Disclaimer: I own nothing.
This is my first story, I hope you like it! :) Tell me if you would like to read more chapters.
This is set after the last episode,3x03, right after the scene with Damon and Elena on the porch.
Enjoy!
Inside Out
I was lying in bed,thinking about what Damon had said to me. He compared me to Katherine.
My parents had taught me how to handle critique and I always thought that I was pretty good with it. I always knew that I could learn something from it.
Elena,the perfect daughter,the perfect student, not even getting impolite when someone was criticizing her.. so why couldn't she be like this when it came to Damon's statement?
I curled myself together,suddenly feeling a tear run across my cheek. Damn it,Gilbert. Pull yourself together,I thought,I got up from my bed, going into the bathroom and splashing cold water in my face. Then I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was true,I looked exactly like Katherine. Not like her daughter,not like her sister. Not even like her twin. I was an exact replica.I closed my eyes and took a deep a memory flashed in front of my eyes. I saw myself sitting next to Stefan on the couch in the living room. On the other couch,I saw Caroline sitting on Damon's lap. Damon said something like "you don't look like a cheerleader to me." Another picture of us together in the kitchen came up. "I think you should quit cheer leading". I remembered to suddenly feel uncomfortable first. Like someone saw through my mask of the perfect girl but later this was the thing that made me feel so comfortable around Damon. He saw right through me. Suddenly I became angry. "No, he can't possibly think that i'm like Katherine..No" I felt the urge to immediately proof the opposite to him. I ran down the stairs,took my jacket and keys,jumped into my car and drove straight to the boarding house.
I knocked at the door while structuring the things i wanted to say in my mind when he opened the door and I felt like thunder striked me. He didn't wear his usual cocky smile. He didn't wear a hateful expression. He looked so deeply hurt I felt like my heart was bleeding."No Elena, remember he killed Jeremy. He is unpredictable. Don't forgive him,he doesn't deserve it." I thought to myself.
"I came here to talk" I said,trying to sound as cold as i could. Damon shrugged his shoulders and stepped away from the door. I walked past him, careful not to touch him. I somehow was convinced that if i would touch him i could feel his seemed so intese. I walked in the living room and and put one hand in my hip to seem selfconfident. I looked at him and said "I want you to know that I am NOTHING like Katherine. I didn't manipulate you. I haven't given you any hope that we would ever be friends again today. I didn't believe you when you said that you saw the ring. I knew you were lying but one stupid little part in me still wanted to believe it. Because the last thing i ever wanted was to lose you forever.."
I was suddenly shocked by could I say something like this to him? he doesn't deserve it. But then i saw this glimmer in his eyes. he suddenly looked at me with a light in his eyes that I hadn't really noticed was missing during the time I was here. I was too distracted by his hanging shoulders and his strained facial expression.I suddenly felt guilty that I obviously was the one that took it away... No,no,no it was his fault I told myself again.
"Elena." he said "it doesn't have to be this way" he looked pleading and stepped closer to me very slowly. "I told you how sorry I am. Do you think that was easy for me? Do you really think that I EVER said this ridiculous word to anybody in the last 140 years? You know me better than that. You know that my humanity is hidden. I buried it myself a long time ago. But you felt it. and you digged so deep,that i suddenly felt it too. All I thought is that it was something unique, something so valuable,that we shared this feeling of finding my lost humanity together." He seemed exhausted by this emotional confession.
I was speechless. I knew all of this myself before but to hear Damon say it made me feel.. so proud and so touched. I took one step closer to him and opened my mouth to assure him that it was unique for me aswell but I saw Jeremy in my mind again,lying in my arms,dead...
He saw the change in me and said "No,Elena, please don't close yourself again to me.."
But it was too late. It was gone. The pain in me grew like a virus. I turned my head away and said "Thank you Damon. but it's over. It's over before it even began."
With that I turned around to leave. Suddenly I was pinned against a wall. This time there wasn't just a light in his eyes,there was a fire in his eyes. It was hope. and for the biggest part it was passion. "What didn't even start?"
"Scared and confused I answered: "Damon,let me go. I don't know what I said,I want to leave..."
"You said it's over before it even began.I want to know what IT is cause you certainly can't mean our friendship"
I looked at him shocked,shocked by myself that I said something that revealed what I really felt before Damon killed Jeremy..but that I always kept locked away even before that night,something that I never really faced...
I had no idea what I could say to get me out of this situation,but I knew exactly that Damon wouldn't let me get out of here before he would get his answer.
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!
I would appreciate reviews of course.:)
Oh and just in case you noticed any mistakes, English is not my first language,so please excuse any errors.
If it bothers you, tell me and I will try to check the next chapter more carefully.
Katherine1864