A/N: This was co-created by my partner-in-crime, Bebus and I also got some help from JadeDragonMTR. This is dedicated to Tayg and anyone else in need of a smile. Please enjoy!
Shore Leave: The New Afterlife
With Omega securely back in the hands of Aria T'Loak, Commander Shepard decided that the crew of the Normandy were entitled to some shore leave. Afterlife had been renovated and was rumored to have all sorts of new forms of entertainment available. The crew had all been through so much and the Reaper War was far from over, a little time to forget the enormity of what they were all facing wasn't too much to ask.
Joker for one was excited to visit the new Afterlife bar that promised to have the sexiest asari dancers in the Terminus Systems. "Woo hoo! I can't wait to see the new dance floor! Aria supposedly installed disco balls that look like volus hanging by their backsides!"
"Great, Joker… sounds like fun," Commander Shepard rolled her eyes at her pilot. Please just let us have a break from this damn war. I just want a quiet night with Liara, away from all the madness and the Normandy. "Are we securely docked?"
"Yes, Ma'am and we are ready to go!" Joker was trying hard not to shoot out of his seat.
"Dismissed… and Joker, try not to embarrass yourself too much! Shepard was only half joking. She noticed that her personal comm was showing that she had an incoming message, "Hello, Aria…"
"Shepard," Aria's voice carried a slight hint of warmness, but she was doing her best at sounding bored, "You are all set for tonight. A private dinner and my finest accommodations are waiting for you and Liara." Her tone changed slightly at the mention of Liara, "Oh, I might have left you both a few… gifts to… play with… Enjoy!" The evil smile could be heard coming from the Pirate Queen.
"Ah, thank you…" Shepard suddenly felt a bit nervous at what could be waiting for them, but she was also a bit intrigued.
"Of course… We'll talk later," Aria laughed slightly before ending the call.
"Attention… Shore leave will start in 30 minutes. For the next 12 hours, live it up and have fun! Shepard, out."
"Hear that Cortez! Have fun… no more moping down here working on the Kodiak! Tonight we are going to hit Afterlife and have us a blast!" The hulking form of James Vega towered over Steve Cortez, voice dancing with mirth and mayhem.
"Fine, James… I'll go to Afterlife." Cortez didn't have a solid argument not to go and he knew that James had been plotting something ever since Shepard had brought up shore leave.
"I have something special planned for us and I had to pull some major strings! I think you'll love it though." Vega nearly crushed Cortez in a friendly hug. "Come on, let's get out of here."
Cortez followed James off the Normandy and through the streets of Omega. Surprisingly, Omega seemed to be almost completely recovered from the Cerberus occupation and refugees from the Citadel were finding new homes on the asteroid. James led the pair to a door, one of many that supposedly opened to special suites in Afterlife. The two entered and James turned to look at the reaction of his friend, which brought a large smile to the larger man's face.
"James… is this what I think it is?" Cortez's eyes got large and filled with glee.
"Yup… I pulled out all the stops on this one." James walked deeper into the room, which was a replica of a burlesque stage, complete with rich, red velvet curtains, an old time microphone and a spotlight. To the right of the stage was a dressing area, complete with all sorts of costumes. Cortez brought his hands to his heart and looked like he was going to squeal with delight.
"Tonight, we are doing a full on Drag Show… I even brought ABBA." James was almost as excited as Cortez and he headed over to a small control panel and brought up a song.
Automatically being drawn in by the beat of Dancing Queen, Steve's hips were swaying to the pulse of his favorite song.
Vega sat on a stool by the stage, feeling carefree and laughing at the sight of his friend. He punched a few buttons on the display and a bar opened up to the room, complete with a Krogan bartender dressed in black leather chaps, a matching vest and a studded leather biker's hat. "What'll it be?"
"Vodka tonic… with a twist!" Steve called to the krogan.
James took in the sight and then shrugged his shoulders, "Jack, straight up."
The krogan couldn't help himself, "Sure you want it straight?"
Vega choked on his answer, "S-Sure."
The bartender got to work on the drinks, while Cortez danced over to the dressing area and started pulling out various costume choices. Buried within the rack, he found what he was looking for… a little black dress with spaghetti straps and a full, black feather boa with matching stiletto high heels. He cooed with excitement at the discovery. "What are you going to wear?"
"W-What? This is all for you… I'm happy in my uniform." James nervously replied to his smiling friend.
"Well if this is for me, then you are getting dressed up too and doing a number with me." Steve was not going to let Vega just sit and watch.
James reached for his drink and quickly downed it. He looked to the bartender for some pity, but found none. "Give me another and make it a double!"
Steve was busy scrutinizing the various costumes, trying to find just the right one for his very uncomfortable friend. "Ah… Oh yes… This one will do!" Steve pulled out an oversized gold corset made of lace and bright red feathers. He then produced the largest pair of fishnet stockings, probably meant for a krogan and a pair of gold flats; heels would just be ridiculous.
Vega felt a wave of nausea hit him and he suddenly felt faint at the thought of wearing the outfit that Steve had picked out. He slammed down the drink and then ordered another. "You have got to be kidding me!"
"Come on… it will be fun! I'll even do your makeup!" Cortez could not help but laugh at Vega's reaction. He was also touched that his friend had gone to such trouble for him.
"Makeup? Are you loco?" James could not drink fast enough. He exhaled deeply before sucking down his fourth shot in 10 minutes. "Fine, but if anyone ever hears of this… I might have to kill you, Steve."
"Oh don't be so serious. You're the one that arranged for all of this. You really didn't think that I would just let you sit there, did you?" Steve was enjoying Vega's discomfort.
"Just hurry up and do it…" Vega eyed the krogan, "And for the love of God, please keep those drinks flowing."
The krogan just grunted at the human and also seemed to take pleasure in the larger man's awkwardness. "Sure… I'll keep 'um coming."
Joker sat at the bar in the newly renovated Afterlife, taking in all the sights: half naked, beautiful asari dancing on poles above the bar, volus shaped disco lights, even a mechanical bucking elcor that seemed to be a crowd favorite. "Where the hell is everyone? I thought that I would at least find James at the bar."
"I believe Lt. Vega had plans with Lt. Cortez," the seductively feminine voice of EDI answered Joker's rhetorical question.
"What? Vega and Cortez… EDI, you have to tell me what they are up to!" Joker perked up and nearly jumped off of his barstool.
"I do not know, Jeff. Lt. Vega put in a special request to Commander Shepard and the Commander forwarded it directly to Aria T'Loak."
"EDI, I know that you have access to all transmissions… come on, please tell me what those two are up to!" Joker tried his best attempt at looking pathetic and begging.
"Hey… Joker, EDI…" Sam Traynor sat down next to the odd couple, looking a bit intoxicated, but wearing a very large grin. The beautiful and threatening asari attached to her arm also seemed to add to her good mood.
"Greetings Samantha, Shaya," EDI welcomed the two to their group.
"Shaya… Shaya A'Tia?" Joker asked.
"The same one… You're the Normandy's pilot, if I remember… the one with the large porn collection." Shaya smiled at Joker and then tightened her grip around Sam. "I've heard all about you."
"Geez, Sam… what did you tell her?" Joker looked both embarrassed and excited.
Giving the pilot her most innocent look, Sam shook her head, "I didn't say anything that wasn't true. Where is everyone? I thought that Afterlife would be hopping with all of the Normandy's crew."
Nodding in agreement, Joker added, "My thoughts exactly. Seems like Cortez and Vega are up to something, but EDI won't share. Hey Sam, you don't know anything about Vega's special request? I would just love to know what those two are up to… wouldn't you?"
Sam got a mischievous look in her eyes and then leaned over and whispered something in Shaya's ear. The two exchanged a muffled conversation. In the end, Sam kissed the asari and stroked her lightly on her crest. "Come on baby… you won't get into any trouble. You're the chief of security on Omega and you should know what's going on. You could say that there was an urgent request to find Vega… blame Joker if you need to" Sam gave Joker a grin.
"Great… blame the cripple!" Joker protested.
"Fine, but you better make good on your promise, Sam." Shaya, grabbed Sam's leg tightly and worked her hand slow up her thigh.
Sam's eyes rolled back in her head, "Oh… I'll make good, I promise."
Satisfied with Sam's response, Shaya keyed in code to her omni-tool; the look on her face when she got the information told the group that they were in for some fun. "Oh, you all are going to love this! Come on, follow me."
They all rose quickly and followed Shaya through a set of hidden security doors that led them to private suites in Afterlife. As they approached one that had a rhythmic beat coming from it, Shaya put her index finger to her lips to get the group to be quiet. "They are in here. We can sneak in to the back and they won't be able to see us."
The scene that they entered in on brought immediate smiles to their faces.
An hour later and many drinks, James Vega and Steve Cortez were front and center, standing on a large stage, mouthing the words to I Will Survive followed by We Are Family and finally another round of Dancing Queen.
When the songs had ended, Vega's head was spinning. He was drunk, but he had also had an enormous amount of fun. He had never felt so free or so out of his element. "I can't believe you actually got me to wear lipstick and a wig."
"You look good as a platinum blond… maybe you should think about a permanent change!" Cortez was having fun picking on his friend. He also felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his heart. He had found a good friend in James Vega and he was grateful that his friend did not judge him for who he was, instead, he went along for the ride.
"Encore!"
"What?" Both Steve and James looked to the bartender, but the call clearly did not come from him. Instead, the two men saw four figures clapping and cheering from the far back corner of the room.
"Encore!" The voice of Joker called out to the men on stage.
"What? No Cher… How can you possibly have a proper Drag Show without Cher?" Sam chimed in and then added her catcalls to Joker's.
James Vega suddenly felt lightheaded and he knew that no amount of alcohol would stop Joker from harassing him. "Shit, Joker! How the hell did you get in here?"
Joker looked to Sam and Shaya but didn't say a word. "Oh come on Vega… don't get all embarrassed. You guys are having fun and you do look good as a blond."
Steve could tell that Vega was not happy and that Joker and company were not welcomed. Instead of fighting though, Steve got an idea, "We'll do an encore, but you all have to join us. There are plenty of costumes to pick from and you might just have fun too."
Joker suddenly lost the color in his face, "What? No way… I mean watching you all put on a show is one thing, but me getting in a dress is another."
"Oh come on, Joker. Don't be so uptight." Sam was actually excited by the idea and had already found a leather dominatrix outfit that she couldn't wait to see Shaya in. "It was your idea to see what they were doing."
"Yeah, amigo. You're going to get your ass in a dress and up on stage with me and now!" James looked as threatening as he could, wearing a gold corset covered in red feathers.
"Jeff, I think it would be fun and Samantha is correct, it was your idea." EDI seemed only too happy to go along with seeing him in a dress.
Looking utterly defeated, Joker agreed, "Fine… but I get to pick!"
Shaya and Sam were busily changing into their various leather outfits, complete with thigh-high black, studded heel boots. Shaya even grabbed a whip for effect, causing Sam to coo with excitement.
Joker and EDI slowly went through the remaining costumes. EDI liked the colorful, feather boas and wrapped 3 of them around her neck. She also took a liking to the krogan's leather biker hat and found a similar one to don. "Look, Jeff… What do you think?"
"I think you should wear this more often!" Joker's mood perked up at the sight of EDI.
"Have you found anything yet, Jeff?" EDI wasn't going to let him not get dressed up. "I could pick out something for you… if you like."
"Thanks, but I'll find something." He continued his search until he came across a yellow, satin disco suit. "How about this?" The group all nodded their approval and he got changed into the leisure suit.
"Here, you need to add some flair to the costume." Steve approached with a red wig and a pair of sunglasses that were star shaped.
"Fine…" He approached the bartender, "I need something strong."
The bartender looked over Joker and then got to work on a concoction. He handed the pilot he drink and gave a barely audible laugh as he did.
Joker looked over the pink, fizzy drink but knew better than to complain. "Bottoms up! Okay, let's get on with this!"
The group all headed up to the stage, which was looking a lot smaller and more crowded with the addition of 4 bodies. "What are we singing? Any requests?" Steve asked the group.
"I Got You Babe!" Sam offered without a pause and looked at Shaya for confirmation.
Steve rolled his eyes, but was encouraged by Sam's enthusiasm. "Okay… okay… any other?"
"Well…" Joker had an idea too, but he was hesitant to offer up his suggestion.
"Out with it!" James looked at Joker with scrutiny, but then gave the pilot a warm smile.
"Since there are 6 of us, I was thinking YMCA would be fun."
"Yes! Great idea, Joker! That's one of my favorites!" Sam was bursting with excitement. "Let's do this!"
The lights went out and the spotlight was directed on the stage. Sonny and Cher started singing and the whole group quickly got involved. By the time YMCA ended, they were all laughing and slapping each other with various props found in with the costumes. All were in a good mood and wanted to do more numbers.
Sitting on her newly installed duvet in the VIP section of Afterlife, Aria T'Loak smiled at the sight of the Normandy's crew dressed in drag and putting on a show for a pretend audience. She had seen everything, from elcor fetish to volus ramp rolling sex fantasies, nothing much bothered her. She had not been surprised when she received the request, but she was amused that Shepard was paying for it. "Ah Shepard… I wonder how you and Liara are making out?" She smiled devilishly at the thought of what those two had done with her gifts.
The Normandy's shore leave was almost at an end. Aria had enjoyed the festivities that they crew indulged in and was glad the Afterlife was back in action. She looked over to Thea Tevos who was currently sitting next to her lover on the duvet studying something on her omni-tool. "What are you watching? Getting any ideas for later, perhaps?" Aria's grin turned even more mischievous and she reached over to pull her lover closer and offer a nip at her neck.
"Refugee relocation numbers… The number of people arriving and making homes here is truly amazing!" Thea looked at Aria and saw her playful glances. The way that Aria stared made something in her flush with heat and longing. "Not what you were hoping for…"
"No, not at all." Aria agreed and then moved to turn off Thea's display. She refrained from doing more, as she say two figures moving toward them.
"Aria, Thea…" Shepard and Liara approached.
"Well how are the lovebirds this morning? Did you find everything to your liking?" The smugness in Aria's voice resonated throughout her lounge.
"Very much so…" Liara answered. "It was quite kind of you to give us so many… options."
Putting her arm around Liara casually and looking quite relaxed, Shepard quizzically asked, "Liara, I was hoping to wear my sexy, black dress for you… but I just couldn't find it."
Aria laughed at the comment, "Sexy?! That thing was not sexy and dresses just aren't your style Shepard!"
Liara blushed, "I donated it to a very good cause, Love." She gave Aria a look that spoke 'Don't you dare tell her what happened!' and then turned and kissed her lover on the cheek.
Aria nodded, but kept her evil grin, "I'm happy to help out in any way that I can… plus the vids should sell well." Aria winked at the couple and Tevos pinched her lover. "By the way, Shepard… I have your bill." Aria laughed and leaned into Thea.
"Does it include cleaning fees? Cause I don't know how, but we managed to get whipped cream all over your ceiling," Shepard smiled back at the two asari.
"Oh don't worry, it covers everything."