a/n: Everyone's favorite bad boy is organizing a public event in NLA. Commander Vandham is understandably skeptical.

Short and pointless. Hard swears. Ye olde Ch. 5 + xeno spoilers.

All the good things belong to Monolith Soft.

His head full of plans as he walked down Melville Drive in the Commercial Section, Frye found his path suddenly blocked by a figure almost as broad as it was tall. "Hey, boss man!" he greeted the Commander cheerfully.

Vandham didn't waste a greeting on Frye. "What's this I hear about you organizing an all-species ice cream eating contest?"

Frye grinned his wolf's grin and rattled off the details he'd been reviewing a moment ago. "You got it, boss. This Friday, Sunshine Cafe, a representative for each group, eating their hearts out. The Wrothians still haven't decided on their champion, but they're working on it. I'm not sure what hand-to-hand combat has to do with the ability to eat ice cream, but I'm not arguing with them." He scratched his jaw carefully. Last time he'd argued with a Wrothian, he'd ended up needing three new teeth. "Otherwise the participant list is locked and the sponsors are ready. Both Sakuraba and Candid & Credible stepped up."

"What do arms manufacturers have to do with ice cream?"

"Dunno. Maybe they want the exposure, maybe they've got some anti-anti-thermal gear they want to showcase. Doesn't matter to me."

"What's the catch?"

"Huh?" Frye opened his blue eyes wide and tried to look as innocent as his baby brother. It was a rank failure.

Vandham glowered. "The industrialists wanting some good will, I can buy that. You have an angle, boy, and I want to know what it is."

No one had called Frye "boy" for a while. He had to grin even wider. "I'm in it for the laughs, Commander. Watching aliens get brain freeze has got to be something else."

"I heard there were bets being placed," the commander said darkly. "The ECP keeps an eye on that. People have gotten hurt in the past."

"Oh, so that's what got your tank top in a twist." Frye nodded in understanding. "The Nopon are already on it."

"Fucking Nopon mafia," Vandham growled.

"The official guilds are handling it," Frye reassured the larger man. "They got fixed bookies with published odds and payouts. Contracts, complicated ones. They needed me to sign a leaf or something."

Vandham sighed. "This is the dumbest thing. What must our allies think of us?"

"They're loving it! The Nopon are in for any kind of food, including stuff straight out of a trash can, and the Ma-non aren't far behind. C&C is providing pizza flavored sherbet."

"But the other allies..."

"Wrothians and Prone have enough pride to overlook any stupidity, so long as you frame it as a contest. And the Orpheans ..."

"I just can't see giant praying mantises eating ice cream," Vandham said wearily.

"Don't count them out." Frye looked around before whispering loudly, "We're offering a vegan option."

"I'm not happy about this." Vandham leaned in and asked him directly. "What's your angle?"

"Me? No angle, I swear. I just want to have some fun and maybe support the human contestant. We've got a honey of a champion. Superior even."

"Don't tell me …"

"H.B." As he said the name of his friend, Frye's grin returned, stretching across his face, tugging at his scar. "He was boasting the other day, and I didn't dare call him on it myself, what with my being lactose intolerant and all."

"We're robots, Frye. We can't be lactose intolerant."

"My body still thinks it is. So I couldn't challenge him myself. But this contest, man oh man, this will give him a chance to shine."

"In an eating contest. Against the Nopon, a species made of fluff and stomach." The smallest of smiles crossed Vandham's face.

"Amongst others. Boss, I'm hoping he'll be puking for days."

a/n: A piece of fluff I never posted. Two notes/shameless plugs: 1) Frye and H.B. are terrible friends in my head, see "Secret Santa with Frye and H.B." or "Apriltober/15/A punch". 2) Jack Vandham has reason to dislike the Nopon mafia, because they once hurt a friend of his. See "The Lily and the BLADE/17/Loose Lips", also with H.B.

Why am I not writing about The Treasure of O'rrh Sim? Why?