note: I started posting this story a while ago (maybe a year, maybe more) and then deleted it because my heart wasn't in it, along with a bunch of other reasons, so if it seems familiar, that's why. but the story is 100% complete, and it's going to be posted in its entirety. please review and let me know how you're liking it, or why you're not liking it. feedback is appreciated.

disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone except for Cordelia, her family, and the miscellaneous original characters that are bound to pop up. also, sorry for any errors, I do my best to catch them

I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows.
-Avril Lavigne, Things I'll Never Say

I didn't realize it at the time, but my friendship with Gordie Lachance would end in disaster. It didn't happen immediately – it took a couple years, but it became a disaster nonetheless.

I met Gordie when we were in early grade school. He came from a good family, so my parents never had a problem with him. It was during the following years, when we became friends with Vern Tessio, Teddy Duchamp, and Chris Chambers that they started getting worried.

To my parents, anyone not from the View was to be held out at arm's length until they could judge them for themselves. And they hated my friends. They thought Vern was stupid; they thought Teddy was rude and crazy; they thought Chris was just a bad influence.

No matter what I tried to tell mom, no matter what I did, she refused to listen. She said she knew better than I did, which is fair for a lot, but she didn't know them. She didn't know me, and there was nothing I could do to get through to her. It wasn't fair, so I just tried to stay quiet.

There was always tension in the house, sometimes so thick it made it hard to breathe. I learned early to say I was just going outside than tell them I was going to meet them.

The summer before I turned thirteen was rough. Mom wanted me in the house the majority of the time, so I was excited for her and dad to leave me alone for the weekend so they could attend a wedding in Washington. It was a hot summer, and I wanted nothing more than to go outside and just get away from the house, but she wouldn't hear it. I could only go out while she was gone, mostly because she didn't know I was leaving. I hated disobeying her, but there's only so much I can take.

That Friday, I managed to sneak out while mom was in town, getting last minute work done on her dress for the weekend. I found Chris and Teddy at the treehouse and settled myself in for forty minutes of freedom before I had to head back.

The first time Gordie allowed me to come to the treehouse, Teddy almost lost his mind. He started shouting about how there were no girls allowed, and Chris finally had to tell him to knock it off. After that, Teddy tolerated me being here.

I readjust my position on the bench. It's so hot up here. My dress is sticking to the back of my legs, and I can feel the sweat building at my temples. It's too hot outside to be in here.

"Want in?" Chris asks, I glance up from my magazine, one of the many hidden here so mom won't find them, and see him stopped, mid-shuffle. I try not to smile, which is hard when I'm around Chris. There's something about him that makes me happy.

"I'm good," I tell him. "Just kick Teddy's ass for me."

"Hey!" Teddy shouts. Chris laughs. My stomach flips. I like it when he laughs. He rarely does it anymore. He's getting almost as bad as Gordie.

I understand that Chris' family, as well as Teddy's and Vern's all have reputations, but I never understood why it let people consider them bad.

"Cora, I swear to god-"

"Shut up Teddy," I tell him, cutting him off. He starts to mumble angrily under his breath, but I let it slide. I know he's not mad. Teddy couldn't be mad at me if he wanted.

I glance over at Chris again before returning to my magazine, and I struggle not to look up again.

A few minutes later, Gordie climbs up. I wave, but don't glance up from the article I'm reading about Jack the Ripper.

"How do you know a Frenchman's been in your backyard?" Chris asks.

"Hey, I'm French okay?" Teddy says.

"Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant." He and Gordie start to laugh and I can't help but snort. What a stupid joke.

Teddy elbows at my leg. I reach out and kick his shoulder.

"I knock," Chris tells them. "Twenty-nine."

"Twenty-two," Teddy says as he lays down his cards.

Gordie slams his down on the make-shift table. "Piss up a rope!" he says as he sits up on bench next to me. I move over a bit to give him room, and he picks up the magazine he brought.

"Gordie's out! Gordie just bit the bag and stepped out the door!"

"Come on man, deal!"

Teddy takes the cards from the table and I watch him shuffle. Even though Vern isn't here yet (where is he anyway?) I'm glad I snuck out to be here, even if it's only for a little while. The treehouse feels like the one place I can be loud, and annoying, and ask questions without anyone getting mad.

"The pile of shit has a thousand eyes!" Teddy shouts. There's more, but I'm trying to connect the two conversations, and I have no idea where that came from. He's such a weird kid.

There's a knock on the trapdoor and I sit up quickly. It's not the usual knock, and I feel my heart start to pound. If it's mom-

"That's not the secret knock!" Gordie calls.

"I forget the secret knock, let me in!" Vern yells. I relax. How long have I been here? I should probably get home soon.

Vern climbs up the ladder, looking much more excited than he usually does. "You guys are not gonna believe this! This is so boss. Oh man, wait'll you hear this, wait'll you hear this-"

"Shut up and tell us then!" I demand. I hate being kept in the dark like this.

"Let me catch my breath. I ran all the way from my house."

The boys start mocking him, but I'm surprised. It's almost a hundred degrees outside…and Vern never runs anywhere. What on earth is so important to run across Castle Rock for?

"Screw you guys, forget it!"

"What is it?" Chris asks in his calm manner, and Vern sits up straighter.

"Can you guys camp out tonight? I mean if you tell your folks we're gonna tent out in my backfield?"

"Yeah," Teddy says quickly.

"I think so," Chris adds. "My dad's kind of on a mean streak; you know, he's been drinking a lot lately."

I glance over at him when he speaks. His eyes flicker over to mine before returning to the cards in his hand. I know he doesn't like to talk about it, but sometimes I feel like I have to.

"Can you Cora? Gordie?"

"My parents are going out of town tonight, so I can do whatever I want until Sunday." I tell them.

"Probably," Gordie says.

I'm already losing interest. If whatever Vern has to say was so important, why do we have to wait until tonight to hear it?

"I knock," Chris says.

"What? You liar, you ain't got no pat-hand. You didn't deal yourself no pat-hand!"

"Make your draw, shitheap."

I'm leaning back to continue the article when Vern asks quietly, "You guys want to see a dead body?"

All four of us look up at him and freeze in perfect sync. Obviously happy he's gotten our attention, Vern starts. "I was under the porch, digging, you know?"

He didn't have to say anything more. Of course he was looking for his pennies. It had been nine months since he lost them. We knew it was a lost cause, but no one wanted to break the news to Vern himself.

He continues to tell us about the conversation he overheard between his brother Billy and fellow Cobra Charlie about how they had found the body of missing kid Ray Brower. We all knew the story. It was all anyone could talk about. Three days ago he left home to pick blueberries, and he hadn't returned. No one could find him.

"Jesus Christ, man," Chris starts. "If they'd known you were under the porch, they would have killed you."

"Could he have gotten from Chamberlain to Harlow?" I ask, leaning forward on the bench. "It's a long way."

"Sure," Chris says with a shrug. "He must have started walking on the tracks and just followed them the whole way."

"Yeah," Teddy agrees quickly. "Yeah, right. And then after dark the train must have come along and-" he rams his fist into the palm of his other hand "-el smacko!"

"Shut up, Teddy," I manage to force out. The very idea brings thoughts and images to my mind that is better off kept down. The thoughts started a year ago and won't seem to go away, so it's easy to push them to the bottom of my mind.

I shake my head and focus on what Gordie's saying. "We'll tell our folks we're tenting out in your backfield. You tell your folks you're sleeping over Teddy's. Then we'll say we're going out to the drag races the next day. We're rock solid until dinner tomorrow night." He turns to me. "You won't have to tell your parents anything since they'll be out of town anyway."

I pause. Who said anything about me going? Why on earth do they think I'll want to do this?

"Let's do it! What do you say?"

"Alright!" Teddy says quickly, and it's not a surprise.

"Gordie?"

"Sure."

"Cora?"

"I don't know." I tell him honestly. "If my parents find out-"

"You said it yourself; you don't have to worry about them until Sunday!" Teddy says, turning around him his seat to glare at me. I'm obviously ruining their weekend adventure.

I glance at Chris. He's watching me closely, and it's because of that I agree. And once Vern agrees, we leave the treehouse and agree to meet on the edge of town at noon or, in my case, as soon as my parents leave.

And I'm close to wishing that I hadn't come at all.

the first few chapters will be movie-verse with a dash of original content. hang around, it'll get more original soon