Apocalyptic Crack
Disclaimer: Don't own shit.
Mamori's voice: Patrick Seitz
Yasuki's voice: Yuri Lowenthal.
Itami's voice: Mark Hamill.
Go look up TeddyKGaming on YouTube to view their roles in videogames.
Chapter 1: Let's Try This Again.
Gluttony. Greed. Pride. Sloth. Wrath. Envy. Vain Glory… Lust.
Time and time again, the wages of inerasable sin are measured, and the cost is found to be the death of all things.
In this world, from the moment life begins, the Sword of Damocles hangs overhead, waiting to drop on a moment's notice. Because in this world, though the gods are long dead, they left their tools behind and mere happenstance may grant a king's prize to a fool's errand.
To understand why, one only hast to look to the past…
"I have returned. After an eternity away from you all. Jack of Blades is back!"
…
The trailer park was an abandoned, desolate place with no real noteworthy features…
A perfect place to hide.
You sure he's here, Yasuki? The voice of Itami muttered within his mind.
Definitely. My medallion's rattling like crazy. The fingers of a gloved hand curled around the metallic dragon head hanging around his neck. Even trapped within his fist the medallion still shook, as if trying to break free.
After days of searching, Yasuki was thankful to at least be able to find something. Even if it wasn't him, an artifact would still be a valuable find.
He came to a stop before a trailer that looked to be fairly intact compared to the rest of the junkheaps lying around. Walking to the door, he reached out, knuckles rapping twice on the metal surface and waited for an answer. The door swung open, letting Yasuki briefly see into a warmly lit home with clean walls and a clean floor, and could barely make out a small table covered with weapons in various states of repair, before his vision was filled with the form of a woman.
Who was now pointing a sawed-off straight at his brow.
"What do you want?" She bluntly demanded.
Considering how the world works nowadays, this was actually one of the more politer ways to greet a stranger at your doorstep. Having been in this situation many times before, Yasuki slowly raised his hands and answered. "My name is Yasuki Toujou and I'm looking for something important. Do you know if they're any draconic artifacts in the area?"
The woman was silent and just continued to stare him down. While he waited for a response, Yasuki took this opportunity to give her a onceover.
Short, blond hair (which looked a little damp, he noticed) with two long tufts framed a very pretty face. It seemed she didn't care about the fact she was completely naked from the waist up…that or maybe she just didn't have time to put a top on before he arrived.
Her gold eyes narrowed. "No…anything worth taking is already gone."
She's lying…there's something she not telling us.
Yeah. "I see… well, my mistake. Sorry, miss…?"
"Leone."
Yasuki nodded. "Leone. I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'll just be on my way."
Not even giving a goodbye, she shut the door.
He sighed. Great… guess I'm on my own.
Don't be like that; you still have me~!
On. My. Own.
C'mon, don't be a dick.
Suddenly, a loud screech reverberated throughout the trailer park.
Doing an immediate 180, Yasuki tried to zero in on the source of the impending attack. And if the scream is any indicator, it was most likely…
Four, winged figures landed on a scavenged RV, their eyes a hungry blood-red…but also oddly cute looking. Their figures were slim, but somewhat curvaceous, like a young girl finally reaching the near-end of the teen to adult bar.
Dark lips parted wide to show a tongue slowly, hungrily slither over sharp canines.
They were vampires, but also something far, far worse…
"Brothers, look!" The one at the front spoke in a voice that one would naturally assume belonged to a girl. "A blood-pack! See? I told you nothing could fool my nose~!"
The one next to it pouted, "Mou, but he looks so skinny, though. I doubt he's got much."
"Hey, be grateful I found something today, you little shit!" The one at the front growled and slapped the bloodsucker right on the ass.
A pleasure filled squeal that was supposed to be one of pain escaped his lips. "Iyaaa, I'm sorry, I'm sorry~!"
Witnessing this exchange with a tired, half lidded stare, Yasuki let out a deep sigh.
Fucking, Shouta Vampires…
Fucking, Shouta Vampires…
A flash of light engulfed the entire area for a second before fading to reveal a sword now healed in the lone explorer's hand. The tip of the blade was curved and the cross-guard didn't even look like a cross-guard, being a circular ring with a jade-green light glowing dimly inside.
Yasuki took a simple stance, his blue eyes flashing red for a brief moment. "Let's get this over with…" He muttered.
Behind him, the trailer door kicked open. Yasuki turned and saw a man, tall and heavily muscled, step out. With only a white towel wrapped around his waist preserving his modesty, his deep-blue eyes looked to him, then to the motley crew of Traps and sighed, running a hand through his long, damp red hair, which was leopard-patterned with various blue stars.
"Well, isn't this annoying… Not even ten minutes into the day and things are already popping off."
One of vampiric abominations gasped and pointed at the bulky man, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Ooh, I bet that one's got a lot of blood~!"
The response was a flat smile and all-too-familiar incantation.
[Welsh Dragon Balance Breaker!]
Yasuki felt something, a change in the air, as if the world suddenly shifted and locked back into place.
Red plates of armor appeared underneath the bright glow emanating from his body, extending outward from his chest, all connected each by a green jeweled piece. It covered the shoulders, arms, legs, abdomen and lastly, his head.
Yasuki saw his eyes shining the same emerald green. When the plating reached his chin, two small golden horns along his jawline, the helmet materialized out of thin air like the centerpieces had.
Two massive, leathery wings expanded themselves from his back. From his spine, a tail extended from betwixt the shoulder blades and reaching the ground with a thud.
So…Rias was right.
There it was, the armor of legend, the Scale Mail of Red Dragon Emperor.
"Uhh…" One of the bloodsuckers raised a shaky finger, "is this the part where we should run?"
Unfortunately, none of them got the chance.
A yellow orb, around the size of a basketball, floated in front of his raised fist.
Alarms rag out in Yasuki's head and swiftly got down onto the cracked barren earth.
He punched it.
The orb expanded, almost to the size of a minivan, and raced towards the four vampires faster than a snow cone melting in hell. They didn't even get a chance to scream before they were vaporized.
The Red Dragon Emperor's armor faded away in red partials, swept away by the quiet breeze of a nearly dead world.
Shielding his eyes from the blast, Yasuki opened them once more after the silence persisted, and found the wilder of the [Boosted Gear] staring down at him with amusement clear on his visage.
He bent forward and offered a hand. "Yasuki, right? Name's Mamori."
Yasuki naturally let his eyes drift from the hand to other parts of Mamori's form…
And immediately looked away with a grimace. "…Your towel's gone."
Mamori rolled his eyes with a snort. "Oh c'mon, never seen a Dragon Emperor's cock before?"
Silence…
He blinked. "…Did I just make this awkward?"
"Yes, you did."
"I'll put on some clothes."
"Yep, you do that."
After making himself decent, Mamori welcomed Yasuki inside, much to Leone's annoyance, and the two sat down to have a much-needed chat.
"So," Mamori began, "You're telling me that you are a part of a band of freedom fighters dedicated to feeing the world from Jack of Blades' tyranny, and your leader had a hunch I would be in town, is that right?"
Yasuki scratched the back of his head. "Uh, I know it sounds pretty fantastical but…basically, yeah."
The Red Dragon Emperor pursed his lips, humming thoughtfully. He smiled. "Nah."
Yasuki stared back, flabbergasted. " 'Nah'? Whaddaya mean 'NAH'?!"
"Okay, I'll elaborate," Mamori sighed, leaning back into his seat, "I mean nah I don't feel like going up against the god that faced all three faction leaders and won. Was that better?"
"But…but…don't you despise what's happened the world?! Jack has turned the entire earth into a fucking wasteland!"
"I'm aware, kid, but I tried saving the world once. I failed. What makes you think things'll be different this time?"
"This," Yasuki punctuated by putting his sword on the table between them, "Its name is Bryhildlr. The legend goes is that this sword was once used to collect the souls of the fallen to appease its god."
"Your point?" Leone, who had stayed silent, asked, crossing her arms over her tube top-clad chest.
"Jack has the ability to store his soul within his mask in order to take over a new body. We destroy the mask and Jack's soul will be forever sealed within Bryhildlr." Yasuki blue eyes looked into Mamori's, his visage resolute. "With your strength and this blade, we will be able to defeat him."
Mamori stared back and all was silent…
He looked the kid over. White hair with a stand of black was all neatly done up in a long ponytail and a dusty, blue cloak was draped over his small frame.
Mamori saw the determination, the fire in his eyes. It reminded him of himself, before that day…
That day, when everything went to hell, he gave everything he had to try and stop Jack and it STILL wasn't enough… If only he was stronger, if only he was faster… No. Mulling over past failures didn't get anyone anywhere. Mamori had long ago accepted what the world has become: a barren, lifeless husk desperately clinging to life. It was actually a wonder how vegetation was still even growing.
And now, this…fucking kid just shows up outta nowhere to tell him 'Oh yeah, man, we can totally defeat Jack of Blades, the guy that destroyed all three factions. Yep, totally!'
Yeah-no. Shifting his eyes down to the oversized letter opener on the table, the Red Dragon Emperor scoffed. "Go soak your head, kid. Face Jack if you want. But I ain't helping."
With that, Mamori got up and stomped out of the trailer, slamming the door behind him with enough force to make the mobile home shudder.
Yasuki sighed, "Well, that went well…" He muttered sarcastically.
"So," Leone began, drawing out the word, "Whaddaya gonna do now?"
Getting out of his seat with a growl, Yasuki began to pace back and forth. "I don't know! I mean, it's not like I can go back with nothing. This is our one chance to take the world back and all I get is 'nah'?!"
The blonde rolled her gold eyes, putting a hand on the young man's shoulder to stop him before he made a trench in the floor. "Look…I may have an idea."
The lone explorer rose an eyebrow. "What?"
"Fight 'em."
"…I'm gonna give you the time to properly explain why I should do something so suicidality dangerous."
Leone smirked. "Dragons respect strength; show him what your made of and he'll start taking you seriously."
Yasuki narrowed his eyes. "I don't get. Why are you helping me?"
The blonde cast her gaze to the floor, and then Yasuki saw just how tired she truly was. "If there's a chance that the world can be freed…I'll take it. I'm so sick and tired of looking out the window and just seeing…gray."
The young man nodded. "I see…" He smiled, "Here goes nothin', then."
He was probably gonna get his ass kicked, but…he'll at least make sure to get some good hits in.
AN: It has recently been brought to my attention that I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing! AWESOME!
So, the best thing to do is obviously start another story. But this time...with a FAT SACK OF CRACK! ...Not that I'm actually under the influence, mind you...though I do wonder if drugs would make me write better.
Eh. Probably not...I think.
But, in all seriousness, I have taken certain reviews into account and realised something. Fanfiction should be fanfiction, and what I was doing was just a really bad retelling of stuff we already know. So, I guess this my way of just saying..."fuck it" to canon . And I hope you all enjoy this for what it is: CRACK where the rule of cool is always a constant guiding force.
Oh yes, this will be shameless, goofy, and OP. You are not ready.