I pulled on the cape next, almost completely dressed. The red was different, but it never felt so right before. Everything was too big; Thor had always been more filled out than me. The helmet was the worst, it hung loosely over my forehead. In the mirror though, I felt whole. I felt… enough.
I wanted to prance around the palace dressed in Thor's armor, I wanted everyone to see me, I wanted everyone to see me as equal. Though that stupid ugly voice in the back of my mind reminded me in hushed sadness that wearing his clothes wasn't enough. Really, there was nothing I could do.
Even sadder than before, I left Thor's clothes where I'd found them in the grand wardrobe. Thor's wardrobe was much larger than mine. And his room. His armor. His food rations. And the love he received.
Footsteps sounded from down the hallway and I quickly hopped on Thor's bed, leapt to the top of the wardrobe, and from there launched myself into the open vent trailing it's way around the ceiling. It was large enough for me to roll quietly and stealthily through it's opening.
Instead of immediately crawling back to my room through the vent tunnel, I decided to wait and watch Thor, to see if he had anything to hide. Thor loved me endlessly. I wanted to return that love, dearly. But living in his dark shadow had caused me too much pain to even look him in the eyes anymore.
Dressed casually, Thor emerged from the overly decorated double doors. He waltzed in grinning. He was always smiling. I frowned from my vent.
"I know you're up there, Loki!" he cried, still grinning, though carrying out his typical chores. I didn't reply. He continued folding clothes.
"Won't you come down? They're feasting in the main hall."
I couldn't find my voice.
"You never join us," Thor's tone was laced with something I couldn't recognize.
I waited a long time before speaking. "They don't want me there."
"I want you there. Isn't that enough?"
I wanted to reply with 'No', but was simply too tired, too tired with myself to try to be mean to Thor today.
The vent was a great hiding spot because Thor was too broad-shouldered to squeeze in with me and try to break my walls down like he was constantly doing. Opening up had never been easy for me. Well, maybe before I realized I was nothing more than a shadow, never to be loved the same. Opening up then was easy. The fact that something so natural now seemed so impossible felt foreign; I wished things had never changed.
"Loki," his voice was exhausted. "Please?"
I didn't answer.
He finally left, dejected.
I lay in the vent awhile before crawling back to my room. The vent opening was positioned directly over my bed so I could drop effortlessly into my bed from the ceiling. It usually sprouted a smile across my face but today I was too immersed in loneliness to even smirk a little.
After awhile of self loathing, I decided maybe a walk in the gardens would brighten my mood. I was tired of locking myself away. There was no way I'd walk past the Great Hall and see everyone dining, though. I'd have to go out through the vents.
I was lucky, being the only one who knew of and could fit into the vents. I was a scrawny sixteen year old but could still hold my own in battle. Traces of existence were distributed amongst the vents; my crumbs from when I've snuck food after dinner, dents from where I'd sat too long, and endless books were scattered every direction.
There was a vent that directly out of the palace and I made my way en route. It hadn't taken me long to memorize the complex trails.
I followed the dwindling sunlight streaming in and deposited myself out of the rectangular hole. No one was in the gardens, I must've accidentally stumbled to Valhalla!
Finally smiling (it felt odd, smiling) I darted to the tallest tree in the garden, and the one curved best for hanging out and reading. I started scaling the trunk and planned on going to the top, until I spotted something unusual. Not an animal, it was vibrantly blue and not something I recognized. A flower maybe? I could only catch a slim glimpse of it; the rest was hidden in the dense leaves and branches. Silently, I hopped branch to branch until I was close enough to reach a hand out and touch the blue thing. It looked smooth. Just as I reached a finger out, the blue thing moved. To reveal a much larger something.
A person!
Long, dark hair hung sloppily down her back, but still maintained an unusual sense of beauty. Her features were defined and brilliant. Her eyes shone in a way I'd never seen before. Clothed in a simple white cotton dress, she was no less than breathtaking.
Except there was something very, very wrong with her.
Her skin was blue.
Upon meeting my eyes, she let out a tiny yelp, hardly audible, and started her way quickly down the branches, faster than me. It took me a long moment of confusion and disbelief before I could throw myself together and follow after her. There was no way I could lose this girl. She was… like me. In a way no one was. This must be a dream. And I hadn't had one of those in a long, long time.
"Wait!" I called, but I was losing her amongst the brush. Instead of trying my way through the difficult branches, I decided to let myself fall from the tree. It wasn't that far a drop, was it?
Well, it was. I felt the impact heavy on my shoulders. Though my trick had worked. I was on the grass before she was out of the tree, and she hadn't noticed until she was a branch from the ground.
"Wait, please, I won't hurt you," I trying to gentle my voice, but I hadn't spoken to people other than Thor in such a long time, I didn't know how to properly converse. She was practically trembling. Her skin was no longer blue but a porcelain shade, looking paler than healthy. I held a hand out. "Please, let me help you down."
She stared uneasily at my hand but didn't dare take it. I let it fall to my side. "What's your name?"
She watched me with careful eyes, careful eyes heavy with something I couldn't place. "Clove," she whispered it, I had to lean in to catch it.
"Pretty," I breathed, and this time she let me help her from the tree.
"Did you see?" her voice was rough and venomous with fear. I recognized it from my own voice.
"Yes."
She stiffened and made like she was going to run. "No, please don't run," I took her elbow, not harshly, so if she did want to run she could. As soon as my skin touched hers, the blue rippled across her body, slowly, drifting body part to body part like water falling over a stone. The same happened to my skin. She watched me with blank eyes, unbelieving.
"Please, I'm just like you," I smiled, holding out my other arm, letting her see that my skin tone matched hers, though hers was much more beautiful and radiant than mine.
No one spoke for a long time. I let go of her elbow. We stood in comfortable silence, letting our skin fall back to pale.
Something blossomed in my being, something I thought had died a long time ago, along with my happiness.
Hope.
Hope you enjoyed! Chapters soon. xoxo