Summary: "They both know how this is going to end … the manipulations make it easier to bear." Wes/Lilah.
Rated: PG-13
Date Started/Finished: June 30th 2005
By Delenn
He says something and she chuckles. Then they both pause. Conversation isn't part of the deal. Makes it all too real. Makes them feel guilty for not saying things that shouldn't be said.
Makes her wonder why she pretends not to know all his dirty secrets, when she is one. Makes him pretend not to notice that she cares.
This… this is supposed to be all about sex and information and manipulation. There aren't supposed to be enough real feelings involved for there to be real conversation.
The manipulations make it easier to bear.
"I got a promotion today."
To ignore what she is. When she kisses him, it doesn't matter anymore because her mouth says what her words can't.
"Mmm… who'd you have to kill for that?"
To forget what he's becoming. Here in this room, away from his friends. With her.
"My predecessor." Pretending that he doesn't make her forget it all. "Does that disturb you?"
His arms locking around her waist, pulling her down even as his mind protests bitterly. "Hardly." They both know how this is going to end.
Right now it ends in tangled limbs and harsh exclamations that avoid names. Rough, another part of the game, just like they like it. Only after do their limbs betray them.
Clinging close to each other because the only direction is down, and they're afraid to fall alone. And they'll go out in a blaze of sex and insults, but no jokes.
There's no room in between worlds for jokes. Only cold. Hard. Reality. On soft, warm bodies, in silky sheets. The best of both worlds: too broken to be alive, too fiery to be dead.
Falling through the cracks in the middle – the gray area.
The one that they're making for themselves. Day by day. Until, maybe, they'll find a place where they can have all those missing bits of conversation.
Where saying "I love you" wouldn't be considered a forbidden joke.