His Favorite Flavor
Tinsadisaster
Summary: Hermione works over the summer at her aunt's ice cream shop when Draco decides to stop by and sample his favorite flavor. What is it? Hermione Granger, of course. DMHG
Disclaimer: I'm spitting out these stories as fast as I can, though I really don't own these characters. Just borrowing JKR. No money being made here. )
Author's Note:
This was going to be the next chapter of The Love Connection but I feel it's just in a category of its own. I've never had a truly successful one-shot but here's an attempt. Hope you like it. Be a star, review this story!
My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither,
but just enjoy your ice cream while it is on your plate
Thornton Wilder
Hermione Granger was not having the time of her life.
She stared out the window of her aunt's ice cream shop, wondering who in the hell would buy scoops of ice cream in such frigid weather. Yesterday it was raining so terribly that people came into the shop to get away from the wind, not to buy cold, refreshing ice cream. Though she knew it right away, she was forced to ask each and every wind-rain-blistered customer what they wanted, the mint chocolate chip or the strawberry, or perhaps the ever bland vanilla bean. They all shook their heads, looked at her as if she was sprouting seven heads, and asked if they served hot coffee.
"Sir, hot coffee? This is an ice cream shop," she reminded the sad, tired looking businessman with crow's feet at the edge of his almond shaped eyes.
"In this weather? Crazy people! Oh, looks like the unrelenting rain has changed into a slight drizzle. I think I've got to go now. Thanks, um... here's a tip, for allowing me to stand here," said the man, who quickly dropped a few quarters in the "Be a star; tip me!" jar. He picked up his suitcase and opened his umbrella and walked away from the ice creamery.
"Oh, I hate my life," Hermione moaned. She took off the ridiculous cap that her aunt made her wear. Oh, you look adorable, honey! Please do this for your old, frail, dear aunt!
She wanted to leave that instant and buy a cup of hot chocolate from the cafe down the street but her aunt and her other employees had left for a "big emergency," which meant they were out to lunch. Though Hermione loved Aunt Kitty very dearly, she thought she was sort of a slave driver. While she was out eating real food and having a grand old time with her regular, long-time workers, her niece was at the shop, being the nice, obedient girl she was.
Hermione thought of the day that she gave in to her mother's request of working part-time at the ice cream shop so that she could give her aunt a hand while she was training more in-coming teenagers with perky attitudes and no demand for higher wage than the absolute minimum.
"Oh, you've got to do this for your dear auntie, my hermit! You know how she has always been so generous to your father and I. When you were young and we used to go to out-of-state conferences, she was always first to volunteer to take care of you. And you loved going to her house! You had friends there, your cousin Rebecca and her little girl friends."
"Mother, they used to draw all over my books with their crayons and made me be the dog whenever we played House."
"Oh, you were just kids. They didn't know what they were doing was rude or mean."
"They almost made me eat real dog food once. 'But you're the doggy, so you gotta eat it, Hermy!' they used to say. I stopped being their little pet that day. Instead I grab a handful of their family's dog's wet food and smeared it all over Rebecca's pink dress."
"Ah, yes. That incident. Your auntie was quite furious when you did that. She called you such a bold, disrespectful child."
"Exactly, so why would she want my help?"
"Hermione Jane Granger! You are doing this, this summer or else you cannot return to Hogwarts this coming school year!"
"Mother!"
An awkward silence continued as Hermione looked at her mother in disbelief. Her mother just kept smiling and nodding her head.
"So when should I tell Kitty to expect you to be at the shop?"
"Fine... Tell her Tuesday. Maybe if I get this started as soon as possible, it'll end as soon as possible as well."
"Aw, that's my good girl! Now let's go to the bookstore. I'll let you buy you the book you've been eyeing since you got home."
"Bribing me with books will not always work, you know. One day I'll refuse you and then what'll you do?"
"Honey, I've known you since you were conceived. I'll think of something else."
"You're horrible."
"I know, but it's just so fun to try and make your life a complete disaster."
"You've been reading those Soup for the Angry Teenage Souls books again, haven't you? What did I tell you about those?! Those are just garbage!"
"Well, some days it just isn't busy in the office and I've got to do something. You can only shine your dental equipment so many times before you finally say, 'Alright, let's do something more productive.' Besides, your father bought a whole bunch for the waiting room. You know how many angry little teenage girls who refuse to put on braces or keep them on, for the matter, we get these days."
"Ugh, you betters top before I become an angry little teenage girl."
"Oh, honey, you already are."
Yes, she was angry, not so little (working in an ice cream shop did mean free taste-testing and ice cream wasn't exactly a zero-calorie food), very much teen-aged, and definitely a girl.
She couldn't believe she was letting herself get harassed by mothers who would allow their kids to curse at her if she did not make the perfect scoop, haughty pre-teens in barely there t-shirts and miniscule skirts who talked down at her (well, really up at her, given their heights) who asked for free samples but never bought anything, and every jerk in between.
"Please, God, Buddha, Allah, whoever you are, Higher Power in the Sky, please send me a miracle so I can get away from this ruddy job!"
And then there was a ringing of the bell that signaled a new customer coming into the shop.
The boy who wasn't really a man but not really a boy either walked into the shop with his hands in the pockets of his stylish jeans and his biceps bulging in a black t-shirt with a stenciled logo of huge headphones on the front. Hermione was surprised he didn't have multiple piercings and tattoos of stars on every one of his fingers.
"Hi, welcome to I Scream Kitty Style, what would you like to have today?" she asked, in a rather monotone and robotic voice. How long had she been asking this? Since when did she stop having to think about the words for them to come out of her mouth? Oh, this was worst that I thought.
"Well, well. Look at who we got here," said the boy who sounded frighteningly just like a certain filthy little cockroach she went to school with.
"What we've got, sir, is ice cream. And the policy here is to either buy or you leave. Now what would you like?"
"I'd like to know when did you develop those lovely pillows and why you never wear low cut shirts to show them off when we're at school," said the pervert. Yes, he definitely sounded like Draco Malfoy.
"Again, I ask you, sir, what type of ice cream would you like to purchase today?"
"Again, I say that you've grown quite a bit since the last time I saw you, Hermione Granger. Perhaps a few pounds of ice cream did the job. You were always such an unattractive stick, but I speak for the rest of the male population at Hogwarts when I say you look bloody fantastic now."
"Sir, I don't know what you're talking about. I've never seen you before in my life."
"Yes, but you have heard my voice before, haven't you?" The face which did not resemble the blonde haired cockroach smirked a smirk that sent a shudder down Hermione's spine. Yes, this was definitely Malfoy, probably under a glamour charm.
Play it off cool, Hermione. You can do this. Strike him down with your wit and intelligence. Make him want to put his tail between his legs and crawl out of the shop after you kill his ego and manly pride. Make it hurt, girl.
"Yes, you do sound familiar," said Hermione. She put a finger to her chin and tapped, staring at the ceiling (which was disgustingly spotted orange for some reason) and twirking her head every second or so. "I do know one classmate I have. He has the same voice as you, but definitely not the same body. He's quite sick looking, dark bags underneath his eyes, nasty looking pimples here and there, and a slimy attitude. Perhaps he had some sort of sexually transmitted disease also. Never could trust his character."
Hermione almost giggled in glee when she saw Malfoy's charmed face change from a egotistical smirk to a downright shocked expression that made her want to strip down to her knickers and dance around the shop, screaming, "I win! I win! I am woman, hear me roar!"
"You'll pay for this, Granger," he said, with not-so-fake malice.
Perhaps I was a bit too honest. Yikes.
He walked over to the employee-only flap door and went behind the counter.
"Malfoy, stay away. Only employees are allowed here. No, take down that scooper! No, don't put that in your mouth! Don't mix the flavors up, my aunt will kill me!"
"Yumm, this is so freaking delicious," said Malfoy, chowing down scoop after scoop.
"You're crazy, that's what you are. Get away, I'm calling the police!"
"Oh, those fat muggle men who couldn't take me down if they were riding motorcycles? What could they do for you, eat the rest of the ice cream?"
"Malfoy, what do you want?"
"I want yo-- ... you... want..." Draco stuttered. He dropped the scoopers (Hermione literally started bawling. Aunt Kitty would skin her alive if she didn't clean this up before she arrived!)
Draco fell to the ground, clutching his head and stomach, moaning like a dying car engine.
"... Malfoy, you alright there?" Hermione wanted to give him a hand, really, but after all the damage that jerk made, she wasn't sure if she wanted to kick him or call the ambulance. Maybe she could do both, but then she would be questioned.
"Quick, Hermione. A boy is writhing in pain on the floor of your aunt's ice cream shop and his name is Draco Malfoy and all you've got in your pockets is a few bits of magical currency and a bobby pin. What do you do?"
"Merlin... why did I do that... I'm bloody dying," moaned Draco, who decided to try standing up but only proceeded to tumble down automatically, taking with him blue plastic spoons and neatly organized ice cream cups.
"Bloody bastard, that will take forever to clean up!" Hermione decided that Draco had had enough fun today. She pulled him up by his shirt with both hands and glared at him as closely as possible so he could feel the force of her angry eyes.
"I know who you are already but tell me who sent you and why you decided to ruin my day when I clearly asked the Powers that Be to send me a miracle? Do you consider yourself a miracle, you egotistical prick?!"
"Man... that ice cream stuff really is strong... Blaise had been right about that," Draco said. He was still coming out of a very bad brain freeze and being a total novice at cold foods, he had overdone and was almost deliriously sick.
Hermione shook Draco with impressive strength (maybe all that scooping helped her gain some muscle mass) while the poor boy could add a terrible migraine to a still brain-freezed mind.
"You're a bloody torture tease, you sexy witch!" roared Draco.
Hermione had to let his words register in her mind for a few seconds. Bloody torture tease, sexy witch? If she wasn't being delusional, she swore Draco had complimented her.
"God, Blaise never said ice cream was an aphrodisiac. I wanna jump your bones, you torture tease. Hold me a little tighter to you so I can squeeze your twins and take those cherry delicious lips for my own."
"Are you drunk, you bastard?" Hermione would not let his perverted talk get to her. She had received this response from the opposite sex before. Working in an ice creamery apparently lured all the freaks to come out of their hiding places.
"No, I'm just aroused, intensely, my cherry."
"Okay, you freaked out about ten minutes ago and I don't know what to do with you anymore. I was going to yell at you but then you'd just take it as foreplay and then whatever happens next I don't even want to imagine. I was also going to kick you in the balls and let you continue writhing on the floor in pain but you haven't raped me yet and that gesture is reserved for rapists and really annoying door-to-door salesmen. So I'm going to keep holding onto you like this so you stay in my sight and not destroy anything else."
"Ah, stop kidding yourself, Hermione Jane Granger. You've always been attracted to me. You're a girl, so why wouldn't you? Everyone is attracted to me, I'm just have this raw animal magnetism."
"What you'll be getting is a severely raw black eye, perhaps two, if you don't choose your words wisely from this moment on."
"Oh, feisty. i love women with claws."
"Malfoy, black eye, now."
"Granger, strip down to your panties and dance for me, now."
"You read my mind, didn't you, you prick? Ugh, now you're really gonna get it!"
"Please, don't ---"
"Hermione! What are you doing to that poor young man?!"
Of the most unfortunate things to happen, Aunt Kitty had entered the shop, having finished eating lunch with her other employees.
"Uh... Please, stop! I don't want to get naked and have sex with you in this fabulous ice creamery! It's against my religion!"
"Oh, no you didn't, you little bastard! Auntie, this isn't what it looks like!"
"Hermione, dear, please let the young man go. I understand that you are young and that you feel these overpowering needs but you've got to just trust me and..."
"Aunt Kitty! No, don't believe this prat! He's a liar!"
"Help me, ma'am! I just walked in to enjoy some of my favorite ice cream flavors in the world but this girl, she's crazy! She pulled me over the counter, called me many naughty naughty things, and demanded that I nail her against the ice cream counter!"
"Ugh! I can't believe you Malfoy! I will roast your arse!"
"Hermione, give me the young man. Yes, there, good girl, release the boy. Dear, that means take your hands off the boy's shirt. Okay, okay, this is quite strange..."
Draco couldn't believe his luck, an opportunity to escape the wrath of Hermione Granger! He threw himself against this "Aunt Kitty" and hugged her, pleading for her to get rid of this evil girl.
"Oomph, well, okay. I suppose you should stop holding me, strange boy. Well, you've got quite a grip there, do you exercise? Okay, you can keep holding me... No! I mean, let go of me, I don't even know you!"
"Aunt Kitty, he isn't a stranger. I know him! He's this boy at my school, and he's a total bastard. He's just setting me up so it looks like I was the bad character. I was the good one, he just came around the counter and accosted me!"
"Your cashier girl is a great liar. I have never seen her at my school before. I'm in town visiting an uncle of mine and I live far, far away from here."
"But, but, no! Auntie, please!"
"I'm getting out of here. I've had enough harassment for today! I'm already late for my Bible Study class because of that horny little devil!" Draco smirked at Hermione before he exited the shop, leaving in his wake a destroyed ice cream counter, scattered spoons, crushes ice cream cups, and a very angry, very confused Aunt.
"Dear, I don't know exactly what happened here..."
"But...!"
"I love you, Hermione, I really do. But I think you know this already..."
"Know what? I'm really very sorry about all of this. This is just so strange."
"No, honey, you're fired."
Wait, stop the presses. My aunt has fired me?!
"Are you doing what I think you're doing?"
"No, baby, I already did, which means I want you take off your apron, your hat, where is your hat by the way, and please leave. I'll call your mother, of course you know that. You'll receive your paycheck in the mail."
"Wah -- I'm fired?"
"Yes. Now get out so I can clean up this mess."
"But!"
"No buts, out, now!"
Hermione let out a shocked scoff and looked outrageously at her aunt. However, she did as told and ripped the apron from around her neck (which gave her a slight burn truthfully) and walked quickly out of the shop.
She didn't know what to do.
Should she go home? Oh, no. Mother would know something was wrong if she came home early. Besides, she was a terrible liar.
So she walked down the street, past the cafe, and towards the park. It was strangely somewhat sunny today, which was strange for the fact that it was raining cats and dogs the few days before.
She passed by a homeless man who held up a sign that read, "Global warming is here; our days are limited!" and sang a drunken version of the Revolution song by The Beatles. Crazy Bradley was the name of the man. He was once a tie-and-suit sort of guy who worked as a weather forecaster at the old weather channel building located downtown. Now he danced for strangers and amused nature activists who held protests in the park. He had taken a picture with the Prime Minister once, surprisingly, though his eyes were bloodshot and he had lost most of his teeth. Apparently, the man did not brush and floss like his dentist told him to. It ran in the local newspaper with the caption, "Prime Minister and 'Crazy Bradley' meet in the lot near the park that has been approved for the building of a start-up business called "Starbucks Coffee."
"Hermione!" a voice called out to her, though its source was behind her. Hermione stopped her little march of slight bitterness and slight joy to look over shoulder, only to see the now normally looking blonde-haired wizard who made her lose her first and only job. Draco had lifted the glamour charm.
"Oh, I cannot believe this git," she muttered to herself. She would let the ferret run to her so she would be given the opportunity for perfect aim at his groin, and perhaps an outstretched leg too, so he would fall to the ground with greater impact.
Draco had foreseen the dangerous thoughts running through Granger's head and stopped a safe distance away from her that was still considered close enough for conversation.
"How was I, eh? Believable? Okay?" he asked, with a bright smile.
"How could you bloody be asking that, you git? You just made me lost my job! You made me look like a damn rapist pervert in front of my aunt!"
Draco's bright smile turned into an upside smile, otherwise known as a frown, as he said, "But isn't that what you asked for? To get away from that job?"
"Well, yes. And how did you know that? Have you set up bugs in the place?"
"Actually, I've been visiting you this whole summer. You just haven't noticed me."
"Oh."
"Yes, I'm quite a genius with glamour charms. The man on the rainy day? The one with the crow's feet? Yes, that was a first for me. I like to keep myself young when I do those things but I thought you'd never figure it out if I were an old geezer."
"Okay, assuming that what you did back there was to benefit me, I should say thank you."
"You're very welcome, Hermione Granger."
"However, I should also ask one other thing."
"And what is that?"
"Why the bloody hell have you been spying on me all summer?"
"I am not stalking you!"
"I never said you were stalking me, but now that I think of it..."
"I am not following you around because I certainly don't have a thing for you. I don't think of you every time I go to sleep! I don't buy too many damn cartons of ice cream so that I can pretend you're near me! I do not follow you home so that you won't be raped or mugged or worse by some stupid Muggle who sees an attractive, unprotected young girl with a gorgeous rack (I wasn't lying about those, by the way) and a delicious set of lips (or those either)."
Draco was almost out of breath at this point. Sure, this wasn't going as he planned but she was speechless, which meant that she couldn't yell at him for being a strange freak and that she never wanted to see or talk to him again. He also thought she might be confused, seeing as he was using "reverse psychology" and a ton of negatives. An ordinary half-brained twit would be confused, but Hermione was not one of those type of girls.
For the second time that day, Hermione had register his words slowly in her head, only to extract a few compliments... and a declaration of affection, as well?
"You... like... me?" she said slowly.
"Oh, have those dull days in the ice creamery killed your brain cells? I said you had a gorgeous figure and face, which obviously meant, yes, Granger, I am very physically attracted to you. Also, I took your harsh words to heart. Am I really a slimy , disgusting little cockroach to you?"
"You... Draco Malfoy... like me, Hermione Granger?" she asked again.
"Yes, yes, yes! I like you Hermione Jane Granger. I've liked you enough to ask your mother to encourage you to take this job so I could have a way to see you everyday!"
"You made my mother make me take that awful job?!"
" Well, I told her that I was that smarmy little git you always talk about, assuming you talked to her about my devil ways, which you did. That really saved me a lot of effort and perhaps a confundus charm too. I told her that I was actually madly in love with you and I didn't know how to tell you, but that I needed to see you frequently so I could get up the courage to tell you of my immense feelings."
"You were going to use a spell on my mother?"
"Ah, pay attention, dear girl! I didn't, it was just a precaution. But don't you see the heart of the matter?"
"Apparently, you're madly in love with me, Draco Malfoy."
"And that I must say is completely true. How I fell in love with you? Was it that deliciously painful slap or may I say punch during third year? Your gloriously glamourous self during the Yule Ball? I couldn't even come up with an insult that night. I could only think 'pretty girl, beautiful girl, must be mine.' Or perhaps was it during the times I used to watch you study, from behind book shelves? That kooky old librarian kicked me out many a times because she thought I was going to do something devilish to you. Perhaps I would have, if she wasn't such a vulture."
"Let me get this straight... YOU are in LOVE with ME" said Hermione, emphasizing her words with hand gestures.
"What must I do to get it through your ice cream filled head that I, Draco Malfoy, have fallen deep in love with you, Hermione Granger? Must I sing, dance, or cabaret? Must I say it in a poetic style, a Dr. Seuss style, or perhaps a rock ballad? Must I bear my naked self to the world and scream. 'World, I love this woman right here!'?"
"What's with you and nakedness?" Hermione asked randomly.
"I don't know. I've always been a naked type of person. Me, wear clothes at the Manor? Oh, it's like a nude beach, minus the sand and the saggy balls and tits."
"Okay... Anyways..."
"What else must you know? I have all the answers."
Nearby, a man was watching the rather interesting exchange between the two young people. Crazy Bradley, as he was popularly known, felt the need to intervene. Sure, people feared him and his stench. Sure, babies and toddlers cried at the sight of his awful dancing. Sure, his old colleagues laughed at his current status in society and threw coins at his feet in pity. Sure, the Prime Minister really liked the fact that taking a picture with a smelly hippie would improve his approval ratings. People believed he was completely crazy, but he wasn't not really.
"May I interject, lovely young people?"
"Huh? Ew, you carry a horrible stench, Muggle."
"A what? Anyways, I just wanted to say..."
"Bradley, I think this isn't the right time. I don't have any money on me..." said Hermione. She knew him because she walked past him everyday to get to work.
"Hey! I'm not asking for charity, I'm just offering advice. I once was a young person myself. I was once had a family, kids, and the whole shebang."
"What's you deal? You're polluting my air," Draco complained.
"Fine, I'll speed it up. Girl, this boy seems to have done something very strange and stupid for you, only for you. In my experience, whenever I did something like that, it was for something or someone I cared very much about. I suggest you take what this boy says to heart and give him a chance. Besides, he's freed you from a crummy job. I never had the chance, I was kicked out, fired, and no one ever revealed to me that it was their master plan and that they were madly in love with me. I've experienced very much in my lifetime, but never what you just have, young girl. I say you give the boy a chance, and give him a kiss. Besides, it is summer and you've got to have a little romance with that ice cream."
"Good job, stinky. Now you've said your part, you can leave. I'd like to kiss my woman in peace and clean air, thank you."
"Thank you would have been sufficient, young man."
"Okay, okay, since you explained this all to her, I'll say it. Thank you, Crazy Bradley. Now go away."
"Gladly, I may not be as clean and smell nice as you two but I am still human. Now I've got to get back to my protest. Mother Earth is dying and no one cares! Where are my signs... ah, Randal, that little sneak stole em. Oh, I'll get him, that little pest..."
Crazy Bradley roamed away and left Hermione and Draco to themselves.
"Okay... this has been a very strange day," Hermione said quietly. She looked up at Draco, who had moved closer and closer to her while Crazy Bradley had been lecturing them. Draco apparently had a fear of smelly intellectuals.
"A kiss from the boy who you thought was your enemy in school wouldn't be the strangest thing, don't you think?" said Draco hopefully.
"Usually, I would say yes, but in this moment, at this time, I'd have to say no. It wouldn't be strange at all, compared to everything else that has happened."
"So, let's say I come a little closer and perhaps take your chin, like this... Are you blushing, my little woman? Oh, what an adorable one you are..."
Draco took her chin, holding her face in his hand, and stared into her eyes. How long had he been waiting for this moment to happen?
"Oh, please. If you're gonna kiss me, please do it before I decide to kick you in the groin for all this 'baby, sweetie, honey, woman, pumpkin' talk. I may be female and susceptible to your charm, but I am still Hermione Granger and a strong, independent who doesn't want to be talked down to."
"See," he moved his thumb over her plump lips, sending shivers through her arms and in her toes. "I wanted to kiss you in the store, but then my plan would have been ruined. I couldn't have that, now could I? But the plan has been initiated, gone through with, and completed. We're alone, in this lovely park. That stinky man has gone away, and I think your lips are ripe for the taking."
Hermione felt her heart jump for joy, but was scared at the same time. She didn't think this would ever happen to her, but wanted to say something before it did.
"Tell me, one last thing. Which was your favorite flavor at the ice cream shop? You must have tasted so many, given your stalking me all summer."
"I did not stalk, I was plotting."
"Yes, plotting. Answer?"
"None of them."
"None?"
"None."
"Why?"
"Why, my dear. Because I never tasted the best flavor of them all."
"Which would that one be?"
Draco paused, thinking of the best answer. In the end, it was quite simple. He decided to be straight forward and honest.
"Hermione Granger," he replied.
Hermione smiled and said, "I've got to give it to you. I was going to let you kiss me right then and there. How charming you are."
Draco smiled and said, "Charm has nothing to do with it. When I want something, I take it, completely."
"So... you want me?"
"Very much, naked, upside down, and covered in ice cream."
Hermione squealed at this and moved to push him away but he only pulled her closer, till she was practically plastered against him.
"I want you, Hermione Granger. You are the best flavor of them all."
"Okay, I'm going to stop talking now so you can start kissing me."
"Dear, I never asked for your permission because frankly, I couldn't care less. Like I said, when I want, I take. And right now, I want you, right now, right here. And here I come, taking taking taking it all."
Draco kissed her lips then, moved, hummed with pleasure. Hermione felt gloriously happy, and allow him to slip in his tongue. Oh, that talented tongue of his.
Oh, those many ice cream cones he had been tasting, when her lips could have been what he had been tasting...
Draco pulled away, only to say, "I can still read your mind, babe. And I'd like to say, I was thinking the same too. But here we are, in the middle of summer. You don't have a job, I'm a rich man without a busy agenda. I say you meet me everyday until forever, so I can taste you everyday, my favorite flavor."
Hermione said, "I think I can do that." Yes, her heart was tap dancing at this point, with rather heavy, anvil-like shoes.
Draco quickly grabbed her hand and held it firmly in his own. They looked down at their entwined fingers and felt this strange, tingly spark.
They beamed at each other and held hands as they walked away from the park.
Hermione Granger was having the time of her life.