A life in balance
An:I don't own rebels and if I did I would let people know when it was coming back apart from January. Also I have been reading a lot of "legacy" episode fanfics lately, that episode made me feel so sad but I had a feeling that was what had happened anyway I decided to do my own, hope you like it.
Kanan's pov
I listened to the old governor of Lothal speak to Ezra a little more the next morning after learning of his parents were dead. The boy was curled in on himself, blocking the bond, hiding his feelings from me. What he might be going through right now, I think only a few might be able to guess. Do I understand what he is going through? not completely but I know the kind of hurt that this kind of pain can bring.
"I think that was your parents one regret, that they lived for so long in that place thinking that you were dead or worse. That there wasn't any way that a child that had just turned seven to survive on his own, no matter how special he was"said Ryder.
I could tell Ezra was thinking over what was just said. Somehow I knew that the boy's parents had known that Ezra was force - sensitive, maybe one of them was force - sensitive too or they knew someone who was. Lothal had to have had its Jedi too as there was a Jedi temple here but whether the bridgers knew them or not I didn't know.
"Worse? what could have been worse than dying alone on the streets?"Ezra asked and I answered before Ryder could as I came over "they probably thought that you would be en - slaved by the empire or someone else. Am I right, Ryder?".
"You are right"he replied sitting back allowing me to take over helping Ezra, realizing that I would get through to him better than he could.
"But then thinking on that growing up on the streets isn't much better"I said gently, seeing the look in Ezra's eyes as he looked up at me for a minute, then back down.
I could see the tears that were falling on the ground "master I...I...I don't know how I feel right now" he said dashing his hand across his eyes and sniffing a little, as if he was sick. In a way he is, he is heartsick...heartbroken.
"Ezra when we were on that cliff, you told me of your vision with your parents. I think it was the force's way of letting the three of you say your goodbyes. Now you must let others in just as you let the force in then to help you. I am here to help you, we all are, as Jedi, you and I are bonded to the force. It gives us the confidence and comfort when we need it. The force is everything, and without it, we are nothing"I said recalling some of the old teachings I got from the temple.
"I don't understand...what do you mean master?"Ezra asked losing a little of the pain in his eyes.
"I have told you this before, but Jedi temple teachings say that there is no ignorance, there is only knowledge. You know in your heart and mind what your parents would have told you if they were here and the force helped you to see and hear what you were not ready for, even though you needed to, to close that chapter of your life" I answered.
"I understand now master but you don't understand what this means to me. Everyone I know is ignorant of my life before my parents left me, my struggles after they were taken, and what I thought of the empires superiority and how it blinds others to the truth"Ezra ranted on.
Ezra stood up and started to pace, his body shaking as he continued to rant. So I let him go on a bit, he needs to get this off his chest, so that the darkness this truth has caused can lessen. It can never go away but with help it can get better.
"Ezra,everyone has their limits. Jedi know this more than most. There are places we should not go,things we should not do, powers we should not seek. The force as well as people have incredible strength, but true strength is the knowing when to use it, and when not to and at the moment that is what is stopping some people from helping us"I said causing Ezra to look at me.
"Like my parents?"he enquired.
"Like your parents. They knew they had to do something to help you grow up in a empire free world before they were taken"I said.
"And after they were? when they heard my message"he asked raising his head.
"I believe they did it to free not only themselves, and others but to meet you again. I know what it meant to me, how proud I was to hear it myself"I answered.
"While I am happy it helped you get through what you went through, but the darkness swallowed them anyway"he said quietly.
"Yes the darkness did take them but without darkness we cannot see the light"I said.
"I don't understand"he said looking more confused than ever.
"Darkness and light,shadow and illumination, because without the two there can be no balance and a Jedi without balance between the two is no Jedi at all. He or she, is simply lost"I said putting my arm around the boy.
"Are you saying I am lost right now?"Ezra asked.
"Not lost...not like I was"I replied looking away from my padawan and meeting Ryder's eyes.
"You were lost Kanan?"asked Ryder.
I had forgotten about the governor until then, but then I suppose he would be the only one who would ask that question of me. Ezra already knew a lot about what happened to me from before and I didn't need to go over it with him. He got it both from Hera and me.
"For a long time I was lost in the dark and immersion in the dark can seem to be stronger, more freeing, more triumphant than existing without balance. But only from the outside. Ezra I don't want you to be tempted like I was. Those who are, are swallowed by the darkness, lost not only to the balance and control. They lose their souls"I answered thinking on that time when my own life was in the hands of another.
"You lost your soul to the dark master?"Ezra asked,now wrapping his arms around my waist as I wrapped my arms around him.
"For a time I did, but then I met people that pulled me out of it. Just like I and the rest of the crew will do for you. You are never alone"I said tightening my hug.
"I believe you all will. Thank you master for being here for this, for me"Ezra said his words a little muffled by my shirt.
"Always Ezra, always"I said feeling the boy finally give in to what had been hurting him this morning as he leaned into me.
I knew Ezra will need time but he will get through it. His life will be in balance, just like I found mine when I found him. He was the missing piece to what thought was a happy life but now it is just about perfect. I found my life, my balance, my padawan, and he found me.
An:so what did you think?