Unmasking Batman
By Misha
Disclaimer- I don't own Stephanie Plum or any of the other characters (though I wish I owned Ranger). They belong to the incredibly talented Janet Evanovich and I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any money off this, so please don't sue me.
Author's Notes- Ok, this is a little angsty, more so than I intended (though less than my original draft). I'm a big Ranger/Stephanie fan, but I still couldn't resist writing this because I can't help but wonder if the big appeal is how forbidden they are. You know they probably won't end up together, probably shouldn't end up together, but you want it desperately. It was that thought that lead to me writing this. The flashbacks are in italics and are in chronological order, except for the last one which takes place first. This is still a Babe fic, with a happy Babe future, it's just a slightly pessimistic look at that future. I can't help it, I swear I need angst to survive! Anyway, that's it, enjoy!
Pairing- Ranger/Stephanie.
Summery-When the mask comes off, nothing is ever the same again...
Spoilers- Up to Fearless Fourteen.
Rating- PG-13, but kind of dark. Some sex and violence, but TV level, nothing too bad.
There are a lot of reasons why super-heroes wear masks, why they have secret identities and need to keep them, well, secret. Maybe it's to protect their privacy, their family, but it's also because once the mask comes off and you see the regular man behind it, you can never think of him quite the same way again.
Maybe it's because super-heroes aren't meant to b a part of our day-to-day existence. They are our dreams, our fantastic, the larger than life men that liven up our otherwise dreary existence's, but are never really part of our lives. Their appeal lies in the fact that they are men of mystery, a break from mundane reality.
Super-heroes exist to rescue us from evil and then disappear back into the shadows once they are done. They're not meant to be domesticated, because that takes away part of their charm. After all who wants to think about Superman doing laundry?
Once there's no mystery, no sense of the forbidden, part of the magic is lost forever. They may still be dangerous and sexy, but it'll never be the same again.
I've thought about this a lot over the last twenty years, because, you see, I married Batman. Oh, not Bruce Wayne, not the fictional hero in a rubber suit, but my very own Dark Knight.
His name was Ricardo Carlos Manoso, but every one called him Ranger, at least everyone I knew. Carlos was the man behind the mask, the one he left very people see, and Ranger... Ranger was the super-hero.
I didn't know Carlos, I just knew Ranger and for me, he was my personal Dark Knight, the man who would save me from any evil. Oh, I knew Carlos existed, but I never thought of him, had no idea of what he was like as a man. I only knew the Ranger side, I only saw what he allowed me to see and I fell in love with him without ever knowing him.
He was my mentor, my friend, my saviour and occasionally my lover... But he never let me get too close, never let me see behind the mask he put up to keep the world from getting to close. After three years of knowing him, I knew very little about him and I didn't see that changing. But, really, that just added to his appeal, made me want him even more.
He was my man of mystery, rescuing me from disaster, but never letting me get too close. There was nothing boring, nothing mundane about him, and that made him the perfect fantasy man.
I had another man in my life, one who fit in the day-to-day parts and who made me happy, but I could never commit to him because I could never give up the fantasy. Back then, I was confused, I wasn't sure what I wanted, because really I wanted both. I wanted the normal relationship, but I also wanted the thrill, the passion, the intensity that came with my relationship with Ranger.
Twenty years later, I can tell you that that's when Ranger and I were at our best. We've shared a lot since then, but it has never quite matched the passion, the intensity that we had back then.
Back then the passion was red-hot, but we always held back, afraid that we would get burnt by its flame and that made it burn even hotter. We loved each other, but we didn't dare act on it, but the denial seemed to make the love stronger.
No matter how hard we fought it, we couldn't break our hold on each other. In some ways I was smarter then, because I understood that Ranger couldn't be a permanent fixture in my life, we both understood it and we built a relationship that had clear boundaries.
It was what it was and what it was, was amazing. I used to spend nights dreaming of a life with Ranger, wishing he would let me get close, but I knew it would never happen and in my saner moments, I was glad, because he scared me. I was smart enough to understand that Ranger wasn't the kind of man you built a lifetime with, even if he had been offering me one.
Our relationship consisted of respect, deep attraction, genuine affection and self-preservation and consisted of friendship with the occasional stolen moment thrown in for good measure. I had a boyfriend, he considered me "entertainment", and neither of us was looking for anything more.
Because we didn't act on the attraction between us, mainly because we knew that nothing could ever come of it, it made it all that much more hot and delicious. We burned for each other, but we, well mainly I, wouldn't let it come to fruition which just made it hotter, adding to an endless cycle. I think that was a huge part of the appeal, the fact that it was never going to go anywhere, because everyone knew that Batman couldn't be domesticated.
It all seems so dramatic now, to think of my life back then. I was a bounty hunter, though not a particularly good one, and I played damsel in distress more often than not when my job lead me into many dangerous (and often comical) situations, and I had two men always willing to rescue.
With hindsight, I can tell you that Joe Morelli made a better Prince Charming and that he was, in many ways, the romantic hero of my tale. He was the good guy, the cop who played by the rules, while Ranger was the renegade who made up his own.
Morelli wanted nothing more than to marry me, have a few kids, and settle down in the 'Burg, where we both grew up. Ranger, on the other hand, made it clear that his love wasn't the kind that came with a diamond ring and that there were a lot of things he wanted to do with me, but marriage and pregnancy weren't in the cards.
Morelli was the man I should've wanted, but Ranger was the one I couldn't help but want. It was that crazy pull towards Ranger that kept me from ever marrying Morelli, even though I kept telling myself that I should. Hell, even Ranger knew that Morelli was the smarter choice and during his saner moments he pushed me to work things with Morelli. Of course, he undid a lot of his own work by poaching whenever he could, making sure that I was well and truly torn.
Oh, I was with Morelli, most of the time, but I could never truly let go of Ranger which I would have had to do to truly settle down with Morelli. And that was problem, I just couldn't imagine a life without Ranger there as a delicious complication and distraction from my normal life.
Twenty years later, I miss that feeling, that deep attraction and feeling of kismet, the magnetic appeal I felt then.
Oh, I still love him deeply, am still very attracted to him, but its changed. Back then he was my forbidden fruit, now he's my husband, the father of my children, the man I spend every day of my life with.
Now he's Carlos, back then, he was Batman. Dark, sexy, dangerous, and out-of-reach. He'd rescue me, tempt me, even seduce me a little, but he'd never finish the job, never take off the mask and let me in.
Not until Herbert Schubert came into my life and changed everything. It was because of Schubert that I discovered that Batman had a weakness: Me. Oh, I'd noticed it a bit before when I was in danger, knew that he'd do anything to keep me safe, but this was different.
It was the first time I ever saw him truly vulnerable, without any mask, and it was then that barriers between us started to come down. Everyone has a breaking point and Ranger's was me nearly dying at the hands of a psycho.
Schubert seemed like your run-of-the-mill FTA, brought in on a simple case of drunk and disorderly, and turned out to be a serial killer. It my most dangerous case as a bounty hunter and my last solo case.
I'd been in danger plenty of times in my years as a bounty hunter, but with Schubert, I'd literally been mere moments from death and I'd suffered through things that still give me nightmares twenty years later...
Ranger rescued me, of course, because that's what Batman does. Schubert died that night. It wasn't the first time Ranger had killed to protect me, but it was the first time I couldn't pretend otherwise. I watched him kill Schubert right before my eyes, but unlike the other times I didn't feel any guilt or remorse, just relief that my nightmare was over and so grateful that I had someone like Ranger to protect me.
The police were told that Ranger'd had no choice, that Schubert was armed and dangerous and he was, he'd had a gun pointed at me and he would have killed me if Ranger hadn't killed him first. Still, we all knew that even if that hadn't been the case, Ranger would have killed him anyway for what he'd done to me.
It should have scared me, seeing that dark, deadly side of Ranger, but instead it just made me feel safe and loved, lucky to have him on my side.
That night, the worst of my life, was the night that things really began to change between us...
I lay there, chained naked to the table, my body bloody and bruised, my eyes closed in horror as I waited for Schubert to be done. I just couldn't bear to look any longer, it was too horrible.
I was still praying that Ranger would find me, but I knew that time was running out. Even a psycho like Schubert wouldn't draw it out forever and felt like I had been chained there for days, though I knew it had only been maybe twelve hours. Still, time had to be running out and I had to start thinking about the fact that Batman might not be able to save me this time.
My only comfort was that even if Ranger got there too late to save me, Schubert would pay. I might not be walking out of there alive, but neither was he.
"Pretty, pretty bounty hunter." Schubert crooned as he dragged the knife down my thigh, lightly so that it was a shallow cut. He didn't want me bleeding to death and ending his fun too soon, after all.
"Let her go." My eyes shot open at the sound of the familiar voice and I almost started crying in relief. My hero had come for me.
Sure enough, Ranger was standing behind Schubert, his gun raised.
"I don't think so." Schubert said and pulled his own gun, but he pointed it at me, not Ranger. "Pity it has to send so soon though, the fun was just beginning."
I closed my eyes, praying for a miracle, and a split second later I heard a gun shot, btu I didn't feel any pain. I opened my eyes in time to see Schubert fall to the floor, his hand still on his gun, about to pull the trigger.
Ranger paid him no attention as he rushed to the table, his eyes glued to me.
"Babe." He whispered in horror as he untied me and lifted my naked, bloody body into his arms and held me close.
I clung to him for dear life, just drinking in his familiar scent and needing his nearness. My ordeal was over, I was safe in Ranger's arms.
"Ranger." I whispered and then burst into tears, so relieved that he'd rescued me.
He just held me tighter and after a moment I realized that I wasn't the only one crying as our tears mingled together. Huh, who knew that Batman was capable of tears.
"I knew you'd come for me." I whispered finally, looking up at him with hero-worship in my eyes.
It had been that thought that had kept me going through the hours of torture that Schubert had subjected me too, my deep belief that Ranger would be looking for me, that he'd find me and he hadn't let me down.
Oh, I was sure that Morelli was out looking for me too and that he was just as frantic as Ranger, but deep down I'd known that if only one of my men was going to find me in time, it'd be Ranger. Partially because Ranger had more men and resources, yeah Morelli had the Trenton police force, but I'd bet on Ranger's Merry Men over the police any day. Also, partially because Ranger was just more willing to break rules and do whatever it took than Morelli, but mostly because saving me was Ranger's job. After all, he was my hero, my Batman.
"Always." Ranger assured me, his voice still shaky.
I'd never seen him like this before, not even when Julie was missing. Ranger was always so calm, so collected, but now he looked truly shaken, his guard completely down and I realized that he'd been truly terrified that he'd lose me. It was kind of empowering to realize that I was capable of destroying Batman.
After another long moment, Ranger gently set me on my feet. He stripped off his shirt and gently helped me put it on. It came to my knees and gave me some covering, which was good because ten seconds later the cops and Ranger's men burst in and we were no longer alone.
I was still shaken, but it would have been much worse if I'd had to face all those people naked. Still, I clung to Ranger, still not ready to let go my hero, my lifeline.
For his part, Ranger wasn't any more willing to let go of me, either. Eventually he'd have to give a statement about shooting Schubert, but Carl Constanza was the first cop on the scene and he was giving Ranger a break, telling him he could do it later.
Ranger even kept his arms around me when Morelli came in. In the past, Ranger would have released me to Morelli's care and disappeared into the night, but not this time. This time he was staking his territory and marking me as his...
"Cupcake..." Morelli whispered, his voice rough with emotion. "Oh, God, I thought you were..." He pulled me into his arms, Ranger reluctantly letting me go, and pressed me close, seeming needing to touch me and see for himself that I was alive.
After a moment Morelli let me go and then took a good look at me. Ranger's shirt gave me some coverage, but there were knife marks over my arms and legs and I was clearly a mess.
"What did that monster do to you?" Morelli asked hoarsely, clearly affected. I looked away, not wanting to answer, not even wanting to think about it and
Ranger quickly pulled me back into his arms, holding me tight against him. "It's okay, Babe." He soothed. I could feel his eyes meeting Morelli's over my head and I knew that territory was being staked.
Normally, I'd get huffy, but at that moment, I didn't care, I just wanted to feel safe, which in Ranger's arms, I did.
"Ms. Plum needs to go to the hospital." An EMT interrupted, breaking up the macho moment.
"I'm going with her." Morelli said automatically.
"No," Ranger said coldly, "I am."
I could tell without even looking that Morelli's temper was about to boil over, but I didn't care.
"Cupcake..." He protested plaintively.
"Which one will it be?" The EMT asked me.
I didn't answer, just pressed myself close to Ranger, which I guess was answer enough. I spared a glance at Morelli and saw that he looked hurt and angry, naturally, but I just didn't care. I needed Ranger right then, I needed my hero...
It's only natural that everything began to change after that.
For three years I'd been straddling the line between Ranger and Morelli, unwilling to truly make a choice, but I couldn't do that longer. Up until then, my men had more or less permitted my indecision.
Morelli didn't truly push me to make a commitment and Ranger stayed in the background, occasionally testing my boundaries, but never crossing the line. The arrangement seemed to work for all of us. Morelli had me and was content with that, Ranger didn't have to deal with commitment, and I was able to have both the men in my life in a way that worked.
But after Schubert that changed. Things between Morelli and I got tense. He'd always hated my job, but now he really wanted me to quit. In his eyes, my job had nearly gotten me killed, and I shouldn't want to continue working in such a dangerous environment, so I should just quit and stay home with him.
He was right in some ways, the Schubert incident had been a wake-up call. No more rushing into things without back-up, no more cavalier attitude about my personal safety, no more being unarmed. I decided I was going to do this smarter, safer and enrolled in self-defence classes and allowed Ranger to assign me a partner, but I was keeping my job much to Morelli's dismay. Plus the fact that Ranger was helping me just added to our problems.
Morelli hadn't liked what he'd seen between Ranger and I at the crime scene and his concern about our relationship turned into full-fledged jealousy. The tension put us in an off-again stage while we figured things out.
It didn't help that Ranger had engaged in a full throttle pursuit with me as the prize. He gave me about a month to start recovering from my trauma, though he was always there, letting me know that I was safe because he was watching me, and then he swooped in and started the physical pursuit.
He was no longer testing the limits, he was trying to break through them, claiming what he considered his and I was powerless to resist. After all, I'd always loved him, but after he saved my life that love became deeper, more powerful.
More than ever, I cast him into the super-hero role and added worship along with love, affection and respect. After all, it seemed like something straight out of a movie, he'd saved me from the villain, all the while revealing his own inner weakness at the same time. Very hot and impossible for any woman to resist.
I'd always known that Ranger cared about me, that he "loved me in his own way", but it wasn't until he saved me that I understood just how much I meant to him. I left him vulnerable, I could bring down his defence. Somehow, I had managed to get beneath his armour and touch the man inside and that knowledge... Well, it was a pretty powerful feeling.
I still didn't know the man behind the mask, but that didn't matter to me, because I was so swept up in the romance of it all. The feelings were so strong that ti only took Ranger two weeks of pursuing me before he wore me down and I agreed to end things with Morelli for good...
I was standing in the living room of Ranger's apartment, just looking up at him, and knowing that this was it, the moment of my surrender. He'd asked me to come over to "talk" and, of course, I'd agreed, even though I'd known that seduction would be on the menu.
The Morelli-guilt was lessening, we were legitimately broken up and honestly, I didn't see us getting back together. Plus, it was Ranger...
So, for once there was no inner voice trying to make me regain my senses as he pressed me against the wall, trapping me with the weight of his strong, hard body.
"You're mine." He whispered, a note of triumph in his voice.
"Yes." I admitted, feeling weak with desire, loving the feel of his hard warmth against me.
Maybe a strong woman wouldn't admit that, wouldn't like being told she belonged to a man, but... I have to admit, it sounded pretty good to me.
There was something pretty sexy about the fact that after all this time, Ranger was finally claiming me. For two weeks, every time I'd seen Ranger he'd been touching me, kissing me, making me tremble with desire, but he'd never actually taken what I'd been so willing to offer. It was as if he was waiting for a particular moment. Knowing Ranger, he probably was.
"End it with Morelli." He ordered, running his fingers through my hair, before leaning in for a deep, searing kiss. "For good this time. You're mine and I don't share."
"Ok." I agreed when we finally parted, too dazed to do anything but agree. I would have agreed to anything as long as it meant that I got to have Ranger in my bed.
I realized later that was what Ranger had been waiting for, the right moment to press his advantage. He'd started playing by different rules, he didn't just want one night, he wanted everything and he was going to make sure he got it.
He stepped back suddenly and released me from the wall, instead he swept me up into his arms. "You're mine, Babe, for keeps." He told me as he carried me to his bedroom. "No walking away this time, for either of us. If we do this, there's no going back."
It was my last chance to walk way, but I couldn't do it. Forget the fact that I was so hot for Ranger that I thought that I might die if I didn't have him inside me right then and there. There was also the question of how could I walk away when Ranger was finally willing to claim me?
"Make love to me." I begged instead, tightening my arms around his neck.
Ranger gave me a slow, sexy smile as he deposited me on his bed and I knew that he intended to do just that...
And that was that. After three years of not being able to make a decision, I had finally chosen.
The next morning I broke it off with Morelli for good. I told him the truth, that I was with Ranger now and that that wasn't going to change. Honestly, he wasn't surprised, we'd both known that it was coming. Hell, it had probably been coming since before the Schubert thing, because honestly, I was never going to get Ranger off my mind, we were just in denial.
Still, he reacted pretty much like I expected, with anger and accusations. I let him yell, because I knew him and because in the end, it didn't change anything. I'd made up my mind and as bad as I felt about hurting Morelli, nothing was going to change it.
Honestly, I was so deep in my Ranger infatuation that I couldn't think about anything else, not really.
For three years I'd been unable to truly choose, partially because Ranger wasn't really offering anything and partially because I was truly torn, but the Schubert made the choice seem so easy. Especially since Ranger was now a real choice. He was ready to claim me, to offer me a real relationship, so of course he was what I wanted.
Two days after I broke things off with Morelli, I moved in with Ranger for good, with no looking back. I'd never been willing to take that step with Morelli, truly move in with him and give him my apartment, but with Ranger... It felt easier.
It took me years to understand that I chose as quickly as I did because in some ways I felt like I had no choice. Ranger had saved my life, had killed for me, so how could I not choose him?
Especially when he was willing to change for me, willing to try and do everything he couldn't do. For as long as I'd known Ranger, he'd always sworn that his life didn't allow for relationships and that he didn't see that changing, but then it did... Suddenly he was offering me a real relationship, the kind that lasted forever, everything I had never let myself even dream of and now it was real.
Still, I know now that I didn't make the choice objectively, I made it based partially out of the trauma and the feelings of gratitude I had towards Ranger for saving my life.
Still, I don't know that I would have made a different choice, even under normal circumstances. After all, it was Ranger, the man I'd spent years fantasising about and he was willing to give me everything I'd ever imagined, I'm not sure there's any circumstance under which I could have turned that down.
It got even better, a month after I moved in with him, Ranger presented me with an exquisite diamond ring and told me that he wanted me forever...
"Marry me, Babe."
I stared in awe at Ranger and the ring in his hand, barely able to believe what was happening. Was Ranger really proposing? It surely sounded like it and he'd gone down on one knee and everything...
"I thought your love didn't come with a ring." I whispered, unable to tear my eyes from the flawless diamond.
"I thought so too, until I thought I had lost you." Ranger told me, his voice thick with emotion. "When I got to that house and saw what that psycho had done to you, how close I'd come to losing you... Well, then all my reasons for keeping you at bay seemed stupid, and all I knew was that I needed you in my life."
He got off the floor and took me in his arms, that velvet box still in his hand. "My life is still dangerous, still unpredictable and maybe it's not cut out for relationships, but I've finally realized, that so's yours." He told me quietly. "That's what I learnt from the Schubert thing that either one of us could die tomorrow, it's just the nature of the lives we chose, and us being together isn't going to make that happen any faster. I'm not putting you in more danger by being with you and I finally realize that."
He paused and I stilled, clinging to his every word.
"When I learnt that you were missing, I realized that I wasn't doing myself any favours. I thought I was keeping you safe, but all I was doing was denying us what time we might have." He confessed. "At least if we're together we can enjoy what time we have left and make it worthwhile, instead of just being left with the thoughts of 'what might have been'. I've finally figured that out."
I nodded, his words making sense to me. Yes, it was a little morbid as far as proposals went, but romantic too. Morelli had wanted to marry me, but he'd always used marriage as a weapon to make me change and become what he wanted me to be. Ranger just wanted to share my life.
"I'm not sure I'll be able to offer you a 'normal' life." Ranger continued. "There'll always be guards, there'll be times when I'll disappear for months on end and you can't know where I'm going, and there's always going to be danger--"
"Ranger, this is me you're talking too." I interrupted. "I attract danger all on my own."
Ranger laughed. "Yes, Babe, you certainly do."
"I'm not quitting my job." I warned him, wanting to make that clear.
Ranger shrugged. "That's fine. I didn't think you would, just continue to take back-up with you, is all I ask."
I nodded, relieved that Ranger wasn't trying to change me. "So is that a yes?" Ranger asked, looking into my eyes. "Will you marry me?"
I started crying, tears of joy. This was more than I'd ever dreamed of, even when I'd moved in with Ranger, I'd steeled myself to accept that was as permanent as I was going to get and I'd convinced myself I was fine with that, but now... Now Ranger was offering me everything...
"Yes." I whispered happily. "Yes, Ranger, of course I'll marry you."
He kissed me deeply and then pulled back and smiled at me, that true smile that I saw so rarely.
"Carlos." He corrected lightly as he slipped the ring on my finger. "You get all of me now, Babe."
Looking back, I can see the problem with what had happened, or at least the complication that we'd never considered.
I'd done the impossible, Ranger was willing to give me all of himself. I'd broken through his defences and he was willing to take off the mask and share himself me, all of himself.
It was a very romantic idea, but the truth was a lot of what I was seeing was a man who was a stranger to me. After all, I'd fallen in love with Ranger, the mystery man, the dark knight who rode to my rescue and then disappeared back into the shadows. Yet, I'd agreed to marry Ricardo Carlos Manoso, the man behind the mask, a man who after three and a half years, I still barely knew.
I'd always known that I knew very little about Ranger, but I didn't give it a lot of thought until after we'd gotten engaged and I was suddenly receiving this all information. The flood gates had opened and I'd been a bit unprepared. In many ways, I'd fallen in love with Batman and then had to live with Bruce Wayne, without having a clue about what he was really like.
Ranger had carried a duo identity for so long and become very good good at keeping himself separated into two parts. Ranger, the man he let the world see, and Carlos, the one only a few people saw. Until then, I'd only been allowed to know Ranger, but that changed and fast and it left me a little off-guard.
Marriage meant blending our lives together, completely, and as we did so it became painfully obvious how little we had in common, outside our danger professions.
Oh, some of it was stuff I'd always known, like how Ranger liked to get up at ungodly hours of the day, how he was a stickler for fitness and healthy living, and that conversation wasn't his strong suit.
I'd known those things from the start, but I'd never thought about how they'd affect me since I never considered that spending my life with Ranger as a legitimate option. Because of that, I never really about the downsides, I never thought about the adjustments that would have to be made.
I also never really dwelled on how little I knew about Ranger, the fact that I didn't even know the simple things like his favourite childhood memory or when he'd gotten his first kiss. Until, we'd gotten engaged, I only knew what he'd been willing to tell me and that had been precious little.
In a moment, that changed and suddenly he was showing me this whole other side of himself, complete with a history I'd never heard before, and it was overwhelming.
When I was with Morelli, that information had come gradually with time. Either, they were things I'd always known, or things I'd learnt about naturally over the years we were involved.
With Ranger there'd never been that ease, that sharing of secrets and childhood memories, so that when it did come, it was like a landslide. Maybe that should have been a warning, but I was in love with him and I didn't think it mattered.
After all, he was sharing himself with me now, wasn't he? What did it matter that it that had taken him so long and that he was practically a stranger?
I knew I loved him and that seemed to be enough. Maybe I was a little naive, but nothing was going to change my mind. Especially not Morelli, even though he tried...
"What are you doing, Stephanie?"
I turned to see Morelli standing behind me. I was a little surprised, partially because he'd been giving me a wide berth, and partially because he's not someone I'd expect to run into in the ladies department at Macy's, where I was doing some shopping for my honeymoon. Obviously he'd tracked me down on purpose, the question was, why?
"Right now I'm looking for the perfect dress to wear on my honeymoon." I said coldly.
It hadn't ended well with Morelli, to say the least, not that I had expected it to , since it had been obvious that I was breaking up with him to be with Ranger, and I'd been steering clear of him ever since. Especially after the wedding was announced, because I knew the fact that Ranger and I had gotten a mere six weeks after Morelli and I broke up for good only emphasised that and was probably a huge slap to Morelli's ego.
I regretted that, I really did, but... Morelli and I hadn't worked and I wanted to be with Ranger and I wasn't going to not be with Ranger just to avoid hurting Morelli's feelings.
"I meant marrying Ranger." Morelli said quietly, no trace of anger in his voice. "Steph, you don't even know the man, do you really think you should be marrying him?"
"Of course I know him!" I protested. "I've known him for four years. More than that, I live with him and I love him, of course I know him."
Morelli winced at the words "I love him", but continued to look at me with pity and sadness in his eyes. "No, Cupcake, you know the part of him that he has allowed you to know, but Ranger's always kept a big part of himself separate." He said, hitting a secret fear of mine right on the head.
Morelli sighed. "Steph, I'm not blind, I've always known that there was something between you, but I never interfered, never made you choose because I knew it wasn't real. Ranger was a fantasy to you, some sort of super-hero and you idolised that. It bugged me, but I knew it would never go anywhere, so I let it go, but here you are telling me that you're marrying Batman? It's a mistake, Cupcake, and I think deep down you know that."
His words were like a personal blow, but I ignored the pain and told myself that he was just bitter over the break-up.
"Joe, why are you doing this?" I demanded, refusing to even consider that he might have a point. "I'm getting marred in ten days..." It seemed strange to say it out loud, but it was true. In ten days I'd be Mrs. Carlos Manoso.
"That's why I'm saying it." Morelli told me. "I'm trying to talk some sense into you before it's too late. I care about you, Stephanie. I know how badly Dickie hurt you and I don't want to see that happen to you again. I don't want to see you make another mistake."
My jaw dropped. Was he really comparing Dickie and Ranger? I mean there was no constant. Dickie was a piece of low-life slime while Ranger... Ranger was my super-hero, the best man I knew.
"How dare you compare Ranger and Dickie?" I demanded angrily, uncaring of the looks I was getting from the other shoppers. "Ranger would never cheat on me!"
"No, he wouldn't." Joe agreed. "He's not that kind of man and he's not that stupid, but infidelity isn't the only thing that can ruin a marriage. Sometimes, just being too different can be a big enough problem."
"And you think that Ranger and I are too different." I said coldly, absolutely furious with him. How dare he convince me less than two weeks before my wedding and try and convince me I was making a mistake!
"Yes." Morelli told me quietly, not seeming to care about how angry I was. "I just want you to be happy, Cupcake, and personal feelings aside, I just don't thinK Ranger can make you truly happy."
"Well, you're wrong because he does." I told him, a little bit of my anger fading at his obvious sincerity.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, Joe, but I love Ran--Carlos and I want to spend the rest of my life with him." I blushed a little bit at the slip, I was still trying to get used to calling Ranger by his real name. Plus, I figured right now it proved the point that I was trying to make that I did know, and love, all of him, not just the Ranger persona.
Morelli nodded, looking sad. "I hope you know what you're doing cupcake and I wish you and Ranger all the happiness in the world. You deserve it."
Back then it had been really easy to dismiss Morelli's concerns as nothing more than sour grapes, but now I understand that there was some validity to them and that he really was just trying to be a good friend.
I'm not saying that he was right, in a lot of ways, he wasn't, but with the wisdom of two decades I can say that there was a lot of truth to his words.
Back then, I was too in love with Ranger, too blinded by the fairy tale to heed the warning and to see that truth, but time has taken away my blinders. I've already admitted that I agreed to marry Ranger without taking the time to really get to know the man behind the mask.
At the time, I just decided that I could learn all there was to learn about Ranger as we went along and now I see that I should have taken the time to make that decision beforehand.
I'm not saying that I would have changed my mind and not married Ranger, my love for him was deep and real, it still, it's just that it was build on a fantasy foundation.
That was one of the hardest things for us deal with in our marriage, trying to build something real out of that fantasy. It wasn't just me that had that problem. Ranger knew a lot more about me than I did about him, that's for sure, but he'd really only seen me in certain roles and situations, so the adjustment of day-to-day life wasn't easy for him either.
Really, we should have done it before we were married, but we'd denied ourselves for so long that neither one of us could stand to wait and I can't say I regret that decision because I'll remember the day I married Ranger for the rest of my life, remember how happy I was to have my dreams coming true...
"Do you, Stephanie Michelle Plum, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for as long as you both shall live?" The priest asked me.
Neither Ranger or I had particularly wanted the Catholic wedding, but we'd agreed to it for our families.
Yes, we were both divorced, but we'd both gotten religious annulments, Ranger so that Rachel was free to marry Ron in the church, and I to shut my mother up. So, there we were in the church I had grown up attending, pledging our love for everyone to hear.
"I do." I whispered, my voice shaking. I could barely believe this was happening. I was marry Ranger!
"Do you, Ricardo Carlos Manoso, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." Ranger said, not a trace of uncertainty in his voice.
He looked at me with warm brown eyes and I could feel myself melt.
He was mine. It was worth the whole ordeal of the big church wedding, the fancy white dress I hadn't wanted and everything to know that we were joined, not just now, but forever.
I barely paid attention to the rest of the ceremony, I was so busy staring at Ranger, who looked gorgeous in his tux, but I did hear the priest pronounce us husband and wife and tell Ranger that he could kiss me.
Ranger pulled me towards him for a kiss that wasn't as passionate as many we'd shared, but it was filled with so much love and emotion. This kiss was the beginning of the rest of our lives, our lives together...
God, I was so in love with Ranger then. I still am, of course, but its changed in time, which is only natural.
Still, the memory of our wedding is a precious one, how perfect everything was that day, even if we did rush into it.
But rushing into things was only one of our major problems, the other one, the more serious one, was that in many ways, Ranger had been right all the times he'd insisted that his life wasn't cut out for relationships.
It wasn't just that his life was incredibly dangerous, but also that he just wasn't a family kind of man. Ranger was a loner by nature and he wasn't used to having to think about other people's feeling, to factor someone else into his decisions.
I'll give him credit, he tried. He did his best to make his life work to fit me and he was a loving, attentive husband. One thing about Ranger, when he made a commitment he stuck with it, and he really wanted to show that he could be a marriage and family kind of man. Hell, it was even his idea for us to have children...
"Valerie's pregnant again." I said lightly as Ranger and I lay in bed together.
We'd finished making love and were just lying in each other's arms, talking about everything under the sun. It was later, almost two in the morning, but neither of was sleepy, we were just enjoying our time together.
This was our quality time together. Every night, we came to bed and would lay in each other's arms, talking about everything while basking in the post-coitus glow. Really, it was our only chance for quality time.
Oh, we spent a lot of time together each day. We often worked together in the field and Ranger made sure that he always had time for me whether it was to east together, to go our, or even to visit my family, but there was rarely time for idle chit chat or for intimate conversation.
Usually when we were together there were other people around, or we were busy with a case. We spent a lot of our time being on duty, it was just the nature of Ranger's business, of both of our lives.
Besides that, I was never sure how much he really cared about the goings on of my family and friends, so post-sex was really the only time I felt comfortable mentioning them. Oh, he went to dinner at my parents' once a week and would go out with my friends when I asked him, but I'm sure it felt like torture to him, and he certainly didn't seem to have any real interest in any member of my family, but to give Ranger credit, he always listened when I talked about them and filled him in on the latest news.
He certainly tried and I loved him for it.
"Envious Babe?" Ranger asked, giving me a thoughtful look.
I paused, a little surprised that he asked, but the truth was I was a little bit envious. This was Valerie's fifth child and there I was thirty-five and childless.
I'd never really been sure that I wanted children, I'd always been content with my hamster, but as I faced the reality of never having them, I realized that a big part of me did want to have a baby. And not just any baby, I could never see myself having kids with Morelli, but with Ranger...
Well, I have to admit I loved the idea of having his child, something that was part of both of us. But it wasn't something Ranger and I had ever discussed. I'd never brought it up because I just didn't see him agreeing to the idea.
Oh, sure he had Julie and she was a part of our life, but only on the fringes and it wasn't like Ranger had ever planned to have her. More than that, we didn't really have a lifestyle that could easily include children, so I just didn't think it was in the cards. It was disappointing, but in many ways I had come to terms with it.
Finally, I shrugged, not sure how to answer his question.
"We could have one you know." Ranger told me, his hands tracing patterns on my bare skin as he spoke.
I looked up at him in surprise. "Really?"
"Really." Ranger confirmed, his eyes darkening with desire and his expression turning amorous once more. He put his hand on my bare belly, sending shivers through me. "I'd love to see you pregnant with my child." He whispered huskily.
I felt a warmth flood though my entire at his words. In that moment, I realized just how badly I wanted a baby. "Yes." I said softly, my eyes shining. "Give me a baby, Carlos."
"Your wish is my command." He told me, giving me a deep kiss, his hands gently caressing my body as he did so. "I'm going to give it my best shot, Babe, starting right now..."
And that was that, there was no further discussion, his mind was made up. After months of not talking about it, we'd suddenly made the decision ot have a family and we went ahead with that plan full throttle after just one conversation.
It was a little overwhelming, I think I would have liked a little more time to think about it, to discuss it and make sure it was really what we wanted, that our lives could adapt to accommodate a small child, but it didn't work that way.
Once Ranger's makes up his mind about something, nothing can change it, so the next thing I knew we'd done away with birth control and less than three months after that conversation, I was pregnant.
That was our son, Matteo, and two years after that I had our daughters, Isabella and Christina. In a few short years, we went from a childless couple leading extremely dangerous lives to the parents of three beautiful children.
I must admit, after that first conversation, I had a lot of doubts about having children, but not Ranger. We'd made the decision and he threw himself into his impending fatherhood, not even letting me pause to catch my breath and see if it was what I really wanted.
Don't get me wrong, I love my children more than anything and I'm so glad we had them, but sometimes I still wonder if we made the right decision. Even now Ranger and I still don't have the ideal lifestyle for children.
We've never been the white picket fence type of couple and it's unlikely we're ever going to be. Our children grew up in a rather stifling existence. From the day they were born there were bodyguards and tracking devices monitoring their every move, while I lived in constant worry over their safety and Ranger monitored every breath any of us took. That's the life they've only known and it's the life I've lived for the last twenty years.
At least, I chose it willingly, my children never had a chance. Though, to be perfectly fair, Ranger's been keeping tabs on me since long before I married him, but after the wedding it got worse and I lost any illusions of personal freedom.
I know that Ranger meant well, that he just wanted to protect me and I've always felt safer knowing he's watching out for me, but I also feel like a prisoner. As I said, I understand why he does it, he wants to keep us safe from all the bad thing sin the world, wants to make sure that the dark things in his life don't touch us, but...
Sometimes, I really resent his need to protect me and I just want to be free. I want a life without guards and tracking devices, where I come and go as I please, but I gave that up a long time ago.
It's a little ironic, because one of the reasons I chose Ranger was because he was willing to let me fly. Morelli wanted to change me, to turn me into someone else, where Ranger just wanted me to be. He was willing to accept my job, my crazy life and he didn't need me to fit any specific role.
Which is good, because while I've been a wife and mother for nearly twenty years, I'll never be a typical Burg housewife. After all, there's a reason we've always had a housekeeper.
I will say, Ranger never tried to change me, he just worked around me. He didn't make me quit my job, he just took away the dangers of my life, made sure that he was always there to step in and save me id need me, and in time he eventually made it so that my life wasn't really my own anymore.
Twenty years ago, I made my choice. I stood there and I yanked the mask off Batman, thinking that I knew what I wanted and that what I wanted was all of him, not just the part in the figurative suit and mask.
Now I can't help but wonder if that was the right choice, after all. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still love Ranger deeply and our life together has been a good one, despite my lack of freedom, but...
I can't help but think we were at our best way back when. Back when he was just my man of mystery, before we let ourselves get too close.
I'm not saying that I would have been happier choosing Morelli, that's definitely not true. I'm positive I would have been much more unhappy than I am now, because I wouldn't just be trapped in a silken prison--I would have had to change who I was.
There was a reason I never married Morelli and it was more than Ranger. It was because he was never the right man for me, I'm absolutely dead certain about that.
To be 100 certain, I'm not sure that either of them was the man for me, but they felt like the only two choices. I had two gorgeous, amazing men who wanted me, of course I had to pick one of them.
Truth is though, Morelli and I wanted different things in life and Ranger... Well Ranger made a better fantasy than reality. Still, choosing neither of them was never an option I considered, which meant that I had to pick one, so I did.
For the most part, I'm happy with the decision I made. Ranger's done his best to be a good husband and father and we have a wonderful life together, it's just... It's not what it was.
I have a good marriage, a warm, loving relationship, but... Sometimes I miss what we had before.
Sometimes, late at night, I lay beside Ranger in bed and I remember how we used to be.
I remember the passion, the intensity, and the feeling of tempting fate. Every moment we shared felt forbidden and dangerous and there was a bittersweet feel to it, mainly because I knew never knew if we'd have another.
Back then, Ranger was never going to part of my future and I knew that eventually our moments were going to come to an end, which just made them so much more intense...
That part of our relationship is gone now, of course. Oh, sometimes I worry that Ranger isn't going to come home the next time he goes off on some dangerous mission, but I never worry about having to walk away, because I know him now and I know he's mine. Forever.
It's a nice feeling, but it also means that there's no mystery, no danger, and while there's still passion, its tamer.
Sometimes, I think back to life before Schubert... Before we crossed the line and allowed ourselves to give into the passion, when the fire between was so hot that we thought we'd get burnt alive...
I woke up to the feel of a warm, hard body snuggled against mine. For a moment I thought it was Morelli, but then I remembered that we were off-again.
It took me a moment to remember that I was at Ranger's since I had a crazy stalker after me (again) and my place wasn't safe.
I had the momentary thought that Ranger really should start charging me rent, given how often I ended up crashing there. I chuckled at the idea, then, before I could stop myself I curled closer, running my hand over his hard chest. I knew I was playing with fire, but I couldn't help it, a barely dressed Ranger was a very hard thing to resist.
His eyes shot open as soon as I started touching him.
"Babe." He whispered, pulling me into his arms and then kissing me.
The kiss grew deeper, more demanding and I could feel Ranger's hands tugging at my pyjamas and I wasn't offering any resistance. Ranger got my shirt off and his mouth left mine to start moving lower and lower and then...
Suddenly we were interrupted by the piercing sound of the alarm and he realized me. I rolled back onto my side of the bed, feeling a mixture of disappointment, relief, guilt and frustration all mixed together. Pretty much my normal reaction after an encounter with Ranger.
Ranger reluctantly got out of bed and I couldn't tear my eyes from his perfect body, covered only by a pair of black silk boxers... I longed to rip those boxers off so I could explore the perfection that I knew lurked beneath, but I forced myself to resist the impulse.
Sex with Ranger was a complication I didn't need, no matter how amazing it would be, and I knew from experience that it was pretty damned amazing. Still... There were a lot of reasons I couldn't go there and I forced myself to remember them all...
Ranger saw me looking at him and gave me one of those almost-smiles. "Babe, one of these days, your luck's going to run out and there's not going to be any interruptions." He warned, his eyes warm with seductive promise. "You can't hold out forever."
I bit my lip, wondering if I was a bad person, because I really hoped that he was right..
The thing about that kind of passion is that it's at it's best and hottest before you give into it. It's all about the temptation, about wanting, but not having and once you give into it, a little bit of the flame inevitably goes out.
Ranger and I will always have passion, but... Back then when we danced around it, feeding into it, but never giving, well the passion burned hotter than anything else I've experienced.
It was that rush of the forbidden. Ranger and I knew that we couldn't have each other, that it wouldn't be a good idea, and that just made us want it ever more. We burned for each other, but we also kept our distance, unwilling to sate our hunger. It wasn't that we didn't want to, we did, but we both knew how the story was supposed to go.
We both understand our roles and we played them well. He was Batman and I was the damsel in distress and that was all. He'd save my life, add excitement and danger to it, and then eventually he'd disappear into the shadows.
We both knew weren't going to be anything permeant to one another, that just didn't seem to be in the cards, and to be honest it just added to the thrill. When that changed, when forever became an option, the relationship changed.
We've had twenty years together since then, Ranger and I. Years in which we've shared a marriage, a family, and a life time, but in a lot of ways we peaked before those years even began.
Twenty years ago, he was my Dark Knight and I was the woman he'd rescue before disappearing back into the shadows. He was my hero and I longed to really know him and I was the woman he couldn't get out of his mind. We wanted each other badly, longed for one another, but neither of us was willing to take the risk and change things and it just made the passion between us all the more intense.
It feels awful to admit, but in some ways it was the mystery of Ranger that was the biggest appeal. He had been dark, dangerous and mysterious. I'd known that I couldn't have him forever, that I'd never get to see the man behind the mask and it just made me want him all the more desperately.
For me, he was the super-hero, the man who could never be more than a fantasy, for him, I was the forbidden fruit. His life was too dark, too dangerous for relationships and he knew that he was no good for me, so he tried to walk away, but he wanted me too much to truly go, so he settled for staying in the shadows of my life.
What we had then had been hot, dangerous, and utterly forbidden. Ranger and I wanted each other, but we knew we couldn't have each other. It could have stayed like that forever, until one of us finally forced ourselves to let go the fantasy and walk away, and I know if that had happened that I would have always wondered what might have been, wondered if I could have been the one to tame him.
Would that have been better? Yes and no.
In so many ways it would have been worse, because I wouldn't have Ranger. I wouldn't have had the last twenty years of memories, I would haven't have my children, and I know that if either one of us had walked away that it would have left a big hole in my heart and my life that would never be filled... Maybe I'm not as happy with my life as I could be, but I wouldn't be as happy I am if I didn't have Ranger, I know that.
Still, there's a tiny part of me that wishes that he could have stayed the way he was then, all those years ago.
If we'd never crossed the line, he would have stayed perfect in my mind. He would still be hot and tortured, not weighed down by the flaws of a mortal man. I wouldn't have ever known the man and thus, nothing would have tainted by image of the hero.
That's what happened. I can't look at Ranger and just see that side of him, the Ranger side, because now I know the rest of him. Now I know Carlos and all his strengths and flaws and that's changed my image of him, which in some ways is sad because I might have married the man, but it was the hero I fell in love with and sometimes I long for that hero.
Not always, but sometimes.
Of course, it's all academic, because I did pull off that mask and I got to know the man behind it. I got a loving husband, terrific kids and a pretty good life out of it, but when I did so, I lost my fantasy.
Ranger was once my Dark Knight, but then he became my husband and it was impossible for the image to stay the same.
If I could go back, would I choose to leave the mask on, knowing all that I do now? Probably not, because who would trade reality for a fantasy?
Still, one thing's for certain, once the mask comes off, you'll never be able to look at the hero in the same way ever again...
- End