Mother, Father, Sons

Written by Elphabah

"Don't worry," he says to her, a kiss on the cheek before he walks away-their son's little hand in his. Don't worry. Chichi can think of a million and one reasons to worry though and in her mind not a single one is trivial. Her anxieties breed from his nonchalance, a sickening unease that washes over her senses. She parts her lips, opening her mouth to scream. Stop right there. Don't you dare take my son away from me. Not again.

No, please. Not again. She takes several steps forward and watches as their forms recede. Gohan turns his head and smiles, waving happily. And then they are gone. Father and son, disappearing beyond the yellow morning sky on black soil horizon. A few moments pass and already an anxiety is pressing against her chest. She suffocates the impulse to run after them because even with her agile body, her strong legs, Chichi knows they are already out of her reach.

She pictures them riding through the sky on that bewitched cloud, that godforsaken bewitched cloud. Even after she tells Goku that it's too dangerous for their son, she knows he won't heed her words. He never does. He says "Don't worry' but it's always with a playful smile, so sometimes she thinks he doesn't care whether she does or not.

What if he fell? What if he fell, Goku? Then what? The image flashes before her eyes. His tiny body, a wingless angel tumbling from the air. Will you tell me not worry? Say 'It's okay' when you bring him home in broken pieces. . .

Chichi takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, pushing the horrible sight away from her thoughts. To numb her troubles she begins her early preparations for lunch.

If Chichi had known that this would be the last moment she would see her family for an entire year, Chichi would have ran. She would have chased after them until her legs gave out and even then she would have crawled.

But she doesn't because by the time she realizes what she has lost-it's too late.

The afternoon passes into the early evening hours. By now she has cooked lunch, and when no one arrives for the meal, she moves onto making dinner. She lays the table thick with all of Goku's favorite food, thinking, he may run away from me but he won't run away from my food. But hours pass and the meal gets cold. Chichi waits and waits but husband nor son passes through the threshold. She wrings her hands and stares at the clock.

She feels foolish for worrying. She always feels foolish for worrying. But when she's alone, all Chichi can do is stress over her family. They are her world, her everything. Even Goku, her inattentive husband, means so much to her. Maybe he doesn't realize what time it is, she thinks but this thought is replaced by another dread, maybe that Bulma woman and him got to talking and he said, 'Chichi, who?'.

Paranoia turns to anger and soon becomes a catalyst for action. "Don't worry dear," her father tries to abate her fuming mood as they jet across the ocean to the tiny island where the turtle hermit dwells. Where she had expects to find them. Her husband and son.

The others freeze when she arrives. Her anger, it's like an Armageddon that no one could stop, a chain reaction. She sees their fear as she approaches. "Where is he?" she is demanding, she doesn't even bother with polite greetings. Her gaze levels with Bulma's; the only other woman on this tiny patch of sand. All three of them, Master Roshi, Kuririn and Bulma are looking pale. They tell her what has happened and it all goes down hill from there.

Gohan was kidnapped and Goku went to get him back, they tell her.

Don't worry, Goku will get him back, they tell her.

Don't worry.

Suddenly, Chichi feels very empty. Her anger, that powerful force, evaporates and leaves nothing behind only the aftermath of being helpless, utterly useless. She collapses from the anguish and as she slips into tendrils of oblivion she realizes that this was a very important moment-it marked the epiphany that she could never have a normal life. A husband, a son, a small quaint home where they lived together. There would always be a monster to fight, a world to save. Her husband would not be her personal hero, but would leave their home and become everyone else's hero. Her son, he would always love her but he would never truly understand her.

If Chichi had known that this would be the last moment she would ever think they had a chance, a chance for peace, Chichi would have ran.

She would have chased after them until her legs gave out and even then she would have crawled.

When Chichi goes shopping she can hear what the other mothers say amongst themselves. At first, her resolve is strong but the sharp-pointed words they whisper begin to ebb at her conviction. To go on without Goku and Gohan becomes an everyday challenge. Did you hear about Mrs. Son? She has no family-no husband, her son is gone too. Another woman? How unfortunate for poor Mrs. Son. How sad indeed.

She marches home with a satchel of groceries slung across her back. Wordlessly, she walks on while trying to maintain her frayed dignity. Chichi wears a barren expression, but once the others can no longer see her, Chichi's bottom lip quivers with the shame of their stares still etched in her mind. Even as a mile trek puts the town out of sight, she still feels the lingering threads of gossip sticking to her ears. Goku, look what dishonor you have left me in. We could have been so happy here-just the three of us. So why couldn't it be the way we wished it for? Ask Kami that next time you see him, ask him why these things may never happen. . . Why a mother must long for her son, why a wife must live without her husband.

Her words reach him.

From the Otherworld, Goku hears her tired thoughts. He's training hard so he can win against his unseen foes, the ones that are going to come in time, but a part of him is still connected with the earth. With her. Her thoughts are very muted way up here, but if he strains he can hear what she is saying when she thinks no one is listening.

He sighs and it is a very heavy gesture. For a man in which love comes so easy to express, he finds it hard to put into words his feelings for Chichi. She nags him constantly, a lot of yelling aimed at his ears, but it's such a minor flaw compared to the strength she gives him. When she sleeps, he replies to her questions, tries his best to ease her despair: Chichi, you know I'm not too good with words. . .But I'm gonna try, so you will know what I know about us, about our son. . .You mean the world to me. It's as simple as that. If I didn't have you two, if I didn't know that you were safe; this universe, the afterlife, it wouldn't mean much. It would be awfully lonely. . .

When Chichi finally sees Gohan and Goku again, they seem like complete strangers. She finds, to her dismay, how much a person changes in twelve months. As they sit around the table, Gohan speaks excitedly of his adventures in the wilderness between eating his curry. Her brow furrows, she smoothes the wrinkles in her dress as he speaks--manners thrown to the wind as he talks with a mouth full of food.

"Do you see dad much anymore?" He asks on his weekly visit. Gohan, her darling Gohan, is all grown up. Wearing a navy blue suit and glasses, he looks ever the image of a respectable businessman. He's become the person she always wished him to be. His wife, Chichi has come to like her much more than she did at first, is outside with Pan; they are picking vegetables in the garden, Pan wears her grandmother's oversized hat, her innocent laughter echoing.

Chichi doesn't say so, but she thankful for the extra help; the years have taken their toll and each day she grows more tired.

When Gohan's question enters the air, it hits her like an accusation. Why did my father run away? Why couldn't he stand to be with us, all four of us at one? You know Goten hardly even knew him. . .

Gohan would never say these things. He would never wish to hurt her. But the sense of failure still remains and she tries to hide this feeling when she speaks, "from time to time. I always tell him he should write more often, pay a visit to you and your family. I tell him these things, but you know your father, he forgets."

"It would be nice though," Gohan says softly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "I wouldn't mind Pan knowing her grandfather. She asks about him all the time, about all his adventures."

I wouldn't mind either, son. But what more can I do? What's done is done. Who can say often we, anyone of us really, ever cross his mind. Eventually the subject is laid aside for more light-hearted things. Videl brings them some tea, a cup of apple juice for six-year-old Pan. Her little granddaughter sits in her lap and Chichi hugs her tight. When it's time to go home, Pan plants a wet kiss on her cheek, "Night night Obaa-chan!"

After they leave, the home grows very still and only then does Chichi realize how alone she is out in her little home. Perhaps for some older women, it would be daunting. So very frightening to live alone. Gohan often begs her to come live with them, Videl too seems happy to have her mother-in-law stay with them. But Chichi always replies, "I am old but not incapable."

She is gazing into the fireplace, alit and flickering with orange and yellow flames, when the front door opens. Chichi is not alarmed when he enters, a brief faint smile crosses her lips when he bends over the sofa and gives her a hug, "Tadaima, Chichi."

I'm home.

He moves away from her and walks into the kitchen where plates are still full of dinner. Goku is slurping udon happily when his wife's voice enters the air, "Gohan and his family were here today."

"Really?" Goku inquires, his mouth full of noodles. He takes a gulp, "how's he doing?"

"Fine," she replies slightly weary, "he's been asking about you. He wants you to spend more time with Pan-chan." At first she doesn't even think he is listening when she receives no reply. Years ago Chichi would have yelled at him for not caring, being so insensitive to their family. But that was in the past, Chichi, while still vocal in her outrage at most things, no longer sought to waste her breath on arguments she could never win.

So instead of yelling, she stands up and without meeting Goku's gaze, she merely moves off to the bedroom. "Wait," he calls out, "Just wait a moment, Chichi!"

She turns and is startled by the man's expression. For after all these years, it is he who appears to worry. "Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will go visit them. I mean, we will go visit them. Together," he says this all in a rush of words.

"That won't change anything, Goku," she says flatly, but as she begins to speak her emotions flood and she begins to raise her voice. "Being a parent, a grandparent, is an all or nothing job. It won't change anything if you are gone the next day;if we don't hear from you for months."

"I know, Chichi, I know," he says pleadingly. "That's why I want to stay for good."

"For good?"

"For as long as I can make it last," Goku replies and it is a very cryptic reply. He doesn't deliver an open promise to stay around for ever, only for good. For as long as he can handle to play the role of dutiful husband. Eventually, she knows because it always happens, his role as Earth's guardian warrior will transcend his familial ties.

But there is sincerity in his voice and it is comforting so Chichi ignores her worries for once.

He stands inches from her, his arms wrapping around her aging shoulders. She still has yet to speak, even though there is so much she wishes to say. For now though, they both are content with the silence.

Author's Note: This story was unimaginably difficult to write. As I came to think of Chichi as a more dynamic woman, the sadness of her life revealed itself. I see a woman who has struggled with the static of being labeled a bitch, of being a smothering mother, of having her rational fears being reduced to foolishness in the eyes of her husband. I couldn't believe how loathsome Goku became to me by the time I finished writing this.