, wearing their best and uncomfortable clothes and smiling at anyone who so much as looked in their general direction.
"Hogwarts." Bellatrix repeated, "And are you looking forward to going, Sirius?" She shot Sirius a knowing look as she spoke, wondering if he was going to openly admit he couldn't wait to leave his family. Everybody knew Sirius and his parents argued constantly.
"Of course," the good-looking boy replied, surprised. He glanced around to make sure no-one was eavesdropping on their conversation. "To tell the truth, I honestly can't wait to get out of here." he quietly told his pretty cousin, leaning toward her a little.
Someone tugged the sleeve of Bellatrix's black frock.
"I'm getting my dress dirty, Bella." Narcissa lisped, her blue eyes wide with alarm. Her long blonde hair, tied back with a ribbon, was coming loose, and she looked distinctly ruffled. Dark Bellatrix looked unconcerned, but Andromeda patted her knees, gesturing for Narcissa to sit on them. The blonde did so with a small cry of pleasure, leaving Regulus on the floor. As the youngest, the two had had to make do with the ground while their siblings occupied wooden chairs.
"You wouldn't get into so much trouble with Auntie Walburga if you just did what you're told sometimes." Andromeda said, pulling the ribbon from her younger sister's hair and freeing her curly locks, "I mean, I know she's not the easiest person to live with, but she would be so proud of you if you just gave her a reason to be."
Sirius shook his head, still grinning.
"Don't worry, Sirius, you'll get your chance next year. She'll probably throw a party when you get Sorted into Slytherin." laughed Bellatrix humorlessly.
"Oh, I'm sure of it. She keeps saying I don't have the spine to get into Slytherin, I can only imagine how relieved she'll be when I finally make it."
"Even if you don't have the spine, you have the blood." Bellatrix decided, "That's more than enough. No-one can say a Black isn't worthy of being a Slytherin. It's our birthright."
"Not for Great- great-Uncle Marius, it wasn't," Regulus said suddenly, "He was Sorted into Hufflepuff, and his father...-"
"Blasted him off the tapestry?" Andromeda and Bellatrix suggested simultaneously.
"Exactly." agreed Regulus.
"Bella?"
Bellatrix jumped. She'd been staring into the mirror, lost in thought. Her first year at Hogwarts loomed over her, it was almost time, time for her to leave her home and childhood behind. She was certain of being Sorted into Slytherin, but a flock of what-ifs was flapping inside her head. What if she didn't make it? Would her parents be very upset? Would she lose her status, the respect of her sisters, the reverence of her father?
Now the little girl shook her head as if to clear it, hastily looked away from her reflection and turned her attention to her younger sister. The seven-year-old had a white nightdress on, and her hair looked like it had just been combed, the way it tumbled in neat curls over her shoulders. With her pale skin and sweet, yet haunting eyes, she looked like a little ghost.
"What do you want?"
The blonde said nothing, simply watched Bellatrix get into bed, then ran to her and scrambled hurriedly under the covers next to her. Bellatrix was, obviously, not pleased.
"Cissy! Get out." she ordered. "Your feet are freezing! Have you been going about barefoot again? I thought I told you to stop it."
Narcissa drew her knees up to her chin and reached a hand out to hug her older sister. Bellatrix wasn't having any of that; she wriggled away and wrinkled her nose in disgust. Though she loved her sisters dearly, she disliked physical contact with them. When they attempted to hug her, Bellatrix clammed up, struggled to get away, sometimes pushed them back. Displays of affection suffocated her, she could not stand them, and she never gave any herself; they were a sign of weakness, rendered her vulnerable. Narcissa and Andromeda, Bellatrix knew meant no harm, but she couldn't rid herself of the infernal conviction that cuddles and kisses and presents were a pathetic, cheap way to demonstrate love. Her sisters knew she cared for them, and that was more important than anything- her love did not need to be accompanied by hugs. Hugs, that could easily conceal the absence of any real feeling.
Bellatrix did not want fake love.
"Cissy." she scowled, exasperated. "What do you want?"
The child's lips trembled. She resembled one of those porcelain dolls, smooth, white, unblemished, wide blue eyes open and unblinking, sitting silently on shelves till the dust got to them and they had to be thrown out. Bellatrix remembered having had a doll like that- beautiful, expensive, a Christmas present from her parents. How happy she'd been when she saw it! It looked so real, a real girl, her little baby. Not blonde, brunette, long hair tied in pigtails. Little five-year-old Bellatrix called her Callisto.
The next day, Mrs. Black had taken Callisto and placed her securely in a glass cabinet in her daughter's room, locking her away, lest Bellatrix broke her or got tugs into the beautiful brown tresses. Bellatrix wasn't allowed to play with Callisto again, only to look at her; and she had looked and looked till her eyes ached, sitting on the floor of her bedroom and staring longingly up at her doll, her baby. Three years later, Auntie Walburga had given her a horrible replacement, with a mop of wild, frizzy red hair and icy blue eyes that seemed to follow Bellatrix wherever she went. How she had loathed the doll - and loathed Walburga for giving it to her. Mrs. Black had been all smiles, of course, thanking her cousin on Bella's behalf (for she had refused to say a word), and that evening, when eight-year-old Bellatrix walked into her room, instead of Callisto's warm, familiar gaze she was confronted with Matilde's freezing stare.
A tantrum had followed, one of the worst the Black household had ever seen coming from Bellatrix. She'd screamed, ripped the curtains, cracked the mirror in her bedroom, upturned the bedside table, thrown her books down the stairs and even kicked the cat, breaking one of its legs. Then, while she was sitting on her bed, red in the face and howling, the door had softly opened and Andromeda crept in, cradling something. She had been reluctant to go near her sister, who was wild and unpredictable when angered, but had overcome her fear and gently given Bellatrix her baby before leaving the way she'd come. Bellatrix had looked down at the object and realized it was her beloved doll...but how different to the one she loved! It was quite obvious it had been thrown out with the rubbish.
A crack ran down the right side of Callisto's face: her hair was clumped together and sticky, there were dark stains on her pretty scarlet dress and she was missing a hand. Bellatrix had to admit she was quite frightening to look at now. All feelings of affection vanished suddenly. What she was looking at wasn't her baby any longer. Her baby, her child, was a sweet, pretty thing with a warm tawny gaze. The accusing, mad glare of the doll's dark eyes looked nothing like the patient, understanding look that had been characteristic of Callisto's own. Callisto didn't exist anymore, and Bellatrix understood that.
She opened the window, gave the doll a last long, searching stare, then held it out to the sky. It looked as though she were offering it to the heavens. But its appropriate place was Hell.
When Bellatrix let go, the ruined doll didn't fly up to the sky. It seemed to hang for a moment, then fell. The last thing little Bella heard before closing the window was the sound of it smashing on the ground.
"Why are Mudbloods bad?" Narcissa whispered, interrupting Bellatrix's reminiscences. Bellatrix sat up straight. She didn't particularly want to explain it all to her kid sister, but then again, no-one was too young to understand how important purity of blood was. Andromeda was usually better at this kind of thing, but Bella's contempt for Mudbloods urged her to put Cissy on guard against the people whose blood was tainted and filthy.
"Listen to me." she ordered, looking straight into Narcissa's trusting blue eyes, "Tojours Pur. Do you know what that means, Cissy?"
"Always pure." The child replied automatically, as though she had been asked this many times before.
"Exactly. Always pure." said Bellatrix, "Our family was pure from the very beginning, Cissy, and we go back hundreds and hundreds of years, you saw it on the tapestry in Sirius' house. We're related to almost every pureblood family out there: think of our second cousins, they're Crouch and Longbottom.Great-great-uncle was a Yaxley, if you look carefully you'll find the Burkes on the tapestry too- and that's only the last hundred years, I'm not tall enough to see what other families married into ours before that. So you see, since we purebloods worked hard to be worthy of using magic, we deserve more respect than common half-bloods, don't you agree? You and me too, we're going to marry respectable pure-bloods one day - it's like a race, Cissy, to see who can get the oldest, purest family to bond with ours. If you win, everyone respects you. If you lose, like Great-great-aunt Cedrella, who married a blood traitor..." She chuckled. "You get blasted off the tapestry. It'll be like you never even existed, and you don't want that, do you?"
"Anyway, mudbloods aren't like us. Some of them have had no magic in the family for generations, they don't even know about the existence of our world till they get their letter from Hogwarts! They come to our school, the school for wizards and witches, and think they're equal to us, think they can be our friends or even our superiors in some cases. Think, a person with no real history ordering about Blacks!" Bellatrix was going red in the face, her face contorted with anger. She grabbed her sister's shoulders and shook her slightly. "We're special! Mudbloods are Muggles attempting to steal our magic, they can be trusted on no account! Accepting Mudbloods is the first step to accepting Muggles...no, it's the same thing! Would you want to have anything at all to do with Muggles, Cissy, people who wouldn't respect your blood and family even if they knew how important they were?"
Narcissa didn't look convinced yet. Bellatrix sighed and let go of her, continuing in a low voice. "All pure-bloods are related in some way or another, remember that, Cissy. So every time you're dealing with one, think of them as family. If you had to choose between saving Andi and saving a complete stranger, you would pick Andi, wouldn't you?" Narcissa nodded quickly. "It's the same thing. Family comes first, so pure-bloods come first, everyone else later. We pure-bloods understand one another, but we have a couple of rules to follow. One of them is, don't talk to Mudbloods. Follow the rules, Cissy, and you'll always be on top."
The little blonde nodded and smiled. "So you, me and Andi are having a race to see who marries the best pure-blood?"
Bellatrix nodded, the corners of her mouth twitching.
"So if I win, it means I'm the best?"
"That's right. If you win, you'll be like the eldest sister and you'll be allowed to boss me and Andi about. Now go to bed, I'm tired."
Narcissa did as she was told, jumping out of her sister's bed and scampering across the room. Bellatrix's dark brown eyes followed her and only then did she notice Andromeda standing in the doorway.
"How long have you been there?" she enquired haughtily.
"Long enough to know I'm going to win this race. And by the way, nice speech, very heartfelt." the brown-haired girl replied playfully.
Bellatrix snorted, ignoring the compliment. "I'm the eldest. I'm going to marry first, which means I get to pick the best of the best."
"With that temper of yours, I wonder if anyone would want to be picked!"
"There is virtually no way anyone could refuse me. You're just jealous."
"Am I now?" Andromeda's eyes twinkled. "Okay, we're going to place a bet."
"What?"
"I bet I'm going to win. If I do, I want...I want you to give me those dress robes Mother bought you last week."
"They'll be old and shabby by the time you marry, dummy." Bellatrix said scornfully.
"Oh, that's right!" Andromeda exclaimed, "Then I want you to buy my pure-blood child a really beautiful set of robes. And you'll have them delivered with a note, written by you, which begs me to humbly accept your apology, and that clearly stated I'm the best out of us three." A moment later she added hurriedly, "Also, your child will be my child's servant."
"Deal." Bellatrix's eyes, so similar to Andromeda's except for their darker, more dangerous hue, flashed. "What a waste, to ask for robes. If I win...I'll...I'll..."
Her sister smirked. "Having trouble thinking of something you want and don't already have?"
"No, stupid." retorted Bellatrix. "I have to think about it. I'm not wasting my prize asking for robes."
The sisters stared at each other for a moment. On one side, little nine-year-old Andromeda, with tousled, thick, chestnut-colored hair that reached her shoulders, her hazel eyes sparkling with mischief and playfulness. On the other, ten-year-old Bellatrix, her hair wavy like Andromeda's, but darker, a deep, mahogany brown, and eyes of the same shade where mischief was accompanied by something stronger than playfulness...pride.
Then they looked away, and bade each other goodnight. Andromeda returned to her room, and Bellatrix curled up under the covers. So sure she was of winning, she didn't spare the bet another moment's thought.
The narrow, cobbled street was as usual buzzing with activity. Witches and wizards were everywhere, buying robes, wands, cauldrons, spell books for their children.
Because September was nearing, students of Hogwarts abounded. You could see them in Madam Malkin's trying on their uniform, in Flourish and Blotts poring over their book list, and in the Post Office, checking how much an owl to Hogwarts and back cost.
Diagon Alley was the Black sisters' favorite place to visit, because there they all found what they liked. Narcissa usually dragged her mother over to the dress robes in Madam Malkin's and spent as much time as she could trying to weedle Mrs. Black into actually buying her a set.
Bellatrix and Andromeda stuck with their father and peered excitedly into Quality Quidditch Supplies to see the newest broom model, currently the Swiftstick 00.
"Isn't it beautiful." Andromeda muttered, pressing her nose to the glass. Bellatrix stood back, eyeing the Swiftstick critically, arms folded.
"I don't know...it's not even a racing broom, is it." she stated, "The Cleansweep still leads the market there. And if you can't play on it, why would you even want the Swiftstick?"
"That's exactly what I always wonder." a voice said. "But you're wrong about the Cleansweep. It's the Comet 190 that's leading the market, and the new 200 is due out next year."
The sisters both turned to look at the stranger. It was a boy about their age, only an inch or two taller than Bellatrix, with short brown hair and piercing blue eyes. He had an air of self-sufficiency and was looking expectantly at the dark-haired Black, waiting for her to say something.
Bellatrix forced a laugh and looked the boy up and down.
"A Comet supporter, I see." she sneered, "I'll let you know the best broom at the moment is the Cleansweep Five, and if the Comet Trading Company thinks their Comet 200 can surpass it, it's in for a big disappointment. The Holyhead Harpies all fly on Cleansweep Fives and they won against the Montrose Magpies, who use Comets. What was the result, four hundred and twenty to sixty?"
"Four hundred and ten to sixty." the dark-haired boy replied smoothly, "I can see you know quite a lot about brooms, but I'm going to have to remind you England decided to mount Comets instead of Cleansweeps because they turn easily and are simpler to handle. Not to mention the balance is almost perfect." He smirked.
Bellatrix put her hands on her hips and replied hotly. "Exactly, and England lost to France!"
"Because the referee was French, surprise surprise."
"That's what the Comet Trading Company says! I say England would have won if they had chosen the Cleansweep."
She stood there, glowering at the boy who seemed to be suppressing a smile. When he held out his hand, Bellatrix blinked.
"Pleased to meet you. I'm Rodolphus Lestrange."
"Bellatrix Black." she said grudgingly, reaching out and grasping it, "And this is my sister Andromeda."
"Black!" Rodolphus' eyes glinted. He turned to Andromeda. "Glad to make your acquaintance. So you're here to buy your Hogwarts stuff?"
Andromeda went red as she took the handsome boy's hand and shook it. "N-no. We're not old enough to go yet. Bella will go next year, and I will the year after that."
Rodolphus looked a little disappointed. "Ah, there I was, thinking I was going to have the pleasure of your company on the train. I'll look out for you next year, then." he told Bellatrix. "Oh, and my brother will be coming when you do, Andromeda. He's a bit shy, but you look like a nice girl. You'll look after him for me, won't you? He'll find Slytherin a bit of a trial."
Andromeda's face was now red as a tomato's and she looked reluctant to speak. Eventually she mustered up the courage to reply.
"How do you know I'm going to be in Slytherin with you? How do you even know you're going to be in Slytherin?"
Bellatrix guffawed and Rodolphus smiled indulgently.
"A Black such as yourself could hardly be Sorted into any House other than Slytherin," he explained with amusement, "And I think we can safely say the same goes for me and my brother. We're Lestranges, after all."
Andromeda looked blank.
"Pure-bloods, idiot!" Bellatrix hissed, looking smug. Rodolphus' smile widened and he was about to say something when a man, undoubtedly his father, came over and grasped his shoulder, an unpleasant look on his face.
"We're running late, Rodolphus." he said to his son in a deep voice, staring all the while at Bellatrix and Andromeda, "Who are they?"
"The Black girls." Rodolphus told him with a touch of pride, "Bellatrix and Andromeda Black."
The man leaned forward and peered at the two sisters, his hostile expression suddenly replaced by a wide smile.
"Why, so it is!" he cried, "Haven't seen you since you were about five," he indicated Bellatrix. "And you, you were tiny, still playing with stuffed toys." he looked at Andromeda.
"She still does." Bellatrix put in maliciously, laughing. Andromeda blinked and looked down.
"So where's your father, girls?" Mr. Lestrange asked jovially, "Lucky I bumped into you, I need to have a long chat with old Cygnus. Of course we meet every two weeks, him and me and the rest of us, but unlike the others your dad doesn't show up more than is strictly necessary, so he's not always up to date with recent events."
"He's in there." whispered Andromeda, pointing to the apothecary across the road. As she spoke Cygnus walked out of the shop. He noticed them immediately, but his attention seemed to be focused on Mr. Lestrange alone. As he stood dithering, Rodolphus' father raised a hand and called, "Good day, old chap! Tomorrow, same time, same place!" He smiled again at Bellatrix and Andromeda, then said, "Rodolphus and I will be off. I expect we'll see you on the platform, shall we?"
"What platform?" Andromeda asked, looking confused. Bellatrix shunted her aside and offered an apologetic smile.
"We're not old enough to go to Hogwarts yet." she explained, "But I'm going to be on the platform next year, Mr. Lestrange."
"Ah, not old enough..." The man repeated, "Well, nevermind, Hogwarts isn't going to run away." He patted his son on the back and murmured, "Off we go."
"See you soon then, Bellatrix." Rodolphus grinned. A second later he added hurriedly, "And you, Andromeda. Now we've met you, I'm sure Dad's going to invite you to the Christmas ball we usually host."
Bellatrix nodded. She knew about the Lestranges' Christmas ball, her parents went every year. She and her sisters had never been invited, probably because Mr. and Mrs. Lestrange thought they were nothing more than kids. The dark-haired girl felt a twinge of annoyance and resolved to show everyone at that ball that neither she, nor Andromeda, nor Narcissa were babies.
As Cygnus Black crossed the street to join his daughters, the sisters stared after the departing Lestranges.
"Who do you think he meant by 'the rest of us'?" asked Bellatrix.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe his and Dad's friends?" Andromeda snapped, "Or maybe not, maybe Dad is part of some secret society and we've only just found out."
She turned and stalked toward her father, leaving Bellatrix to stare after her. A moment later she had her younger sister by the arm and was trying to hold her back.
"Andi! Are you angry?" Bellatrix said with a puzzled frown, "What is it?"
"Oh, I don't know!" Andromeda snarled, "You did nothing wrong, I'm sure, except humiliate me in front of Rodolphus and his father! First with the brooms, then with the Slytherin thing, then the platform! What platform? I don't know anything about any platform!"
"The platform the train leaves from, the train to Hogwarts!" Bellatrix laughed, relieved to know she hadn't really done anything to upset her sister, she was just getting agitated over nothing important. "Calm down, Andi. I was just trying not to let you pass as a fool."
"Seems to me you were doing the opposite." said Andromeda, sighting their mother and Narcissa coming toward them, "Just leave me alone, Bella."
Next Chapter: Just like Rodolphus promised, Bellatrix and her sisters are invited to the Lestranges' Christmas Ball.