Because I Care.
"Where is ANBU member 189?"
My face was solemn. I kept my eyes blank.
"Well?"
I didn't respond.
"Are you going to cooperate or not?"
Another person got into my face, as though the change of voice was going to force me to respond.
"Where is ANBU member 189?!"
My gaze shifted to the window… It was a bright, sunny afternoon. Just past two 'o clock. Birds were zooming across the sky, gliding down onto rooftops. I found myself wondering what kind of chaotic mess might be unleashed by nightfall. And with that thought, I allowed myself insight into what I was doing the night before then.
It was a cloudless night. I hardly remember the walk to the bar because the guys were making me laugh so hard. Every time I hung out with them and looked at all of their faces, I felt so peaceful. After living a childhood with virtually no mediums for communication, being surrounded by people who care means a lot. It means much more than they could ever imagine.
"Intense staring contest NOW!" exclaimed Rock Lee.
He turned to Choji with his eyes wide and startling and Choji blinked immediately. We all laughed.
"That was no fair, I was eating!" said Choji pulling his bag of chips off the table.
The bag pulled across Shikamaru's sake cup and knocked it over. Shikamaru sighed, complaining like usual, and went to go find a rag.
"My bad, Shikamaru!" said Choji but then he turned and knocked over Neji's drink, too.
Neji rolled his eyes.
"Someone needs to take him home." He said.
Rock Lee all but stood up on the table and exclaimed: "No way, let him enjoy the age of YOUTH!"
Clearly, we were all very drunk. I was on my fourth drink contemplating a fifth. There was something I wanted to forget. The guys laughed and I smiled and laughed along but I wasn't really there with them… I couldn't help it but even with them there, I felt some sense of emptiness.
My eyes wandered across the bar. The guys were talking about some of the girls hanging around, I wasn't too interested in the topic. I glanced at the back door, then looked away, then took a double take. There was a person standing there with black sun glasses on and a loose, swooping cape-like jacket that reached his ankles. He was facing me. He didn't seem interesting in any sort of way but for some reason, I couldn't look away. Suspicion crept over me. What was that person doing there all alone? He lifted his right hand and motioned for me to come toward him, then he turned and walked out of the back door.
My eyes stayed glued to the spot where he used to be. It wasn't the fact that he motioned for me to follow him…it was the jacket…the thing on his jacket. I blinked rapidly. Was I too drunk? Were my eyes playing tricks on me?
Everyone started playing a drinking game. The same one all the jounin's play, answer as many questions about battle strategy as you can and if you get one wrong, you drink. Only a year before, I'd probably be the drunkest one at the end but because of the 4th great ninja war and my part it in, I was almost as good at strategy as Kakashi…but still nowhere near as good as Shikamaru.
I looked back toward the door then stood up. My suspicion was killing me. I had to go.
"Naruto?" said Rock Lee looking at me with wide eyes.
Everyone else turned to me, too.
"There's just…something I have to do." I said.
"But this is our night off!" said Kiba.
"Yeah but…" I turned and looked at the door, he could be long gone by now.
"I gotta go." I said simply and I walked quickly toward the door. I opened it and stepped out into the still, breezy night. Like I said, there were no clouds…the stars went on forever. I looked up to see the same person standing atop the building to my right. I immediately dashed for him. He stepped back and ran in the other direction. I wasn't running full speed and I was sure he wasn't either but in the moonlight, I could see his back a bit more clearly. Was I right? He jumped down into an alley and I went down after him. I landed right in front of him and he stood there, looking at me, with no intentions to run but as I stood there, I realized it wasn't the person I thought it was at all. I walked up to him, suddenly full of confidence and pulled the sun glasses off of his face.
"It's…you." I said.
Sasuke stood there staring at me in his usual steady gaze.
"Yo." He said.
I walked around him and took a good look at the symbol on his back, the Uchiha crest.
"What are you doing walking around with that on, you idiot?" I asked him. "I almost thought Madara or Obito had come back!"
"Just because of a symbol?" he asked. "You're paranoid."
"We almost died…all of us." I said sternly. "So, show some respect and take that thing off."
"Show some respect?" he retorted. "And abandon my clan? Show some respect and disregard everything I stand for? Show some respect and deny the truth?!"
His eyes pierced into mine fiercely. That angry devilish look crept back into his eyes…a look I never wanted him to take up again. I wanted to reach out, touch him, but I kept my distance and said nothing.
"What the hell does anyone here know about respect?" he went on.
He turned away from me and stuffed his hands into his pockets, the new cape he wore blew in the breeze.
"Itachi died for this place..." he said. "Where's his respect?"
He turned back to me.
"He had to slaughter his own clan. Where is our respect?! Huh?"
"Sasuke-" I tried.
"I sacrificed my life out there!" he shouted pointing toward the distance. "Fighting in that stupid war against my own clan. Where's my respect?! Instead, you people have me walking around in the shadows wearing masks and hiding my identity. Where's the respect in that?"
"I get it, okay?" I said.
"No, you don't get it. Or else you wouldn't have dare come to me spouting shit about respect! You leaf ninja are all the same."
I widened my eyes in surprise. He stared back at me.
"What?" he asked.
"Sasuke…you're a leaf ninja, too." I said. "Right now, there is no Uchiha clan, just the village of Konoha. There are no divisions, no grudges, nothing like that… We're all leaf ninja. We're all in this together. Don't ostracize yourself."
He turned away but I saw a distinct look of disgust on his face.
"A leaf ninja?" he asked. "How am I to side myself with a place that won't even recognize me?"
I stuffed my hands in my pockets.
"I know it's hard." I said. "Having to live in the shadows like this, Tsunade and I are the only ones who even know you're alive. It's not fair. I know that. Tsunade knows that too but her hands are tied. But Sasuke, you're tough, I know you can hang in there with us."
"She broke the deal." He said completely ignoring my previous words. "The deal was if she told everyone the truth about Itachi, I'd come back to the village to stay. That was it."
I looked down and gritted my teeth.
"I know…" I said.
It was the truth. Tsunade promised him that and I was the only one who witnessed it but because of all the turmoil and the after war strife, she put a hold on it. She kept telling Sasuke to wait and I could feel his pain deeply like it was my own. Even when he seemed fine with waiting, I kept trying to get her to hurry up. After the fiftieth time bringing it up, I finally figured out that she would never really set the Uchiha name free like Sasuke wanted and I was certain Sasuke realized it, too.
Konoha was in a place where we were struggling to keep the alliance with all the ninja nations to form true peace. If Sasuke was revealed to still be alive and the truth about Itachi came out, it would cause confusion on the inside and complete horror on the outside. The ninja of Konoha would side with Sasuke, furious that such a huge splotch in history was kept from them for so long. They would lose faith in the Hokage name and begin to distrust authority. And outside, other nations that still had grudges toward him and other Uchiha members would probably send black ops ninja to murder him and if he was killed or captured, it could push us into a whole other war. Even if he wasn't harmed in any way, he was a leaf ninja so if there was even an attempted attack against him, we'd have to fire back automatically. I explained all of that to Sasuke. He understood. He'd already figured it out himself.
The stakes were high. The safest thing to do was to wait…but looking at the expression on Sasuke's face hit me right to the core. All I wanted was for him to be happy. And I knew the only way he'd be happy is if he could stop carrying the burden of his clan around. I wanted to carry it for him but I wasn't a child anymore. Sasuke had turned eighteen, I was almost that age. We were men. There would be no more smiles and thumbs up and "Don't worry, it'll happen". The truth meant more than empty promises.
"Do you remember the story Hashirama told you about him and Madara?" I asked.
He nodded. We both stood on the edge of the building looking out over the village.
"Of course, I remember." He said.
"Well, I've been thinking about it for a long time now and finally, I think I see where they went wrong with Konoha." I said.
"I'm listening." Sasuke said.
"Just think about it, why is it that both a Senju and Uchiha member formed Konoha but only the Senju member got credit for it and became Hokage?" I asked. "Because of that, the Uchihas were alienated and looked down upon from the start. They were backed into a corner and forced to try to revolt and then the same people that backed them into that corner ordered one of their own to exterminate them all."
"I know all of that." He said. "You don't have to explain it to me."
"Sasuke, I'm saying that I can't completely take away your pain or bring your family back or make Tsunade acknowledge your deal…but, together, we can both make sure something like this never happens to any other clan ever again."
"What do you mean?" he asked, turning to me.
"Hashirama made a mistake." I said. "There shouldn't have been one Hokage, there should've been two…and when I become Hokage, I'll do what should've been done in the first place and make you, an Uchiha, my co-Hokage and…we'll rule Konoha, together."
He looked back out into the distance.
"I have no interest in becoming Hokage with you."
"It'll redeem your clan." I said.
"I don't want that kind of redemption." He muttered. "You didn't hear Hashirama's story, so you don't know, but that kind of thing never works..."
He continued looking out along the buildings outlining the edge of Konoha and the mountain with all the stone faces.
"Not in a place that forces me to hide my face."
We were silent for a while, for once, I didn't know what to say. My mind trailed back to when he first came to the war front and told us all he wanted to become Hokage. Since then, I had turned a blind eye to that declaration. I thought that if I paid it too much mind, we'd become enemies again and it would push him away.
"This boy isn't a threat to you." Hashirama had told Tsunade. "Pardon him of his crimes."
Sasuke stood there looking characteristically stoic, like it wouldn't have bothered him if they just threw him in jail but I could see his fingers tapping against his side, rubbing each other.
"Pardon him?! Grandfather, are you insane?!" Tsunade exclaimed, then she walked over to Sasuke, grabbing his hair and forcing his head down.
It was just us three in the room. My father and the rest of the prior Hokages had already been sealed. Sasuke bucked against her, looking infuriated. I tensed, sensing his agitation, but was surprised when he kept his head bowed to her. She nudged her knuckles into his scalp like he was a five year old even though he was at least four inches taller than her. She continued forcing his chin to his chest.
"Look at him, he's seething with arrogance and spite." She remarked. "Even if he doesn't plan to harm the village now, who knows what he'll do in a year, or in five years, or in ten years? He's like a child who throws tantrums when he doesn't get things his way. Just like Madara."
Sasuke gritted his teeth.
"Oi, Grandma Tsunade..." I said tentatively. "Let him go."
"Oh sure, he might be complacent today but just wait and see the kind of hell he'll unleash on this village the moment I turn my back."
"I like to think I'm pretty good at seeing the better side of people." Hashirama said lightly. "And even more importantly, he doesn't strike me as a liar. If he says he won't harm anyone, he won't."
"And I'm sure Madara didn't strike you as a liar either." She said. "And the moment you accepted him back into the village, look at the malicious and vicious nature he showed you! He tried to kill you!"
Hashirama's expression suddenly grew dark and he turned very serious.
"It's the cut-throat political nature of this ninja world that turned Madara against me." He told her. "Empathy doesn't create enemies."
The entire time Tsunade had still been pulling Sasuke's head down by his hair.
"Oi, Grandma... You're hurting him." I spoke up again.
"'Tch." She muttered.
Then she rolled her eyes and shoved him backwards, I moved behind him, catching him before he stumbled and fell.
"He deserves much more than a couple of pulled hairs." She retorted. "You should be grateful I'm even entertaining this."
And then, finally, she looked to Sasuke who had raised his head and was giving her one of his trademark death glares. I came from behind him and also looked at her.
"Why did you come back, Sasuke?" she asked him.
Instead of angry, this time, her expression looked exhausted. Like, more than anything, she wanted total certainty of his loyalty.
"I said it already. To assume the role of Hokage."
"Oh, I remember that bullshit." She said, crossing her arms. "I thought it was just another annoying mosquito I needed to squash."
His eye twitched. Interestingly enough, I had gotten so good at understanding Sasuke that I could read his facial expressions like a book. It was probably taking every ounce of his newfound seventeen year old maturity not to roll his eyes, say some snide remark, amateratsu the entire building and just be done with it. I couldn't help but snicker. Hashirama grinned and distracted himself with fixing some cracks in the wall with his wood kekkei genkai.
"I came back to fix all the issues with this village. The issues that caused my brother to live the life that he had to, I think the only way to redeem the Uchiha name and make sure nothing like that ever happens again is for an Uchiha to assume power."
"Sasuke, I'm going utterly honest with you." Tsunade began.
I edged forward, trying to fill the distance between him and her. Anytime she said that, it was rarely a good thing. Hashirama seemed to be on the same page.
"Uh, are you sure you haven't been honest enough?" he asked.
She went on, ignoring the both of us.
"At this point in time, you're the only person that gives a damn about the Uchiha clan." She said. "To most people, they're just a chapter in a history book under a dusty workbench that someone abandoned years ago. In all actuality, after this war, most ninja are glad to be done with them all. Everyone thinks you were captured and executed, so why then, should I even entertain this? Why shouldn't I just close the book on this series and put it to rest? Give me one reason."
I was surprised. I had expected so much hostility to be shrouding Sasuke's body by that point, that I'd catch his negativity like a disease and have to commit suicide. But he didn't seem angry at all. In fact, he was completely calm.
"Because you know the truth." He said. "You know that we aren't just vermin. A pack of vicious wolves bent on destroying ourselves and everyone around us. You know how we were used, manipulated, exploited, ignored, ostracized. You know our pain, our grief, our sorrow... You about Madara and Obito and the true reasons they did what they did. But even more than them, you know about Itachi."
He began walking up to her.
"And furthermore, you're a Hokage." He told her. "Unlike all the ninja around here, you can't just ignore the truth and hope it goes away."
Then he smirked.
"Or else, you're no better than Obito... Are you?"
Hashirama chuckled.
"Well played." He said.
I walked up next to him and nodded at her.
"And besides..." I added. "I care about the Uchihas."
For the first time since that entire war and everything that followed, Sasuke turned and looked at me. I mean, he really looked at me. It was like I was finally something worth looking at. Tsunade shrugged.
"Fine." She said. "You're clearly of caliber to become a Hokage, you're stronger than every ninja in this village except the two standing next to you right now, one of which isn't even alive."
"I still count!" Hashirama objected.
Tsunade ignored him.
"So, I'll make you my personal Anbu assistant. Under my thumb at all times, do you understand that? You won't even be allowed to take a piss unless I order it. ...You do still know how to obey orders, don't you?"
He allowed her a rigid nod.
"Good... I don't know how Orochimaru's training his puppet's these days, but if you dare to show me any kind of insubordination, well, then... Just give Madara my regards when you meet him in hell."
She turned around but Sasuke spoke up quickly.
"I have a condition."
She froze.
"I'll only comply if you agree to tell everyone the truth about Itachi and my clan."
Tsunade laughed, it was a cold, mocking sort of laugh.
"Can you believe this? A man on death row giving me an ultimatum?"
She turned and looked at him.
"You have some goddamn nerve."
He didn't falter.
"If this village never accepts the truth and comes to terms with it, it'll only keep making the same mistakes." Sasuke pointed out.
I could see Hashirama watching him intently.
"He's right, Tsunade." He agreed. "He's rather wise for a child."
She pursued her lips and then extended her hand to him.
"Fine. I'll do my best...but that's all I can promise." She finally said.
During my momentary day-dream, Sasuke had taken a seat next to one of the pillars atop the building. His back was against it and one leg hung out over the edge, swinging in the wind. He faced the Hokage mountain. I took the spot next to him, sitting cross-leggedly on the roof.
"I'm sorry I told you to take your symbol off." I told him.
He closed his eyes and leaned back.
"And...I'm sorry that you have to hide yourself."
I played with my fingers.
"I'm sorry for everything. I really am, I-"
"Naruto." He said, cutting me off.
I stopped, looking up at him. He opened his eyes, and bright redness shinned out at me. His Sharingan was activated. Most likely involuntarily.
"I don't want your empty apologies." He told me.
"I just want you to know I care." I protested.
"You've always cared." He said. "Caring doesn't mean anything..."
"Of course it does. The reason you're hurting so much now is that you don't realize that people still care about you." I informed him. "Take Sakura for example, she was flipping tables when Tsunade said she had Hashirama execute you. Everyone looked kind of sad, too. Even the rest of the guys..."
He said nothing.
"I wish you could be with them the way I can." I said. "Then you'd see how much-"
"You're all I need." He said.
Startled, I looked up at him. Returning my stare, his Sharingan slowly deactivated.
"I don't need more people to worry about me. I already have one too many." He remarked.
I couldn't help but smile. He was always putting on airs like that. It was just his way of saying he was grateful for my presence.
"You're a real asshole, you know that, don't you?" I asked.
He smirked and turned his eyes back up to the stars overhead. I followed his gaze. The vastness of the sky made me feel kind of lonely. But as we watched, I was reminded of the times on missions when we were on watch duty together while Sakura and Kakashi slept. Back then, even though we said we hated each other... We'd point out the different ones together. Say which ones were our favorites. Even though it was a memory I kept really dear to me, I doubted he would ever remember it. But then, without our eyes reflecting the lights of the sky, I couldn't help but long for it.
"Naruto..." Sasuke said suddenly.
I looked over at him.
"You...wouldn't mind having me over for dinner, would you?" he asked.
It had been a long time since we had hung out. We weren't allowed to be seen with each other frequently because then it would look suspicious. Sakura and Kakashi would easily be able to figure him out. So, we reduced most of our meetings to once or twice every few months and they always began with an argument and ended with some kind of weird acceptance of our fucked up fates. His fate that...what he wanted most in the world, freedom for his clan and peace for all, was so close that he could physically see it...right there on the Hokage mountain with his own two eyes, but still so far out of reach that it was almost a joke. And my fate that...what I wanted most, to just have my best friend back, was so near that all I had to do was lift a mask up, but so far that it was like he was with Orochimaru again.
"No." I finally, said, standing up and offering him my hand. "Let's get out of here."
"Naruto!" said Tsunade, snapping her fingers.
"W-what?" I said looking up.
"Answer me." She said. "Where is ANBU member 189?"
I was sitting in a chair in front of her desk. Kakashi, Shikamaru, Sakura and two other ANBU members stood in front of me. They had been asking me the same question all morning but I continuously ignored her.
"Naruto." Sakura said. "Just…answer her."
I looked at her pained face and I could already tell she was suspecting who "ANBU 189" really was. Then something occurred to me.
"If you really want me to answer truthfully then why are they all here?" I asked.
Tsunade squinted her eyes at me
"Is there any reason for them not to be?" she asked.
Suddenly, it made sense. They were there by coincidence and she didn't want to arouse suspicion by making them leave before asking me. I inwardly smiled at the bind she was caught in.
"I don't anything about an ANBU 189 or whatever." I replied.
"Naruto, stop lying and just-"
"I'm not a liar!" I retorted.
I got out of my chair and slammed my hands on her desk.
"But if you're talking about a guy with black spiky hair, dark eyes, about this tall and named Sasuke Uchiha, I think I can help you." I said.
I knew I had just let out one of the biggest secrets I'd probably ever be given privy on but I didn't care. That was just a small secret compared to the shitload to come...
Irritation crossed her face momentarily, and then she sighed.
"Well, you were right, Kakashi. We have been keeping secrets."
Sakura's mouth dropped into a huge O.
"How long…has he been here?" she asked.
"Since the end of the war." I replied, avoiding her eyes.
Kakashi shrugged.
"I suspected as much."
"In any case, where did he go?" asked Shikamaru.
They all looked at me. My eyes were drawn to the window again. I watched the bright blue sky.
"Let's just wait for him." I suggested. "He'll be back."
"Wait, you're saying you really don't know where he is?" Kakashi asked.
I turned to them with a completely innocent expression.
"Ah... Well..."
"Naruto, you were the last person that saw him. One of my Anbu trackers said he saw Sasuke entering your house last night."
"Yeah... About that, uh..."
"Just tell us what happened." Shikamaru said.
"See, I can't really..."
"Naruto!" Sakura shouted.
I turned to her. She looked almost tearful.
"Please..."
I sighed, realizing that my way of stalling was failing...and fast. I toyed with the idea of telling them what I really did the night before.
"Sasuke did come over my house last night." I found myself saying. "And..."
He nagged me about the fact that I only had cup ramen in the house.
"If you didn't have any real food, why did you accept?" he asked.
"You know what I eat! Why did you ask?!" I retorted.
He cocked his head, a forlorn expression encompassing his face.
"I actually had forgotten your eating habits were this poor..." he said quietly, turning the cup over in his hand.
I smiled at him.
"Feeling nostalgic?" I asked.
He rolled his eyes, dropped the cup next to the stove and rustled around for a couple pots. After a couple of minutes, we were both sitting at my table stirring the "bullshit", as Sasuke characterized it, around and mixing the seasoning in. I rustled through one of the cabinets satisfied to find a bottle of sake there with my usual cup. When I pulled it out, he looked at me accusingly.
"Since when did you become an alcoholic?" He asked.
"With you as a friend, it'd be more surprising if I wasn't drinking." I told him, tilting the drink to my lips.
Even though I was serious, I grinned.
"Want some?" I offered.
He scoffed, giving me a clear answer.
Behind us, on the hook next to stove was Sasuke's cape and my chunin vest. I found myself smiling impishly.
"So who the hell did you get to tailor that thing for you?" I asked as I slurped down the last bit of my ramen.
"The same people that made Obito's outfit." He said offhandedly.
I raised my eyebrows curiously and then he rolled his eyes like I was the dumbest person on earth.
"I just cut the symbol out of my old shirt and sewed it into that one." He explained. "It's not difficult."
Suddenly, I couldn't help but feel playful. I mean, he was clearly in a joking mood so it was rubbing off on me. I stood up and picked it up, trying it on.
"How do I look?" I asked.
"Like an idiot." He replied, continuing to eat.
"You didn't even look."
He sighed and looked up at me. I slid my hands into my pockets, playing with the collar and noting the length, it reached the mid part of my calves. His eyes went over me slowly and then, a thought occurred to me.
"Remember back in the Iron country when I told you we could've traded places?" I asked him.
He didn't respond, instead finishing up the last bits of his food, but I knew he remembered.
"If we really did trade places...would you have tried to bring me back home?"
There was a dead pan silence. He stood up, taking my bowl and his and dumping them into the sink next to me.
"Well?" I pressed.
"Why do you always bother me with pointless questions?"
"It's not pointless. I want to know what you're thinking."
"I'm thinking I should've just eaten at home."
"Sasuke, I'm serious."
He turned to me slowly. We looked at each other in silence again.
"I suppose if I didn't have a life like you don't, I would go after you..." he finally, said quickly averting his eyes from mine.
"You think I don't have a life?"
He scoffed.
"I know you don't have a life." He said.
Strangely, even though he was insulting the hell out of me, we both laughed. I took his cloak off and hung it back on the hook and he washed our dishes and put them in the bin to dry.
"Hey..." I said to him.
He had walked back into my bedroom and was facing my dresser, moving some things. He didn't turn around.
"Shouldn't you be happy that my life revolved around yours for so long?"
He seemed to consider me seriously.
"Not if it was obsessive."
And then he turned and faced me slightly, something shimmered in his hand. I couldn't help but turn red.
He held his old Leaf headband. The same one I had held onto for years, keeping it hidden in my room patiently awaiting the day I could return it to him. I scratched my hair awkwardly.
"Ah... I... I forgot I had that." I lied, looking away from him.
"You're a terrible liar." He said dully, fingering the scratch that was still stretched across the Konoha symbol.
"Well... I just thought that once I finally brought you home, you know, it'd be a good welcome back present or-"
"Why the hell do you care so much?"
A silence passed through the room. I had been walking toward him but with that sentence I stopped. He was still looking down at the headband.
"Why...?" I repeated. "Why...? Why the hell not? You're my best friend. Remember? My first ever friend, why-"
"I tried to kill you." He reminded me.
"I already forgave you for that. I forgave you for that years ago. I just want-"
"It was one thing when you followed me for years after I left but now you're keeping these stupid mementos and even drinking because of some sick twisted depression caused by my absence. All of this is...insane!" he retorted.
I was suddenly extremely pissed off. I balled my fists.
"Can you shut up for just one second and let me talk?!" I exclaimed. "Just because I didn't abandon you like everyone else in your fucked up life doesn't mean I'm crazy! Instead of insulting me, why can't you show some gratitude, you asshole!?"
He turned to me, eyes set and angry looking.
"It's not because you care..." He muttered.
He gripped the headband and chucked it. It cut through the air, hitting my chest and then falling to the floor.
"It's because you're fucking obsessing over me!" he snapped.
He looked down at the headband, reflecting his face back at him.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he asked.
My feet were moving, walking, before I even registered it. I grabbed his shoulder pushing him back against the wall next to my bed.
"Why can't you just admit the truth!?" I yelled back at him. "You're human, okay? You need friends! And family! And people to care! Just admit that you can't do it all by yourself!"
He grabbed my arms, trying to push me off him but I wouldn't move.
"And stop lying to yourself like a damn twelve year old!"
He kept trying to push me off of him.
"That's how Obito failed, remember?" I told him. "Because he was too stubborn to admit that he cares... You care. Just say it. Say that you care."
"I changed my mind." He spouted back. "If our roles were changed, I'd never go after you."
I froze watching as he stared me down. Slowly, his angry expression faltered and he looked down.
"What the hell kind of life can you have if you're just chasing after me all the damn time?" he asked. "That's just as bad as what I did with Itachi. Following him everywhere... It's ridiculous."
I opened my mouth but he cut me off.
"I mean..." he said quietly, grip on me slacking. "I would've been happier if I never went after him so obsessively. And...you would be happier... If..."
And that fast, it all made sense to me. He really was acting like a damn prepubescent idiot. The true reason he was being so hostile was because my commitment to him scared him. He felt like he was holding me back somehow. And in a sense, I suppose he was. Even when I was with the rest of the guys, like in that bar that night, half of my brain stayed wondering where he was and what he was doing. But...
"Sasuke..." I whispered.
That didn't bother me in the slightest.
He continued looking down. Very abruptly, I let go of his shoulders and slid my arms around him, pulling him into my chest. I could feel his body stiffen against me.
"I am happy." I said quietly.
Even if he was somehow holding me back from happiness, I couldn't imagine ever trading my situation...not even for the entire world.
"Your situation with Itachi does resemble mine but you wouldn't have it any other way, would you? It might be painful... But being knowledgeable and hurting is better than being ignorant and peaceful. Because it's not real peace. It's just like a genjutsu, isn't it? Turning away from the truth?" I asked him.
"Then what is your truth then?" he asked me.
"The truth is...I'm sick of arguing with you." I told him. "Every time we're in a room together for more than five minutes, all we do is argue."
That was probably the truest statement that either of us had said the entire night. We continuously argued, after the war, while fighting in the war, before the war. Even on team 7 we argued. I hated it. I hated it so much.
"And the truth is that... All I really want is just... To be happy with you." I told him.
I pressed my cheek against his neck, savoring the warmth of his skin on mine. He wasn't so stiff anymore. He was relaxing against me and I was shocked to feel his hands moving up my back and then into my hair, holding my head against his. With that feeling came an awareness of the buzz I had gotten from the drinks creeping up on me. I had forgotten it in the heat of our argument but that buzz had never completely dissipated.
I pulled my head back a bit. He was avoiding my eyes, directing his gaze down instead. It was funny to see him acting timid for once. I reached up, bringing my hand to his face and stroking his cheek with the back of my fingers. Slowly, but very noticeably, his cheeks began to take on color.
"What's up with you...suddenly..." he said, finally looking up at me.
I smiled, moving my thumb to his lips.
"Nothing, really... Just..."
Before I knew what was happening, his hand closed around my wrist and then just as quickly he shoved me backwards, away from him. I stumbled over my own unsteady feet and plopped down on the edge of my bed.
"Stop screwing around."
Strangely, I began to laugh. His word choice was funny to me.
"I'm not screwing with you." I replied, then I grinned wider. "Unless you want me to."
"You're drunk, usuratonkachi."
"It's been a long time since you've called me that." I said, reaching for his hand again.
I grasped the navy blue sleeve of his uniform, which matched mine, and tugged. He twisted his arm, reversing my pull and consequently almost pulling me off the bed. Before I could regain my balance, he dove onto me, shoving me down onto the bed.
"Ow!" I exclaimed.
But my pain didn't stop me from turning on him, trying to pull him into a headlock. Suddenly, we were immersed in a wrestling match, rolling over each other and forcing each other down onto the bed.
"Get off me!" I shouted, but I was grinning and I didn't really want him to stop.
"It's your own fault." He pointed out.
He was being so childish. It had been a long time since I made him sink down to my level. I grabbed for him, but missed him completely, falling onto my stomach. He took that mistake to pounce on my back, slamming my head down into the sheets with his left hand and forcing my arm up my back with my right hand.
He stretched my arm up, causing me to wince.
"What did you learn?" he asked.
I groaned, squirming but unable to break free.
"Okay, okay, I won't mess with you anymore!"
"And?" he pursued.
My arm hurt like hell.
"And...you're the greatest ninja of all time!" I declared.
He huffed, letting go of my arm.
"You bet your ass I am."
I sighed, bringing my arm away from him and shaking it out. It was silent for a while. He was still straddling me, keeping me pinned down. I moved my head to the right and stared at the clock next to my bed. It was 3:24am. Behind my clock was the photo of team 7, the photo Sasuke had pulled his old headband from behind. I reached out, tracing our younger faces.
"We used to do this kind of thing all the time, you know?" I found myself saying. "Mess around."
He said nothing. I could barely hear him breathe. He just sat on me. I wondered how he would react as I formed my words.
"Don't you remember?"
He still kept quiet but his fingers slid up the back of my neck, immersing themselves in my hair. I could feel almost every muscle in my body relaxing, enjoying the feeling of his touch.
"The truth is... I thought about you a lot." He said quietly.
My blood almost froze. I was more so shocked just to hear him speaking, let alone what he said.
"All of you guys... I didn't go a day without wondering..."
Wondering if we were okay, or wondering if we still cared about him?
"Are you glad you're back?" I asked him.
His hand stopped. A couple of seconds passed and then, strangely, I could almost feel his smile. That smile. The one that still kept up that big-shot demeanor I loved and hated so much.
"Well, I'm not really back... Now am I?"
Strangely, despite the sorrow of the helpless situation. We both laughed.
"I guess not, Number 189." I joked.
When our laughter died down, I felt like saying something else. So I just did. Without thinking, as usual.
"I'm going to bring you home for real this time, Sasuke." I said. "I swear I will."
But even as I said it, I was lost. How? How could I do it? There was no way.
"Oh yeah?" he asked, stroking my hair again.
I grinned, nodding hard.
"And I'll take you to Ichiraku's first thing, alright? It's be a special occasion, so we won't have to wait in line."
"How fancy." He remarked. "A fast food shop."
"Do you have any better ideas?"
I didn't expect him to answer seriously, but he did.
"...Do you remember when we used to star gaze when we were younger?"
My heart skipped a beat as I was reminded of my thoughts as we were sitting atop the building facing the Hokage mountain earlier. I was shocked, he really remembered that?
"Being able to do that again... Without my mask on. That would be enough." Then he smirked. "Your favorite was the small one, right under the moon, right?"
I couldn't say anything. I didn't even know how I could speak after that. He really remembered. I couldn't quite grasp how that was possible. And I also couldn't grasp how I could make our childhood possible again. Everything was a moot point. Instead, I felt my inner pain opening up. My pain for him, my pain for the both of us.
"What are you crying about?" he muttered.
His question was harsh, almost accusing, but his fingers, the way they wiped away my tears were more tender than imaginable.
I blinked hard, trying to rub them away on the sheets.
"Well?"
I didn't know how to phrase what I was feeling so I just settled on something I wanted to say for a long time.
"I really miss you, Sasuke." I whispered.
There was a beat of silence and then he shifted on top of me.
"Naruto..." he said quietly. "Hold still."
I raised my eyebrows, wanting to question him but then his hands slid around to the front of my body and lowered to my crotch. I felt a twinge go through my body but I stayed still like he told me to, as he unbuttoned my pants and zipped them down. He pulled on them, slowly exposing my bare ass. By that time I got a clear idea of what he wanted to do, especially when I heard the zipper on his own pants go down.
"So, you guys had an argument?" Sakura asked me.
I snapped to attention, realizing as we walked outside, all of us, in a group, my eyes had been following the birds fly in packs overhead. Packs like a clan. Packs like a village. Packs like friends... Like Sasuke and me.
"And he left because he was hurt by that argument?"
I couldn't bring myself to mention how intimate we'd gotten so I cut it short.
"Sasuke isn't the type to just up and leave over a stupid disagreement." Shikamaru said. "Especially if it's with Naruto. He'd want to win."
I said nothing, feeling Shikamaru's eyes pierce into my back.
"Unless...he did win."
I sighed, finally turning and looking at them.
"Everyone just stay calm." I said. "Everything's under control."
Tsunade, quick to anger, shoved her heel into the dirt.
"Don't you dare play games with the safety of this village!" she shouted. "You have five seconds to tell us where he is before I lock you so deep in Konoha's underground, you won't know up from down!"
"Grandma, just let me explain!"
"Five!"
"Hokage-sama, wait, Naruto must have an obvious-" Kakashi said.
"Four!"
"I can figure it out in a second if you just-" Shikamaru tried to tell her.
"Three!"
"Naruto, just tell the damn truth!" Sakura yelled.
"Two!"
"I'm trying but she's not-" I tried to say.
"One!" Tsunade exclaimed. "ANBU, restrain Naruto and-"
"Grandma Tsunade." I said steadily.
Maybe it was the tone of my voice, or maybe she was bluffing all along but she paused, allowing me to speak. My eyes locked on the ground at her feet.
"If... If you care about someone... I mean, really, really care about them... Isn't it almost...impossible to hurt them?" I asked her.
"Naruto..." she said in a hushed tone. "You didn't..."
"Wait, is he hinting at what I think he is?" Kakashi asked.
"What do you all mean?" Sakura spoke up.
"He means...he's assisting Sasuke in whatever devious scheme he's planning." Shikamaru said.
"You didn't answer me!" I shouted to Tsunade, trying to reclaim their attention. "Think about your younger brother, or Jiraiya... Could you have told them no? Could you?"
My eyes scanned the sky quickly, catching on an overly large bird that glided over the top of the gates, hanging low. It's black wings flapped against the bright blue sky. I directed my eyes back to them all.
"Sasuke just needs to know that everyone still cares about him."
Tsunade sighed.
"Of course we care, we're looking aren't we?"
"No you're not." I remarked snidely. "You're looking for ANBU number 189."
Her brow furrowed.
"Naruto, we get your point but how can he expect us to trust him if he's never trusted us?" Kakashi asked.
"True trust would be patience." Tsunade added on. "Instead of playing run away again."
"He's not running away!" I retorted.
"Then where is he?"
I looked up at the bird again and then, right before my memory took me back, I opened my mouth.
"Gathering the courage to trust you this time." I told them.
After pushing in as far as he could go, he paused. I was going to take that moment to call him a damn liar for saying it wouldn't hurt, so I twisted my body slightly to look at him but then I froze. He started rocking back and forth slowly. But it wasn't the movement that got me, it was his face. His expression... His cheeks were bright red, in a bashful kind of way, and he avoided my eyes. Half of me was confused, wondering when that asshole had ever been timid but the other side of me was turned on. It was unnatural for him... So unnaturally cute.
"I'll...be done in a second." He said quietly.
It was like he was thinking he was forcing me to lay there. If only he knew how much even his touch provoked me to no end. I was struggling to keep myself down...literally.
His breathing quickened. I could feel the excitement in him, too, but also a slight holding back, like he was only going fast enough so that he wouldn't hurt me. That holding back snapped to pieces after a while though. The next couple of seconds were full of intensity.
I groaned, gripping the sheets. I didn't expect it but his thrusting was actually turning me on. I knelt up on my knees instead of laying down and pushed my palms into the sheets to stabilize us both. Sasuke's leaned against me and I couldn't help but yearn for, at that moment, the feeling of his bare chest on my back. While that thought and others were crossing my mind, I didn't notice his hand creeping along the outside of my thigh until a second before it slid into my pants.
"Whoa!" I couldn't help but exclaim, more out of pleasure of the sensation than out of shock.
"Just relax." He murmured.
My pants slid down further and he grabbed hold of the strong protrusion there, quickly matching his stroking with his thrusting in perfect unison. I struggled to keep my elbows from buckling, the feeling of his hand in my pants was driving me insane. And even though I didn't want to, it was obvious that every little thing he did put me on edge. Even when he leaned his forehead up against the back of my neck and I could feel his rapid breaths on my skin.
Then the next thing happened. It might've been an accident, seeing as I didn't know Sasuke to have one intimate bone in his body but I felt a cool, soft sensation on my inner neck. His lips. I wanted to verify so I turned my head toward the feeling and locked eyes with him. He didn't look so embarrassed anymore, instead he looked certain and he leaned forward slightly and our lips connected. That was all I could take. I jolted, pulling my lips away from his and bearing down against the sheets. My reaction seemed to stimulate him, too and we came at the same time with him just barely pulling out in time.
"Naruto, stop with the word games." Tsunade roared.
By that time, we had walked around the entire village twice. Trying to hide my smirk, I plopped down on a bench, crossed my legs, and rested my arms on the back of the seat.
"Okay, fine." I said, sighing. "I'll explain."
They all crowded around me, eyes raised with interest, ears open. Like children waiting for a story.
"Imagine... Having your entire clan murdered in front of your eyes when you're only seven years old. Imagine... Growing up from that point, with the only thing waking you up and the only comforting thought carrying you to sleep being the vision of eradicating the one responsible from the Earth. Then, imagine, letting go of your new friends and family and village and basically your entire life to do that... Spending years training, years fighting, almost dying... Just to get there... Get there and then..."
"And then after I kill the guy, someone tells me he was protecting me." Sasuke said.
I could feel him shaking slightly in my arms. I raised my hands into his feathery black hair, burying my face into it.
"Everything I knew was a lie. Even the things I thought I knew for certain... Like what kind of person I am and what I stand for. Suddenly... Suddenly... I didn't even know who I was. Because... Because I was an avenger." He swallowed. "But... How could I be an avenger if the person I had to take revenge on was...trying to protect me?"
"So then your world is spinning." I said to them. "You try to grasp on to who you think you are by directing your revenge elsewhere. Avenge Itachi then. Avenge him and the clan. But... At that point... It's not really about him, or the clan, or anything... It's just about not losing yourself. It's just about trying to give your life purpose. Because... Without any of that..."
"I might as well just die." Sasuke whispered.
"That's not an option." I said to him.
We'd taken everything off except our boxers by that point. Under my bedsheets, I held his warm, soft body in my arms. The strangest thing was that it didn't feel strange at all. It felt like it was supposed to happen... Or more like, it always happened. Like, somewhere, in some distant universe we spent every night close together like that.
"I'm not saying I think that now." He said. "After listening to the truth about the creation of the village, I realized something."
He lifted himself up to look me in the eyes.
"Change doesn't exist in the past. It exists in the future." He told me. "Avenging the dead and murdering living people doesn't bring them back. And it doesn't help anything. But fixing laws and the rules that caused that situation will help. That's why I have to change Konoha. My brother, my parents, and my clan are all dead...but I owe them that. If anything at all, I owe them that."
Still gazing into his eyes, I pressed my forehead to his.
"I have a duty to Konoha, too. I promised my Mother and Father I would keep the village they died protecting safe." I told him. "And I promised all the previous Hokage I would keep the village strong with the Will Of Fire. But our duties overlap, we can do it together, like I said before."
He watched me intently for a moment and then he smirked, shaking his head.
"You're actually serious, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I am."
"For a second, I had forgotten that you're an idiot."
"I know what you're thinking." I said. "That there's no way you could ever be seen as a Hokage with the way people viewed you before, but they haven't heard your story. They just need to empathize with you."
He settled back down, pressing his ear against my bare chest.
"Just because you have an abnormally large amount of empathy, doesn't mean everyone else will."
I laughed. He raised his head back up, surprised at the sound.
"What?" he asked.
"You're such a filthy rotten liar." I said. "If you really thought that, why did you want to get Tsunade to tell the village in the first place?"
He looked away from me, proving his guiltiness.
"It's alright to have faith in people." I said.
"She's not going to do it anyway." He said, turning his head again.
I sat up, forcing him to look me in the eyes.
"Sasuke... You know... I'll do anything for you at this point."
He stared at me for a second and then tentatively he spoke.
"Even if that meant destroying the leaf village?"
"You...really want me to make that choice?" I asked him.
He nodded slowly.
"We get that Sasuke wants to help his clan, Naruto, but like I said rushing things isn't the answer." Kakashi said.
"Sometimes rushing is the only answer." I replied. "I mean, if we didn't rush would we have defeated all the people who have been threatening the village up to this point?"
Nobody responded. After I gave them the same speech Sasuke had given me, Sakura looked shell shocked, Kakashi looked weary, and Shikamaru was speechless. Tsunade just looked angry, but she normally looked that way anyway.
"But you still haven't told us what he's doing." She said steadily. "You're still playing around."
I glanced back up at the sky again. The sun was a bit past mid point, just from glancing I could guess that it was 1 or 2pm. I decided that I had stalled long enough.
"He's alerting the other villages to his existence." I told her.
Nothing could be heard except the chirp of the birds.
"What?!" Tsunade asked.
Suddenly, Sasuke smirked, showing a bit of his humorous side. I laughed, catching on quickly.
"Really? Destroy the leaf village? You asshole, you almost had me thinking you were serious for a second!" I said, shoving him.
"I have a better idea." He said, getting serious again.
"I'm listening." I said.
"Right now, it's almost dawn." He said. "If I leave now, I should have enough time to make it far enough out of this village so that no one can stop me."
My mind was moving a mile a minute. I was already up to speed with him.
"You mean telling everyone that you're alive, don't you?" I asked.
He nodded.
"I considered that plan before, Sasuke. But it's faulty." I said. "Your life-"
"If there's anyone who should be worrying about my life it's me." he said, then he sighed. "I've been dead ever since the war ended anyway..."
"What was I supposed to say to that?" I asked them all. "He was basically telling me he wanted to go on a suicide mission and he didn't care because as far as anyone was concerned he was already dead. How could I change his mind on that?"
"You could've told me." Tsunade interjected.
I looked at her steadily.
"You're the one who took his life, Tsunade." I said.
She sighed.
"And you really think running over there and playing 'ninja' is going to solve something?" she asked.
"No." I said. "But it's a change. A change from sitting around pretending he doesn't exist."
"The best that's going to happen is that they kill him painlessly." She protested. "Even if you tell his story all across the world, there's still going to people who think it's a lie or people who just can't see reason. They'll push their anger onto him. It's impossible to change people's minds when they see you as a demon."
I laughed.
"That's a strange thing to say... Seeing as how this entire village saw me as a demon and I changed their minds."
Lost for words, everyone just looked around. I went on.
"I guess that's why I have to go help him." I said. "Because now... I'm honestly the only one that can help him."
I stood up from the bench, looking at them all.
"I hope you understand. We had to do it this way." I explained. "At least now, if we mess up and the other villages try to kill him, you guys can claim you had no idea he was still alive and be able to avoid suspicion."
"But if you do succeed, we'll have to tell everyone in Konoha the truth." Kakashi pointed out.
I smiled.
"That's the point." I said.
"You're not getting it. Telling them the truth about the Uchiha Massacre will just cause confusion and distrust. Ultimately, they'll lose value in the Hokage name." He said.
"Exactly." I said, nodding. "At that point, they'll need reassurance of not just their own safety but of the entire village's safety. We'll basically have to reinvent the entire profession of being a Hokage. And that will be where Sasuke and I come in."
Tsunade cocked her head.
"It sounds like all of this is just an elaborate plan to get me out of office." She said.
"It can't be helped." I said, shrugging. "Once they find out the truth, they won't trust you, or any of the past leaders, they'll want change. They'll want the future. And because they'll be sympathetic toward Sasuke's story, he'll be the perfect one to be their leader at that point."
Tsunade sighed.
"It's not like I didn't expect you both to commit some kind of insurrection like this at some point. But of all the things I thought you would do, this..." then she smiled. "Is the least troublesome."
"But you're fine with this?" Shikamaru asked. "Not becoming Hokage?"
I grinned, giving them a sly look.
"I never said I wasn't going to become Hokage." I replied.
Sasuke and I went over the details in depth. We would go to the Sand village first because Gaara, being my best friend, would be the easiest one to bring over to our side. Then, we'd try for Onoki next, simply because Gaara seemed to have a strong connection with him and after Sasuke told him his story, Gaara could do the rest of the talking. Lady Mizukage would be next. We suspected that she'd most likely lax about it if we told her that all other kages except Raikage had already approved. And that left Raikage for last. The plan could only fail two ways. If Gaara refused to help us or if Raikage tried to kill Sasuke on sight without hearing him out.
"I think this will work." I said.
The sun was rising. I hadn't gotten any sleep but I felt completely invigorated. Sasuke looked up at me slowly.
"Worse comes to worse... Just leave me, alright?" he said.
I looked up at him.
"I can run to one of Orochimaru's old hideouts or find Taka wherever they wandered off to, but if you mess up..." he paused. "If things get dark, leave."
"You really think I'm going to listen to that order?" I asked.
He said nothing. I reached over and slid my hand onto his cheek and down his neck.
"Worse comes to worse, it's you and me against the world." I whispered. "I'm not coming home without you. Not again. Not ever again. I swear it."
He slowly lifted his eyes to me. The bright lavender and misty blue sunrise behind us made his eyes shine a brighter onyx.
"I'm going to bring you home for real this time, Sasuke." I promised. "And we can watch the stars every night, or eat ramen, or just lie in bed like this together... Whatever you want, okay? Whatever you want."
Then, unable to contain myself any longer, I kissed him fully on the lips. He pulled back slightly at first, startled by my sudden intimacy, but then he pushed back, slowly becoming eager. My tongue pressed against his mouth, begging entry and he loosened his lips allowing it in. That first taste sent a jolt through me that got me hot all over again even though it hadn't even been two hours since we'd done it.
At that moment, I realized there was something about kissing that was even more special than anything else we had done that night. I pulled my lips away from his, filled with an intensity of emotion I'd never felt before and I knew I had to say something.
"Sasuke... I love you."
So, I said that. He looked up at me, then he lowered his eyes and brushed his lips against my cheek and down to my neck. His cool, damp lips moved along and when they got to my ear, I heard it. It was quiet. And when it was over, it was difficult to tell whether or not I'd imagined it. But he whispered almost inaudibly...
"I love you, too."
Sakura stepped toward me.
"But Naruto... What do you mean go with him?" Sakura asked. "Isn't he already gone?"
I nodded hard.
"If I'm still standing here, that's really good news... It means, we've got Gaara, Lady Mizukage, and even Old Man Tschukage on our side."
Shikamaru's eyes bulged.
"Wait... That means... You're-"
"He's a clone." Tsunade stated. "I've had suspicions this entire time... Which was the real reason I didn't get the ANBU to pin you down right then and there."
I grinned.
"Thank you for hearing me out." I said. "But we're probably very close to Raikage and Bee by now, and Raikage is going to be hard to convince, so I have to be completely there."
"Wait!" Sakura said, stepping forward.
I looked at her, right as I was dissolving my shadow clone jutus.
"Tell him that... We care!" she shouted.
"Got it!" I yelled, just as I disappeared.
Sasuke turned around.
"Got what?"
He looked back at me from winding around the trees we were moving through. They were rather thick but memorable because I remembered that right beyond them, there was a cliff and then the cloud village would be up in the mountains.
"Sakura says to tell you that they care about you." I told him.
He slid his hands into his pockets, looking around at the clouds through the trees. It was proof that we were really high up that the clouds were almost on eye level.
"So, you stalled them?" he asked.
"Yeah, plan success!"
"And no one realized you were a shadow clone?"
"Well, I trained my jutsu out really well during the war. It can last for really long periods now and it doesn't disappear as easily. Tsunade could still tell though."
Sasuke stopped abruptly and I almost ran into him. I looked over his shoulder. We were at the edge. Below the cliff, there was nothing we could see but clouds. And beyond, the cloud village was attached to the skyscraping mountains. There was only a bridge which led to the nearest port.
"Things were so different the last time I was here." He said.
I smiled.
"That's not something to think about now." I said. "This is about change, remember?"
He nodded. I let my hand fall and grasp his and hold it tightly. I turned around. I could hear the light march behind me. They were getting closer.
"It's time." Sasuke said suddenly.
I raised my eyebrows, turning to him. He pointed. Raikage stood there, at the opposite end of the bridge, with his arms crossed, watching us.
"He's not charging." He observed. "We might actually make it back..."
I grinned.
"I have no doubt...especially because of these reinforcements."
I turned, waving the procession on.
"Come on, guys! This way!" I shouted.
Gaara, Lady Mizukage, and Onohki and a good amount of ninja from all their villages marched on behind us, coming up on the hill. After we told each of the Kages, instead of deciding for themselves, they all told Sasuke's story to their ninja as an announcement. To Sasuke's surprise, everyone appealed to him... Even as far as signing up to get everyone else from all the other villages on board. They cared... They really did.
"Just one more step until you're alive again." I said, as we walked toward the Raikage.
"Dead... Alive... It doesn't really matter..." Sasuke said. "At this point..."
And even though he didn't explain himself, his words were loud and clear to me. No matter if we lived or died, it was fine, just as long as each step that we took for the rest of our lives, we took it hand in hand, side by side, together.