Chapter 1: Edward: Dull and Empty World
Summary: They knew they had to let go, but they don't want to wake up.
Rate: T
Warnings: Just some suggestive themes and incredible angst.
A/N: I might edit later. This was one of my firsts as well.
He couldn't help himself. Alphonse couldn't keep himself from bawling either. There she was walking around the market street in Amsterdam with her chestnut hair and lovely emerald eyes twinkling of what she should get in the produce cart. She was talking to the vendor asking about next seasons produce and the vendor happily made conversation with her, completely oblivious to the young man and boy standing in the distance gaping at her. There must have bee some intuition in the air around her because she had stopped the conversation and turned to stare at them. At that Edward grabbed his younger brother by the arm and went straight to the next street.
At night his brother and him had a sullen atmosphere in the air casually sitting with open books about mechanics and chemistry while Al took notes on psychology. Edward didn't have the usual teasing remarks about the subject and there was no smart comebacks from Al either. It was eerie and Al wanted to know what his brother was thinking, but then again...he didn't really feel like talking either.
The lights went out by ten o'clock and Alphonse was sleeping away any sorrow he had that day and Edward waited till his brother was asleep and his chest clenched when he heard a sniffle and 'Mom'.
He didn't mean to, but he ended up thinking of his mother again...he had recovered and accepted that she was dead and never coming back. That woman in the market...was not her. he kept telling himself that it wasn't and he hoped Al would really, reallyknow that it wasn't her because he had seen how desperately Al wanted her to turn around and see them, to call out to her and embrace her and for her to return the embrace and shed them with kisses. It was not her. He knew where she was...and that was in Rizembool participating in the one is all, all is one...
Rizembool...how he missed it with its lush grass and long dusty trails. Its scattered telephone poles and long electrical cords. The farmers and herders talking casually in one place. The sheepdogs happily either chasing the sheep or guiding them to more delicious green grass. Dogs. Den with her smart intellect for a dog yet choosing to be such a smart dumb dog at times always lolling her tongue out at them and wagging her tail. She was a faithful mutt who followed her mistress everywhere. Her mistress Pinako who usually commented on Den's stupid antics yet loving the dog like she had no other companion. Who always commented on his height when she had a chance to or whenever he left a smart remark open to her. The midget Granny was probably still addressing him as 'that bean boy' or'shorty' to the neighbors. Yeah, Pinako never seemed to let her old age tire her out in the slightest. When they were younger they would always say to her "Guess what were gonna be when we grow up", she would always say "Guess what I'm gonna be when I grow up!", then she would cackle and serve herself some shot of whiskey. She was tough that old woman, but she was soft for her pretty granddaughter...
He felt his chest clench again. Why didn't he stop thinking before treading on such ground. Now he thought of blue clear skies and long wheat colored hair. One day or maybe never, he knew he was either going to see her or never see her...not her, but...someone else. Someone who didn't know mechanics, who didn't keep his ego in check or ruin or be part of his fun. He didn't even know why he was thinking of Rizembool, or Den, or Pinako or...he was rarely over there! It was all fine and dandy when he was there on the wild goose chase looking for the philosophers stone and fighting homunculi! But even then he still thought of them when he didn't want to. Especially...Winry...
At fourteen there was a time where she was all he thought about. He had wondered of how she was doing since the last time she was in Central. He had wondered if maybe she was thinking of him...then he had cursed himself and started reading through his many alchemy books trying hard to forget the blue eyed wonder.
Then he had seen her again at fifteen and he had thought she was beautiful and tried telling himself that it was just same as always and raging hormones were telling him that she was wonderful and gorgeous. He was happy though when they talked and there was one night where they talked throughout the night in the kitchen. He didn't know why, but they were holding hands unknowingly, until he felt a squeeze on it then he hastily made up an excuse to get out of there. She looked down-hearted at first then quickly hid it with a smile. That night he went to bed and had a sweet, sweet pleasurable dream filled with her and him...and what could occur if they were in a room with soft sheets of the bed.
She had traveled with them almost to the end. She did admit that she had cared about him a lot and he knew what she had meant, but...he couldn't give any assurances. He was tempted, yes, and he was maybe thinking of maybe...well they were alone in the inn room and she was crying and he couldn't help thinking that she was beautiful and just said something that made his heart leap. There were two available beds after all. It startled him that Al had barged in like that and then chaos came along with his teacher.
After, she just went along with them to wherever they went. They argued a lot and he stole a lot of glances at her and he had caught her gaze on him once. She had looked thoughtful and her eyes were darkened with something that made him shiver and made his insides twist pleasantly. When she noticed he was looking back at her, she quickly turned her head and started making a loud conversation with a confused Al. He missed her when she had decided to leave them and go to central with Hawkeye, but it was for the best because they had to go through a lot when she left.
He saw her again at Rizembool tied with bands with Sheizka and he felt like all of that was his fault. She was crying and he wanted to beat himself for it. She had kept things from him and he felt betrayed when he found out, though he realized afterwards that he had done the same to her. The day after she fixed his hair into a braid and Al was already downstairs and so was Sheizka. They were alone and she continued with her grooming, scratching at his scalp and running her fingers through his hair. It was a silence that both of them enjoyed and he wanted it to be a little longer, to stay with her in her grandmothers house and lose himself to her and...into her. He wanted her to feel important to him because she was. When she was done with plaiting his hair, he gave her thanks for everything she had done for them and she told him to stop talking like if he was going to die because she believed he was going to come back with his lost limbs and Al flesh and whole again.
They argued a little over it then stopped when they noticed they were closer to each other than before. He had seen tenderness in her eyes and her pupils dilated, her pink lips parted slightly and he felt her body heat when she wasn't even pressed up against him. She had moved closer...or was it him? He didn't know, but there was a voice in his head telling him to embrace her, kiss her, taste her. To shred his and her clothes off and press himself against her, to whisper words in her ear softly, then lose themselves in a hot passion on the sheets until she really, really knew how much he did care and how much he thought about her and how much he wanted that with her. Until she and he...were to tired to speak...let alone think.
He did not do that however and told her one last thanks and told her he had to get ready for the train station.
When he was stuck on this side for two years without Al He though about his brother often...what was he doing? Did he even have a body yet? Where was he now? And then he thought about her. How he had treated her rather coldly and how she still treated him how she always treated him and his brother with love and affection...and he threw that all in her face. He swore to himself that when he got to Amestris again and when he was reunited with his brother...he would tell her what he always wanted to tell her, kiss her so hard, and after...after he would make sure to tell her through a lot of heavy, hot, burning and pleasurable action that he would always stay with her forever and never let go or leave her.
He did see her again though and she embraced him. Boy had that caught him off guard and all he could do was whisper her name. She told him she had missed him and he felt hotter on his cheeks...he didn't even remember if he had hugged her back. Their reunion wasn't to last though because one, he had to look for his brother who ran away and two, he had to stop that crazy delusional lady from taking over his world. When he knew what he had to do to save his world... he had to separate himself from it... Alphonse had told him,"WHAT ABOUT WINRY! SHE MISSED YOU TOO!". Alphonse always knew. And for once Edward was really tempted to give in to his selfish desires and be with his brother and her again...He couldn't and told Al to tell her that he said thanks and she always made the best. He had to choke back tears and hold his voice steady so it wouldn't waver. He then separated the wing of the ship that had Mustang and his brother from him. He didn't want them or Al to wait anymore.
...He didn't want her to wait anymore...
When he got back here, Al had hitched a ride and now they were together. He was happy and so was Al, but there was always a melancholic atmosphere because they were missing something...
her...
It was only a matter of time before he would run into her duplicate. It still wouldn't be her even if he wanted it to be...Just like that woman at the market street. But who knew, he probably won't ever see those cerulean eyes ever again.
He had to go to sleep now though and held back the tears that threatened to spill. If this went long any longer...he'll probably indulge himself to find a way back even if there was no way back to his dream.
His eyes closed and he slept...
He slept and he dreamed of the tall lush grass of Rizembool and cloudless skies. Him lying there with her...It was always like this. He dreamt and she was always there waiting for him in his slumber, always waiting with open arms. They would laugh and cry and told each other things that he wasn't even supposed to bring up ever.
They whispered words of love...
They lost themselves in their passion...
And they laid there sated and still embracing each other endearingly like they were always supposed to be like this forever. It was never to last however and she would beg him to stay there with her...They sobbed...
He knew he had to let her go...
But he didn't want to wake up...
A/N: Read and Review