Kevin lightly descended the stairs to retrieve a snack from the kitchen at two o'clock in the morning. The sky outside the windows was dark and not a star was in sight. Like my life right now. Dark and lonely. Ever since he was rescued from Ferncliffe and Ryan was arrested, Kevin couldn't sleep for more than a few hours at night. His time spent at Ferncliffe was torturous. No one believed him when he said who he was. Ryan made sure he was administered so much mind numbing drugs that he could hardly remember how to talk. His arrival home wasn't met with hugs and well wishes. No one trusts him anymore. Mac and Felicia have practically disowned him, LuLu can't look at him without trembling, Ava wants to slit his throat, and Laura, well, Laura was a puzzle. She allowed him to come home, but things are different between them. She hardly speaks to him unless she absolutely has to, she doesn't sleep in their bed with him, and she hasn't put her rings back on. Unlike Laura, the moment the PCPD found Ryan's box of mementos and they found Kevin's ring, he slipped it back on his finger. Where it belongs. Laura did not. He doesn't even know where she keeps them. Does she even want them anymore after what Ryan put their marriage through? Does she even want me anymore?
Before turning into the kitchen, the light from the television allowed Kevin to see a glimmer of blonde hair on the couch. He turned toward the couch and saw Laura peacefully asleep, but without a blanket. Kevin swiftly grabbed the blanket from the back of the arm chair and gently laid it on top of her. He knows that the position of Mayor of Port Charles is a tasking job. She is constantly dealing with the town's troubles and ways to improve this fair city. Recently, his brother's crimes and his affiliation with him have caused her job to be ten times more difficult. Kevin has read the paper and the gossip blogs. People think that Laura should leave him and lock him in jail. Some say she needs to push for Ryan to receive the death penalty. Some even say that she is too close to the situation and she should step down. Kevin sighed. Just one more thing my secrets have caused havoc on. Kevin leaned down and softly kissed Laura's forehead. He brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear and whispered, "I'm so sorry."
Kevin turned around and began to head towards the kitchen once again to retrieve his late night snack when he heard a soft, angelic voice call out, "Kevin?"
"Yeah," he replied.
"Why did you cover me?" asked Laura.
"You looked cold."
"Why are you up?" questioned Laura, ignoring Kevin's reasoning for the kind gesture.
Kevin, standing still in his spot near the entry way to the kitchen, replied, "Can't sleep."
"Oh."
"Why are you sleeping on the couch?"
"I don't know," whispered Laura.
"I offered you our room, but you declined. And we have a guest room."
"I know," snapped Laura.
Kevin said, "You just seem uncomfortable down here on this couch, Laura. That's all. I'm not trying to push you."
"I'm not comfortable any where these days, Kevin."
Kevin swallowed his heart that was in his throat. He hates what his secrets have caused to happen, not only between them, but to her as well.
"I can tell."
Laura was silent.
Kevin continued, "You walk around this house like you are in prison. You never speak to me unless you need to. I know that you moved all your clothes from our room into the guest room the day I went to speak with Monica about my suspension. Jesus, Laura! I know I messed up, but this is your house too. There is no need for you to hate it here."
Laura rose from the couch in a flash. She put her hands on her hips and with a clenched jaw she said, "Messed up? You call what you did 'messed up'? And you are telling me I shouldn't hate it here? News flash, Kevin! This isn't a home anymore. All the memories and moments evaporated into these walls the moment you decided to keep me and everyone else who matters in the dark about Ryan."
"I apologized over and over again! I hate what I caused Laura, but I can't fix what's happening between us if you don't talk to me. And you don't! You hardly look me in the eye! When we left the courthouse the day of my trial, a reporter asked you if you were standing by your husband and you looked like you wanted to throw up! You hate that we're married, don't you? You hate that you have to claim the lying, secretive, disgusting, Doctor Kevin Collins as your husband."
Laura blinked. She didn't know how to respond. The two of them haven't really spoken since his return other than the essentials. Feelings were too raw and painful to talk about. When she discovered Ryan's charade, one half of her was so relieved that it wasn't Kevin acting out. The man she loved was still out there somewhere loving her back. When she saw him for the first time at the police station, she almost collapsed to her knees. She ran to him with tears streaming down her face and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down into the sweetest and tightest hug she would ever give someone. He pulled away and held her face gently in his hands just staring into her eyes, as if they answered all the questions of life. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her, whispering moments before their lips touched, "I love you." In that one kiss, the only kiss they have shared since his return, the two poured all their emotions from their long separation into it. They weren't the mayor and the rescued psychologist. They were just Laura and Kevin, two people who love one another with every fiber in their beings. After the kiss ended, Kevin was taken in for further questioning and Laura had to give answers to the press. Life became a whirlwind. Ryan's trial for the murders. Kevin's trial for aiding and abetting a criminal. Kevin's trial with the GH Board about his job and medical license. The Kevin/Ryan saga has consumed their lives for the past weeks and they haven't had the time to discuss their feelings about everything that has happened. The two have truly become like two ships passing in the night.
Laura broke the silence and said, "I think its time we talk, Kevin. Really talk."
Kevin's eyes were looking anywhere but hers. He replied, "At two in the morning?"
Laura shrugged. "We're both up. We need it. We can't continue to live like this."
Kevin took a deep breathe and nodded in agreement. "Alright."
Laura sat back down on the couch with one leg under the other, while Kevin sat in the arm chair perpendicular the couch. "You start," he said with a nod of his chin.
"I don't even know where to begin. I guess let's start with the how and why of it all. How did this even come to be? Ryan being alive and you hiding him, I mean."
Kevin replied, "About ten years ago, my father called me. He said he needed help. He was in Seattle and Lucy, Serena, and I lived in France for a bit. I flew to the states and met him at his cabin. He told me he has been harboring a secret that he just can't keep any more. He found my brother alive five years prior and has been keeping Ryan prisoner locked in his basement ever since. He didn't want to turn Ryan into the police because he felt by keeping him here it would make up for leaving Ryan with my mother all those years ago. I asked him how Ryan could even be alive and all my father told me was Ryan set a trap in the fun house and was able to escape. I then asked my father why he is telling me now. He said that Ryan was becoming too much. He was afraid Ryan would over power him and kill him someday. He needs my help. I contacted an old friend of mine who I met at medical school. He is also a psychologist. I gave him the smallest amount of details about Ryan, but I told him I needed a permanent space in the mental institution he runs in Seattle. My friend agreed and Ryan was kept there for about seven years."
Laura nodded in understanding of his story. She asked, "Why seven years? Why didn't you just keep him there if it was working so well?"
"I fell in love with you," Kevin whispered.
Laura was taken aback. She shook her head in disbelief and misunderstanding. "I don't understand. How does you falling in love with me and changing your brother's mental institutions have any correlation?"
"Traveling back and forth to check up on Ryan caused a real disconnect and strain in my marriage to Lucy. I began to fall in love with you so quickly. I knew the moment in the park when you opened up to me about Nikolas that I wanted to be with you for the long haul. I didn't want to make the same mistake twice. So, after we got back together after you took Spencer to school, I had Ryan moved from the institution in Seattle to Ferncliffe."
"So, you're basically telling me I was the catalyst for the mess you caused?" questioned Laura with anger noticeable in her voice.
"No! God! Laura, you asked me a question and I gave you the truthful, honest answer. I didn't want my constant flying back and forth from Port Charles to Seattle ruin our relationship. I thought by moving him here it would be easier for everyone in involved," replied Kevin. "I guess I was wrong," he whispered.
Laura suddenly found the floor very interesting. She just couldn't bring herself to look Kevin in the eye. She hates that she is constantly snapping at him, but she can't help herself. She's hurt and angry. "Why didn't you tell anyone? I don't mean just me. I'm talking about Mac and Felicia. Even Lucy," said Laura softly.
"I didn't want to cause everyone to panic. I thought I could have everything under control. I had him hidden for seven years and no one knew. I truly believed that not telling people, like you or Felicia, was the best option. Ryan was so horrible to Felicia. She doesn't deserve to live in fear. I was with her the night Ryan died at the fun house. When she saw the flames go up in smoke, I saw the fear in her body melt away. Her horrible nightmare was gone."
"Why didn't you tell me? Can't you trust me?"
Kevin replied, "Of course, I can trust you. I trust you with my life. Ryan is horrible. You experienced it first hand. I didn't want you to fear him. I wanted to fix my brother and assure that the people I care about most that he wouldn't harm them. I never thought he would escape and take over my life."
"But Kevin, it happened before! 'Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!' He tricked you! Again! How was I or Felicia supposed to know why you weren't acting like yourself if we didn't know Ryan was alive! If I knew, I would have picked it up immediately that Ryan was out and you were locked away. The moment I came home I sensed that something was wrong. And the worst part of it all was that no one believed me. No one!" exclaimed Laura.
"Really?" Kevin whispered.
"That was one of the worst parts of Ryan's reign of terror. I knew something was wrong immediately. I went to everyone who knew you. Felicia just said something was off about you. Mac was confused but didn't think anything major was happening. Lucy was the only one who had a hard time believing that you would leave me for Ava. Carly thought it was odd but when I confided in her that I thought you were having a break down, she said I was just trying to find reasons for you leaving me. I mean, my God, Kevin, Ava thought she knew you better than me! A woman who only knew you by name suddenly thinks she was the expert on you!"
"Tell me."
Laura responded, "Tell you what?"
"Tell me about how Ryan treated you and the whole Ava situation. You gave me the bullet points at the police station that day, but other than that I don't know the details about what happened."
Laura shook her head. Tears were starting to form in her eyes. "I can't. It hurts too much," she whispered.
Kevin moved to sit next to her on the couch. He gently grabbed her hand and held in between his. "I want to know what Ryan put your heart through. Please," Kevin tenderly pleaded looking directly into her blue eyes.
Laura began to whisper, "He hurt me, Kevin. He was so cold, distant, and cruel. He was cruel."
"What did he do?"
"He treated me like I wasn't good enough to breath the same air as him. He acted like I was dog shit on the bottom of his shoe. He made me feel worthless. Like I didn't matter at all."
Kevin replied, "That's horrible."
Laura said, "Do you want to know the worst part?" Kevin nodded. She continued, "It was the walking into Ava's gallery and seeing your face kissing her. That's all I see when I look at you, Kevin! Your lips on hers! And when I confronted him, he brushed me off like it wasn't a big deal. I wasn't interesting or worth the time of day. I know now that it was Ryan, but he has your face, Kevin. So, it was as if you did those things. As if you kissed Ava. It hurts! And Ava just acted like it was okay for her to sleep with my husband! She hated her daughter for sleeping with her boyfriend, yet she sleeps with someone else's husband! I'm so mad!"
"Laura, I am so sorry. So, so sorry that Ryan treated you that way. You are not worthless. You are... you are everything."
"She doesn't know your favorite color, your lucky tie, your special socks when you go and speak at conferences. She doesn't know the side of the bed you like to sleep on, your favorite cologne, your favorite food. She doesn't know that you like to watch the History Channel before bed or you secretly love watching the Golden Girls when you can't sleep at night. She doesn't know that you love playing video games after a hard day at work. She knew nothing, and yet she acted like she has known you for twenty five years!"
Kevin softly asked, "Do you remember our first meeting?"
Laura nodded. "It was shortly after Luke and I came back to town with Lucky. We were staying at Bobbie and Tony's brownstone. Bobbie, Tony, and I were standing around the dining table and Mac and Felicia walked in asking if someone they met could have a room. And you walked in. Bobbie screamed. She wasn't sure if you were Ryan or not. Felicia assured her that Ryan was in jail and you were his twin. Tony left to take you to a room. Bobbie asked if we believed whether you were truly who you said you were. I told her yes. You look truthful and trusting."
"Yeah. I remember walking in and seeing the most breathtakingly beautiful woman with the blondest hair and blues eyes standing there. You looked like an angel. I heard you tell Bobbie that you trusted me. It made me feel calm and assured that people in this town would believe me. I asked Mac if you were single."
Laura smirked. "You did?"
"Yep. Of course, he scoffed and said that I need to look up Port Charles history if I plan on staying here. I asked him why. He said just ask around about Luke and Laura and I'll find out the answer to my question," Kevin replied.
"My reputation seems to precede me."
"Yeah, but the getting to know the real you is much more fun."
Laura rolled her eyes.
Kevin smiled.
"This is so hard, Kevin," Laura whispered. "This little side conversation we had felt like old times. Like nothing happened. It feels like I'm talking to my husband again, but then my mind drifts and I think of how Ryan treated me and what he did to LuLu, and the hurt and the anger comes right back."
"Laura, I love you. Only you. I love the way you hum when you are on your computer. I love the way you brush your teeth. I love the way you take charge as mayor. I love seeing you with your grandchildren and how you understand each one of them individually. I love the way you play with your nails when you get nervous. Your favorite color is light blue. Your favorite flower is a sun flower because it represents happiness. You wear Mrs. Whitaker's watch when you have to do something important. It gives you courage. You love to watch those silly reality shows because they make you forget your problems for a while. When Spencer is in France, you FaceTime him twice a day, although you want to do more because you miss him like crazy," replied Kevin. "I love you, Laura. I know you just as you know me. There is no one else."
Laura wiped away tears that were falling down her cheeks. "I guess that's why what Ryan did and you keeping this secret hurts so bad. You were supposed to be the one."
"The one?" Kevin questioned.
"The one. The one I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Luke may be the love of my life and Lucy is yours, but at the end of the day, it is you I thought I was meant to be with. You were perfect for me. You make me laugh and you listen. You make me smile on my darkest days. I mean, my God! You took a bullet for me. You are willing to jump out a plane if I asked, but you also don't mind staying in Port Charles being normal people. Falling in love with you was one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life. But, your secrets hurt me. Who are you? What happened to the man I married, the man I fell in love with?"
"He made a horrible mistake," replied Kevin softly.
"That mistake caused people to die. That mistake caused my daughter, your step-daughter, to be stabbed. That mistake makes me want to hate you! She could have died, Kevin! My baby was knocking on death's door because of your 'mistake'!" yelled Laura.
"I know!" Kevin roared. "I know! Do you how it feels to have four three people's blood on your hands? Don't you think I want to stab myself for what he did to LuLu? She's my step-daughter! I've known her since she was born. I held her as a baby! It kills me what he almost did. That's why I can never sleep! I close my eyes and I see those people dying. I see LuLu being stabbed by a man with my face. I know what my mistake caused, Laura! I live with it everyday!"
Laura was silent. She never saw Kevin become this enraged before. She has seen him in confrontations with Valentine and his brother, but he kept a cool surface. He's finally blown his top. She leaned over and kissed his forehead tenderly. Kevin closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. Laura held his face in her hands and said, "I'm not blaming you. I know you never intended for any of those murders and LuLu's attack to happen. I know, but Ryan did horrible things Kevin. It's just easier to take my hurt and anger out on you because you are sitting right across from me. If I could, I would ring Ryan's neck for what he caused. He stabbed my baby. He tried to break our marriage. He implanted fear into this town when all you were trying to do was help him. Yes, you hurt me Kevin by keeping this secret, but I don't blame you for the murders directly."
"I'm so sorry, Laura. I'm so sorry for everything Ryan did. He ruined us. He hurt people in this town. If I would have told one person that Ryan was alive, maybe none of this would have happened," cried Kevin, who was resting his forehead on Laura's shoulder.
Laura ran a hand gently through the hair at the nape of his neck, attempting to comfort him.
"I'm so tired. I haven't slept in weeks. You said all you see is me kissing Ava when you close your eyes, well, all I see are dead bodies. It's horrible," mumbled Kevin.
Laura, continuing running her hand through his hair, replied, "I know."
"I should be the one comforting you right now, yet here you are holding me up."
"We're partners. I fall down, you hold me up. You fall down, I hold you up."
Kevin lifted his head up to look Laura in the eyes. "But how?"
"I won't lie, Kevin. I'm still so hurt and angry. You kept a major secret that caused major ramifications. Part of me wants to slap you upside the head and scream at you until kingdom comes. But, the other part of me is still your wife. I want to comfort you. I see how this whole saga has affected you."
"You're too good for me."
"Maybe," Laura winked. "But, I still love you."
"Really? After everything I put you through?"
Laura nodded. "Yes. I love you despite it all. When I had a bad day at City Hall, you are the first person I want to vent to. When I hear good news about one of my grandkids, you are the first person I want to call. When I miss Nikolas and just want to sit and cry, its your arms that I want to hold me."
"I really love you, Laura."
Tears were brimming in Laura's eyes. "No more secrets?"
Kevin shook his head. "No more secrets. I swear."
Laura climbed into Kevin's lap and he wrapped his arms around her waist holding her close. "I miss us, Kevin," Laura whispered as she laid her head on his shoulder.
"I miss us too, but we'll get us back."
"You promise?"
"I promise. In time, the wounds I caused will be healed and we'll be stronger than ever. Let's just take this slow," replied Kevin.
"I miss my best friend," said Laura caressing his cheek.
"He's right here."
The two would be lovers decided to stretch out on the couch and continue their healing. Laura and Kevin cuddled together on the couch, her head resting on his chest and him tenderly rubbing her back in comforting circles, discussing everything from their favorite color to their worst fears. "So, you chose your new last name to be Webber. Why not Spencer? It's what you are best known as," said Kevin.
Laura shrugged. "It was the only name that never disappointed me."
Kevin nodded in understanding. "It suits you."
"What?"
"The name and being mayor. It suits you."
"How does the name suit me? I would've assumed you would want me to go back to Collins."
"You are a strong woman, Laura. You need no one, especially a man. You are independent. Webber represents that."
Laura gave a small smile. "What do you plan on doing during your suspension from the hospital?"
"Make amends. That's my number one priority. I'll probably write letters to Mac, Felicia, LuLu, and others. I want to apologize for everything."
"That's a good start," replied Laura.
"I hope they can, in time, forgive me. I have no right to ask for their's and your forgiveness, but it doesn't hurt to try, right?"
"Right."
The two laid in silence, looking out the large window at the dark sky. Still, not a star in sight. "Laura?"
"Hmmm."
"Do you want to know what I said in my GH Board meeting about my job?"
"What?"
"I told them that they can take away my job, my medical license, everything, but as long as I have you still in my corner, I'll be okay."
"Why?"
"They asked me if I knew by hiding Ryan that I was practically risking my entire career. At that point, I didn't care anymore. I love being a psychiatrist, but... nothing matters in life if you aren't by my side," responded Kevin.
Laura took a deep breath. "Kevin, I know I said I want to get back to where we were, but we need to take this really slow. Your secret really hurt me. Practically destroyed our marriage. I appreciate everything you are saying, truly, I do, but I need this to go extremely slow."
"I understand. I...I just want you to know I'm serious about us. I can't lose you."
"I'm laying in your arms right now, aren't I?"
Kevin tightened his hold on her for effect. He said, "So, how do you want to go about working our way back to one another?"
"Marriage counseling. I think we would benefit from an unbiased third party listening and guiding us through our reconciliation."
"Alright, I agree. Any other ideas?"
Laura replied, "No sex. I can't. I...I can't give you my heart. I'm too afraid you'll break it again."
Kevin squeezed his eyes shut. I broke her. "Whenever you are ready, I'll be here," said Kevin. "I never want to break your heart again."
"I can't wear my rings just yet. They represent something that I feel we have lost. Maybe in time I'll put them back on, but not yet. I'm sorry."
"Whenever you are ready, Laura, is fine by me. No rush. Anything else?"
"For now, I want to continue sleeping in the guest room. I'm still hurt, Kevin. But, in time, I believe I'll be slowly moving back into our room," said Laura.
"The drawers and closet space is only your's for the taking."
Laura lifted her head off his chest and stared into Kevin's soulful brown eyes. "I need you to know something. You are a good man, Kevin Collins. One of the best men I have ever known. You made a terrible mistake, but I know you didn't do it with malice in your heart. Not only will our relationship become stronger than ever, you will become even stronger than ever."
"Thank you... for everything," whispered Kevin as he brushed a stray piece of blonde hair behind Laura's ear.
Laura smiled and said, "Close your eyes. I'll be here when you wake up, right in your arms."
"What time do you have to get up to go to City Hall?"
Laura shrugged. "I'll take a personal day. I think we both need some rest after everything we've gone through."
"You'll be here when I wake up?" asked Kevin in a voice that reminded Laura of a scared child afraid of the monsters under his bed. This time he was afraid of the demons in his sleep.
"Right here, on top of you, in your arms, on this couch. I won't move. I promise." Laura gently closed Kevin's eyelids and whispered, "Sleep now. You need it."
Before seconding guessing herself, Laura lightly kissed Kevin's lips. It wasn't as passionate as their kiss at the police station, but it represented a new beginning. They were treading lightly, but confident in the outcome. Laura laid her head back on Kevin's chest and allowed sleep to overcome her. Before Kevin allowed sleep to overcome him, he kissed the top of Laura's head and looked out the window. This time he saw one star shining brightly in the sky. Things are looking brighter now.
Author's Note:
I know it has been a while since I updated my other stories, but this idea came to me and I thought I would put it out. I will be updating my other story shortly. Thanks for
reading!