A/N: Okay guys and girls, I am AlphaGhost500! I've never published anything here before, so I don't expect anyone here to know who I am (aside from betas, past and present, or if I've reviewed your story). I've been writing fics since June 2013, all Tomb Raider, and I have plans to expand into Mass Effect, StarCraft, and OCxOC in the future. As a huge fan of femmeslash, I wouldn't expect much else from me. Don't like, don't read, m'kay?
This is a fic I was working on earlier this year, from August 3rd to September 30th (I keep track). THIS IS BY NO MEANS MY BEST WORK. This is actually pretty crappy for what it is right now. (My whole writing process has changed since I did anything on this fic, literally.) The story is incomplete and there's no editing whatsoever, all I did was fix some typos and correct formatting to post this here.
If anyone wants to see what else I've done, just PM me or leave a note in a review or whatever and I'll post what I have. (Aside from this, I have an older fic that is much worse, and my "new" fic that I am currently working on (the latter one is actually readable).)
Again, this is by no means my best work, nor is it anywhere near complete. I am posting this here as a late Christmas present to the Tomb Raider fan fiction community so I won't completely break a promise I made. If you want to know more about me, check my profile. If my formatting is too alien then the basics are: Bold text is author's notes, Italic text is thoughts of a character (or narrator, I write almost all 1st person), and uhh, Underlined text, I don't really use that anymore. [Text in brackets] is English translations (I'm teaching myself German, including it in fics is decent practice for me).
Here's the story (it's long, I say don't treat it as anything more then "proof-of-concept"):
"My Samantha" aka: FanFic2 - by AlphaGhost500
Prologue:
I'm cold, very cold. Rain is good, I like it; very peaceful. Not today, though. I fear I'm going insane. But I know standing here, out on the porch, in the rain, is not going to help things. I have to act. I'll either find peace, or ever lasting sadness. I have to do something, but hell what am I saying? I suppose I'll start where it all begun... All those years ago, on a regular day, riding to school. The day I met Samantha.
Act One: Rise
Same shit, different day, right? Well, not exactly, not that day; that day was different.
Flashback One:
I fucking hate school. Every aspect about it, I fucking hate it. Every day I put up with this shit... Wait. My seat is taken. Guess the far back it is. Boy oh boy was it. Best thing I ever did. Guess I won't be sitting alone. Who the hell is that?!
I slowly sat down at the back seat. I was not sitting alone, which is what I always did. Every day for the past years, never different; until today.
"Hello there."
"H-hi."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Samantha, everyone calls me Sam though."
"My name is Lara... Lara Croft. Nice to meet you too, I guess."
Hm. Seems nice, this one. Very open, I like it; wish I was that way.
"So~ what are you doing today? All I'm going to be doing is school, homework, and boring shit."
"Same here! Same here. I... don't like school; in fact I fucking hate this shit. Boring waste of my time if you ask me."
"That's... one way of looking at things, I suppose. What are you going for?"
"I want to be an explorer. Find ruins and stuff, like my dad. You?"
"Well... erm~, I don't know yet. Whatever it is, I know I'll like it!"
"Good way to look at things. Always good to have an open mind, and look at things from more than one angle."
"Yeah, I suppose. If you'd like we can talk more later."
"Sure, sounds good. Maybe I'll have a friend for once..."
Having no friends sucks. I hope she will be the 'first' then!
"What do you mean? I don't understand what you mean."
"I have no friends right now, unless I count you Sam. I've never been the talky one."
"Same here; I don't really have any friends either. Guess I just got one then! Yay. You're a real sweetie aren't you?"
"Well... I never thought about it much, guess you might be right."
Sweetie... never heard that one before. I like it, hope it sticks around for awhile.
We exchanged contact information, and grew to be better and better friends over the next weeks. Seeing our friendship evolve was... extremely interesting to say the least.
Flashback Two:
What next? Hm. Ah, I remember that day. It was like when we first met; normal day that ended up being not so normal. It was a very goo day in my books.
What to do... what to do... Ah! I can call Samantha... Oh there's tons of good movies out right now; she might want to go out. Ah shit, that seems to much like a date... Fuck it, what is there to loose? Ok...
"Hello, is that Lara?"
"Hi... I'm bored as fuck right now."
"I feel for you, I'm bored too. Any ideas sound good?"
"Erm... yeah, sorta-"
"You sound nervous as fuck. What's wrong?"
"I was thinking we could go out to the movies."
"Oh. That sounds good, actually. Just the one down in town, right?"
"Of course. And Sam."
"Yes~?"
"Don't bring money; I got this covered."
"You sure? You sure?"
"Yes, I invited you out, I can pay. I want to pay, too."
"A'ight. See ya there?"
"Sure. I'll be there in about 10 maybe 15 minutes."
"Sounds good."
Phew... that went much better then I thought! But fuck... This feels like a damn date; hell it may as well be. Ugh... out of every one I know, I like her the most. I don't know, I might be a lesbian. Guess this date decides if I am or not. Time to see Sam.
"Hey Sam!"
"Ahh! Didn't see you there, hello Lara!"
Let's see what's in. Hm... mostly bad superhero sequels. Fuck, the only good one is... oh my... one that revolves around a lesbain relationship. Well, it'll do.
Soon we walked back to the theater, and took the seats that were in the far back.
Damn, if this is a date... with Sam, guess the far back is the best bet. Don't want to look awkward in public.
"Which movie did you pick, Lara?"
"..."
"Ok then. Guess it's a surprise."
"It's the only one that's not a bad superhero sequel."
"Oh. That one... I admit I was interested in seeing what it's about, actually. Don't tell anyone! Please!"
"Alright; I can do that, I guess."
Ok, ok. This is a date, with Samantha. Gosh... a lesbian date to see a lesbian movie! This is gonna be awkward as all shit. Good luck, Lara. I'll need it badly.
The first hour was uneventful. For a little while I forgot it was a date. When I remembered again, I had thought the movie was far shorter then it actually was.
I figured it was no better time then to start making my move. I figured just holding hands was the best thing to do at that point. Starting off slow, then slowly doing more over more dates, can't fail. Slowly, I started moving, inching, my hand out of my chair and moving to Sam's. I was literally inching my way there; I never felt more nervous in my life. A minute or two later, I was almost there.
Oh gosh oh gosh...
Just an inch away, I decided to go for it. Slowly I took her hand into mine, interlocking our fingers. She didn't say not a word, but it was impossible for her not to have felt it.
Well, it's a start. Mm. Her skin is soft... smooth... warm... perfect almost. I can deal with this. No no no, I want this. It's no bother to resist, I do want her after all. I think I could get used to calling her my girlfriend; yeah, I can do that.
No, my bad. I saw her smile when I held her hand. She must have knew I was looking at her, why wouldn't I be? Who wouldn't want to see their SO's reactions to a move like that?
We held hands for the rest of our date, only parting when we walked out.
"Thanks for taking me out, Lara! I had a great time!"
"No problem, always my pleasure! Maybe we can come again soon?"
"You read my mind; no doubt I want to come again soon!"
Whew!
"Oh, and Lara..."
Fuck fuck fuck...
"Yeah, Sam?"
"If there's anything you want to tell me, I'm happy to listen. You know what I'm talking about, sweetie."
"Al-alright, sounds good. If I can find the time... I will!"
"That works for me. See you here again~... next week?"
"See you then; I can't wait!"
"Neither can I! See you later, sweetie!"
"See ya!"
Well... that was unexpected. Guess I didn't have to be so nervous. Well, I have a girlfriend! Awesome, guess I am a lesbian after all! Oh... I think I already like Sam... A lot...
It was another full week until I went out with her again. A week that felt like a year, even an eon. We again went back to the movies, and decided to see the same movie again. I always felt it best to see a movie at least two or three times before judging it. You always pick up more of the small details every time; it's like that with everything, music, movies, games, all of it; hell even girls.
However, this time I wasn't nervous at all. In fact, I was quite excited; I'd be with Sam, oh Sam... I held her hand from the moment we sat down this time, and tried to sit as close to her as possible.
Remember, take it slow. Don't want to scare her off by kissing her on our second date. If she wants to go faster she'll take it faster. I want her to take me out too; I don't want to take any sort of 'leader' role here. We are equals; no leadership, period. Fuck the movie, I'm here for Samantha, and Samantha only. Right... Okay...
"I've been thinking about our relationship, us; probably more then I should be."
"Okay?"
"And... I really want to be with you, Lara. I want you, your love, your care. I want you, Lara. I don't give a shit how fast we take this, I enjoy every second of it. I love being with you, Lara, and I want to be with you more."
"Y-you really feel that way, Sam?"
"Yes, I do."
"I~... feel the same way about you, too, Samantha. I really like you and I want to be with you more then anything else in the world. You can take me out, too, don't feel as if you have to rely on me for us to be together; I'd quite like it if you would take me out some time."
"Alright, I can take you out whenever you like. I just wasn't sure how much you wanted to be with me, so I didn't know if I should take you out or not."
"It's ok Sam, I wasn't sure how often I should take you out either. But please Sam, ask me out whenever you like; I'll always be happy to spend time with you!"
"Then you better be expecting some phone calls, Lara."
Hell yes! Yes yes yes! I certainly will be expecting those calls; I can't wait! I fucking love you Samantha! I fucking love you!
Our third date was by far my personal favorite. It was... well, a lot of great things. For a starter, it was the first time Samantha had asked me out, and not the other way around.
"Hey Lara!"
"Oh, Sam! You have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice!"
"Why? What's wrong?!"
"Nothing. I love talking with you and being with you more then anything else!"
"Well, I can say the same about you!"
"You are quite the sweetie, aren't you? Anyways, what's up?"
"I was wondering if you'd like to come over... well, it doesn't have to be here; wherever you'd like!"
"Erm... the usual?"
"Sure."
Sweet! Another date, ohhh yes! You are the best, Samantha!
"Um, aren't you going to sit down, Lara?"
Hot damn, you are beautiful Sam...
"Lara?"
"Oh? Yes?"
"Aren't you going to sit down?"
"Well... that depends where."
"What do you mean?"
"Erm... uh... how do I say this..."
"Never mind, just do it, sweetie."
I slowly sat down on hep lap, unable to keep myself from looking, no gawking, at her.
"Mhm~. I thought so. Come 'ere, sweetie..."
As she requested, I pulled myself closer to her. I embraced her tight, enjoying the moment.
"Sam. I'm here for you, not the movies. I ought'a look at you if that's the case."
"Please."
"Well, do you want me to look at you or stare at you like a creep?"
"Sweetie, you are not a creep. Look at me however you wish; no matter how creepy it may seem. I don't care if you stare at my ass in the middle of a park, do whatever you like, please."
"Alright. You know how to make me happy, don't you?"
No answer. Nice stare though; not easy to read.
It took her awhile to realize I didn't understand what she meant.
"To answer your question, Lara, I suppose I do. Please make me happy... er. Do so however you like, I mean that."
This time I didn't reply. I slowly stared into her eyes for a moment, and decided I should make my move sooner rather then later. What was my move? Well, I slowly pulled her closer to me, and I pulled myself closer to her as well. I could see that she knew what was coming.
"Close your eyes."
She closed her eyes, ready for what I had in store. I slowly pulled her into our first kiss, closing my eyes as well. Neither of us pulled out, enjoying the feeling of love for one another. For once, I felt as if I didn't have to hide our relationship from anyone. We had kept it private, but we both knew we couldn't keep it that way for long.
Reluctantly I pulled out, if only to get some air. When I opened my eyes, I saw Sam staring back at me, looking very nice. The experience was pleasant; and I knew I wanted more.
"Did you enjoy that, Samantha?"
"You have no reason to ask me that. You should already know."
"Well then, you can expect more of that soon, sweetie."
"Hehehe, I'm looking forward to it!"
"You better be; I really enjoyed that, so I expect you to kiss me as well-"
I couldn't finish my sentence before she did just that. She pulled me into a long, deep kiss; in that moment I knew I wanted to be with her forever, I wouldn't be able to deny my undying love for her any longer. I didn't want to hide my feelings for her; I wanted it to be known that I loved Sam more then anything else.
Samantha, sweetie, I love you. I love you more then anything else I have laid my eyes on. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met, and I will do anything and everything for you. I will never leave you as long as I live, and I hope one day I can marry you. Samantha, I love you.
I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her exactly that, and I wanted to now. Guess that was me planned a speech.
"S-Sam..."
"Yes, Lara?"
"Sam... Samantha... I know you know this already, but I want you to know that I love you. You are stunningly beautiful; I have never laid my eyes on such a hot girl in my life. I want to say it again, I want to be with you more then anything else. If you ever left me... I'd be lost, sad, depressed, I... don't want to even think of that. I want to live with you forever, and I will do anything for you, to be with you, to love you.
"Samantha, I love you. I love you. I will do anything for you, to be with you, to have your love and care. I'll never leave you as long as I live. My undying love for you will never leave me, and I will always love you, more then anything else. I'll say it a thousand times, ten thousand, a hundred thousand times, I love you Sam!"
"Sweetie... I love you more then anything else in the world. I will do anything to be with you too! I love you Lara, and I don't want to have to hide it-"
"Me either, but we both know what will happen if we come out, as lesbians or as lovers-"
"And it's a risk I'm willing to take and accept. We both said it, we will do anything and everything for each other. And we will have to do this if we want to or not. Come here, you know you love a nice lesbian make out with me, Lara. If it might be our last, let's make it good. School is getting out soon, so I guess it can be an early graduation gift."
"As long as I have anything to say in it, this will not be our last make out. No reason not to make it good though. Let's stop talking and start kissing."
I pulled us into a makeout, again embracing her in the process. I placed many long, deep kisses on her lips; love pouring between the two of us. I have never felt so much so much love for someone in my life as I have for Samantha. Making out with Sam is one of those feelings that I just wish could last forever; it makes me feel loved and peaceful, and just generally good.
I just wish it could have lasted more then a few minutes, as our time was out; movie over.
"Damnit... I was really getting into it, Lara!"
"Same here, same here. There's only one thing I can think of."
"Yes? That is what exactly?"
"Meet back here again in one day?"
"Works for me, sweetie."
"Maybe expect to stay a little longer, too. Then we confess?"
"Okay, that works great!"
Okay Lara... I have one day to come up with a good way to confess that I'm a lesbian and that I'm deeply in love with Sam. It will be difficult no doubt, but I have no choice. If I want to be with Sam for the rest of our lives, and love her while doing so, then I can't hide it. It's hard enough already, let alone in five, ten years. Do I take this the 'confession' route or the 'confrontation' route? I am my own person; I do not rely on anyone except Sam, and that is because I love her and we are girlfriends. I am not a weakling, I am not nor will I ever be anyone's slave!
It's decided... if I never see my family again then so be it! If they can't accept that Sam is my girlfriends and I love her, then so be it! If me and Sam have to live on an island in the middle of nowhere, then so! fucking! be! it! They are not my family if they will not accept me for who I am; I am a lesbian and I love Sam, both are my choice to make and I will not let anyone else decide who I love or how I feel about anything! I love you Sam.
Our next date went nearly the same as the previous one, kissing and make outs left and right. During the whole date up to a certain point, all I had said was a 'hello'. After our movie was over, I led her to the bathroom. She was spiting out questions like crazy, and I refused to answer any, prefering to stay quiet. When we were finally in a stall, I slowly embraced her.
After a few minutes of cuddling her, I did the last thing she expected. I was more or less stripping down, and only stopped once the only things I was wearing were my bra and panties. Sam was nearly spewing out questions, and I gave her a hand signal that meant "don't speak'. She nodded in approved, but to her... excitement was approving of more then one thing.
With her unknowing agreement, I begun to strip her down as well; until she was in a similar state as me. I was unsure how far I wanted to go, and I had the feeling of 'there will be a better time for this'; I stopped there, and embraced her tightly, as I always did when we were on dates now. I had a few reasons for staying quiet, first, I was planning to have sex with her until I felt the 'better time' urge; second, if we fucked each other or not, I wanted her to not be distracted with chatter, so she could take in every feeling as it was meant to be; and third, I was tired as hell.
We stayed together for awhile, simply enjoying each other. I could feel that I was falling asleep in her arms. I gave no resistance, it actually felt as if it was a metaphor for me, us. We both said it earlier, more or less. We will do anything for each other:
'We will both do anything for each other, even to our last breaths.'
I offered no resistance. Slowly I fell asleep in her arms. With my last energy before I fell asleep, I embraced her tighter then I ever had. Tighter then I would for a very long time...
I held her tight. I wanted her. I cared for her. I love her. We may die some day; we might loose each other some day, willingly or not. That's why I treated every moment, every date, every kiss, every embrace with her as if it was our last; because it very well could be. We might be forever until we die, but that's still a finite amount of time; make the best out of all of it, because it will end.
I love you, Samantha.
Act Two: Reunion
"...and that is why I am a lesbian; Sam."
Silence. Not a word. Just two anger filled stares, at me.
"If you wish to disgrace our family, us, then so be it. If you must be with this... girlfriend... then you won't see either of us again. Goodbye Lara, you are not a Croft."
"You thought I'd just be 'ok' and cry like a bitch? Quite frankly, if neither of you can accept me for who I am then I have no desire to see either of you. If YOU will not accept me for my BELIEFS, my FRIENDS, my LIFE, then you both are soulless assholes. Take all you want, you will never take Samantha! You will never shatter our relationship! You will NEVER take our LOVE! I'll see you in hell, or rather, I won't. Ist nicht mein Unglück!"
"...and that is why I am a lesbian; Lara."
"Let's understand this; you have chosen to fall in love with you best friend, who happens to be a girl?"
"Yes! I have chosen to fall in love with Lara, and our relationship will not just... fade away easily."
"You have chosen to disgrace our family and beliefs... so you can be with this girl?"
"Yes! It is not my misery!"
"Get out of our sight! You are not a Nishimura anymore, Samantha!"
"Boo-hoo? Boo fucking hoo? Think again! Quite honestly, I will NOT OR EVER HAVE ANYONE CONTROL MY LIFE IN ANY WAY! Oh, so because I have decided I want to love my friend, that I shall be damned to eternal hell-"
"Ye-"
"YES! I DO NOT GIVE TWO FUCKS ABOUT ADHERING TO SOME SORT OF 'CODE OF CONDUCT' THAT I MUST FOLLOW FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! No, you heard me right! I! DO! NOT! GIVE! TWO! FUCKS!"
"Then-"
"THEN YOU TWO WILL BURN IN HELL FOR NOT ACCEPTING MY BELIEFS AND FOR ACCEPTING ME FOR WHO I AM! Don't speak to me again! Do not speak of me again! Do not THINK of me again! See you not again, ist nicht mein Unglück!"
"So Lara, this means that we're living on the streets until uni, right?"
"Well... yes. Let's see... we have a combined... five hundred pounds?"
"Ehh... yes..."
"Well, let's hope we can survive. As long as we have each other, I'm sure we will make it!"
"Mmm~."
Slowly I embraced her like I always did. A tight hug of reassurance that things would be okay. Of course, by the fact that I can even tell this is enough proof of the outcome. But at the time, we didn't know if we would make it another day.
It was only after me and Sam both confessed that we realized something. Both of our last lines were the same, 'ist nicht mein Unglück'. 'It is not my misery'. Why did we say that? Why did we say it in German? It was just another thing to add to the list.
We both did survive living on the streets for nearly four months, in between 12th grade and university. But by the time we even reached university, things were already turning for the worst:
We were so busy that we hardly saw each other.
It was true. All the stories are true, you will have nearly no free time during university. I barely saw Sam, and only got to talk to her for about 5 minutes a week, if even that. Every second we were not either in class, doing studies, or sleeping we were eating, shopping, working, or doing other stuff that had to be done no matter what. Yes, even our weekends were consumed by studies and work.
It was the saddest time of my life, and quite possibly the worst. Yamati isn't the 'worst' because it at least taught me and Sam survival skills and life lessons, therefore it earns a nice second-to-last place on the list. Uni felt as if it taught me nearly anything I didn't already know or would ever need. Total I saw Sam for about two hours during university. That's right, all four years; that counts summer as well. Goddamn fucking summer courses...
If you couldn't guess, Sam and I's relationship more less ended, and it was not willingly either. I was heartbroken for four damn years because I couldn't be with Sam. You know how after a very sad scene of a movie or book where you feel empty, sad, and depressed afterward? I went through that for four years straight. 'ist mein Unglück' couldn't describe it better, if that makes sense. It makes me sad even thinking about it... so I guess I won't. But if you thought this was sad... it gets better pretty soon.
It was two weeks until me and Sam graduated from university. I couldn't wait. I was sad and depressed at this time. Me and Sam had slowly fallen out of contact all together four months prior; I had forgotten her completely, but only for four months. Four months to long.
Asche zu Asche? Ja... [Ashes to ashes? Yeah...]
I was bored and more depressed then ever that day. I was just sitting on bed, going through my contacts on my phone. It was going normal, deleting ones I didn't need anymore. But then I found one that would change my life... again.
Hm hm hm... HM? What's this one? Sam... Nishi... mura? Sam Nishimura... Wait! Sam Nishimura?!
I even did a double-take at it. I had never been so surprised in my life.
Sam... Samantha... Oh my god... Sam I am so sorry. Oh Sam... however am I going to make up for this fuck up? Fuck up... what an understatement. Well... only way to see...
Even though I was crying at this point, I decided to see what she would say anyways.
"Hello? This is Samantha speaking."
"..."
"Hello?"
"S-Sam..."
"Lara? It sounds like you're sick!"
"I'm f-fine... Oh Sam..."
"No, you are not fine. What's up?"
"Sam, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's all my fault! I-I..."
"Calm down, calm down! What is it you are sorry for?"
"I... I have been so busy! Sam I'm sorry. I forgot your email and phone number! I was... just looking through my contacts when I saw yours."
"Lara it's ok, I understand!"
No you don't! No you fucking don't!"
"No look... I know you probably don't want to see me again so all I ask is that you send me a nice picture of you. That way I can put it in my 'special' frame."
"Huh? Special frame? What are you talking about?"
"My friend, best of all of them.
The one I cared for, the one who I wanted and desired.
The one I loved, the one that meant more to me then anything.
The one who I lived for, the one that I lived with.
The one I would die with, the one I would die for;
My Samantha."
"..."
"Sam?"
Shit! She hung up! Ahh shit~!
I sat in tears for 10 minutes until I heard a knock on my door. I tried my best to look 'normal', but when I opened the door, I saw the last person I expected.
"Hi, Lara."
"Hi, Sam... Come in if you like."
"Thanks. But Lara, there is nothing you should or need to be sorry for."
"Sam, we both know that's not completely true. What's been going on?"
She didn't answer right away. I led her up to my bedroom, and we sat on the side of the bed; it's the least I could do for her, all things considered.
"Alright, you win. So... Well, when we fell out of contact, I felt fine at first, but as the time grew, I became depressed about it. Every day I thought of you..."
Re-really? Every day?
"... Every day I sat in the corner of my room crawled up in a ball, crying because I didn't have you by my side. Every day I cried for hours because we didn't talk. I wanted you back more then anything else. I would have flunked so we could be together again; only reason I didn't was because I knew you would disagree."
"D'aww~... Well, Sam."
"Yes?"
I was leaving soon after though; to go find Yamati... we all know how that went down. At the time though, neither of us knew what sort of hell we would go through. So, I figured I could ask her to come along.
"Sam, I'm going out to find a lost kingdom in 28 days. I am allowed to bring one person as guest. Sam, would you like to come? If you need time to think, that's ok."
"Lara, you know I'll come. We can think about how we want to reestablish... well, us, and when we get back, we can figure something out. Okay?"
"Deal! Sam, you are the best!"
I figured I should at least mention this, if only so you can peek into my mind again.
At graduation, I couldn't help but keep my eyes locked on Sam. She looked very beautiful, but since we weren't 'girlfriends' at the time, I kept it to myself. Even when I was 'graduating' myself, I couldn't keep my eyes off her, thinking about our relationship. To think that four years prior we were in a bathroom nearly naked, making out, was a bit awkward to say the least. It was shortly after this, I'm talking a half hour, we had the famous 'graduation' picture of us taken. It was a happy day for both of us, even if we were only friends.
Act Three: Return
During Yamati, so many times I wanted to say to Sam that I still had feelings for her; that I still loved her. I never did though, there was always that feeling that there would be a better time for it. And there was... a month later. During that month, many myths were spawned; they're called myths for a reason, they're false. These included things such as when me and Sam first met, if we were in a relationship before Yamati, and if we even liked each other at all. Of course the list goes on, but those are the best examples.
Current Time:
"L-Lara? Lara where are you? Don't... hide, sweetie..."
Shit... oh yeah... that's right. Those were my thoughts. I'm hiding from Sam for no reason in the rain outside.
"Ahh... t-that's where you are... Lara!"
Found am I? No point resisting... Du Hast Mich... [You have me...]
"Lara, a-are you going to come inside... or am I going t-to have to drag you b-back in?"
I just sighed.
"You win."
I got up and slowly walked back inside; cold, shivering, worried, and soaking wet.
"H-How long w-were you out there? You are... dripping wet!"
"Yeah..."
"W-What is it this time, Lara? Argh..."
There it is again! Why is she speaking so... odd? Damnit!
"You said before we had left that we would figure out our relationship after we got back."
"Yes I-I did. Why d-do you bring that u-up now?"
"We never talked about it. I know what I want."
"A-alright. Sit d-down, I'll get you... some fresh clothes a-and a towel."
"Thanks... Sam."
Alright. Okay. I still have deep feelings for her, how do I explain? Well, take it as it comes I, guess.
"O-okay Lara. What do you want?"
"Ich will dich." [I want you.]
"M-Mich?" [Me?]
"Yes, you. Sam, I still have feelings for you, and I have never felt so close to you as I do now. I still want and desire you. I don't know if you feel the same, but I still love you."
"Y-you do? L-lara... I have wanted t-to hear that f-for s-so long! I s-still have feelings for you and I still... l-love you as w-well. I'd n-never reject you... a-and you know that... Lara I love y-you so much and I w-want to be back with y-you. I-i want 'us' to be a thing again."
Aww! Sam I just want to make out with you right now... But you are doing a terrible job at hiding... whatever it is. I noticed it awhile ago but I thought it was nothing... fuck me I am a terrible person!
"Then I guess I can call you my girlfriend again."
"I c-can call you my girlfriend t-too; and s-something else."
"Huh?"
"What is... t-the one thing I haven't called y-you since we came back together again after school?"
What? What hasn't she called me? I don't think there isn't anything; she's so caring and... sweet...
"Sweetie..."
"Y-you got it, sweetie. I-isn't there s-something you'd l-like to do? Don't try t-to hide it."
"Ehh~... Welp... uh... ahh fuck it!"
She was right on many levels. I wanted her, and I wanted her now.
I want you, and I want you now!
As we always did, I slowly embraced her tightly. I wrapped my arms around her, pulled myself closer to her. I gaver her a nice, long kiss, locking in our relationship and love, per se, again. Slowly I brought my hands up around her neck, pulling her in deeper into our kiss.
Slowly, she brought me down on to her as she layed down on 'our' bed. She quickly pulled out, looked concerned.
"Lara..."
"I hav-"
"Can it wait?"
Before she could answer, I slowly brought us back into our make out. Again, she embraced me, and I pulled her in deeper into our kiss. Instead of moaning, I could hear her groaning. I didn't know why, but I soon would.
"Mmph!"
"..."
"MMPH!"
What is it Sam? It can wait-
"L-lara!"
Das fick?! [The fuck?!]
"Okay Sam, what is it?"
"Lara... well, I uh~..."
"Yes~?"
"I... s-should say something..."
Is she...?
"... I'm n-not gonna hide it a-anymore. I'm still... having i-issues... n-nightmares and such... I keep s-seeing stuff... and hearing t-things that aren't r-real. M-most of the t-time I can't form m-my thoughts well, which c-carries over t-to my speech... j-just hilf mir!" [help me!]
Aw fuck! How... why... what?! What am I supposed to do?!
"I wouldn't dream of anything else. Whatever you need, I'll do. Promise."
"I love you, Lara."
"I love you too, Sam."
I felt terrible at this point. She had just said she was ok, and I took her word for it without thinking twice about it. I had never asked around about how she was acting and speaking; I thought it was just normal PTSD effects that would go away with time. But what did I know... I was recovering at a good rate, while Sam slowly got worse and worse every day. I thought it would get better fast, but every time I got my hopes up, it would always get worse, undergang. [downfall.] After hearing what she had to say, all of my hope for things to be back to normal were wiped out.
Out of all of the times in my life where I felt like shit, this was the worst. Nothing else came anywhere close. I felt like the main action hero of a movie, the worst event in history happened and only I could make things better. How could I help? How could I be of any use? What can I do, what will I do? I had no idea what, if anything, I could do to improve Samantha's situation in even the smallest way possible.
All hope is lost... the best thing to do is kill us both. NO! No... killing us both won't do anything except waste so much... what would we do if Sam got better? Get married, have kids, go on adventures, have a good time together, and what else? Sam wouldn't want that to go to waste, she wouldn't want me to assassinate us both... Death is never the way out. Suffering for years with Sam is better then death; Sam means everything to me, and she would want me to help her. I really don't want to ship her off to a mental hospital or an insane asylum... If she goes to either then I'm going too. Bring it on.
A/N: Looking back this story has countless flaws, and I didn't even read more then a few lines while copy/pasting it (I admit I use wordpad...), yeah... (This is my first time working with the in-site-editor-thing, it's kinda weird :P ) And I promise my German will be better in future fics! In a few years I might even include some other languages too!
If you have any suggestions and/or feedback for me, please send it in! But be civil though, that's my only request! :) Again if you want to read anything else I have, send that in with any feedback you have or just PM me (I check my PMs just about everyday), I spend months on my fics so it's a breeze to copy/paste them here and fix formatting (I've spent more time writing notes then fixing stuff XD ). Also, if you want to see my "in-fic-notes", include that too. (Those mark where I ended a writing session, nothing else (unless it's my 1st fic where they're more less a blog).)
So yeah, look forward to seeing more from me in the future! I do tend to write whole fics then publish them, but if demand is high then I might just publish what I write and edit it into chapters at a later time, if that makes sense. (Please keep in mind I do have a life, I have school as well as numerous games I have to play on Steam, watch YouTube videos, playing Minecraft, reading fics (what a surprise!), and other stuff as well, so I don't have a whole lot of time to write fics, maybe an hour or two 5 times a week.)
Okay, just about to click "submit document" and I'll finally get a rough word count for the first time! :D