Notes
First of all, go read Much Like Suffocating by illyrilex if you haven't. You don't need it to understand this, but it's a good read anyway. So I'll wait.
...okay, welcome back. ;) This story's based not so much on MLS itself, but on King's character in it. The author's version of King is fascinating, and a couple of tidbits in particular really struck a chord with me. So I ended up writing this thing - in one night, over the course of eight hours. (See? Chord.) Of course when you write that fast, you can never be sure it's not crap...but I was lucky enough to have that same author beta-read the thing, so I feel pretty confident. :) Many thanks, illyrilex, and I hope the rest of you enjoy!
It had not been a good week for Team Gorgeous.
On Monday, Yuri had broken her leg. That wasn't the worst part, though; the worst part was the reason she'd broken it. Just last week, her father had given her permission to lead demonstrations for the beginner classes. She had never felt happier, and her family had never felt prouder. On her first day, she spent a few minutes talking to the class, then brought over a practice dummy to show them some examples. The very first move she made, a simple kick to the dummy's ribs, snapped her tibia in half. It hadn't been a faulty dummy, either, or even a strong one. It was just a freak accident...but it still made her family feel pity for her instead, and she doubted she'd ever lead another demonstration again.
On Thursday, Mai had fought with Andy. (Again.) The worst part of that one was the reason, too. They hadn't fought over marriage, or children, or sex; they hadn't fought over his training, or whether she would join his next team. They had fought over coffee. They went to a nice cafe, he had to run to the restroom, she ordered for both of them, and she forgot to get him decaf. And he flew into a tirade (for him, anyway) about the importance of keeping his body pure, and how she "always" forgot about things like that. She insisted she didn't, one thing led to another, and they decided to break up...though they both knew deep down that this one wouldn't take, either.
But on Friday, King really did break up with Ryo.
It was a mutual decision, they said. Neither of them felt right about things, anymore. But for King, it had never felt right, not completely. They'd never had that spark between them, not even when they kissed. She did love him - even daydreamed about him, to the point that her friends had poked fun at her about it. But deep down, she'd always wondered...was it him she felt so strongly about? Or was it something else...?
The breakup hit her hard, though, no doubt about that. Ryo didn't look so good either, but at least he could function. King had called the bar Saturday and told them she was taking the day off; she'd barely been able to reach her hand to her cell phone. From there she'd laid in bed for hours until Mai had called her, itching to go out for drinks and bitch about men. When it became clear that King had no interest (in anything), Mai told her she was coming over, to bring the drinks and the bitching to her.
An hour later, King had made it to her living room sofa, flipping through TV channels without really looking at them. She wore a simple yellow t-shirt and a pair of black jeans; her hair was a mess, and she hadn't bothered with makeup. She'd tried to get the apartment ready for a guest, but the best she'd managed was to open a bag of chips and put them in a bowl on the table. She probably shouldn't have - she'd had the damn things for over a year - but she doubted Mai would be interested in eating anyway, and she wasn't interested in any of it.
Finally, the doorbell rang. King extracted herself from the couch, unlocked the door, and pulled it open; it revealed Mai Shiranui, grinning and holding up a bottle of wine. When she saw King's expression, though, she quickly deflated, bringing the bottle down to her side and her grin down to a warm smile.
"Hey, King," she said gingerly. "You okay?"
"Hey, Mai," King said tiredly. Then, simply, "No."
Mai almost had to laugh, knowing her friend was honest to a fault. Meanwhile, King had to hold back a scowl, looking her friend over in irritation. Mai had come dressed in her night-on-the-town outfit, a pair of high, strappy heels and a skin-tight purple dress that showed off her legs and barely held in her breasts. King didn't know what annoyed her more: the fact that Mai was probably going to try to make her go out all night, or the fact that she looked so damn good in the thing.
"Come on in," she said anyway, against her better judgment.
Mai nodded and walked in, looking around the room with concern. King had sort of tried to pick up the place, straightening cushions and putting papers into stacks. But anything difficult, she'd left alone...like the half-full (and now empty) Gatorade bottle she'd thrown at the wall, or the dining room chair with the back she'd kicked into splinters.
"Thanks for bringing the wine," said King. "I'll get you a glass."
"No, no - I'll get the glasses," Mai assured her, putting the bottle on the table and hurrying into the dining room.
"Glass. Glass. Get you a glass," King corrected, as she plopped down on the sofa.
"You're not having any?" asked Mai, her eyebrow raised.
King shook her head. "Drinks turn happy into happier and sad into sadder, remember?"
"Oh, right," Mai said, nodding. She had remembered how alcohol affected her friend...but she'd been hoping she hadn't gotten that sad, yet.
"Well, maybe I'll wait a while too then," she decided. She went back into the living room, sitting in the armchair as King stared blankly at the TV. "So what are we watching?"
"Beats me," King answered, shrugging. "I can turn it off if you want."
"No, that's ok. I just wish one of us knew something good on right now."
The blonde let out a single, dry chuckle. "Yeah, you aren't usually at home now on Saturdays, are you."
"Nope, sure aren't," the brunette admitted, smirking. "...of course, neither are you, right? What with the bar, and all."
Now King snorted. "Yeah. The bar," she spat, as if the words made her sick.
"They're probably lost without you, you know."
"Nah, Sally and Elizabeth know the score. They can take care of things." Then she scowled. "Hell, let them have it. They'd run it better than I would anyway."
"...damnit, King!" Mai suddenly snapped, startling her. "This isn't like you! Did he hurt you or something!?"
"No, nothing like that," King assured her. "It's just..." She leaned her head back and sighed. "...this isn't what I wanted."
"...well, you said the breakup was mutual, right?" Mai said cautiously. "So you must've wanted it on some level."
"Yeah. I said it was mutual." She paused. "I lied."
"What...?"
"Ryo's the one that broke it off," said King, leaning up and looking at Mai miserably. "He said it was over. I got on board after that."
"Oh gosh...oh, Kingy..." Mai was at her side in a flash, hugging her tight. King hugged her back, but her heart wasn't in it; she didn't lean on her friend, and stayed upright when she pulled back. "What happened?"
"He said what we had wasn't real," King told her quietly. "Said there weren't any sparks...not even when we kissed. He didn't think we had love, even. He said he loved me like family, like a brother or sister...and I just had 'puppy love'. That's what he called it," she sneered. "Said it was just a crush, and it'd go away soon. Said we didn't have a future together." The blonde shook her head, looking down.
"...hell, maybe he was right. We didn't have sparks," she admitted. "But what I felt did feel real. I wanted to be with him, I wanted a future with him. I..." Now she looked straight up with a sigh, her eyes beginning to tear. "...whatever I wanted, it wasn't this."
"Oh, King. I'm so sorry." Mai hugged her again, and this time King did hug back, leaning into her. A tear rolled down each cheek, though she refused to sob...but Mai held her like she was anyway, propping her up and supporting her. "If it helps...you might've dodged a bullet. In the old days, Ryo wanted to do Yuri's thinking for her, too. He wanted what he thought was best for her, whether she wanted it or not. Looks like he might still think that way."
"Hmph. Maybe," King conceded.
"You're too good for a guy like that," Mai told her, pulling back again and looking at her eyes. "You don't deserve a guy who does that...and he doesn't deserve you. No matter how you feel about him, King, that will always be true. Remember it."
King looked at her for a second...but then turned away, squinting. "But...I need him," she mumbled. "I need him to - "
"No, you don't." Mai shifted her position, moving her hands from King's shoulders and putting them into King's own.
She was very close to her, now.
"You do not need anyone," she said quietly. "You are King. You're the strongest woman I know. You don't need any man...certainly not one like him. Believe me, King: You. Don't. Need. Ryo."
King stared back at her this time, matching her gaze firmly.
"And you don't need Andy," she whispered.
Mai blinked. She moved back a bit, her first instincts anger and shock...but then became calm again, rational, and settled back down. She chuckled a bit and gave King a warm smile. "Maybe I don't," she admitted.
They stared at each other a bit longer, seemingly caught in each others' eyes.
And then King moved forward and kissed her.
She pressed her lips against Mai's firmly, feeling their softness. She took her hands from Mai's and lifted them, up towards her shoulders -
- and then Mai scrambled to her feet, looking down at her in a rage.
"What the hell, King!?"
Now King blinked.
"...oookay, I misread the hell out of that one," King groaned, falling back against the sofa.
"You sure did‼" Mai exclaimed. "What did you think you were doing!?"
"I'm sorry, Mai," King moaned, and now the tears were starting to flow. "It's just that you were so nice and we were so close and you were in that dress and we didn't need men and - "
"King?" Mai interrupted. She was staring at her wide-eyed; her rage had become disbelief. "Are you...gay?"
"...no," King sighed.
"So you're straight? Then why - "
"No, not that either," she broke in.
"Then...what...?"
"I'm bi, Mai," King said angrily, wiping her eyes. "Bisexual. Guys and girls. Okay⁇"
"Oh my god," Mai whispered, sinking to her seat on the couch. "When...when did this happen?"
"It didn't happen," her friend growled, crossing her arms. "It doesn't just happen. You find out. ...I found out when I was 9 or so."
"You've been bisexual since - !?"
"Shut up, would you⁇" King snapped, looking around. "The walls are thin, you know? I don't want people to know about this."
"...but why...?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the blonde, rolling her eyes. "Maybe some of them will take it badly? Kind of like you are now?"
"I'm not taking it badly!" Mai shot back, defensive. "I'm not grossed out or anything! I'm just...surprised."
"That's not as preferable as you think," King muttered.
Mai shifted around on the sofa, turning to her directly. "You mean to tell me you've been keeping this secret from everyone, all this time?"
"Well, not everyone. I've gone out with a few women, after all. ...but, yeah. Almost everyone."
"But you're so honest," Mai objected.
King had to laugh at that one. "I don't tell the little white lies, Mai," she explained. "I tell the lies that keep me sane."
Mai looked at her sadly for a second...then broke out into a grin. "Well you don't have to tell this one anymore," she assured her. "We're going to tell everybody about this...together. Okay?"
"It's not that simple, Mai."
"But it's such great timing!" she insisted. "You and Ryo aren't a thing anymore. You could even say this is why. We'll tell Yuri first, then Mary and Kasumi and - "
"If you tell Kasumi about this I will kill you."
The words were delivered so matter-of-factly Mai froze, almost afraid. "Wh...what...?"
"I don't know if you've noticed this, Mai," King said darkly, "but Kasumi isn't the most modern girl in the world. She grew up shut in at the Todoh house; a lot of today's ideas still surprise her. She's a good friend, I know...but if she finds out - "
"Kasumi is not a homophobe!" Mai exclaimed.
"We don't know that. And we know she is a prude," said King. "It's easy for those two to go hand-in-hand."
"But - that's not - "
"You don't understand, Mai," she broke in, trying to level with her. "Not everyone likes this. Society is better these days, but not perfect. Not even close. Gays, bis, trans, minorities...some people see us as the Other. It's a part of life."
"King..."
"A long time ago, I pretended to be a man," she went on. "I did that for acceptance...and for protection. Southtown's underworld is full of fighters and thugs, and if you want to survive in it you can't look like a target. I went in thinking all I'd have to do was look like a guy...but I found out pretty quick I was wrong.
"...nobody in Big's gang was gay. Not even in secret, not even in private. When someone did turn out gay, he was finished - and probably finished breathing, or at least walking. I knew my sexuality might throw some people, but in that world it would have thrown them all. Luckily, I could hide that just by sticking to girls...and for years, that's what I did."
"...oh, King...I..."
"Even when I got out of there - well, old habits die hard, you know? When you see that much shit you don't even want to be gay, let alone let people see it. So I kept hiding. I looked like a woman, so I switched to guys instead, at least in public. And I didn't tell you, or Yuri, or anyone I knew. I just wanted to seem 'normal'. ...part of me wanted to be 'normal'.
"And that is what I needed Ryo for," she admitted, to Mai and to herself. "He's a nice guy, he's attractive. I had a crush on him, maybe more. But I only stayed with him because he was my best chance to be 'normal'. To be a wife, have kids, a dog...all that 'white picket' crap. I stopped dreaming about him, and started dreaming about that life instead." King had stayed calm during most of her speech, but now the tears started to flow again.
"...if I was married to a man...I'd have a reason not to date women. It'd let me be normal...but still feel like myself. ...and if all I'd have to give up...was feeling that spark...well, I think I was ready for that."
That did it, as Mai tackle-hugged King into the sofa and collapsed in a fit of sobs. King patted her back and held her tight, glad that if she had to sob at least someone was doing it with her. ...but, as time went on, her tears dried out - while Mai's kept going strong. It eventually occurred to her that she was comforting Mai more than Mai was comforting her.
"Uhh...Mai?" King said cautiously. "Are you okay...?"
"You shouldn't have to do that," Mai whimpered. "You should be able to show people exactly who you are, and be proud. You shouldn't feel like you have to choose between two kinds of happiness. It's just...it's so awful..."
"I know, Mai...I know," said King, wiping her eyes again. "But I'll survive. Everyone does...if they have people like you."
Mai made a few sounds somewhere between sobs and laughs. King chuckled too, and soon enough they'd both calmed down. Finally, Mai pulled away from her and sat up, looking at her with newfound warmth.
"We're going to tell Yuri about this, okay?"
"We can tell Yuri about this," said King, nodding.
"And then the three of us - we're going to figure this out. We're going to find a way to make you happy, King. I don't care if we just have to find you a better guy, or if we have to make the whole world see you're just as normal as they are. We're going to do it."
"We're going to solve the world's problems with gays," said King, smirking.
"If we have to," said Mai, grinning. "I'm told I can be very persuasive."
"Can't argue with that," King conceded, and they both laughed harder than they had in days.
Once King had recovered, she gave Mai a warm look of her own. "Thanks for not freaking out on me, Mai. You're a good friend."
"You too, King." Then she smirked again. "There's just, uh, one more thing."
"Hmm...?"
"Maybe we should finish that kiss after all," she mused. "Maybe all you need is a little practice, hmm?"
King stared at her, deadpan, for three full seconds.
"...get the hell out of here, Mai," she muttered, punching her in the shoulder.
"Okay, okay," Mai laughed, rubbing it. "But only if you come with. Deal?"
"...deal."
As King left for her room to get ready, a grinning Mai waited for her to step out of sight. Then she called after her, "Don't worry, Kingy! That offer is still on the table!"
Then she had to dodge another empty Gatorade bottle, which, apparently, King could throw around corners.
End Notes
Okay, so if you did read Much Like Suffocating, I imagine you know what the "tidbits" I mentioned in the intro are. You see jokes or speculation that maybe King's gay or bi, but you don't see fanfics about it much (besides porn, of course). MLS wasn't about that either, but it tossed the idea out there so casually and wove it into the story so subtly that it really rang true. The idea that King might not see Ryo as her OTP did too, and went hand-in-hand with it. Eventually I thought about some of the difficulties all that might cause, and, well, here we are.
Thanks again to illyrilex. Go read MLS if you haven't, and leave feedback if you like. (I'm plugging this so much because I figure the more people read, the more likely we are to get a sequel. Pretty please? :)
See you next time!