A/N: I make no apologies. This is where my mind went when I read a spoiler about an upcoming episode where Eyal's boss wonders just what Eyal's relationship with Annie is like, so let's muddy the waters (at least in fanfiction). Takes place during 3x05, 'This Is Not America' but is separate from my other post-episode fic.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, as per usual. Some dialogue is part of the original episode.
"This is truly a sad day for me. I finally get you to my country and you have a man in your life."
Annie's sat through dinner with Eyal, already feeling like she's on pins and needles and this seemingly innocent statement confirms for her just how good the Mossad agent is. But she decides to fight him, to make things interesting.
"I assure you, there is not."
She presents it like a challenge and he gladly accepts.
"That must be what the change is. You're conflicted about taking me up to your room. You shouldn't be; wouldn't be our first hotel room adventure."
She can't help but smile at his words and at the images that invade her mind. Their first hotel room adventure may have been a while ago but she remembers the way he looked at her, the way he smelled, the way he tasted. And Annie decides to up the stakes, despite the dangers it could bring.
"I don't think you could handle another adventure. The last time almost got you killed."
He understands her play and answers as expected. "It would've been a fine way to die, with such pleasant memories to accompany me."
The pressure is on her now; she can either accept his proposition and make her life even more difficult but interesting or she can deny him and walk away, untouched. But she knows he has already invaded her mind in more ways than one on this night so she relents.
"Let's see if you can handle it, then."
The surprise registers on his face only briefly and is quickly replaced by delight and wonder. He offers her his arm and she takes it, giddy with the prospect and promise of something she didn't know she was missing.
They don't say anything on the way to the hotel room and when they both cross the threshold to her room, she feels nervous again.
She puts away the keys and stands with her back towards him, not even noticing this unconscious gesture of trust. Eyal comes closer silently, almost without her hearing but she doesn't tense when she feels his hands slowly advancing on her back, igniting the spark she's been carrying into a full flame as he slowly turns her around to face him.
Annie almost doesn't want to look at him when they're facing each other but can't resist it anyway. She finds desire, as expected but also something much softer, much more caring and it's enough to cease any attempt at speaking or stopping altogether. She doesn't feel like finding the reason not to do this and decides to go with her feelings on this one, the promise of something great luring her in.
They just look at each other, both searching for the something more they know they share. His hands move higher from their position on her back and make their way to the zipper of her dress, ever so slowly dragging it down. She feels the cool air in the room on her back and shivers, part from the coolness, part from the feeling of his warm hands now on her bare skin, touching carefully but seductively.
With one of his hands on her lower back and the other placed at the nape of her neck, Eyal pulls her closer to him and when their bodies touch completely, the feeling is arousing. He bends his head but not to kiss her lips; instead, he places soft kisses on her cheek, jaw line, down her neck. It becomes intimate in a way which reminds her of old lovers reuniting as he touches her like they've done this before. This intensity of his is the reason he is at the same time unattainable and irresistible and Annie thinks she's had enough resistance for the length of their knowing each other, letting him lead willingly.
"You smell like grapefruit."
He whispers in her ear and moves to kiss her properly while Annie's head is assaulted with a different kind of image. She hears Auggie's voice saying it, identifying her perfume the first time they met and tenses slightly. This is not the time to mix those two things, those two men, those two very distinct and different feelings.
"Everything alright?" Eyal's attentiveness is of course perfect and he must have noticed the tension. But she doesn't stop, only smiles and nods and to distract him further, makes her first active move and kisses him.
It's better than she remembers because this time she doesn't have an agenda in the back of her head. This time there is no reason to trick him, only shared desire and want releasing. His kisses are firm and expert, no touch unaccounted for, no move too soon or too much. And when he deepens the kiss, it's intoxicating and she feels the sudden urge to be his, all other thoughts banished from her mind. Her hands move up his chest and she unbuttons his shirt, in her haste to do so almost ripping off a button.
He breaks the kiss and laughs. "This won't go any faster if you ruin my favorite shirt."
It's an innocent sentence, one said with mirth and laughter but she suddenly remembers how the last time with Simon he said almost the same thing. Now her tensing up is more evident and although she tries to hold on to the feeling Eyal is creating, her mind is stopping her from enjoying it. The desire fades and while she tries to recreate it by initiating another kiss, he backs away, nothing escaping his notice.
"Annie. I can't have you pretending. Something is wrong."
Damn his training. And damn her traitorous mind for supplying her with all the wrong things while this could be so right, would be so good.
She sits down on the bed, letting out a long sigh and burying her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong. I really want this to work."
He sits as well and looks at her, no doubt reading more into it than she would want him to. "Do you want this to work because you want this to happen or because you think you should want it? I won't take a woman against her will and without her cooperation, Annie."
"I know. I want this, I really do, I just..." She isn't sure what she should be saying. I'm attracted to you but I keep thinking about the two other men in my life for no apparent reason? That would go down really well.
"Something is bothering you."
"Not exactly that but..."
"But you do want to talk to me about something. I'm just asking as a friend." He tries to push her a bit but she stays hesitant, not sure about this development. It feels somewhat wrong to tell him everything that she's involved in, for professional reasons and even more so for personal reasons. All his training aside, Annie's certain Eyal wouldn't take kindly to the fact that she's been thinking of two other men while being with him. So she deflects on his last sentence, hoping against all hope to end this conversation.
"I didn't know we were friends, officially."
"Hey, I don't take just anybody to that restaurant."
"I'm flattered."
They fall back on the banter which is so familiar to them – seemingly innocent conversations, laced with deeper undercurrents, with feelings they won't voice just yet. But now, sitting in this hotel room, Annie with her dress still undone and Eyal with his shirt half-opened, things have changed and she isn't sure how much of the comfort and stability can be saved.
"You're flattered but you don't trust me. Not yet."
And he's right. "It's nothing personal, Eyal. I just...there are certain things I, as an American spy, can't tell you, an Israeli spy. I really wish I could because I do trust you."
"I'm not asking you to give up nuclear codes or classified information. But I think we could still be friends, Annie, and I'm certain what you want to tell me has nothing to do with national security of any kind."
Persistence is one thing Eyal Lavine seems to have in abundance and she caves, just a little bit and hopefully enough.
"It's complicated. It's not exactly national security but close."
"So, you do have a boyfriend?"
"Well, no."
He gives her an inquiring glance. "Not a boyfriend but a man in your life." He must see something reflect as an answer because he continues. "So, a target then. A target you're in a relationship with for the sake of the operation."
Annie couldn't reply if she wanted to. Hearing someone say it out loud in so many words makes her realize just what she's doing and she feels the guilt of her decisions weighing down on her, with how she's not even able to disclose it to her friends, which brings her mind back to Auggie.
"Oh, and there's more. A target and someone else who is your boyfriend?" She is caught unguarded with this one, letting her emotions play out in her face. "Not a boyfriend but someone who brings about intense feelings."
And just like that, Eyal unravels two of her secrets. "So, I am guy number three then? Interesting. I don't know whether I should be upset for not being higher up the list or flattered you've chosen me at all."
She, in turn, hears something peculiar in his tone of voice. It sounds almost like jealousy and bitterness and hurt. Great, now she's managed to hurt yet another of the people she cares about, taking action without thinking of the consequences.
"If you're not going to dignify me with an answer of any kind, I will just leave. I promise to be professional from this moment on." He stands up and suddenly Annie knows she can't let him leave, at least not without explaining or trying to make some amends.
"Eyal, wait." He stops and turns to her, his face now void of emotion but patient. "I'm sorry. I'm in a mess right now and I dragged you in with me. I guess I'm just really good at making people miserable. Just...don't go."
He looks at her for a long time and must see something which convinces him because he sits down again. Wordlessly, he zips up her dress again and it brings more comfort than anything else this time, the knowledge of his impending forgiveness and acceptance like a balm for Annie.
"You are something good in my life, Eyal. I know what it's like when we meet and I really wanted this to go in a different direction but I just can't. I will only make things worse for myself and eventually, for you."
"You don't have an obligation towards me, Annie." He blocks her apology but she's having none of it.
"No, you're wrong. I thought it wouldn't matter what we did because it would be just one thing but...we are friends and I do trust you. I do have an obligation not to make your life miserable if I can help it. I like you not being professional but with all that's happening...I just couldn't handle an us right now."
The softness returns to his eyes and he tenderly runs his fingers through her hair. It's a move unlike the desire-fueled touching of before and she feels the depth of his real emotions, of his possible feelings towards her in that one single touch.
"So, there is an us or could be?"
She doesn't have an answer to that but she doesn't really need to say anything. This is as far as heartfelt confessions can come for them at this moment. No claims, no declarations, just knowledge of shared feelings and hope for a future sometime, somehow.
"You are the one good thing in my life, Annie Walker. That hasn't changed." Those simple words spell out his forgiveness and she breathes easily again, knowing she hasn't lost him at all.
"Come on, let's get some sleep." She doesn't question him when they move on the bed to lie down and goes willingly into his embrace without him asking her to. The sexual tension has gone; this is about two people trying to be honest with each other and figuring out ways not to hurt the other in the process.
And for all the things which have gone wrong in her life, Annie is certain that meeting Eyal Lavine was one of the better things.
A/N: I hope this story came across as I intended it to and you'll leave me a review to let me know how you found the story to be.