The Things We Get Away With…
A/N: I don't even know...
"Run, Joanna, run!" I screamed as we raced out of Malfoy Manor. Voldemort was right behind us and gaining. How did Joanna and I find ourselves in such a situation, you ask? Well, it all started roughly a 5hrs ago…
Joanna and I snuck up to the front gate of Malfoy Manor and rang the door-bell.
"Do you really think this could work?" I asked as I helped my partner in crime slip on her bleach blond wig.
"This is gonna be great! The Death Eaters are so gonna fall for this!" We both stifled laughs as I pulled on my matching wig and rang the door-bell again. Finally, Draco Malfoy came up to the front gate and scowled at us.
"Who are you?" he sneered.
"Hello cousin Draco!" Joanna mimicked Dobby the house elf's voice as I tried to muffle my laughs with my hands.
"It's you cousin from Azkaban, 13921-7!"
For a moment, I thought Draco would see right through our charade and recognize both his schoolmates. I was prepared to make a run for it when Draco surprised both of us.
"Hello, cousins!" The nincompoop beamed. (Man, I hoped the rest of the Death Eaters were this stupid…) Draco led us inside and gave us the grand tour of Malfoy Manor. Once we arrived at the dining room, we were greeted by twenty Death Eaters—including the Malfoys, Bellatrix, and the Dark Lord himself. Everyone smiled at the "Malfoy cousins" and introduced themselves.
Throughout the evening, Nigini kept hissing at Joanna and I. She clearly wasn't as easily fooled as the rest.
"Nigini!" cried Voldemort, leave those two alone. I don't understand why you're being so rude to our guests. And they came all the way from Azkaban to see us!" Even still, that stupid snake kept giving us the evil eye until, finally, Joanna volunteered us to prepare dinner.
"We'll just borrow Nigini for a moment," she growled, still using her Dobby voice.
A while later, we had laid out a buffet for all to enjoy. All the Death Eaters dug in with gusto—especially Voldemort, though Joanna and I made sure not to touch any of the dishes.
"This stuff is great!" exclaimed Voldemort, his mouth full of several different dishes. Joanna and I exchanged Devilish grins.
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Lord Voldemort," I purred. Voldemort grabbed a slice of pie before asking, "Where's Nigini? I want her to be a part of this wonderful feast!"
"Oh, she is," snickered Joanna, loud enough for all the Death Eaters to hear, "somewhere in here!" Suddenly, the entire table went still—Voldemort being the only exception. Bellatrix's face turned fifty shades of green and the rest of the Death Eaters quickly spat out their meals.
"You're quite right, 13921-7!" I cooed, "Nigini was a huge part in this meal. Why, I can't think of a single dish she didn't leave her mark on!" And with that, Bellatrix shot up from her seat, mumbled something about having to go to the bathroom, and dashed out of the room.
Voldemort briefly glanced over to where his right hand woman had been just moments before, not thinking much of it. "I would still like to share this with her. Perhaps she's under the table somewhere?"
At that, Joanna and I shot up out of our seats, mimicking Bellatrix. And before the Dark Lord could stick his head under the table, we snatched our goodie-bags filled with all sorts of snake-skin accessories.
"Well, it was fabulous getting to know all of you and what not!" Joanna cried, no longer using her Dobby voice, "but it's time for us to get going!"
We practically ran over each other trying to get to the door. We were almost there… we could see the front door. Joanna and I grinned at each other—home free in 3…2…1—!
Suddenly, a huge explosion of magic nocked Joanna and I off our feet.
"YOU HAD ME EAT NIGINI!" the Dark Lord bellowed. No, no, no! We're almost there! I remember thinking. Joanna and I belly-crawled our way to the front door, bursting out onto the front porch just as Voldemort caught up to us.
Voldemort raised his wand, prepared to enact the Killing Curse, when an idea popped into my head.
"Joanna!" I cried, "Do you remember when we pranked Margaux last week?"
"Of course I remember!" she shouted, lookin a little confused. "We put centaur dung in her shampoo. She swore she would murder whoever did it, so we never told her!"
Suddenly, Joanna got a twinkle in her eye—she knew exactly what I was thinking. Joanna whipped out her wand and put the tip to her throat.
"MARGAUX!" she boomed. "VOLDEMORT WAS THE ONE WHO PUT CENTAUR DUNG IN YOUR SHAMPOO! DON'T ASK HOW, HE JUST DID. HE'S OVER HERE AT MALFOY MANOR!" The sudden noise had made Voldemort freeze momentarily. He looked down at us curiously, shook his head, and was about to start up the Killing Curse again when an overwhelming smell of poop filled the air. Voldemort gagged and went cross-eyed.
"YOU MESSED UP MY HAIR!?" Margaux screamed as she came crashing down the street. Voldemort let out a slight whimper before Joanna and I ran as fast as we could all the way home. We were followed only by the pitiful screams of a not-so-dark Dark Lord.
A/N: I know- this was a really stupid (hopefully funny?) fanfic! But my friend Joanna and I had fun improving it at school and I had fun typing it up two years later. SO THERE!:)