In the midst of my dark writings, I came up with this idea, just a quick oneshot. I think it's funny, personally, but I don't think I would quite classify it as crack. Anyway, cheers!
Disclaimer: Warning! Knives are sharp!
Natsuki's eyes were widening with horror as she scrambled through the pages of the book she was reading.
"What the fucking hell kind of shit is this?!?!" She practically shouted at the empty room.
"Ara, Natsuki," A familiar voice from the doorway had Natsuki twisting around in horror, clumsily hiding the book behind her.
"H-hey, Shizuru," Natsuki gulped, "Uh, what's uh up?"
"Nothing, Natsuki, but what has caused you to cuss so fervently?" Shizuru asked politely.
"Uh, oh," Natsuki flashed the book into view for a moment, "Nothing, just uh this book I'm reading, not going the way I want." She shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, but Shizuru saw how she was trying to hide the cover from view.
"A manga, Natsuki? I would hardly call that a book." Shizuru raised her eyebrow.
Normally, when Shizuru insulted her precious manga obsession, Natsuki would flip out and defend her addiction, this time however, Natsuki didn't take the bait. "Yeah, I, uh, guess you're right." Natsuki tossed it into a pile of similar books, and bumped a stack of them over on top. "Oops. Great, it'll take me hours to re organize those." Natsuki didn't look too disappointed in having hidden the incriminating book from view. "Say, lets go get some ice cream!"
"Sure Natsuki, it's about zero degrees outside, let me just get my jacket." Shizuru rolled her eyes and slipped out of the room.
Natsuki's panicked whisper slipped through the door, and Shizuru listened intently, "Shit I can't let Shizuru see that, she'll go ballistic. What to do…not much time…Mai!" Shizuru heard the sound of dialing a cell before Natsuki spoke again, "Mai!...Yeah, it's me, I just read that manga…Yeah! It's just wrong. Well, yeah…no, that's what I'm calling you about…No, she doesn't read manga, thank God…No…Yeah, we've got to get rid of it…You've gotta help me…we're going out for ice cream and…oh! Duh…it's freezing outside…well, shit Mai! I know she's suspicious but…No, I….Well, yeah, I guess. Okay, thanks Mai, bye."
Shizuru dashed down the hall to get her jacket quickly, before Natsuki realized she'd been listening.
"Oh, hey, uh Shizuru!" Natsuki called "I just realized; it's um really cold out."
"Yes, Natsuki?" Shizuru appeared with her jacket in hand.
"Well, uh, ice cream probably isn't the best of ideas. How about we rent a movie?"
"Sounds great, Natsuki." Shizuru smiled, "You might want to grab your coat too."
"Uh, yeah, come on." Shizuru followed Natsuki out.
"Oh, wait, silly me, I forgot to flip off the lamp." Shizuru slipped back and dug through the pile, she didn't really know what she was looking for; she just had to hope that she'd know it when she saw it. And there it was. That had to be it. She stuffed it into her jacket quickly, turned off the lamp and slipped out of the room before Natsuki came back.
They walked hand in hand down to the rental store, and picked up a couple movies. When they arrived back at their apartment, it was to find Mai, looking embarrassed halfway toward the back door.
"Oh, hi!" She tried to act nonchalant, "I, uh, thought I left my…ah…"
"Um, your sneakers?" Natsuki jumped in, "Yeah, I thought I saw them uh, in the spare room."
Mai nodded fiercely, "Y-yeah, I'll uh, just go look there for them." She scurried down the hall.
"Might as well just pop a movie in; Mai'll probably be gone in a flash." Natsuki tried to pass off a casual smile.
"Okay, Natsuki." Shizuru smiled. She could feel the manga in her pocket, "Let me just drop the coats off." She took Natsuki's coat, and put it away in the closet along with hers. Finding out what was up was going to have to wait a few minutes. She returned to the sitting room and snuggled up on the couch with Natsuki, a blanket, and a bowl of popcorn.
A few minutes later, a stressed out looking Mai entered the room, "Um, I'm sorry to bother you two, but uh, I can't seem to find my uh, sneakers."
"I'll help you look," Natsuki jumped up, "Be right back, Shizuru."
As soon as they disappeared, Shizuru opened the closet, removing the manga from her jacket pocket. She slipped down the hall into the bathroom and clicked the lock shut. She sat on the edge of the tub and opened the book. The more her eyes took in the wider and wilder they got.
Mai and Natsuki were tearing up the room searching for the offensive material.
"I know it was here!" Natsuki said in a panicky voice. "I know it!"
A high pitched screech; that could only have come from Shizuru, filled the whole house.
"Oh no..." Natsuki whispered.
"She didn't." Mai's eyes were wide.
Shizuru's crazed form entered the room, her eyes were wild, she was even foaming at the mouth. She stared at them for a long moment, then held up the Mai HiME manga and asked, "What the fucking hell kind of shit is this?!?!"
END