Waiting. Waiting for HER geek to come back, but he wouldn't, he was up there with HER best friend, and the angels. He was up there with HER hopes for the future, HER dreams of life with him and HER everything. They had all left
Maybe she should leave too.
She hadn't slept after that day, every time she closed her eyes she relived that moment. At the shops like any other day, a bang, and as she ducked, he fell, HER geek, HER love was gone.
She hadn't been to work either, that where he was meant to be, at HER side, helping decode the latest puzzle piece in the mystery, or even just hiding from Tony's latest prank. She tried to laugh at the fun moments they had, but it hurt too much.
It hurt too much without him.
The team had tried to come over to help HER, but she didn't want to let them in. She didn't want them to see HER, alone, lifeless. She didn't need their pity or their kindness, she needed to be alone.
Alone without him
At the beginning she was cutting herself, it helped, being one step closer to him with each slit on HER wrist, but now it wouldn't help, the scars were just a constant remind of her failures to be with him. She knew he wouldn't have wanted HER to give up, there was so much she could still, but it hurt so much.
She gave up.
She had decided to go to work one more time, knowing it would be her last. She walked past his desk, tears in her eyes, down to HER lab. She walked in and covering it was pictures of them, happy, smiling, and free of worries. She broke down in tears. There was one on the center of her desk of the whole team, Gibbs in the top right corner, giving one of his rare smiles, next to him was his senior field agents, Tony giving off a smile that could brighten anyone's day, then there was Ziva smiling a sweet smile, not her usual murderous one. Then there was herself, and McGee at the end. They were smiling at the camera, but their arms were around each other.
They WERE in love
She wrote a note to her friends, saying how sorry she was for the grief she was about to give them, but she wasn't able to cope.
It was too hard.
She stuck the note in the only place she knew they would look. Letting a tear escape she turned around to go back to work to see her co-workers there, her family. Gibbs moved around her to get the note she tried to hide, and Tony took her in his hands.
"I'm sorry," she kept saying as she wept in Tony's arms. He just kept hushing her and telling her everything would be all right. As Gibbs read the note, his eyes widened in horror. They relaxed as he looked over at her, she was shaking, not able to cope. She wore no make up, played no music and wore no pigtails. In fact most of HER hair had been cut off.
That's all he would let her cut.
He took HER hands and took the cuffs off HER wrists. Seeing the scars he herd Ziva gasp. They were all hurting, but Abby was the most. They all knew how she felt about him and how he felt about HER, but they didn't get to verbalize it before it was too late.
It WAS too late.
She was under constant supervision by either Gibbs, Tony or Ziva, but she still felt alone. They tried to get her to talk, but she wouldn't. She would just sit there, in a ball and stare out into space.
She was lifeless.
It had been 3 years since his death, and it was still painful. The days passed one by one, and she was no closer to being with him. She brought out the note that she wrote those many years ago, a copy of the one that Gibbs found, and a gun. She got a picture of herself and McGee and held it with her note. She pulled the trigger.
She was with him. She was with HER geek.