Never Was and Never Will Be
Summary: In another lifetime, they would have been really good friends and close partners, maybe even something more. But there was no use in brooding about what could have been for them; the life here didn't call for it. Oneshot.
Text:
"Speech"
Thoughts
Flashbacks
Song:
"Murder I Wrote" by Halifax
Disclaimer: Death Note doesn't belong to me. I don't think I could ever come up with something like Death Note. I also don't own the song "Murder I Wrote" by Halifax.
xXxXx
"Listen to me cause I'm not faking
This time it's real and I can't take it
Hold me gently cause I might fall apart
There were no bullets so stop searching
The cause is you and all your making
Stop pretending that you're innocent
Cause now I remember that...
I saw you with the murder weapon
You see me as an enemy
Choke on your tongue as you pray that this is all just a dream
And fall before me
I'm down but I can still comprehend
How this broken two step dance went
You shot me
I couldn't remember who told me what you were after
I'm seeing red now, the world is blurry
Tonight will be my last for turning
How does it feel to know."
-Murder I Wrote, Halifax
xXxXx
Today was like any other day. And yet, to L, it didn't seem that way.
Was it because it felt like the end was near for him? Or had he been pondering about Light and the Kira case even more so than before? It was perfectly natural for him to do so, especially after spending so much time with Light during those many interesting months of being handcuffed to him. But even afterwards…Yagami Light continued to intrigue him. Of course, there were several reasons why:
1: He still had high suspicions that Light could be the first Kira (if so, then Misa would be the second Kira).
2: Despite being a suspect, Light demonstrated amazing and impressive feats of intelligence, calm composure, and quick reflexes, a spitting image of himself. To encounter another human being who more similar to him then different fascinate L beyond belief. However, he gleaned that their high sense of justice and astuteness, and overwhelming brilliance was exactly where their uncanny similarities ended. If Light was, in fact, Kira, then L shared no part in his idea of creating an utopian society where one man considered himself a god and believed he had the right to hold the fate of others' in his murderous palms. Such dangerous power did not belong in the hands of humanity. Hence, L's resolve to track Kira down hardened with each passing day.
And yet, as time passed, there was some amount of sadness that took root in the mastermind detective. The feeling seemed to so alien, so foreign to him that the subtle emotion took him by surprise. Normally, L never felt such strong sensations but when he was spending much of his free time or the investigation with Light, he soon began to realize that sorrow derived from Light and the prospect of him being Kira. L did not understand this revelation. His job was to track down Kira, no matter what the cost, even if it meant imprisoning someone he had come think of as his friend, his only friend.
…His friend. No one ever wanted to do that to their comrade, especially if it was their only comrade, their true equal. That was what he felt towards Light; he was the only person ever who could match him in brilliancy and strategy. It was ironic, really, but the more he pondered about it, the more the whole predicament made sense to L. If Kira was indeed Yagami Light then it would certainly explain how far he had come along without getting caught while accomplishing so much. Kira's intelligence would have to be on par with his aptitude if he wanted to survive this war of wits.
"L? Is something the matter?"
The said detective jerked up, his reverie shattering as he looked up to face the person he had been mulling about. "Oh, Light. Hello there. I was just musing about the case."
Yagami Light quirked one elegant, fine eyebrow at his purposefully vague, nonchalant reply. "And…? Do you think of any more leads to Kira?"
He sounded so eager, so hopeful and determined that sometimes, it was hard to not imagine Light as simply being Light, son of a top, righteous detective and genius in his own right. L couldn't let such simple, trivial entities cloud his judgment; he had to remain alert, acute, and focused. From his past studies of Kira, he suspected him to be a great liar, a wonderful actor, and skilled manipulator. Light could be performing any one or more of these key traits of Kira and L refused to be pulled in.
Fiddling with his fork against the cake, L formed a delicate, perfect slice before responding dispassionately, "I wouldn't say they're leads. More like general wonderments, so to speak. What I have right now are conjectures, swirling about in my mind, with no solid evidence to support them. It's very frustrating." He took another bite out of the strawberry chocolate cake.
Light slightly shifted behind him. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No."
The blunt answer erupted them back into silence, with L busy eating away at his cake. He could sense the scrutiny of Light's eyes boring into his back, wordlessly demanding for an explanation but making no move to voice his inquiry. He too, like L, was patient and was hoping in the right amount of time, he would concede and share his musings.
Not this time, Light. I don't beleive I can afford to do so anyway.
Thus, L continue to scramble the broken bits of cake around on his plate, consuming every remaining stray crumbs before selecting another slice of cake and ate the strawberry on top. He sensed Light's restlessness, his growing impatience to hear the answer but Light's desire to win this small battle refrained him from pressing further. As if to taunt him, L clinked his fork against the hard ceramic plate, creating a sporadic, shrill symphony of unrelated, random notes. Finally, Light let out a sigh and walked away, shaking his head at L's odd habits. But as he left the room, he called over his shoulder:
"You really weren't going to tell me, were you, L?"
A huge morsel of cake was plopped into the wide opening of the said man's mouth. "No…I really wasn't."
xXxXx
L was never of religious man but for some strange reason, today felt ominous, baleful even. It was as though today was day he was going to die and subconsciously, he knew about it. Whether it was the rain, the bells, or pure instinct, he wasn't wholly certain but he couldn't shake off the foreboding feeling that had suddenly descended upon him.
Was this how it went for everyone who were about to die? Did death come unexpectedly or was everyone gifted with a sixth sense regarding their doom before the end approached but ignored the feeling until it was too late?
The number one (also second and third best) detective stared up aimlessly at the cloudy sky, wondering what exactly today had in store for him. If he was to die, it still wouldn't change a single thing in his hunt for Kira. If his killer was Light, how would he go about proving Kira and Light were in fact the exact same person? His brain mulled over this question constantly yet over and over again he would come with nothing completely substantial or plausible enough to prove his point to the rest of members working on the Kira case. Even so, that wasn't enough to stop him.
"What are you doing up here, L? It's raining and it's cold out."
Blinking, L turned around to face Light, who was currently using the roof of the tower as cover from the stinging pellets of the rain. L had barely noticed the cold after standing outside in the rain for so long, one got use to the chill.
"I know. I just like it sometimes." he replied softly, tilting his head back up at the sky. Off in the distance he heard the bells again, their resonance reminding him of memories in the past.
"Why?"
"I can hear the bells."
L's comment didn't really answer Light's short query but in roundabout way, it did. But the bells were only present to him.
"What bells?" questioned Light, seeming more perplexed then before.
L cocked his head intriguingly, staring curiously at him. "They're very loud. And they have been going on incessantly. Can you not hear them?"
Light gauged cautiously and strained his ears to hear these so-called bells but as he predicted, he could only hear the rain hammering down on them and the rooftop and the noise of traffic down below. "No…I cannot."
Saying nothing, L merely glanced back at Light, his dark-rimmed eyes pensive and mysterious. For several minutes, the great detective uttered no reply and silence between the two widen once more. Suddenly, as if he remembered the rain and Light's very presence, his mouth opened and he began to speak again.
"Oh. That is very strange. Perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised."
Light looked taken aback. "Surprised by what?"
"It's nothing, Light." L shrugged, revealing nothing more as he walked back inside, water dripping down his soaked hair and clothes like small crystalline droplets falling towards their doom.
xXxXx
In another lifetime, they would have been really good friends and close partners, maybe even something more. But there was no use in brooding about what could have been for them; the life here didn't call for it.
This was the sorrow he was feeling, had been carrying around the more and more he worked and labored on the Kira case, the more he was convinced Light was Kira but had no one's (save Watari's) support. But the emotion, the notion of an alternative life, was fleeting and L soon forgot about such foreign, irrelevant musings and focused himself back to the case. He also forgot about the strange sense of death looming near, it was as if that came from another person and he was just a witness to what happened on the rooftop with Light, rain, bells, and all.
But all of these happenings and musings came rushing back during the final moments of his life, when the shinigami disappeared and pandemonium exploded inside his task force. Everyone was panicking and running about, trying to find the death god and abruptly, even before that, he had heard Watari's line disconnect and all their files were then subsequently erased.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.
L's heart hammered inside his chest, against his ribcage as he processed the events. Watari was dead and the erased files were only necessary at the time of his or Watari's death. Am I next, I wonder? Is this how Kira plans to kill me?
Thud. Thud. Thud.
His heart was still beating…for now. He still had to time to act.
"Everyone!" L barked out, "The shiniga—"
THUD. THU—
Like with so many others, he never got to finish his sentence. Eyes widen, whether from shock or realization, L felt his heart stop and tighten, like an unforgivingly hand wrapping its icy cold fingers around his heart and constricting it, determined to make a fist with his heart inside of it. He then saw himself falling, falling out of his chair, falling to the ground and he was powerless, absolutely powerless to stop the descent or save him—
And there he was, smiling victoriously down on him. Light, Kira, who were one and the same, was crowing over his triumph and when L stared directly into Light's eyes, he espied no sanity in them, nothing to remind him of the Yagami Light everyone knew–or believed they knew.
Yagami Light… I was right.
For this, he was happy and yet, when he closed his eyes for the final time, L had to wonder why the sorrow, the sadness he had experienced before, was returning to him.
Maybe in another lifetime, he would get a second chance.
…If they existed.
xXxXx
"I saw you with the murder weapon
You see me as an enemy
Choke on your tongue as you pray that this is all just a dream
And fall before me
I'm on a search for the arsonist
Who set me ablaze and thought they'd escape
Put me out, put me out I'm begging
Make your move, you know I'm waiting
My strength comes from my memories."
-Murder I Wrote, Halifax
xXxXx
First Death Note fanfic ever. Two ideas randomly came to me so I jot them down for later. Besides, I was getting back into Death Note (thank my good friend Dlvvanzorfor that) so I figured I'd contributed to the fandom here and there. Even though someone else probably did this idea for Light and L already, I wanted to do so anyway on my own accord.
Cheers,
-SpeedDemon315-