Just The Way You Are
I still don't own any of these characters, and I didn't plan to continue this, but what can I do? They just keep visiting my head and claiming they're not through yet. So, I gotta write down what they tell me.
This story is the sequel to Moving In. David and Maddie have been living together for a few weeks now without huge casualties and have been taking Lamaze classes (which I will not describe, because we've seen that already done excellently in Breathing Lessons).
It was 7:00 am.
Maddie was standing in front of her vanity; she carefully scrutinized herself in the mirror and slowly turned from one side to the other. She was in the seventh month of her pregnancy and she had experienced no trouble – a real storybook pregnancy. It was only recently that she had begun to notice that her feet didn't have enough space in her shoes, but that was something she could easily live with. She looked at the extended curves of her body and sighed.
Suddenly, David's sleepy voice coming from the direction of the bed, jolting her from her thoughts. "Hey, Snow White, you are the fairest one of all."
She turned around quickly, slightly annoyed that he had caught her examining herself so closely in the mirror. "You scared me!" she snapped.
He yawned. "Sorry, didn't mean to." Underneath the sheet, he stretched his whole body to wake up the circulation. "What are you looking for in your magic mirror anyway?"
Maddie turned back to the mirror and sighed again. "My waist. I used to have one."
"Your waist? You're wasting your time. It'll be back." He propped himself on an elbow and scrutinized her in his characteristic way, with slightly pursed lips. "And, besides, you look absolutely gorgeous... just the way you are."
"Yes, yes, I know – pregnant women are radiant with beauty and all that stuff..." Maddie sat down on the elegant chair behind her. "Well... I suppose you could call me vain, but... it's just that I'd prefer to feel radiant and attractive."
David's eyes widened in disbelief. "Are you kidding? You're not only attractive, you are magnetic!"
Maddie's lips curled into a pleased little smile. "That's a very nice thing to say, but I guess you're not quite objective. You're saying this because you love me."
"No, I don't!" he contradicted.
"Yes, you do!"
His eyes twinkled in amusement with her sharp reply. "'Course I do. I mean... yes... no..." He sat up completely. "Maddie, take this from the guy who has been secretly devouring you with his eyes for more than two years – "
"Secretly?" she interrupted wryly. "I got news for you, fella: that's never been a secret to anyone."
"Don't split hairs, Blondie, I'm already in need with regard to that department." As to underline his last remark, he ruffled his hair. Maddie really didn't know why on earth that gesture of his made her want to put her hands in his hair and pull him near.
"OK," he continued, "openly then. But the fact is – these days I am more attracted to you than I have ever been, and I always thought that quite impossible!"
Maddie was flattered, but not yet convinced. "Are you serious?"
"Of course I'm serious!" David threw the sheets back and climbed out of bed. "Look, right now I feel an unmistakable, irrepressible urge to come near you..." He strode across the room, positioned himself right behind her chair and looked at her in the mirror. She couldn't help but smile.
He continued: "...to put my hands on your shoulders..." - his actions were simultaneous with his words - "...to brush away your hair..." With his right hand he brushed her hair from her neck and bent down to place a very light kiss on one of Maddie's weakest spots, the notorious one right below her hairline. He could feel her pulse immediately quicken, and when she didn't object, he continued with a few very well placed ones on the side of her neck.
"All right, I got it," she said in a husky voice. "You explain yourself quite clearly."
"I don't know..." he murmured between two baby-kisses. "Maybe I should draw you a picture?" David ran the fingertips of his left hand very slowly and lightly from Maddie's left ear down the side of her neck and let them finally rest on her collarbone. She let her head fall back slightly. He did the same with the fingertips of his right hand, and she shivered. Her heart was beating like a drum, and her breathing grew heavier. She gave an involuntary, barely audible sigh that made his pulse quicken.
"Not now, Gauguin," Maddie finally objected, but somehow it didn't sound very convincing to him, it was more reluctant than anything else. "We'll be late for work."
David continued brushing her neck with his lips. "Don't worry, Mona Lisa," he purred. "First appointment's at ten-thirty."
"Wrong model," she breathed hoarsely. He looked at her face in the mirror and licked his lips. Her eyes were misty with desire and amazingly deep blue. Persuade me! they pleaded.
"Believe me, you're exactly the right model for the piece of art I have in mind." He ran both hands down her bare arms until he caught both wrists and let his lips never lose contact with her skin which was flushing now under their touch. Maddie couldn't help but close her eyes.
"Ten-thirty?" she uttered, breathlessly now, and swallowed hard. She was giving up, and not reluctantly, he could feel it.
"Ten-thirty. More than enough time for an elaborate draft, I'd say." When he kissed the side of her throat and felt her pressing herself against his lips, he knew he had her.
"Well... a little sketch maybe..."
David closed the door of Maddie's office behind the client that had just left. It seemed to be a routine case, a modestly wealthy movie producer had lost contact with, his daughter (his only relative) three years ago, it was after a huge fight about the right choices in life and the wrong friends, and now he wanted to find her to reconcile. He had been able to give them a list of addresses where she had presumably lived and jobs she had presumably worked at.
"So?" Maddie asked from behind her desk and rising from her chair. "What do you think? I don't see any complications, just usual routine."
David nodded and checked his watch. "That's what I thought. For starters, I'd say, we get an early lunch, and right afterward we go and check the addresses he gave us."
She shook her head and walked towards him past her desk. "You'll have to do that alone. I've got an appointment at Dr. Holloway's at 2:30. Just a routine check," she added quickly before he could ask. Then she stepped out of her pumps with a sigh.
David raised his hands. "Whoa, Blondie, wait a minute, won't you let me lock the door before you get undressed?"
She tossed one of her shoes at him. "Drop it!" she snarled. "My feet are aching. Somehow these things don't fit today."
"Don't worry. I'll take care of that." He grabbed her shoulders and ushered her to the couch; she didn't object. "There you are. Sit." She rolled her eyes but did as he said; he sat down on the other end of the couch and commanded: "Up with your feet." When Maddie put both her feet in his lap with a sigh, he smirked. "Good girl. I love it when you're obedient."
She opened her mouth to fire a sharp reply, but on the other hand she appreciated very much that he had started to knead her aching feet with expert hands, so she merely flashed her eyes at him and grumbled: "You just have to ask me nice."
He winked and smiled. "I'll bear that in mind. – So: here's plan B. I'll jump lunch, go and check off the address list, and you stay here with a nice sandwich and do a bit of the telephone work, checking out the girl's past jobs. Then you can keep your appointment at the doc's. How does that sound?"
"Sounds fine to me." Maddie leaned back and enjoyed David's massage for a moment, but then, suddenly, she drew her breath sharply in. "Ouch!"
David stopped. "What? Did that hurt?"
She shook her head. "No, no, you're doing this fine. The baby just kicked me; I don't know, been doing it the whole day long. – Please, don't stop that."
He resumed the massage with twinkling eyes and commented smugly: "Well, well, well, Miss Hayes... as far as I can gather, this has definitely become a favorite phrase of yours lately."
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "You are really enjoying this, aren't you?"
"You should know better than to ask," he chuckled and leaned in to put his left hand on Maddie's belly. "Whoa, that feels like rumble in the jungle!" he said in an impressed voice.
"Do tell!"
He brought his face near. "Yo, buddy..." he whispered softly to her belly in his best low and soothing voice, leaving his hand on the slightly stirring bulge of her stomach, "don't you give her too hard a time. I know she doesn't always show it, but you can take it from me – she's a good girl. Most of the time."
Maddie was moved by these tender gestures – more than she wanted to admit, but it was not in her nature to bite back a sarcastic remark: "I'm just so touched."
He sat up again. "Yeah, well, if you don't like it so, I could touch you in other..."
"Watch it, Addison!" she cut in and took her feet off his lap – reluctantly. "I have two words for you: office decorum."
He raised a mocking eyebrow. "Cute, boss. I have two other words for you: bathtub and tonight."
She wanted to snap at him, but suddenly she became aware that, incredibly, the rumble in the jungle had stopped. It almost seemed as if the baby had immediately reacted to the firm, yet gentle touch of David's hand and his soft and soothing voice. Another ready-made victim of the Addison charm. Why am I not surprised? Shaking her head, Maddie looked down at her belly and giggled unexpectedly, then she looked up at him again. "You are priceless."
He was a bit confused because of her mood swing. "What can I say? You'll be the judge of that."
"You bet I will. Listen, I don't know when I'll be back after my appointment. If it's getting late, I'll probably go right home."
David shrugged. "That's OK, I won't be back straight away after my tour either, I'm planning to visit Terri. I haven't seen her since she got home from the hospital, just wanna know that she and Wally are all right. Do you mind?"
"Me? No." Maddie paused thoughtfully for a few moments, then asked: "Can I come with you?"
He was puzzled. "Why?"
"Well... I never got the chance to apologize to her for making her labor so... difficult. I really think I should do that."
He thought back to their spectacular scene in the hospital where he had taken Terri Knowles, his Lamaze partner, ready to help her through her labor as they had been trained. Instead, he and Maddie, having followed him on his heels in her wedding dress, had viciously fought, until... He nodded. "Sure you can come if you'd like to. But won't you be late for your appointment at Dr. Holloway's?"
"I think I got enough time to just drop by and say hi. If you just pick me up at the office as soon as you've finished your tour? Then you can stay if you like, and I'll go and keep my appointment."
David rose from the couch and stretched out a hand to help her up. "As always, your wish is my command."
Maddie took his hand, got up surprisingly easily and grumbled: "How I wish it were true."
"Oh, but it is, Blondie. It's just that sometimes I know your wishes better than you do." Before she could answer, he quickly leaned in and planted a kiss on her lips. "I'd better be going if I wanna check off the entire list."
"Then go!" she snapped and smacked him on the arm.
He went for the door. "You stay right here and wait for me, Rapunzel. And don't you let your hair down for anybody else." He winked at her.
Still barefoot, she strode behind her desk again. "Sure," she said in an annoyed tone, but she couldn't quite hide her smile.
About two hours later, after a short knock the door was opened, and David popped in. "Hi, boss. Missed me?"
Maddie put down the receiver after just having finished the last telephone call on her list and rolled her eyes. "If you weren't always so goddamn smug, maybe you'd hear a yes from me more often."
He smirked and closed the door behind him. "Missed you too." He came around her desk and bent to kiss her lightly on the temple. She didn't withdraw. "Besides," he whispered in her ear, "I wouldn't exactly say your yeses are all too seldom heard."
She snorted angrily and closed her eyes. "Addison, you make me sick." She rose from her chair and squeezed past him. "Damn, where's my other shoe?"
"Wait. It's over there." David had spotted the pump halfway beneath the couch, where she had tossed it at him earlier that day. He went over to fetch the shoe and hunkered down in front of her. Reluctantly, she let him help her put it on. "There you are, Cinderella. Fits like a glove."
He rose to his feet again and held a hand out to her. "Can I take you on my horse with me now?"
Maddie took his hand and sighed. "How do I know you're not a bewitched toad?"
He pulled her hand to his lips and gently kissed her fingertips. "Not bewitched, spellbound."
For a moment, their gazes merged, and Maddie suddenly felt spellbound herself by the sincerity and intensity of emotions she could read in David's face. Frequently, in moments of bantering, those green devils appeared out of nowhere and hit her without warning. Damn those eyes! she thought. He got me again. How does he do that?
"But still a toad," she replied huskily and rushed for the door. He didn't move. "Are you coming or what?" she called over her shoulder. Slowly, David followed her with a secret, affectionate smile slowly spreading on his face.
"Yeah, I love you too", he murmured.
David parked the car right in front of Terri's house and turned off the ignition. They both saw a strangely familiar looking figure leaving the house and walking slowly away from it. It took a few moments before David recognized the man, and he was surprised. He pointed a finger at the him.
"Hey, Blondie, look over there – what is your ex-husband doing here? Now this is interesting."
"He is not my ex-husband!" Maddie declared. "I didn't divorce him, the marriage was annulled. That means..."
"I know what the word means", David dryly interjected.
"That means it's practically and legally like we've never been married!" she insisted.
"Oh, I beg your pardon, Perry Mason", David replied sarcastically. "Then let me put it this way: the guy you said 'I do' to."
"Addison, I wished you just could shut up sometimes!" Furiously, Maddie got out of the car as quickly as she could and waved to the man coming from the entrance door of the house. "Walter!" she called eagerly.
David chuckled and got out of the car himself. He really tried to slow down a bit, but sometimes he just couldn't help not letting go of a good repartee. He just had to rub her in certain things; it was stronger than him. But then, he was pretty sure that deep, deep down Maddie wouldn't have wanted him any other way, no matter what she said. And he was sure she knew that, too. Just as he wouldn't have wanted her to change.
Walter had recognized them. "Maddie? Dave." They met halfway up the entry to Terri's house and shook hands.
"Hey, pal, what a surprise to see you here! Didn't know you were in contact with Terri. How you doin'?"
Walter smiled. "Fine, just fine. I just dropped by to see if she needed anything."
"So did we." David slapped Walter on the shoulder. "I'll go ahead, so you two can chat a little. Was good to see ya. Bye." He threw a fond look at Maddie and winked, touching two fingers to his lips as he sauntered on up to the front door of Terri's house.
"Bye, Dave." Walter turned to Maddie. "Hi. You look great."
"Hi. Thank you. It is good to see you." Maddie was pleased to see him, but at the same time she felt a little bit embarrassed.
"So..." Walter's gaze followed David who in the meantime had vanished into the house. "The two of you got your matters settled then?"
"Kind of." Maddie nodded slowly, then she smiled. "We moved in."
Walter whistled appreciatively. "Really? Wow. You're going the whole hog, then? Gotten over your doubts?"
Maddie shrugged. "They were silly."
"I don't object. And what about... the baby?" Walter seemed truly concerned.
A little shadow of sadness brushed Maddie's face. "He knows it's not his. He doesn't care about it." She smiled again. "He loves me."
Walter nodded. "That's pretty obvious." He cleared his throat. "Well, I'm not quite sure if it's appropriate for me to say that, given that I'm the abandoned husband, but – in a weird way, he seems to be just the right guy for you."
Maddie pursed her lips. "Isn't it strange that everybody else after 5 minutes seems to recognize that, whereas we... especially I..." Her voice drifted off, and she shrugged again. "Ah, well, never mind. Better late than never."
"Wisely spoken. You look truly happy."
"Do you wanna hear something really weird? I am."
He laughed and kissed her on the cheek. "Good. See you?"
"Sure. See you."
Walter turned around and walked to his car, whereas Maddie turned around, went to the front door and knocked. After a few moments, Terri opened. When she saw Maddie, her expression froze for a second, and she nodded curtly.
"Maddie."
"Terri." Maddie cleared her throat; it was the first time she had seen her since going berserk beside her childbed out of pure and raw jealousy. She felt a bit embarrassed. Terri scrutinized her in silence, not too friendly, but not hostile either, she saw with relief.
"Terri, I came here because I wanted to apologize for all the commotion I caused when you needed it the least", she sighed. "I hope you can forgive me. I'm sorry. I really am."
"Well," Terri growled after a while, "I suppose all's well that ends well, right?"
Maddie nodded thankfully and smiled. "Right."
Terri looked over her shoulder and lowered her voice a bit. "Just do me a favor."
Before she had the occasion to go on, Maddie drew a deep breath and said simply: "I will treat him good. I promise."
Terri nodded emphatically. "You better had. He's a good man, Maddie."
Maddie smiled and replied softly: "I know. He's the best."
Suddenly, David's voice could be heard from inside the house, definitely with an amused chuckle. "Hey", he called with a rather satisfied undertone, "how deeply rewarding to hear one's profound perfection is finally appreciated!"
Maddie rolled her eyes. "Great. Now his head's gonna swell to twice its size!"
Terri couldn't help but grin, shaking her head. "You two are quite a pair!"
Maddie sighed. "I know..."
Terri closed the entrance door and put a hand to Maddie's elbow to usher her in. "Well, do come in then. What a great day for Wally – all three of his namesakes visiting the same day!"
In the living room, David was sitting on the couch, cradling the baby in his right arm as if he had been doing this for years. Little Wally was peacefully asleep. Secretly, Maddie was very touched by that sight. Both women smiled.
"He definitely has a way with kids", Terri remarked, speaking to Maddie, motioning with her head towards David. "Wally has been agitated all day long – until now."
Maddie remembered the reaction of her baby to his touch and voice earlier that day and nodded appreciatively. "Seems to be a natural."
"Piece o' cake," David said nonchalantly. "Babies, babes... all alike. Just gotta pet 'em in the right spots for a bit, and you've got 'em all wrapped up around your little finger."
"Addison!" Maddie hissed. "You're so disgusting!"
Terri laughed. "Boy, I'd really love to come to the labor room with you, just to watch your interaction there. Gotta be fun, more still because this time I won't be the one in labor."
David sighed bitterly. "Now that's gonna be a real tough one. You've seen how she's been treating me when you were in labor, now go figure what happens when she's lying on that bed trying to push that..."
Maddie folded her arms and looked at both of them severely. "Now, if the two you are through making fun of me, maybe I'd be allowed to say hi to Wally?" But a twitch in the corner of her mouth showed that she wasn't angry at all.
"Come on and help yourself," David replied.
Maddie went over and sat down on the couch beside him. When he made a move to hand the baby to her, she shook her head and whispered: "No, he'll weak up. You just hold him. You're doing that fine." She leaned in and touched the child's tiny face with her fingertips. "Amazing," she whispered.
"You seem surprised."
She looked at him and let her guard down, smiling a completely honest and open smile. "No, not at all. Not really."
For a brief moment, they looked at each other like they had forgotten everything and everybody else around them. Terri watched them, slightly shook her head and smiled. Amazing, she thought.
Maddie shivered. Her belly was bare and covered in gel. Her gynecologist, Dr. Holloway, was sonographing her and was looking closely at the screen which was positioned right next to the couch.
"This all looks very good to me, Maddie, there's absolutely no need to worry about anything."
Maddie smiled. "That's great to hear."
"Ah, and I can see now what it's gonna be." Dr. Holloway looked at her over her glasses. "Do you want to know, or do you prefer a surprise?"
"No, please, do tell me, Doctor."
"Okay, then – this little critter is definitely a boy, without the shadow of a doubt." She nodded as to confirm her words.
"This is great news, Doctor. Wow."
Dr. Holloway laughed. "I'm sure Daddy will be thrilled... they always are."
"Uhm... yes, I guess you're right, Doctor." Maddie's eyes were clouded for a moment with uneasiness, but Dr. Holloway didn't notice that, because she was looking intensely at the screen again. Then she bent over the patient file and rustled the papers, only to look closely at the screen again.
Maddie felt a sudden twinge of fear. "Is... anything wrong, Doctor?"
Dr. Holloway shook her head. "No, no, don't worry. No, I just noticed... no big deal, but..." She took off her glasses. "Obviously, the colleague who visited you first, made a slight mistake... I'm pretty sure that we have to postpone the birth date a bit."
Maddie frowned. "A mistake? What mistake?" At first, she didn't understand, but moments later the meaning of the gynecologist's words sank in. "Postpone? What are you talking about, Doctor?"
Dr. Holloway smiled. "Oh, I understand you went to the gynecologist in a very early stage of your pregnancy? At such an early stage, mistakes are easily made when trying to fix the date of conception, and thus, of course, the date of birth." She shrugged. "Frankly, it has happened to me. Obviously, when you went to my colleague in Chicago, you weren't as far along in your pregnancy as he thought."
"I wasn't?" Maddie said feebly. Her thoughts raced. "Uhm, Doctor... what exactly do you mean when you say... postpone a bit?"
"Well, I'd say about two weeks, maybe three." Dr. Holloway nodded. "But two's for sure."
Maddie's jaw nearly dropped. "No doubt about that?"
Dr. Holloway shook her head. "Not according to what I can see here, Maddie..." The gynecologist scrutinized her thoroughly. "Is anything wrong? You seem... upset."
"No!" Maddie objected quickly. "No, no, it's just... a surprise, that's all."
"Well, surely that doesn't really change that much, does it?" Dr. Holloway smiled kindly. "Only that you've got two or three more weeks to get ready for the challenge."
"Right...right. You're right, of course. Thank you, Doctor."
Maddie took the box of Kleenex Dr. Holloway handed her and started to wipe the gel off her belly. Her movements were robotic.
"Are you sure you're OK, Maddie?"
"What? – Oh, yes, Doctor. I'm fine, really." She rearranged her clothes and cleared her throat. "When should I make my next appointment?"
"I want to see you again in two weeks. Nadia at the reception will give you your appointment."
"OK, Doctor. Thanks again. See you in two weeks then."
The women shook hands, and Maddie left the room, her movements still stiff. Dr. Holloway's gaze followed her, and the gynecologist frowned. She was quite sure that Maddie hadn't told her the truth; the information about the differing birth date had obviously shocked her. Dr. Holloway had no idea why.
Five minutes later, Maddie walked out of the doctor's office. Her head was spinning, and so were her thoughts. Two weeks, maybe three. Two's for sure. Well, then there was absolutely no doubt about it – David, and not Sam, was the father of her child. So, he had been at the right time and in the right place after all!
Doesn't really change that much? This changes everything! Her inner voice nearly cracked. But as usual lately, there was also that other, unruffled voice within that very often used words and phrases she was only starting to get familiar with, like "relax", "just do it" and – a much preferred one – "simple as that".
And what exactly does it really change? that voice chimed in. Would it change David's attitude towards her, towards their relationship? Their relationship was going very well, Maddie would have even gone so far as to say it was running smoothly – by their standards, that was. They had really managed to make a new start, with much passion, but just as much tenderness. They had developed a deep and mutual trust. They had deep feelings for each other, and neither of them was afraid to admit them any more. No more fear of one giving more than the other. Even living together had worked out surprisingly neatly so far. They hadn't had a serious disagreement, even though they had their ordinary skirmish at least once a day, of course, and she hadn't kicked him out once.
Her pregnancy had never been a greater issue, and David certainly wasn't one of those men who were afraid of or feeling awkward when touching a pregnant woman. He behaved very naturally and not over-cautiously with her, also when they were making love, she felt totally safe with him, with them. So, to a certain point, it was just... perfect. If only there those two words would stop flashing like neon signs in the back of her head: what if...
Maddie had really tried to ignore them, but she just couldn't help it. If the road gets rocky, will it push him away from me? Should I tell him the truth about this child?
After that unforgettable scene on her wedding day, in the labor room with Terri, they had never again talked about the fact that the baby wasn't David's. He had never given any sign of resenting it, though, there had also never been a moment when he had seemed to shy away from her belly. He touched it, caressed it, talked to it like he had done earlier this day, just like a natural father would do. He had even started singing to the baby when he was in the mood, she remembered with a smile. And he was often in the mood for singing.
But Maddie didn't know for sure how he really felt about it, and she had never dared to ask. They were both still rookies with all that relationship stuff, although they were doing remarkably well, given their history. Maddie was still a bit anxious about not disturbing their balance, and therefore the issue of fatherhood had remained unmentioned so far.
Nevertheless, she desperately longed for insight, and within a deeply buried, very well hidden angle of her brain there was that little thought constantly nagging at her that said: does he really love me enough to stay with me for the whole duration of rising a child that isn't his? And, furthermore, now that she knew the baby was indeed his – would she ever find that out? If David stayed with her thinking the child wasn't his, he stayed because of his love for her. If he knew the baby was his, he would stay anyway, come what may. But why? If times got rocky, she would never be sure why he held on. Would it be because of her, of his love for her, or for the child's sake? Maddie wanted him to hold on, and she wanted him to hold on because he loved her.
Are you completely nuts? screamed her inner voice, the one with the simple-as-that-attitude. Don't even think about not telling him! You should be the happiest woman in the world, things having turned out like this – the man you love and you want a future with, has turned out to be the father of your child! No need to confront old ghosts from the past. And what are you doing? You start searching for answers to questions that will never be asked! She sighed. No, of course, not telling him was not an option, and she hadn't even seriously considered it.
She had always been afraid of changes in her life, Maddie suddenly became aware. Changes had always given her a sense of losing control, a kind of 'end of life as we know it'. That was the main reason why she had been struggling so much with the most important decisions in her life during the last years – keeping the agency open, falling in love with an everything-but-NSM (although that had never been just hers to decide), admitting to herself and to him and, finally, moving in.
However, she recalled, the night she had gone to David's place to open her heart to him, she had decided not to let herself be overcome with her fears, but to stand up against them, fight them. Hell, defeat them. And this decision had made her finally feel free. No stupid fear would ever endanger her pursuit of happiness again. And if her happiness required fighting every day with the man she was madly in love with – damn, then so be it. Besides – if she recalled it correctly, every time she had fought her fears lately, everything had turned out to be... not perfect, but – just right to make her happy. Yes, she realized, she was happy where she was.
See – nothing to be afraid of. New – yes; unexpected – double yes; awesome – for sure. But it's gonna be all right.
Climbing clumsily into her car, she started it up. She switched the radio on, and, like the voice of an oracle, Dusty Springfield's hoarse voice came from the radio:
I don't know what it is that makes me love you so
I only know I never wanna let you go
'Cos you started something, can't you see
Ever since we met you've had a hold on me
It happens to be true
I only want to be with you.
Maddie rolled her eyes. "All right, all right," she grumbled to herself, "no more persuasion needed."
Unimpressed, Dusty kept on singing:
You stopped and smiled at me
Asked me if I'd care to dance
I fell into your open arms
I didn't stand a chance
Maddie couldn't help but smile about the crucial truth in these words. "Do tell!"
Maddie had been driving around for a while until she felt ready to go home and face the situation. Despite her determination and eager excitement to tell David the news, she was still nervous about what his reaction would be. She entered the house with a quiet sigh. It was the first time since they had moved in, she realized suddenly, that they were not coming home together. A slight smile curled her lips when it hit her how good it felt to come home and have somebody... the right somebody... waiting for her. She already felt better.
The lights were dimmed, and the house was quiet, except for a soft purling of music – Billy Joel, Maddie recognized. In the air, she could smell a spicy, exotic scent of food. A brief memory of another similar, yet so different occasion crossed her mind. This is definitely no lamb roast, she thought.
When she walked into the living room, she found David comfortably outstretched on the couch, looking very relaxed. His eyes were half closed, and he was listening to the music, obviously not having noticed her. She watched him for a while, fondly smiling, and thought this is home.
Finally she said: "Hi."
He opened his eyes and sat up, smiling. "Hi, Goldilocks," he replied softly without the slightest reproach.
She stepped nearer and kicked her shoes off with a sigh. "I know I'm late. I just... felt like driving around for a while..."
David rose from the couch and came over to pull her into a tight embrace. He kissed her lightly on the lips. She leaned against him for a brief moment, and both silently enjoyed the other one's presence, inhaling the other one's scent.
"Hey, no need to explain," David finally answered to her last remark. "I just got home myself." He pointed his head in the direction of where the kitchen was. "Picked up a little food."
"Do I smell Chinese?" Maddie asked eagerly.
David raised his eyebrows in faked indignation. "Why would you? Don't say you have been cheating on me with Jackie Chan?"
"Wouldn't dream of it!" she replied cheerfully. "I prefer my men brunette."
"Relieved to hear that!" He slapped her playfully on her behind. "Though I'd rather you used the singular form!"
"Ouch!" She caught his hand. "I was talking about Chinese food."
His eyes crinkled when he smiled his half-smile. "Then you smell indeed Chinese. Hope it's OK with you."
She nodded eagerly. "It's fine. I like it. That is..." she frowned. "I hope you ordered something without soy sauce?"
David rolled his eyes. "Of course I ordered everything without soy sauce! You know you get heartburn from that stuff." He led her to the couch. Maddie was pleased with his thoughtfulness, and at the same moment she knew he wouldn't let it be nice. She smiled inwardly in amused anticipation. "Anybody's giving you heartburn, it's gonna be me," he added.
There it was! She raised an ironic eyebrow. "How thoughtful of you."
He shrugged. "Just staking my claim."
When she sat down in one corner of the couch with a relieved sigh, he winked at her and said: "So, tell me – what first? Food or feet?"
She frowned. "Food or feet?"
"You want dinner first, or your foot massage? You sure look like you need one."
Maddie smiled thankfully. "I really do. But actually, I'm starving."
David nodded. "Food then. Make yourself comfortable, your personal and private maître d' will be back in an instant and pleased to serve you – dinner." Again, she received one more of those spectacular emerald twinkles, as he added: "For now."
An hour later, they had finished their dinner. Maddie was leaning back comfortably in her corner of the couch with her feet up in David's lap. He was giving her another foot massage; another occasion to demonstrate the remarkable skills of his hands.
She moaned. "Oh god, this is so good."
"Whoa, Maddie – slow down and take it easy! This is only fore-foreplay." He smirked. "Wait 'til we get upstairs, I always save the best for last."
She laughed a very sensuous laugh, let out a completely relaxed sigh and closed her eyes. "As if I didn't know that," she purred. They sat for a few minutes in easy, pleasurable silence with only the Billy Joel tunes playing softly in the background.
Finally, David cleared his throat and said in a casual tone: "So... what did the doc say? Everything OK?"
"Oh, yeah, everything is as it should be." She opened her eyes. "Ah, and there's news – she can tell for sure now that it's a boy."
His eyes widened, and he seemed to be pleased. "Really? This is great!" David leaned forward and spoke to her belly in a low, conspiratorial tone. "Good job, buddy. Score's 2 : 1 in our favor."
Maddie smiled because of his reaction. Then, after a short pause, she said hesitantly: "David..."
He looked at her. "Maddie."
She took a deep breath. "Don't you ever think about..." She didn't know how to finish the sentence and let it hang in the air.
"'bout what?" he asked.
"Well... the baby. I mean... don't you mind..." Her voice drifted away, anxious about speaking these powerful words. She lowered her eyes.
"No," he interrupted in a decided tone. "Junior and me have figured this out already."
His answer touched something inside her; it had definitely to do with the softness he assumed in his voice whenever he referred to the baby. She looked at him again. "You have?"
He nodded. "Sure."
"So?"
"So... I daresay you're mine, and as far as I'm concerned – and junior is with me here – that includes every part of you." David sounded very convinced and very convincing beyond any doubt, not permitting any objection.
Maddie cleared her throat. A warning voice in her head told her not to discuss pointless questions, but she just couldn't help it, she couldn't. She had to know. She swallowed. "But... but won't it always remind you of..."
"Of who, of what?" he interjected. "That we've come a long way? That we could have had it much easier if we both hadn't been more damn hard-headed than those Mount Rushmore guys?" He shook his head vigorously. "I don't need anything to remind me of that. But the point is, I've put it behind me. It doesn't matter anymore."
"It doesn't?" she ascertained.
"No, it doesn't." David's hands stopped working her feet and he leaned forward to look her directly and intensely in the eyes. "Look, Maddie. The important thing is, we're here. And we're here because we chose to. You could have easily said you don't want no big-mouthed jerk who was too stupid to speak when you needed him to. I could have said I don't want no erratic, runaway woman that kept me at arm's length for four and a half months, just to tell me in the end she doesn't want me and she's married to someone else instead." He paused and finally shrugged. She waited and kept her eyes steadily on his face.
"But in the end," he went on, "we didn't say that, did we? We decided that, whatever might have been, this someone with all his flaws and quirks is exactly who we want. Who we need." He paused for two or three seconds, then went on softly: "Who we love. I know I do. Period. We both made a big, deliberate decision. Not only for ourselves, but also for that buddy in there." He pointed at her belly, and automatically she put one hand on it. "The decision to forgive each other, to forgive ourselves and give us a second chance. Because we know it's worth the fight."
David had spoken with great passion and fervor and drew a deep breath in order to calm down again. When he continued, his voice was almost casual again. Almost. "Our decision, our life – our kid. And that's that." He paused again and searched for her gaze as if to make sure he had her full attention. Then he said: "I don't give a damn about the color of his eyes."
Maddie was completely swept away by her emotions and felt her eyes stinging. She thought: If I ever heard a commitment, this is one. She was very touched and did not try to hide it. Instead, she smiled shyly. "Simple as that."
He returned her smile and started again with the massage. "You're learning fast."
"I had a skilled teacher." She enjoyed his touch for a moment, then cleared her throat. "Well, I guess, then it's of no importance to you what Dr. Holloway told me."
He frowned. "Why, what did she tell you?"
She shrugged. "Oh, no big deal. Just that we got a bit more time to make sure everything's well prepared. She postponed the birth date. About two weeks. Maybe three."
"Postponed?" David repeated. "Wait a minute... postponed?" His eyes widened. Her feet were forgotten. "What d'you mean, postponed?"
"Well, I guess my doctor in Chicago made a mistake stating the stage of pregnancy I was in when I first went to see him, and later it was never corrected." She scrutinized him thoroughly. "Anyway, Dr. Holloway says this happens quite a lot at an early stage of pregnancy."
"And today your doctor said... two weeks?" He cleared his throat. "You sure?"
Maddie nodded matter-of-factly. "Yes, positive."
"But, Maddie... do you realize... that means..." He was stammering now.
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know. Considering the fact that it's a boy, too – I'll have to deal with two of your kind. Great. Won't be a picnic."
He ruffled his hair, cleared his throat again twice and obviously tried very hard to keep his composure. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded very funny. "Well... uhm... OK... that's... quite nice news."
"Nice?"
"Yeah... nice. I'm fine with it." He nodded vigorously as to confirm his statement, but he couldn't look her in the eyes. "I mean... before I was fine with it, too... with what I thought it was like... but now, knowing that it is like it is... I'm fine with that, too." Obviously, he didn't know how to continue and fell silent. He still avoided her look, and she had the impression he was dying to shout out the bliss he felt without a doubt, but was anxious about how she did feel about the news. The only thing she felt, though, was that her heart was about to burst.
"Addison," she said very softly. Finally, David looked at her again. She smiled tenderly. "I've heard what you said before, and I know you really meant it. This was one of the sweetest things you ever said, and if I recall, you're saying a lot of sweet things lately."
He just sat there, motionless, waiting for her to continue. And she did. "But you don't have to be just fine with it... it's OK to be delighted about it. To be happy." He swallowed hard and remained silent, still reluctant to let his feelings pour out, as long as he didn't know for sure how she felt about this newly discovered bond that tied them even closer together. He was afraid that a too ecstatic reaction from him could make her shy away. Please, don't let her be afraid of this. Finally, she added: "I know I am happy."
A muscle in his cheek tightened. "You are?"
Her smile widened. "Sure I am, stupid."
Without another word, David slid from the couch and hunkered down by Maddie's side. He bent forward and started to talk to her belly in a very hoarse and fragile, almost breaking voice. "Hey junior, nice to meet you."
Then he leaned in closer and lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. "Mommy just found out what the two of us already knew all along from the beginning. But we won't tell her, right? No need to spoil the surprise. Most important thing is... she's happy." He touched her belly very tenderly with both hands and leaned his forehead against it for a moment, staying there motionless. It was so quiet she could only hear his breath and her own heartbeat.
Maddie felt tears welling up in her eyes. She put a hand on his shoulder. "David."
He raised his head and rose from his huddled position to sit down beside her. He smiled and replied softly: "Maddie."
For a moment neither of them seemed to be able to speak. David put his left hand to her face, and she leaned her cheek into his palm; he wiped a single tear away with his thumb, and Maddie could see that his own eyes were glittering suspiciously.
She was so overwhelmed with emotions that she could barely speak. She put great effort into making her voice sound steady. "You are the most remarkable man I've ever met."
He shrugged and smiled wryly. "Yeah, well... that doesn't mean a lot. We both know you haven't been around much."
There we are! she thought. I knew it. Never let go of a good repartee, trying to bring us back from tears to smiling again. And, amazingly enough, most of the time it worked. Had she been annoyed by this habit some times, she loved him even more for it now. She laughed through her tears.
"Oh, Addison... You are a big-mouthed jerk. You are a royal pain in the neck. Hell, most of the time you drive me crazy!" she burst out. He just kept watching her quietly. Finally, she went on, very sincerely. "But, please... don't you ever change."
Maddie would never have dreamed of saying such a thing, but the same moment the words were out, she knew they were the plain truth. David was touched; he had known for a long time that she loved him, but hearing her admit that not only did she love him but also wanted him in spite of – and maybe because of – all his flaws and bad habits, knocked him completely off his feet. That woman would never fail to surprise him.
Instead of an answer, he pulled her in his arms. "Okay."
For a while they were sitting there, in silence, with only the soft music playing in the background; they were snuggled up on the couch with Maddie's back leaned on David's chest and his arms wrapped around her. Both felt at home and safe with the other. The silence was peaceful and comfortable. Finally, David broke it.
"Maddie?"
"David," she sighed.
His voice sounded suddenly a little insecure. "Don't you feel... trapped?"
"Trapped?" she repeated.
"Yeah... trapped. I mean, come on – you know you'll never get rid of me now."
"Oh please." Maddie sat up and turned around to look him in the eyes. She smiled lightly. "Are you honestly telling me that I ever had the slightest chance of ever getting away from you?"
His insecurity seemed to fade away. He put up his best Addison smirk. "Good point. Let's face it, Blondie – you were a goner the moment you walked into my office for the first time."
"Well, not exactly," she objected and smiled. "But close enough, I'd say. By the way," she added seriously, "if I'm trapped, then it's because I deliberately stepped into that trap. Just like you said earlier – because I chose to. If I didn't want that, I simply wouldn't have told you."
David knew she was right, and he took her statement for what it was – a sign of her utter trust and final readiness to be deeply, deeply involved with him, up to the last consequence. Maddie was finally allowing the greatest possible nearness without fearing it. We're really and irreversibly an "Us" now, he thought, filled with wonder. No turning back from here on.
He got up and held his hand out to her. "Wanna dance?"
She smiled and took his hand. "With pleasure."
She stepped into his arms and forgot that her feet had been aching earlier. She leaned her temple against his cheek and forgot everything as they swayed to The Piano Man's tunes.
Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are
Yes, they had come a long way and still a long way ahead to go, but they both knew they'd be going it together.
I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you
I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are
Songs: I only want to be with you by Mike Hawker and Igor Raymonde, greatly performed by Dusty Springfield
Just the way you are by Billy Joel
Again, I have to thank my 'essed friends on the forum for spurring me on to continue with my fantasy, and some of you have even inspired me to insert certain passages here. You know it and I know it who you are.
Special thanks again to my lovely Nancy for beta-reading, smoothing out my style and correcting my grammar errors; any mistakes are mine alone!
Stay tuned for the epilogue...