Meredith and Derek

Chapter 1: Lonely World

Premise: This fic picks up after Derek tells Meredith about their last kiss.

Walking to his car, he wondered if he should just run back to her. He desperately wanted to hug her, to kiss her, to just be near her, and that beautiful lavender scent. As he got into his car, he sighed deeply realizing that he was going back to his wife, whom he didn't love. It wasn't that he didn't try to love her; he did...but no matter what he would never be IN love with her again. Their bonds of trust had been severed, and he could never forgive her. As he drove through the night, he made a resolution. He was going to get Meredith back in his life; he was going to be happy again. He just hoped that she would take him back.

"Baby, where have you been?" Addison asked as Derek walked into their home. "I was worried sick, and that's saying something...seeing as you almost died today."

"I'm sorry Addie, I just needed to think you know?"

"Of course I understand. It's been such a hard day, let's just go to bed."

-The Hospital the next day-

"Meredith, you should have just stayed home. Why are you here?" Cristina asked.

"This may or may not make sense, but I feel safer here that I do at home. Besides...I just need to move on."

"Stop repressing! It's okay to cry, or to feel like crap. Just go home and sleep."

"Cristina, can you honestly tell me that you would just stay home?"

"Fine. But I still think you're being stupid"

Meredith went to find the resident that was filling in, when she bumped into Derek. Looking up, she fell into his soft eyes. Snapping herself out of the moment, she coughed slightly.

"Mer... what are you doing here?"

"I'm FINE!" Meredith shouted loudly, and then huffed off.

The day was long, and extremely boring. It seemed that no case could top yesterday.

You need to lift it out of his body. You have to keep it level.

"Dr. Grey, what is wrong with this man? Dr. Grey!" The resident snapped at her.

"Umm...he...he..." She stared blankly at the resident.

"He presented with sharp stomach pains, and complains of irritability." George answered stepping in to take the heat off of Meredith.

Just lift it out of his body. Don't kill us Meredith. Meredith we are depending on you. If you fail, we will all die. The pressure is all on you.

"Dr. Grey? Do you need to leave? You obviously are not prepared."

"I'm not okay." She whispered softly

"What?"

"I'm not fine!" She yelled in the middle of the hallway in front of everyone, including Dr. Shepard. She ran to the nearest supply room and plopped herself on the floor. Burying her face in her hands, she let out the sobs that had been building. As he body shook uncontrollably, she felt a strong hand on her back. She raised her head, and looked into his eyes. No words were spoken. He knew that she needed to be held. He enveloped her in his strong arms, and cradled her in his chest. He used his free hand to brush away the hair from her eyes. "I almost died. I almost died, and wouldn't have known."

"Wouldn't have known what?"

"You wouldn't have known ho...how...much I still love you. I keep trying to move on, but I see you and I'm pulled back. I'm addicted to you, and there isn't anything that I can do, because you were married."

"I almost lost Bailey's husband."

"What?" She failed to see the relevance.

"Cristina came into the O.R. and told me that it wasn't Hannah that had her hand in the body. She told me that it was you. It was the single worst moment of my life. I was completely paralyzed from head to toe, and that's when he started to crash. In those few seconds, I relieved every moment we ever had together. I thought that I was never going to be able to tell you; that staying with Addison was the biggest mistake of my life. When I caught Addison cheating on me, I felt so much anger, and pain. When I found out that there was a chance that I could lose you forever, that I would never be able to see your face again, never feel your lips on mine again, I almost died. I wanted to be on that operating table. I didn't know how to tell you before, but you are the reason that I come to work every morning, you are the reason that I'm not completely numb. I love you. It will always be you Meredith."