a/n: So I should have mentioned that I planned on following up 'Once' with a (two part) one-shot. After the reaction I received via reviews and direct messages I decided to get this up as soon as possible. It was important for me to end 'Once' just as the movie and musical did but, of course, I figured you would all be curious about what happened to Finn and Rachel. So, without further adieu, here is your epilogue (which was too long to be considered an actual epilogue).
Obviously it would be beneficial if you read 'Once' first but if you haven't you might still enjoy this (two part) one-shot, or at least be curious to find out what already happened between our favorite fated lovers.
I, of course, do not own Glee.
Rachel and Rowena stood side-by-side in the hanger at Lima's small, municipal airport and waited for the plane that would bring him home to them…for good. Finn had left for NYC just a week prior and his recent departure still burned in her heart. She hated the way their relationship had ended…hated the way she hadn't even said goodbye. She didn't know if anything was going to replace the regret she felt throughout her entire being but she hoped her husband might help.
Rowena clutched her hand and Rachel smiled down at her. She could tell that her daughter was nervous, which was unusual. She had tried her hardest to explain the situation to Rowena and she hoped that she would be on her best behavior when she saw her father. She had the tendency to make off-hand remarks and the last thing Rachel wanted was for Rowena to make the situation any more tense than it already was. Her husband needed to feel welcomed and wanted…he didn't need to be confused by anything Rowena might say, which, Rachel knew from experience, might be anything.
They stood with a few other families who were also awaiting the arrival of loved ones. Most of the other people stood with excited smiles plastered on their faces and glitter-covered signs in their hands. Rachel stood in sharp contrast to the happy air that filled the hanger, her lips pressed together in a nervous line.
In the distance there was the sound of propellers, which grew in intensity as the moments passed. Nervous chatter filled the space as the plane approached and Rachel gripped her daughter's hand tighter. The plane pulled right into the hanger and as soon as it stopped the door popped open and a rolling staircase was positioned to let the soldiers exit the plane. Her heart leapt up into her throat as the men and women began to file off the plane. There were squeals and the sound of tears but she stood solemnly, her eyes waiting to see something familiar. Soldier after soldier deplaned and made their way towards their loved ones but she hadn't yet seen her husband. She was prepared to inquire with the Major and see if he knew anything but then her eyes flickered to the stop of the staircase.
He stood there for a minute and studied the scene in the hanger, almost like he was readjusting to what was perceived as normal. His eyes flitted around the room before they finally landed on hers. A smile spread across his face and she found herself smiling back. It was good to see him.
"Daddy!" The word sounded foreign to Rachel as she heard it leave Rowena's lips. Her daughter pulled her hand away from hers and took off in the direction of her father. Her little girl's dark hair flew out behind her as she ran towards the plane. Rachel wanted to follow her but something kept her firmly planted to the spot where she already stood.
Her husband jogged down the stairs towards Rowena and knelt down just as she launched herself into his arms. He wrapped his arms around the little girl and lifted her into the air.
"Oh Princess," he breathed. He ran his hand over Rowena's hair and Rachel noticed that there were tears in his eyes. "It's so good to see you. Your mommy has been so good about sending me pictures but you just look so grown up. I guess I was expecting to see my baby and you're not a baby at all…you're all grown up."
Rowena beamed at him. "I'm almost seven, you know."
He kissed her cheek. "I know." He looked past Rowena's shoulder and right at Rachel. His eyes felt like lasers on her body. "Hi Rachel."
She smiled shyly and looked down at the ground. It was good to see him but instantly she knew that everything was different.
He felt like a stranger.
Finn lugged his guitar town Second Avenue in the direction of West Houston Street. He had a meeting with his producer and after leaving a studio in the East Village it was easier to walk rather than take the subway or a taxi. It was close to officially being spring…his favorite season. It wasn't always easy to notice the change in seasons in a city like New York. Other than the color of the leaves on the trees (or their existence at all) and what people were wearing, New York pretty much always looked the same.
New York was way different from Lima. It had taken him awhile to get used to the people and the overall energy level. It still amazed him how you could be outside at four o'clock in the morning and it wouldn't look all that different than it did at four o'clock in the afternoon. It truly was a city that never slept and once he'd familiarized himself he discovered that he rather enjoyed it.
He'd been living in his smaller-than-a-shoebox studio for almost three months at that point. He'd been lucky to find a place in Chinatown that had a landlord that had been willing to give him a month-to-month lease and free food every now and again. Living above a Chinese restaurant known for its Dim Sum was definitely a perk. Plus, Mr. Ko was usually very kind to him and it was nice to occasionally see a friendly face.
Other than Mr. Ko, Finn didn't have many friends in his new city. He spent long hours with the record producer Sam had introduced him to, Joe Hart, and whenever he wasn't recording or mixing or writing he was bussing tables at a restaurant in Little Italy. Joe was a cool enough guy. He had dreads and wore sandals all the time (even in the winter) and they'd gone out for a beers a few times, but their relationship was pretty much professional.
He thought about Rachel a lot. Even though some time had passed he still missed her terribly. The lack of closure in regards to their situation still haunted him and not a day went by when he didn't wonder what she or Rowena were doing. Being in New York without them just didn't feel right, but he'd offered and she'd turned him down (repeatedly) so he had to move on with his life. He had to focus on what he was there to do and not on the girl he'd left behind.
He paused at the nondescript building at the intersection of Second and West Houston and rang the bell for Joe Hart's record label, Merriment Records. After he was buzzed in he greeted the security guard that sat in the lobby and took the elevator to the fourth floor. Joe was waiting for him as he walked off the elevator. On that particular day is feet were bare and a fedora was perched on his head.
"Hey…Joe," Finn said cautiously. It wasn't often that he was greeted in the hallway and the producer's appearance instantly made him nervous.
Joe had his hands pressed together and pushed against his lips so his thumbs were under his chin. If Finn hadn't known any better he would've thought he was praying. "I have news, man. Big, big news!"
"Ok…"
"You know we just finished mixing and mastering the re-record of your song?" Finn cringed but managed to nod. Learning to sing and play his signature song without Rachel's familiar voice and piano had been difficult. The new version just didn't sound right to him, although everyone else seemed to love it. "Well I played it for a buddy of mine who is the manager for that band, the Painted Dolls, and they want to offer you a spot as one of their opening acts on their upcoming tour! They want us to hurry up and put a full-blown CD together so it can be promoted at the shows. He's even going to set you up with a manager to oversee everything for you!"
Finn felt like he was a million miles away as Joe continued to tell him about the tour. Sure he was excited about the prospect of getting his name and his music out there but he couldn't help but think of Rachel every time he accomplished something else. She'd been so right about knowing this was his true calling and he couldn't get over how easily things were happening for him. It was almost like everything was meant to be.
He just couldn't help but wish that Rachel was standing beside him.
Rachel was speechless. There had been many times in her life when she'd had difficulty verbalizing her thoughts but she'd always at least had a million words floating around in her find. Not this time. Her mind was completely blank.
She stared at the dark, glistening piano that now sat in her living room. It was almost like visualizing a mirage. So many times she'd wondered what it would be like to be able to sit in her apartment and play her music. Sure, she could have had a keyboard but it wasn't the same. There was something about the resistance of the piano keys and the imperfect sound they sometimes made that fed her soul.
And now that dream was a reality. It blew her mind.
"Who sent the piano, Mama? Can we keep it?" Rowena asked as she played her own version of chopsticks and swiveled back and forth on the shiny bench.
She looked down at the CD in her hand and reread the note. Finn. She'd be lying if she said she didn't think about him every day, but distance was making their separation a little bit easier.
She had been focusing as much time as possible on reconnecting with her husband. It wasn't easy, but she hadn't expected it to be. He wasn't the same person she'd fallen in love with when she'd been in school. Her heart didn't speed up whenever she was around him. There weren't butterflies in her stomach at the simple thought of him. When he would touch her she would immediately pull away. All of those things, rolled together, just made her miss Finn even more. She couldn't even think about him without feeling how she was supposed to feel with her husband.
Rachel ghosted her finger over his signature. "Um…it's from Finn, Bumblebee. Do you remember him?"
Rowena pursed her lips and nodded. "Of course. I'm getting taller everyday because he told me his secret."
She chuckled at the memory of Finn whispering in her daughter's ear. "How could I have forgotten?"
She looked back at Rowena, who continued to play the new piano, and then back down at her hands. Finn had sent her an actual CD. There were only six tracks on it but it looked way more official than the generic demo they'd recorded at Crescent Studios. His picture was on the cover and the small print on the back indicated that it was published by Merriment Records, which was a subsidiary of the much better known Columbia Records. She was impressed.
She knew she shouldn't keep the piano. It would be like having a piece of Finn in that apartment every day and she wasn't sure if she was ready to handle that. She already had a hard enough time focusing on her husband with Finn's memory still so strong in her mind. But as she looked at the immaculate instrument she couldn't help but think how right it felt in the apartment.
"We can keep it," she found herself saying before she could attempt to talk herself out of it.
Rowena's shrieks were loud. She leapt off of the piano bench and into Rachel's arms. They were so busy gushing to one another over the excitement of having a piano in their apartment that they didn't notice that they were no longer alone.
"Wow…what's this?"
Rachel's head snapped towards the doorway to see her husband standing in the foyer, his arms filled with the groceries she'd discarded in the hallway when she'd heard the piano. He took a few steps into the apartment and put the groceries down on the dining room table. Rachel took that opportunity to bury the CD and note card in the couch. She wasn't ready to explain that to her husband yet.
"We got a piano, Daddy!" Rowena exclaimed as she ran over to greet him.
The relationship between husband and wife might not have been anything to write home about, but the same thing couldn't be said about the relationship between father and daughter. Rowena had taken to her father immediately and Rachel was glad for that. Now that their daughter was old enough to understand and ask her own questions their bond had flourished. The two of them had very much become a family.
"I can see that," he said. He sat down on the chair and pulled Rowena onto his lap. "Where did it come from?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. It was here after school. But Mommy opened the card that was sitting on top of it and said it came from Finn."
He looked down at their daughter and then up at Rachel. "Who's Finn?"
Rachel opened her mouth to answer but Rowena responded instead. "He's Mommy's friend. He came over one time and told me a secret and helped tuck me in. But then he went away. A lot of the time she just listens to a song they sang and sometimes she cries."
Rachel sucked her lips into her mouth. Yep. That pretty much summed up her relationship with Finn.
Being on tour was weird.
Finn pretty much lived on a bus now with the occasional overnight in a hotel. Every day he got up on a dark stage and sang for an audience that had some to see the band he was opening up for, the Painted Dolls. Usually he played through chatter and chants for the 'Dolls' but sometimes he received polite applause. Those were the best nights.
He poured his heart into every performance. He played songs that still made his whole being ache for Rachel. He wondered all the time if she'd gotten the CD he'd sent with the piano. He hadn't expected her to call or try to contact him in anyway but he hoped she knew that he was doing what she'd believed he could.
As he climbed off of the stage that night he couldn't help but notice there was something a little different in the attire the concert-goers wore. The 'Dolls' were kind of a grungy, hipster band and it wasn't unusual to see people dressed in the expected skinny jeans and converse combination. But that night people were almost dressed up. It wasn't until after he passed a sailor, a banana, and a slutty nurse that he realized it was Halloween.
Finn weaved his way through the concourse of the small venue he was playing at in Columbus called the Newport Music Hall. It was his first time back in Ohio since he'd left for New York and it felt strange to be back in the state he once called home. He couldn't help but think he was only two hours from Rachel. It was the closest he'd been to her in eight months.
After his set he usually sat at the merchandise table for awhile and signed CD's for anyone who came and bought them (there was also a t-shirt with his name on it, but that was just strange). Sometimes there wasn't anyone, but occasionally there were a few people who would buy his music. He found it incredibly gratifying to talk to people who were affected enough by his songs to want to take them home. Plus, he was usually entertained by Sugar Motta, who ran the merch table.
He slid onto the collapsible chair behind the table and said hello to Sugar. She passed him the Red Bull she always had waiting for him and pushed her furry headband back on her head. He smiled at her and picked up his Sharpie.
He wondered if he would sell any CD's that night.
-Later-
It had been Rachel's idea to come to the show.
She'd been sitting on the couch in the apartment, listening to Rowena practice the piano, while she leafed through the Lima Gazette. She was glancing through the Arts & Leisure section when she'd seen it.
'One Night Only at the beautiful Newport Music Hall in Columbus, Ohio. The Painted Dolls with Opening Act, Finn Hudson. All Ages'
Her heart had immediately began to pound, almost to the point where she thought it might pound right through her chest. Finn. He was on tour. He was playing his songs for an audience every night. People around the country were seeing him play live every night.
She'd wiped away her tears as quickly as she'd made her decision. She was going to the concert.
Rachel pulled Rowena through the main corridor of the Newport Music Hall. Her husband had night class at the community college that night and her dad's were out of town at a conference so she hadn't had to make any excuses. As soon as she'd picked Rowena up from school Rachel asked if she wanted to go to a concert. After informing her that they weren't going to see Adam Pascal for the seventh time, she'd told her they were going to see Finn. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her daughter so excited.
"I'm not sure why you insisted on wearing your costume, Rowena Claire," Rachel muttered. "I brought you a perfectly acceptable change of clothes. I even packed jeans."
She looked down at her daughter who was busy flapping her leotard covered arms. Rowena had insisted on keeping on the peacock costume that she'd worn to school earlier that day. Along with her royal blue leotard she also wore a matching tutu and leggings with a full fan of feathers behind her back. Her hair was in braided pigtails and shiny purple mask covered her eyes.
"Mama, it's Halloween," Rowena said dramatically. "I might even sleep in my costume tonight."
Rachel shook her head. Rowena was definitely becoming her own person and when she thought about it she didn't really see any reason to tell her she couldn't wear the costume. Once they'd gotten to the venue and seen all the other costumes she was actually the one who looked out of place in her dark jeans and sweater.
They'd gotten to the venue much later than she'd anticipated and they'd arrived halfway through Finn's set list. They hadn't even had the chance to make their way to their seats. They stood in the back of the theater and watched.
Seeing Finn again hit Rachel like a ton of bricks. They were easily ten yards away from him but the invisible draw she'd always felt towards him was still very evident.
Rachel watched, mesmerized, as Finn's fingers danced against the guitar strings. There was something completely hypnotizing about the way his mouth formed as he sang and passion just radiated from his being. As she watched him sing she was instantly transported back to Schuester Music. She was sitting next to him on the piano bench and trying not to notice the way she saw him looking at her out of the corner of her eye. She remembered trying her hardest to ignore the way her heart had sped up and how she'd felt an unseen force that seemed to be pulling them together.
It had always been like that with her and Finn. Something greater than themselves kept drawing them together and each time she saw him that feeling only intensified. She still felt it as she stood in the back of the auditorium and she was amazed that she could feel something so strong when almost nine months had passed since she'd seen him last.
His set ended and he mumbled a quick thank you to the audience and informed them that he would be signing CD's at the merchandise table in the back of the venue if anyone was interested. He hurried off the stage and the crowd immediately began requesting that the headlining band begin to play. Rachel turned her head in the direction of the lobby. She really had no interest in watching the 'Dolls' play.
"Well…aren't we going to go?"
Rachel looked down at Rowena, who was staring up at her expectantly. Her dark eyes sparkled at her through her mask. "Do you think we should?"
Rowena ran one of her peacock feathers through her hand. "Probably. I bet he wants to see us even more than we want to see him."
She laughed slightly. "What makes you think that?"
"Look how sad he was when he was singing. When he was with us he wasn't ever sad. I'm sure that seeing us would make him happy again."
Everything seemed so simple when looked at through her daughter's eyes. Finn had appeared to be a little distressed as he performed and she couldn't help but wonder if she was the root of his sadness. Perhaps she was thinking highly of herself, but she remembered the joy that had always been visible in Finn's eyes when they'd been together. His feelings for her had been obvious…did he still feel the pain from her lack of reciprocation?
"Come on," Rachel instructed.
Rowena followed her mother obediently into the lobby of the venue. Their hands found one another as they fought through the swarm of people, most of whom were headed towards the auditorium in anticipation of the main event. Rachel felt like a salmon swimming against the current as she raised up onto her tiptoes in search of the table where Finn would supposedly be sitting.
"There!" Rowena announced. She dropped Rachel's hand and pushed through the crowd. She ignored her mother's calls to wait and moved through the sea of people as if she'd seen something that Rachel must have missed.
Rachel tried her best to follow her daughter's feathers through the crowd. Somehow they found the merchandise table in the crowded lobby and she watched as her daughter walked right passed all the people in line and tapped Finn on the arm. She kept her distance and watched as he turned his attention to the child who was wearing a bright purple mask.
Her heart warmed as she watched Finn smile at her daughter. He lifted his hand to touch one of the feathers that decorated her back. "Hey…cool costume!"
She couldn't help but smile at the confusion and frustration that overtook Rowena's demeanor. "Don't you recognize me, Finn?"
He shook his head. "I don't think so…do I know you?"
The little girl put her hands firmly on her hips. "Perhaps you're confused because I've taken your advice and listened to my mother. I suppose I am quite a lot taller now." Finn's eyes grew wide with recognition. "It's me, Rowena Claire Berry." She lifted the mask from her eyes and stared expectantly at him.
Rachel noticed the way Finn's eyes immediately left her daughter and began to search for her. Obviously he'd assumed that she couldn't be far away. His eyes searched the crowd for a moment before they landed on hers. She watched as all the color faded from his face and he swallowed.
"Rachel."
-Later-
Finn felt like he'd seen a ghost. Rachel. His Rachel. She stood before him like no time and so much time had passed at the same time. She pretty much looked the same…dark hair that settled against her shoulders, eyes that glistened as they focused on his. He fought the immediate urge to go to her and instead remained behind the table. He awkwardly gestured in the direction of the line of people who were waiting for his autograph…well, before Rowena had jumped the line and interrupted pretty much his entire focus.
His breath hitched in his throat as Rachel took a couple of steps closer to him and reached for Rowena's shoulders, pulling the child against her body. "It's ok. We'll wait."
He couldn't remember the last time he'd signed his name so quickly or been so short with his fans. He didn't like giving off the perception that he didn't care but the truth was that at that moment he couldn't concentrate on anything else but Rachel. He watched her out of the corner of his eye and noticed the way she watched him. He couldn't believe she was actually there.
After he signed the last of the CD's and the 'Dolls' now familiar music could be heard wafting into the lobby, he stood up from his chair and walked over to Rachel and Rowena.
"So…um…what are you guys doing here?"
Rachel twirled a strand of her hair around her finger and he was glad to see that some things never changed. She was nervous. "I saw an advertisement in the paper and we didn't have any plans tonight so we decided to make the trip down here and see your show. It's lucky that Lima had their Trick-or-Treating last weekend or I don't think someone would have been so willing to come…"
Rowena quickly shook her head. "Nuh-uh. I would much rather see Finn than get Halloween candy. Besides, Daddy says that all that candy is going to make my teeth fall out and keep me awake until I'm thirty."
With one simple word the smile dropped from Finn's face. Daddy. The fact that Rowena had referred to her father as 'Daddy' only meant one thing…she had a relationship with him. And if Rowena had a relationship with her father then that meant that he was still in their lives.
Finn cleared his throat. "How is your husband, Rachel."
"Fine," she answered quickly. "He's taking business classes at the community college and living actually not that far from your step-father's shop. In fact I've waved to him numerous times when I've been dropping off or picking up Rowena."
Dropping off or picking up Rowena. The phrase replayed over and over in his mind. They obviously weren't living together. He fought against the urge to pump his fist in the air. He didn't know their current situation at all but he couldn't help but feel slightly satisfied that Rachel and her husband hadn't returned to the wedded bliss that he feared.
"So…" he started. He had a million questions to ask her but it wasn't the place and the time wasn't right. There were no words to describe just how good to was to see her and Rowena, to know that they were ok.
"We should probably go," Rachel said gently. "We have a long drive home and someone has school tomorrow…"
Rowena's eyes grew wide. "Oh no, Mommy, that's quite all right. I would much rather stay in Columbus and visit with Finn."
They both laughed and Finn felt his heart expand. Her laugh just brought all those old feelings back, feelings that he'd pushed aside but never really forgotten. He reached out and tugged gently on one of the little girl's braids.
"I'm sure you would," Rachel agreed. "But we have to go." She turned her attention in his direction. "I'm so glad we got to see you and witness a little bit of your stage show. You sounded wonderful. Oh…and thank you for the piano. It was a completely unnecessary gift, but appreciated nonetheless."
"When can I see you again?" There was no hesitation in his voice. He ignored everything she'd said and focused on the only thing he really wanted…her back in his life.
She looked up at him shyly. "I'm not sure, but you have my number, right? Text me sometime?" He nodded dumbly. Rachel pulled her purse strap higher on her shoulder and reached for Rowena's hand. "I'm so proud of you, Finn." She stared at him for a minute, for a little longer than was really necessary.
He felt like he was flying as they both waved and walked away, disappearing as quickly as they'd appeared. The music floating out from the 'Dolls' show mixed in with Sugar's insistent 'who was that' and everything fell on completely deaf ears.
Rachel had come to see him. She had come to see him. He'd been waiting for nine months, ever since the night before he left for New York, for her to show up and she finally had. He fished in his pocket for his phone and then scrolled through his contact list for Rachel's number. She had suggested that he text her and he wasn't about to deny her request. His thumbs tapped deftly against the screen and he hesitated only a moment before he pushed send.
She was back…even if it was only slightly.
Rachel sat at the dining room table, her attention solely focused on the cell phone she held in her lap. Her hair fell forward slightly and shielded her face as she read the message on the screen. She sucked her lips into her mouth to try and disguise the smile that had formed on her lips and glanced in the direction of her husband out of the corner of her eye.
He was watching her.
She quickly looked away from him and tucked her phone between her thigh and the chair she sat on. It was Thanksgiving and she didn't want to cause any more tension. An invisible cloud of stress and anxiety already filled the room and she could tell by the way her father's glanced nervously at each other that they felt it to.
She'd been texting Finn for nearly a month at that point. Ever since she'd received that first text as she and Rowena walked to their car that day in Columbus they had pretty much been engaged in one, continuous conversation. She looked forward to waking up every morning to see what kind of greeting he would leave for her and she reveled at the fact that he always seemed to be able to make her smile. She liked hearing about his life on tour and having someone to tell about her daily excitements at the music store. Plus, since he'd sent them the piano she had started giving Rowena lessons and she enjoyed sharing her progress with him. He was so supportive and intuitive and wonderful and she felt herself falling a little more each day they talked. She thought all their time apart might have changed her feelings but it really hadn't. The second she'd seen him again everything she felt had just been confirmed. She wasn't really sure what exactly she felt for Finn but it felt a whole lot like love.
As they sat at the table in preparation of celebrating their Thanksgiving dinner, she could feel her husband's eyes on her. Things between them were cordial at best. He still lived on the other side of Lima and their interactions consisted of a brief hello whenever they would exchange Rowena. He had tried on numerous occasions to spend time with her one on one, but she always found a reason to turn him down. She'd only kissed him once since he'd been back in town and she didn't want to give him any indication that she wanted to do anything else.
Their distance was obvious. The more time that passed the more she was convinced that things were over. Finn was her focus…he had been for almost a year now…but he hadn't been the cause of the separation she felt from her husband, that had been evident for quite some time. Finn's reentrance into her life had just reiterated the things she already new.
She was still working up the courage to tell him and she would but Thanksgiving dinner with her parents and their daughter hardly seemed like the place.
Her phone vibrated underneath her leg and she stealthily pulled it into her lap. She smiled at the picture of Finn that appeared on the screen. He was eating his Thanksgiving dinner, alone, at the Chinese restaurant in his building. She was saddened that he was alone for the holiday. No one should be alone on a holiday.
"Who're you talking to, Rach?" She glanced at her husband who had just shoved a forkful of Tofurky in his mouth. "Your phone has been going off pretty much all day."
She felt her face redden. She realized she hadn't exactly been discreet in regards to her relentless texts but she didn't think her lack of focus had been as noticeable as it apparently was.
"I'm not sure what you're talking about." She mixed a forkful of corn with some mashed potatoes and quickly shoveled the food into her mouth.
"I can practically feel the vibrations through the floorboards. You've been on your phone all day. Why are you being so secretive? That's not the Rachel I know."
She glared at him. The Rachel he knew? He didn't know anything about her…not really at least. She wasn't the same starry eyed teenager who had fallen head-over-heels in love with him during her freshmen year at NYADA. She had changed so much over the past decade and she'd done most of that changing without him. She'd grown up and they'd grown apart. It was as simple as that.
"It was probably just Finn."
Rachel's immediately turned her attention in the direction of her daughter. She sat across the table and absentmindedly speared a green bean with her fork. Rowena smiled innocently and popped the vegetable into her mouth. It was obvious that she wasn't aware she'd said anything wrong.
"What did you just say?" Her husband placed his silverware on the table and folded his hands in his lap.
Rowena shrugged. "Mama talks to Finn all the time. Sometimes he texts her in the middle of the night but she doesn't always wake up to answer it. Once in awhile I hear it and wake up. I can read his name because she leaves her phone on the nightstand."
Rachel wanted to crawl under the table and die. She couldn't yell at her daughter for telling the truth but she hadn't expected it all to pour out in accordance to her seven year old.
Rowena continued to eat her meal like nothing had happened. She glanced back and forth between them but remained silent. The tension that had already filled the room now hung in front of her face like a thick black smoke. Rachel didn't dare look at her dad's. She could only imagine the expressions they wore on their faces.
"I don't really know what to say," her husband said calmly. He was too calm.
The phone buzzed again in Rachel's lap and she closed her eyes. She loved talking to Finn more than anything but now was not the time to be interrupted by his pictures or other random babble.
"Could I talk to you in my room please?" She wiped her mouth with her napkin and looked in her husband's direction.
"Sugar Plum, I really don't think this is the time to have a serious discussion. It's Thanksgiving. Can't you two talk about all of this another time? Tomorrow?"
Rachel glared at her daddy. She loved her parents more than anything but she was growing weary from their constant scrutiny and interjection on all matters of her life. They had been living in close quarters for far too long and she needed to remind herself to be on her best behavior to keep herself from saying something she would probably regret.
"Daddy, you know I appreciate your concern but this is between me and my husband. We need to talk and we're going to do it now. I'm sorry if that interrupts your Thanksgiving." She stood and indicated for her husband to follow.
Once they were securely closed in her and Rowena's bedroom Rachel looked at her husband, really looked at him for the first time since he'd been home. His hair had grown in from the buzz cut he'd been required to keep while in the army and there were small lines around his eyes and mouth that indicated just how much he had aged and how much time had passed. He still looked like the boy she'd once loved, albeit an older version of that boy.
"How long?" He asked. "How long have you been in-love with him?"
He sat down on the bed and she sat next to him. She twisted her hands in her lap and sighed. He didn't seen sad or even surprised. It was honestly like they were talking about the weather or any other random subject.
"I met him last winter. I saw him sing in a bar and later convinced him not to give up on his music even though he wanted to. I helped him record a demo and get out of this town because I believed in him. He lives in New York now." She cast her eyes in his husband's direction for a moment and then continued. "I didn't plan on falling in-love with him but it happened, even though I didn't want it to."
"So…have you…"
Her eyes widened in recognition. "No," she said softy. "I haven't even kissed him."
He let out a heavy sigh and ran his hands through his hair. "That's almost worse." He turned his head in her direction. "You must really love him."
She nodded. "I do. Listen, I'm really sorry. I don't want you to think that I don't love you or that I ever wanted to hurt you…"
"I know. It was never easy for us, I get that, and I always wondered if our relationship would really be able to weather reality." She watched as he looked down at the golden band that circled his left ring finger. "I guess I got my answer."
Rachel felt her heart break just a little bit. She didn't like failing at anything but continuing along as part of a loveless marriage wasn't something she felt like she wanted to succeed at. Truly, she was failing herself every day she continued to live her life without admitting the obvious…she was in-love with Finn.
"So what happens now," he asked. "Are you going to go back to New York? Be with him?"
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "He's been on tour off and on for awhile now. Plus, I've never told him how I feel…not really at least."
His eyes widened. "You've never told him?"
She smiled sheepishly. "I told him once, in Hebrew, but I was too afraid to tell him what the translation actually meant. I guess I should actually fess up to my feelings first and then go from there."
"Well I can always watch Rowena for a few days if you need to go."
Rachel smiled at the man who had once been her whole world. It saddened her as she realized that he did love her, and on some level she would always love him back. But she wasn't in-love with him anymore and she figured, by the relative ease he'd accepted the situation, that he wasn't really in-love with her either.
"I'm not sure what I'm going to do. But if I need to leave you'll be the first person I tell."
He patted her on the knee and stood up. "Come on, let's not do anything else to ruin your fathers' Thanksgiving."
She watched as he opened the door and disappeared down the hallway.
It had been as simple as that. He just…let her go.