What Happens When the OC is Technically Evil: A Mary-Sue Gone Weird and Scary Fanfiction

Part The First

I stood in front of Mr. Garrison's class, arms crossed over my chest my eyebrows raised slightly as I surveyed my new classmates. They seemed like idiot rednecks that I could care less about. Goodies. Luckily I had no intention of making friends. Practicing sociopaths have no need of friends.

"Okay class, this is Evalin Smyth from Canada," Mr. Garrison said, seeming pretty much uninterested.

"But, she doesn't look Canadian, I have a Canadian brother so I know," said a boy in a green hat. I didn't understand why this school couldn't spring for some decent heating; even I had to wear my black jacket. Luckily it was leather and kicked ass so that was fine. But geez, did they give no funding to this godforsaken place?

"I wasn't born Canadian dumbass. I was born in the US and my parents immigrated to Canada when I was 2, but I wasn't nice enough for fucking Canadians so I got thrown out of the fucking country and now I'm in this godforsaken hell hole until I can scrape together enough money to move to Europe," I spat and moved into the only empty desk, between a kid in an orange parka and a weirdo French blonde girl. Fuck my luck.

"Well Miss Hoidi Toidi Canadian girl, if you think you can get all self righteous on our asses then you've got another fucking thing coming!' Mr. Garrison spat. I had a feeling he didn't much care for me. Phht, like I cared.

"Phht, whatever," I rolled my eyes and immediately yanked out a teen manga and started reading. Obviously reading all these had warped my fragile little nine year old mind but heh, too late now. I was addicted. Like many other poor psychotic girls. Ah well.

Luckily, Mr. Garrison didn't seem to give a rat's ass about me reading during class. However, I got poked by a pencil and turned behind me with a glare. There was a fat kid in a red coat smirking in a way I'm sure he thought was evil at me.

"So, you're the new kid huh? Well guess what? Now everyone is going to hate you! Just because you're new!" he has a nasally voice with a very mild Southern accent here and there. I instantly hated it.

I rolled my eyes, "okay. Well I'm going to hate you because you're a retarded redneck fat ass with a fork jammed up your hole."

His smirk fell and he glared, "AY! I don't have a fork up my hole!"

"Oh really? Well if you poke me again I'll have to jam one up there myself," I snapped and turned back to my manga.

"Whoa dude!" I heard from the green hat idiot nearby. I didn't bother looking up.

*****

Recess. I sat against the fence with my manga. The stupid French bitch showed up.

"Hello there Miss Evalin. I'm Pip," she said. I blinked.

"You're British?"

"Why, yes! I am indeed! But everyone thinks I'm French!" the girl sounded positively gleeful. How utterly aggravating.

"Great. Now why don't you go bloody a tampon you gay British wanker," I chuckled.

The British girl grinned and clapped. What the fuck? "Oh my gosh! You have no idea how good it feels to be insulted in my own tongue!"

"Aw shit," I groaned, "I didn't mean it. Go the fuck away."

"Righto!" she grinned, looking insanely happy. Oh Lord why? At least she left. Gay British freak. I turned the page.

"Hello Evalin."

I twitched. "Hello fat ass."

"Goddamn it don't call me that! How the fuck do you know everyone calls me that al'eady!?"

I didn't look up. "I didn't know. But that's the most obvious thing to call you. Since you're a fat ass."

"I am not! I'm big boned!"

I snorted with laughter, "big boned? Oh Jesus really?! Who told you that, your mom? Oh Jesus," I looked up at his face which was getting steadily angrier.

"Hey! You're the new kid; I'm supposed to make fun of YOU! That's how it works you, uh, you stupid bitch!"

I chuckled, "nice insult, did you read that off a Fruit Loops box?"

"Sh-shut up cunt!" the fat kid snapped.

"Right. Well how about you try this one on for size," I stood up. I walked straight up to him and smirked before unleashing my wrath, "you are a fat rectal discharge of a whore who fucked with a retarded squirrel. So go fuck the devil in ass and have some more retarded butt babies in hell so I can go back to reading my fucking manga in peace."

He opened his mouth, and then closed it. He opened again, and closed it. Then turned around and walked away, wide eyed and staring at the ground. Then he turned again, opened his mouth, and then turned away again and left. I snorted and went back to reading. Or I tried. Next thing I knew I was surrounded by people all talking at once.

"Oh for fuck's sake, what now?" I snapped.

"That was awesome!" the green hat kid cheered, "Cartman's never looked so devastated in his life! You are SO my hero! Even if you are a girl, you're like, the coolest girl who ever lived!"

I sniffed. "That is not news to me. Now do you actually want something or can I please go back to doing what I was doing?"

"Actually," said a boy in a blue hat and I turned toward him, pinning his eyes with my own. He hesitated but still went on, "we were wondering if, you know, you wanted to hang out or something," he shuffled his feet.

I stared, then twitched, "Hell no," I turned back to my manga.

"What? Why not?!" the blue hat kid snapped. He was met by a chorus of slight anger.

"Hey calm down guys, she's a girl. She probably just doesn't want to play with boys. Stan should introduce her to Wendy or something," the green hat boy pointed out.

"No," I said turning the page in my manga again.

"What? You don't want to hang out with girls?" the green hat boy seemed confused.

I rolled my eyes, but didn't look up again, "I don't want to hang out with anyone. Because you're all assfuckers. And I'm reading. So fuck off and leave me the hell alone."

I had a feeling they were gaping.

"Well, that was rude," came a raspy, monotone voice I glanced up finally to see a boy in another blue hat, but with a yellow pompom.

"And should I care, seeing as I don't intend to hang out with any of you?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Well, uh," they seemed to hesitate, and they huddled from what I could hear, they seemed to be discussing if it was okay to duct tape a girl to a bench. I decided that I should probably go elsewhere. I got up and left so whenever they turned back I'd be long gone. I found a spot further away, under a tree. Then I got girls around me. Goddamn it WHY?!?!?

"Hey, you're the new girl right? We like how you hate Cartman," said a girl in a pink beret, "I'm Wendy, and this is Bebe, Powder, Heidi, Annie and Red."

"Okay. I'm Evalin," I said with a sigh. It had been my experience that girls were far more dangerous than boys if you are rude to them. So I normally would try to avoid it face to face. "It's nice to meet you."

"So we were wondering if you wanted to come to our next girl meeting," Bebe cut right to the point, "They're pretty cool, we make lots of lists."

I frowned, "Um… no offense but that isn't really my thing…"

"Oh come on, just try one meeting, we think you'd have lots of fun!" Wendy said smiling.

I rubbed my forehead. "Okay. I'll go to one of your meetings. But for now, I'm really into this manga and I'd like to finish it. Is that alright?"

"Oh, that's cool, you read manga? Those are Japanese comic books right?" Wendy asked excitedly.

"Yes. This is Chobits volume 7," I replied in monotone.

"Oh, well, maybe we should try reading it," Wendy said to her friends and they nodded and went away. Oh thank you Jesus. I cracked open my manga again. Life is hard enough without frequent interupt- aw SHIT!

"Hello M-miss Evalin is it?" stuttered a small blond boy, "I-I'm Butters."

"Great," I said dully. Were new kids really that rare here that I was the new star attraction of the freak show? How very, very gay.

"S-so, how're you liking South Park so far?" Butters asked, tapping his knuckles together in front of him. He actually looked a little cute being all nervous like that. He'd be easy to use… and it would probably be useless to just insult him. By the looks of things, it'd kind of be like kicking a puppy. Not that I'd have a problem kicking a puppy… especially if it was a Pomeranian. I fucking hate those fluffy things.

"Like a granny likes her half baked mashed potatoes at the retirement home," I said, flipping another page. Reading and talking at the same time is a talent I've possessed for a long time, but it does make me read a lot slower.

"O-oh. Well, that's good then," Butters said, obviously having no idea what I meant, "So, I heard you've been sort of mean to the other guys, w-why is that?"

I sighed, leaning against the tree and closing my eyes. "Because I'm reading Butters. And when I'm reading, I don't like being disturbed. The more I'm disturbed, the meaner I get. So you'd be doing me a favor to spread that around a little and leave me alone until I'm done my manga. Okay?"

"Okay! You can count on me!" Butters said happily and ran off. I felt prickly in my chest. Letting someone off nice like that was SO not me, but as much as it was fun to toss insults and act superior I knew making enemies with EVERYONE wasn't a good idea. I was smarter than that. This is why I talked peacefully with the girls and let Butters off with a warning.

I finished the last page, and stood, holding the book to my chest. I noticed Cartman sitting in the sand box looking pissy. I laughed a little. He seemed the type to have more insults then bitch and cunt… maybe I could coax out some more. Later though, the bell rang.

*****

"What's 7 times 5?" Mr. Garrison snapped, "come on you little fucktards I know you're smarter than THIS, what about you smartass Canadian?"

I'd finished my manga so I'd been paying a little more attention but I was still bored "Goddamnit…" I muttered, "Seven times five? Well let me do a mental picture. If we assumed you watched seven bestiality porn videos last night, and then jacked off five times for each one… hmm, let's see, I'd say you jacked off 35 times last night." The orange coat kid next to me burst into hysterical laughter. I smirked just a little.

"THAT'S IT YOU STUPID LITTLE- wait a minute, 35 is the answer…" Mr. Garrison seemed shocked.

"No duh fucktard," I rolled my eyes.

"Wow…" came a gasp from that stupid green hat kid.

"Great, another stupid brainiac in the class," Cartman groaned.

"Great, another oxymoron to deal with," I groaned.

"AY! What's an oxymoron you dumb whore?" Cartman snapped.

The green hat kid seemed to answer for me, "that's when you say two things that are the opposite of each other fat ass! Like a stupid brainiac!"

"Well… well, shut up Jew!" Cartman snapped.

I rolled my eyes and rubbed my forehead. This idiocy was giving me a headache. Budding sociopathic intelligences shouldn't have to deal with this sort of bullshit.

*****

At lunch I walked by the cafeteria worker Chef. He looked down at me and smiled.

"So, you're the new girl huh? How've the other kids been? I know it's hard being new but-"

"Not that hard. They won't leave me the fuck alone though," I snorted as I grabbed my tray.

"Well, if they're teasing you-"

"Oh I WISH they were teasing me," I sighed, "it's more like they're stalking me."

"OH! Oh hey Evalin! You have to come sit with us!" Wendy waved from the table grinning widely. I sighed.

"It's been like that all recess too, why don't they just, fucking, URG!" I shook my head and sighed, heading to Wendy's table. Refusing the invitation might be unwise… Chef seemed to stare as I left. I placed my tray in the midst of the girls but then quickly excused myself to the washroom. I headed out passing Cartman, the orange coat kid, and the blue and green hat boys at the front of the lunch line.

"Hello children!"

"Hey Chef," the boys said in unison.

"How's it going?"

"Bad," said Cartman.

"Only for you fat ass! That Evalin girl is fucking sweet! She just tore you down like you were nothing! AND she's smart!" the green hat Jew snapped. Huh, interesting they hadn't noticed me. I stood outside the doorway and listened.

"Well Kyle, if you like her so much then why don't you just go marry her!" Cartman growled. I snorted. Yeah, like that'd ever happen. Not to sound anti-Semitic but… ah to hell with it. Yeah, I wasn't going to marry a fucking Jew and have to deal with some Jew-bitch mother–in-law pissed for eternity that her precious little boy didn't marry someone of his own religion. I wasn't against Jews exactly, I just didn't want to marry one. Hell. I was nine. I didn't want to marry anyone at the moment. And as my life was heading at the moment I could well decide never marry anyone, ever. Anyway. this Kyle kid seemed annoying to me. Fuck it if he was defending me, I didn't need it.

"Shut UP Cartman!" Kyle shouted.

"Children, children, you shouldn't go getting all upset over a woman" Chef said.

"Well, I'm not upset I just want to break her stupid bitch legs that's all," Cartman muttered.

"Yeah, and then she'll STILL beat you up fat ass!" Kyle screamed.

"Kyle, calm down," said blue hat boy, "I mean, she's not that great. She mostly just swears a lot. And she wasn't that nice to us either."

"Well, she's going to be friends with me!" Kyle sounded very confident. Yeah, sure, in some alternate reality. Here though, not a chance. I walked back inside and went to sit with the girls, but the Jew caught up and babbled something. Damn.

"My God. What?" I growled. He took a deep breath and started again, slower.

"I said, um, would you maybe like to go to a movie after school or something, uh, just as friends?" he asked. I stared.

"No."

He seemed crushed, "b-but… why not?!"

I rolled my eyes, "because we're not friends"

"Oh," he said as I started to turn back to the girls' table, "but wait! What if, it wasn't as friends, like, a date?"

I stared again. I stared long and hard. Then I broke into loud, hysterical laughter until Kyle walked away in absolute horror. Oh, that was fun. That was really, really fun. I chuckled as I returned to the girl table. Bebe looked shocked.

"D-did Kyle just ask you out?" she gasped.

I nodded, "And I turned him down. I mean, sorry but that hat just makes me laugh."

"Well… yeah his hat IS pretty stupid…" Bebe said thoughtfully, "Hey! Maybe that should be our next list! Who has the best hat! So Kyle's would probably be low on the list…"

I sighed and bit into my apple, wondering vaguely if I should've accepted the young Jew's offer. Purely for entertainment purposes of course. He could be my next victim of toying and heartbreak which sounded like fun. I'd think about it.