HERE LIES

Here lies Clara Thompson.

She was reported missing three weeks ago. Her body was found only five days after the report was filed.

The police and coroners reports read that she had massive abrasions to her head and lower body. Six of her fingers and four of her toes had been amputated.

Her left arm had been partially detached and the tendon in her right heel had been slashed completely open, as if with a handsaw. Of course, it was actually a standard bread knife; but the coroner didn't recognize this.

One of the most horrifying and puzzling acts of torture discovered was that part of her small intestine had been removed from her stomach, by, what looked like, the teeth of a large animal, though every other wound looked as though it had been surgically inflicted.

The part of her small intestine, once removed, had been devoured within three minutes of its removal.

Of course, that's not in the police report.

So, how do I know all of this?

Well, that's because I'm the one who ate it.