A/N: Batman and Robin are loosely based off the 1960s TV show but go back and forth between genres (comics, cartoons, etc.) and are sometimes completely out of any characterization. I write it the way it enters my head, which is not always "historically" accurate. Italics usually represent thoughts to oneself but are sometimes used to add emphasis. Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer: In the first section there is an almost direct quote from episode 1x6 in the tv show - "Batman is Riled". So the credit for that goes to Robert Dozier, author of the script. The direct quote is in apostrophes and my two words are in brackets. Sorry if it disrupts your reading but I have to give credit where it is due.
Another disclaimer: A plot point and place is mentioned in the third section that is from episode 1x20 in the tv show - "Better Luck Next Time". So the credit for that goes to Stanley Ralph Ross and Lee Orgel, authors of the script.
It was nearly dinner time at Wayne Manor, home of millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson. The late afternoon sun danced gently through the colorful, stained-glass windows, creating patches of rainbows on the pale carpet in the living room. All was quiet save for the soft rustling of papers by the two people in the room.
The man was standing by the bookshelves, thumbing through the faded pages of the fat book he had just pulled out. The fourteen-year-old boy was sitting on the couch in front of the short table, bent over his math book with his brow furrowed in concentration.
"Who's your favorite villain, Bruce?" the teenager suddenly asked. There was no immediate reply and Dick glanced up at his guardian. The boy realized his mistake when he saw a scandalized Aunt Harriet standing stock still in the entrance to the living room. Her right hand was fluttering at her mouth and her dark, hazel eyes were laced with shock.
"Mercy alive, Dick!" she exclaimed, her voice full of disbelief. "Why on earth would you ask a question like that?"
Bruce gave his ward a slight grin before turning to greet the lady of the house. Alfred was standing behind her, covering his chuckle by quietly clearing his throat.
"You must excuse him, Aunt Harriet," Bruce explained. "He is still young and curious about the ways of the world."
"'Bruce Wayne, I'm surprised at you. Allowing a boy Dick's age to [talk about] such sordid goings on'!" Aunt Harriet walked to the cream-colored couch and sat down next to the boy.
"And you, Dick Grayson! Mercy me, asking about villains!" She shuddered, horrified at the idea of criminal thoughts running around in her young nephew's head.
"I'm sorry, Aunt Harriet," Dick apologized. "I didn't mean to worry you."
Alfred, who had mysteriously disappeared, entered the living room and stepped to Bruce's side. Discreetly leaning toward the millionaire, the butler whispered:
"It's the Batphone, sir."
Bruce paused then stated, "Thank you, Alfred. Aunt Harriet, I have just learned that the trout are jumping in the very area that I spoke to you about last week. I hope you won't mind if I steal Dick away for a few hours."
"Of course, Bruce. But just remember, Dick, that you have another page of geometry to finish when you return. I'll not have you failing a class because you went fishing!"
Leaning over and placing a quick kiss on her wrinkled cheek, Dick replied, "Yes, Aunt Harriet. I won't let my grades suffer, even if Bruce and I go fishing for the rest of the week!"
The boy grinned as he stood up and the woman sighed. "Good gracious, Bruce. Please don't keep him away from his studies for an entire week."
"I wouldn't dream of it, dear lady," Bruce responded as he glanced at Dick and flicked his head toward the study. Off they went and Aunt Harriet sighed again.
"Dear me, Alfred," she stated, her right hand unconsciously rising to her cheek. "Those two have so much energy, always flitting about hither and thither." The last three words were accompanied by a slight wave of her right hand and a small smile of indulgence.
"Indeed, madam," Alfred agreed, smiling politely while chuckling in his head. If she only knew….
Down in the Batcave:
"So, who is it?" Robin asked as the Dynamic Duo climbed into the Batmobile.
"Penguin. Were you not listening to the commissioner, Robin?"
Grinning, the teenager replied, "That's not my question. I know we are going after Penguin right now. Do you remember what I asked you earlier? Who is your favorite villain?"
"Are you serious?" Batman asked, humor floating through the words. When the boy nodded emphatically, the man began to think. There were so many villains, though.
"I'm always interested in the way the criminal mind works, Robin. Each villain has their own experiences that have led them to a life of crime. I don't know if I can call one…"
"Holy brain-teaser, Batman, it's not that hard!" the Boy Wonder exclaimed. "Mine is Riddler. His riddles are usually difficult to figure out which makes my brain work harder. Then, when we solve one, it's like 'Bam!' we did it again!" Robin had a huge grin on his face and the exclamation was punctuated by his right fist hitting the palm of his left hand.
"You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you, old chum?"
"Well…" there was a short pause, "…yes. Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed." Robin quickly switched topics, leaving Batman to wonder what had brought this subject into his partner's mind.
The next day:
Bruce watched Dick out of the corner of his eye. The boy was on the couch and bent over a book again, only this time it was Italian verbs he was studying. The subject of favorite villains hadn't come up since the five minute conversation yesterday but Bruce was uneasy. What would prompt his ward to pick a favorite villain?
"Bruce!" The man was startled when Dick shouted his name. He briefly wondered how long the teenager had been trying to get his attention.
"Sorry, old chum, I was lost in my thoughts. What did you say?"
Rolling his eyes, Dick demanded, "Your favorite villain. Who is it?!"
"Dick," Bruce began to lecture, "crime-fighting is a serious business and villains should not be treated like friends."
"Who said anything about being friends?" Dick replied. There was a long pause as guardian and ward stared at each other.
"It's Catwoman, isn't it?" the teen grinned. "She loves you and I'm pretty sure you're leaning toward returning the feeling. Of course, I'm just a kid so I don't know anything about stuff like that." Shrugging, he sat back against the couch and watched as different emotions skidded across the face of his guardian.
The Boy Wonder was sure he was right because Batman's eyes always lit up slightly whenever he was arresting Catwoman. Also, the Caped Crusader had almost kissed the felonious feline several times, although Batman probably thought that Robin hadn't noticed. Finally, one of the few times Robin had seen regret in the man's eyes was when Catwoman had fallen down the bottomless pit in the cave at McElroy Point. He knew Batman hated the fact that somebody had died but, in that case, a glimmer of grief had floated through the sea of remorse in the usually emotionless blue eyes.
Batman had been a bit standoffish for several days after that incident. Two weeks later, the Dynamic Duo had learned that Catwoman hadn't actually died. Robin remembered the flash of relief that had raced across the face of his partner when Commissioner Gordon told them the news. Relief mixed with a tiny tinge of what looked like, maybe, affection.
The stare from Bruce had become a glare from Batman. Dick was growing up and beginning to recognize "stuff like that". And the boy was right. Batman was thinking about maybe leaning a little bit toward admitting that he might have feelings for Catwoman.
"Well?" Dick waited thirty seconds before loudly requesting a reply to his astute observation.
"I don't have a favorite, Dick," Batman growled the words as his glare intensified.
Dick flinched; he was on the receiving end of the Bat-glare. It was his first time and now he understood why villains would begin to tremble when they saw it. Batman's normally blue eyes were dark and full of silent, implied threats. But Dick had a job to do and he couldn't just give up because of a Bat-glare.
"Fine," he replied, frustrated with his apparent inability to get even a simple answer out of the man. "But you aren't going to be happy that you didn't tell me!" Slamming his book shut, the teenager picked it up and strode out of the room.
"Dick!" Bruce called but the boy was already nearing the top of the stairs and didn't reply.
"What was that all about?" the man grumbled. Why was his ward fixated on Batman's "favorite" villain? Was Batman supposed to have a favorite villain? Did other heroes have favorite villains?
"Mercy me, where is that boy off to in such a rush?" Aunt Harriet whispered to herself as she entered the living room. "Oh, Bruce, I didn't see you there! Is something wrong with Dick?"
"I'm not sure, Aunt Harriet, but if there is I promise that I will get to the bottom of it."
Later that night:
"He won't tell me!" Dick exclaimed quietly to Alfred. "How am I supposed to know who to bring if I can't get a straight answer out of him?!"
"Do you have a 'best guess', Master Dick?" the butler replied. They were in the kitchen, where Alfred was preparing for a night of baking.
"Well, he started glaring at me when I said Catwoman," Dick responded. Alfred smiled and the teen saw humor twinkling in the butler's blue eyes.
"Perhaps therein lies your answer, Master Dick. Good luck!"
Arkham – seven o'clock in the morning:
"What brings you here, Boy Blunder?" Joker shouted as Robin strode past several cells before reaching the one he needed.
"Not you," Robin retorted, glaring at the man as he passed.
"Yes," a quiet female voice agreed, "what brings you here?" She was pacing delicately around her small room but stopped when the boy began staring at her.
"I'm breaking you out, Catwoman. You've got a date," the teen grinned when the villainess looked at him.
"How intriguing," she purred softly. "However, I'm not a cradle robber so be gone." Flicking her wrist, Catwoman turned away and began examining her long, golden nails.
"Not with me!" Robin exclaimed, rolling his eyes as the woman glanced back.
"Then who?" she inquired, not daring to hope it was the man she wanted it to be.
"Well, he doesn't know it yet but…" Robin paused. He was going to be in so much trouble. His partner was going to ground him for life.
"Holy fate-worse-than-death," he muttered quietly. But he couldn't let the commissioner, the entire police department or Alfred down.
"Batman," the Boy Wonder finished his original sentence and watched as Catwoman's mouth turned up in delight.
"So, we're breaking out, then? How are you, Batman's trusty yet stupid little sidekick, going to break me out of a place like this?"
Smirking, Robin held up a ring of keys. "You think I would break the law in order to get you out of here for one day? And she thinks I'm the stupid one," he mumbled the last sentence as he found the correct key and unlocked her cell door.
"Is that any way to talk to Batman's favorite villainess? My Caped Crusader will not be happy when I tell him of your insults."
"You said it first," Robin countered. He realized, too late, that he sounded very childish.
"Tsk, tsk, little bird," Catwoman purred. "You will be of no use to him once I turn on my feminine charm."
Rolling his eyes again, Robin slapped his Bat-cuffs on her wrists and led her down the corridor. Insults were thrown at him from every cell on the way and, when they reached the door that led outside, he turned around.
"You can yell all you want but it's pointless," he declared. "I'm outside and you're inside. Who has the advantage in this situation?"
Ten seconds of silence as the villains thought that over and then they all began grumbling. It didn't matter; Robin and Catwoman were already gone.
"So, Boy Blunder, where are we going?"
"My name is Robin," the teenager growled, "and we're going to the Batcave."
Catwoman squealed in elation. "I'm going to see the wondrous home of the man who is in love with me?!"
"It's my home, too!" Robin stated and Catwoman laughed.
"Not for long, dear. He's going to throw you aside like yesterday's trash."
Why did I choose her?! This is ridiculous. Batman is going to kill me.
"You're so quiet, little one. Cat got your tongue?" she giggled.
"That's enough," the teenager said as he turned around. "Have a good nap." He sprayed some Bat-sleep in her face and she slumped. The Boy Wonder didn't want to but he caught her anyway and carefully placed her in the sidecar of the Batcycle. Climbing on, the young hero revved the engine and took off for the Batcave.
Commissioner Gordon's office – eight o'clock in the morning:
"I'm sorry, Commissioner, but the answer is no. I don't allow anyone to see the Batcave unless it is absolutely necessary."
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. The commissioner turned to the Batphone and picked it up.
"Commissioner?" Robin's voice sounded tense and Batman, who was unobtrusively listening, was immediately concerned.
Snatching the Batphone away from the commissioner, the hero demanded, "Robin! What's wrong?!"
"Batman? Catwoman is…I mean…she's here, in the Batcave!"
"What?!" the Caped Crusader shouted but there was no reply. "ROBIN!"
"Come now, sweetheart, you don't need him," the lilting purr of his feminine nemesis rang lightly through the Batphone. "I, however, need both the boy and Commissioner Gordon. If you want your little bird to remain alive, you and that old man should get here quickly."
Tightening his hand around the red object, Batman growled, "What have you done to my partner, Catwoman?"
Again there was no reply and the hero slammed down the Batphone.
"Commissioner, now you can come to the Batcave. Let's go!" he commanded. Knowing it would be faster if he carried the commissioner, Batman grabbed the can of Bat-sleep out of his utility belt and sprayed it on the man's face.
"Sorry about that," the hero whispered as he pulled Commissioner Gordon over his shoulder, raced out of his office to the Batmobile and placed him on the passenger seat. Batman buckled both his and the commissioner's safety Bat-belts and then the Batmobile flew down the road toward the Batcave.
The Batcave:
"Well, that was some pretty good acting, kid," Catwoman smiled daintily.
"Wait, did you just compliment me?" Robin grinned and her smile disappeared.
"Oh, go away," she sighed and the Boy Wonder laughed. There was a familiar roar and Robin pushed her toward the back of the Batcave.
"Is everything ready, A?" Robin shouted. The masked butler gave a quick nod before disappearing behind the curved wall in the tunnel that led to the service elevator.
"Robin!" Batman shouted as he pulled in and parked the Batmobile. Quickly, he grabbed his can of Bat-awake and sprayed it in the commissioner's face. The man woke up slowly as the hero climbed out of the vehicle and glanced around the Batcave.
"Robin!" he yelled again and suddenly the lights went off. "Catwoman, you felonious feline, what have you done with my partner?"
"SURPRISE!" The lights came on, Robin jumped up from the floor behind the Bat-computer, Catwoman glided from her spot against the back wall, Alfred rounded the corner and Commissioner Gordon put his hand on Batman's shoulder.
Batman was speechless and confused. Surprise?!
Laughing, Robin dashed to his partner's side and gave him a quick hug.
"Happy twenty-year crime-fighting anniversary!" he shouted excitedly and Batman frowned.
"You made me think that you were in trouble so you could throw a PARTY?!" The hero's growl grew into a yell, his hands clenched into fists and he glared down at his young partner.
The grin faded and Robin dropped his head. "I just, you know, thought you deserved to, um, do something fun. It's kind of a big anniversary, right?" The Boy Wonder peeked up at his partner through his eyelashes and was disappointed to see the expression of anger still on the man's face.
"Oh, come on, sweetie, have a little fun," Catwoman purred as she strolled over to the Caped Crusader and tapped her fingertips on his chest.
"It's not all his fault, sir," the masked Alfred declared. "All of us," he glanced at Catwoman and amended the sentence, "most of us have been planning this for nearly a month."
The butler walked over to Batman and subtly whispered in his ear, "He's been looking forward to celebrating with you, sir. It was his idea but I agreed. Please, sir, give him a break. He's excited and he just wants you to be happy."
Batman closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened them. "Thank you, everyone," he stated as he relaxed his hands. "It was very nice of you to think of me." Alfred was right; he needed to be gracious about this.
Realization entered his brain. So that's why Robin had been asking about his favorite villain for the last two days. Batman grinned; how had his partner and Alfred kept this a secret for so long? He was the World's Greatest Detective!
Alfred had left and the usually observant Batman hadn't noticed. So he was surprised when the butler re-entered the Batcave carrying a large cake. Alfred placed it on the table in front of the Giant Lighted Lucite Map of Gotham City and held out a knife. Smiling, Batman took the knife and began to cut the cake that read:
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BATMAN! A, ROBIN, GCPD AND YOUR FAVORITE VILLAIN
Robin was still staring at the floor. Batman sounded sort of happy now but the Boy Wonder knew it wouldn't last. As soon as everyone was gone he was going to be in so much trouble. Turning toward the Batpoles, he thought about leaving but instead dropped onto the chair by the Bat-computer. This had been a bad idea and he should have known it from the beginning.
Batman glanced to his left and was surprised to see Robin slumped on a chair. Shaking his head, he turned away from the table and strode to his partner. Walking in front of the chair, he crouched down and tried to see the boy's face.
"I'm sorry, Robin," the man said quietly. He watched the dark eyebrows raise slightly and then the Boy Wonder lifted his head. Disappointment was etched on the young face and Batman internally growled at himself. Idiot.
"No big deal," Robin shrugged but the expression and tone belied the words.
"Actually it is," Batman declared. "You took time to plan this anniversary celebration and I should have reacted differently. Will you forgive me so we can go enjoy the party?"
Robin looked thoughtful and Batman's eyes widened. Usually his easy-going partner was quick to forgive!
Chuckling at Batman's expression, Robin responded, "Of course I forgive you! Just so you know, Catwoman has to be back in Arkham by noon so you should go, uh, hang out with her while you can. If you want to, that is. I mean, you definitely reacted to her name when I was asking about your favorite villain so I just guessed." He ducked his head again and said, "Sorry if I was wrong."
This time it was Batman who chuckled. "Robin, I don't think I have a favorite villain but, since you want me to choose, she's a pretty good choice. Thanks, old chum."
They stood up and walked over to join the others. Slices of cake were passed around and everyone congratulated him on his venerable crime-fighting career. Catwoman sidled up to him and whispered:
"I guess you can keep your sidekick for a little while longer, just until I am released. He actually had a good idea; I think that's the first time in his life."
Batman shook his head. "Catwoman, you don't know Robin at all and I would never choose you over him. He's my partner, for the rest of my life. Sorry to disappoint you."
Tossing her hair away from her face, Catwoman stated, "Well, it was worth a shot."
The chatter continued and the Dynamic Duo grinned at each other across the table.
"Thanks," Batman mouthed and Robin shrugged again with a slight smirk.
"My five-year mark is coming up soon," the teenager said loudly and everyone laughed. Everyone, that is, except Catwoman, who rolled her eyes and sighed.
THE END