Disclaimer: Unfortunatly, Duo nor any other Gundamie stuff
belong to the great gods of anime (whoever they may be) and I'm just loaning him. :)
Neither to I own Jewel's fabby lyrics. (They came from 'Who will save your soul', 'Pieces
of you', 'Little Sister', 'Foolish Games', and 'You were ment for me' from her Pieces Of
You CD.
Authors Note: Ok, kinda well, angsty. (understatement much?) Like I said,
death-ficcie. You can read just this part, or you can read this and the next chapter as an
extended option. The next chapter is kind of supernaturally. Please review if your a kind
kind person! Thankx!
"It's OK guys – really! You won't be that long, and I really don't mind staying." Duo assured the other four Gundum pilots. He placed his meticulously crafted cheerful and cheeky smile over his face, shooing the boys out the door. "I'll see you later!"
Finally they were gone, and Duo turned, the door shutting with a soft click behind him. The careful mask remained for a few seconds before melting off, leaving no trace of the happy smile and bright eyes that were such a trademark of the long-haired pilot. He lent back heavily on the door and his head tilted back to hit the wood softly. He looked out the small window across the room with blank eyes, before his body began to slide slowly down against the hard door until he was sitting at it's base.
Minutes passed, and he was still sitting there, emotions flickering behind violet eyes. His eyes drifted down to his lap, where he outstretched his hands. He examined them as if he had never seen them before, turning them over and looking at every line, every abrasion to the skin like it was something to be in awe of. Moments later, he rose, standing with an indescribable grace and fluidity.
Long brown braid followed him with the same grace as he walked, seemingly aimlessly, across the room, touching objects strewn around it with an abject absentmindedness. Trailing his fingers across their surfaces, he never looked at one of them, but continued to walk, his eyes focusing on nothing – seeming to be blind to his surroundings. He crossed the threshold to the room he shared with Heero, flipping on the CD player and speakers, pressing Continuous Play. Sitting down on the lone chair of the room, he carefully moved Heero's laptop of to the side of the small desk. He pulled out a plain sheet of paper and picked up a nearby biro pen, setting them both out in front of himself and then sitting still.
People living their lives for you on TV / They say they're better then you and you agree
He sat at the desk for indefinite amount of time, looking down on the empty paper, his head slightly leaning to the left in contemplation. Finally he picked up his pen and pressed it down at the top of the page, pausing for half a moment before the ball began to glide across the page in elegant movements, forming letters, forming words.
He says Hold my calls' from behind from cold walls / The boss says Come here boy, there ain't nothing for free'
I wish life was like a piece of paper. I wish it were blank and clean and untouched like this one was before I put the pen down. But my piece of paper I screwed up such a long time ago, tore it to shreds so that there are only little pieces of nothing left. Too many little pieces to tape together so that the paper could be used again.
Who will save your soul when it comes to the flower's now / Who will save your soul after the lies that you told, boy? / Who will save your soul if you don't save your own?
You're all happy that the war is over, that the fighting has stopped. Even Heero. I could tell. You don't think I can, oh Perfect Soldier, but you're like an open book to me. Your eyes shone and a spark of hope lept in there somewhere. In all of you. The hope came back. And I think that's what told me mine didn't.
Some are walking, some are talking, some are stalking their kill / Got social security, but that it doesn't pay your bills / There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay / So you bargain with the Devil, say you're OK for today
I see the war has ended, that one side lost, that one side won, that we no longer have to go up in our beloved Gundams to fight the fight. I see this, but I find it brings no emotion from me. How long before human kind gets bored again, before waves of innocents begin to fall in rivers of blood. How long before we, or people like us, have to take the extreme measures to ensure something which is intangible and so easily lost?
She's an ugly girl, does it make you want to kill her? / She's an ugly girl, do you want to kick her in the face? / She's an ugly girl, she doesn't pose a threat.
And even now, in this – a peaceful' world – people are lost, having no reason for living and yet struggling on, dreaming of a better life. Orphans of a war they had nothing to do with, who no one wants to help, and then there're some that can't be helped. Like me.
Ugly girl, ugly girl, do you hate her / Cause she's pieces of you?
I don't think I have anything to stay here for. I know that you'd argue em out of it, make me stop, consider, wait. But then, it'd only be a matter of when I could get away from your wary, watchful eyes and do what I'll do now. Only a matter of hidden emotions, hidden hurt, killing me from the insides. You don't know, you see, that I'm dying here on the inside, even if there isn't anything like that showing up on the outside. Soon I'll be empty – a husk with a whole lot of nothingness inside. You all think Heero's the empty one, the cold one. You don't know me.
My little sister is a Zombie in a body / with no soul a role she has learned to play / in a world today where nothing else matters
Everyday I put up my mask, shutting down myself and becoming Duo – the energetic, psycotic boy you all know. But my name isn't Duo now. Not anymore. I'm Shinigami. I thought you deserved to know. Duo was only a construct of who you, who the team, needed. We all had a part to play, and role to fulfil in order to keep each other focused, to keep each other sane. And you needed Duo.
But it matters, we gotta star feeding our souls / Not our addictions or afflictions of pain
He was the one to crack a stupid joke at the inappropriate times so that you relaxed fractionally. He was the one you could yell at when the stress was driving you crazy. He was the one who filled the silences that would have let you think to much about what you were doing. He was the distraction that stopped you from seeing what I see. Because talking aimlessly doesn't require thought – I thought to much. And behind the mask, I lost Duo completely.
I wish I could save her from all their delusions / all the confusion / of a nation that starves for salvation
In the beginning, there was something in there, something that kept me going – wanting a better world, wanting to protect the world from destroying itself. At some point, I wish I knew when, that something began to fade, and eventually I began living for the team. But now now there is no team. Now there is no me.
In case you failed to notice / In case you failed to see / This is my heart, bleeding before you, / This is me down on my knees.
So now, I take my leave of you. I hope you don't get too upset. You'll live on without me, finding your way out into the wide world where you don't need to be the hard soldiers you've managed to live as. You'll find your hearts, your hopes, your dreams. And when you have lived all these out, say hi to the angels for me.
You'd teach me of honest things / things that were daring, things that were clean
And just so you know. It's not for hatred, for desperation, for sorrow, for love or anything so noble as those emotions. I've simply fulfilled my job, and now my time is up. Ninmou kanryou.
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back / Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track
Duo looked down at the page, filled with neatly printed handwriting. He looked at the words until they didn't mean anything to him, before abruptly standing and walking out of the room. Behind him, the pen rolled slowly off the table and hit the ground.
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead / I try and tell myself it'll be all right / I just shouldn't think anymore tonight
The pilot walked out the door of the house, leaving it hanging open as he walked into the forest where his Gundam was hidden. With practiced ease, he climbed up the cold metal, jumping into the cockpit, long silky hair flicking behind him. The hatch closed down, and moments later red flickering flames began licking around the metal. The small flames grew and grew, scorching, blackening, twisting. Soon the majestic techo-mecha was engulfed in flames.
P.S. You can read just this part, or you can read this and the next chapter as an extended option. The next chapter is kind of supernaturally. :)