Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Don't sue me. Love is what makes the world go 'round.
They took their time getting back home. Ray casually swung his arm over Neela's shoulders as they walked back to their apartment.
"Ray, don't you think you're being a little hard on yourself?" Neela asked, tilting her head upwards, trying to read the expression on his face.
"Honestly?" He contemplated for a minute before meeting her gaze, "I don't know."
He paused briefly, trying to find the best words, "I mean… sure… on paper, my life looks great. A lot of people would kill to be me."
She silently rolled her eyes, and he couldn't help but laugh.
"Morris, for one." He clarified. "It's just, sometimes, I look around and I feel so out of place. Like I'm torn between these two lives and I don't fit in either anymore. Music has always come first for me, and it scares me that I'm starting to question that."
They finally made it inside the apartment he detached his arm from her shoulders.
Neela looked thoughtfully at the ground, "I think that's just what growing up is though Ray. Everybody questions who they are at some point in their life. God knows I have."
He slowly followed her gaze and bore his eyes into the ground as well. Defeated, he looked back up towards her, "Maybe I'm not ready to grow up?
Her head quickly shot up, "Maybe… you don't really have a choice in the matter…"
He raised an eyebrow, looking questionably at her and slowly shook his head. Obviously that's not what he wanted to hear.
"Let me make something clear to you. You are a damn good doctor. You've just made some bad choices."
Ray lazily looked around the apartment, brushing off her words. Neela wasn't one to dish out compliments unless she meant it, but he couldn't bring himself to believe her.
Determined, she sat down on the couch and pointed at the spot next to her. "Sit." He hesitated briefly, but obeyed.
Neela curled up her legs and tried to position herself comfortably. Ray sank down into the couch and kicked off his shoes.
"I sort of have this theory, so to speak."
The last thing Ray wanted was a lecture or a motivational speech. But his curiosity got the better of him and he had no choice but to hear her out. He positioned himself so he was facing her and motioned for her to continue.
"Tragedy happens, it's inevitable." She thought carefully for a moment, before pressing on. "I've never really said this aloud before…"
Ray opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off before he could even start.
"It's one of those things in life that we can't control. If there's anything I've learned though, it's that you always need to take something good from a bad situation. You need to give meaning to those who sacrificed themselves, risked their lives or just died unknowingly. It sort of… balances the equation."
She paused, letting her words sink in and wrapped the blanket from the back of the couch securely around herself.
"If in any sort of screwed up way, God, or some higher power, was trying to get a message across tonight, I think it's that you are really are cut out for this. What happened was tragic, innocent lives were taken and there's no going back. But without tragedy, there'd be no compassion."
Ray gave her a sad smile, "Yeah, tell that to those who suffer."
They locked gazes and an unspoken admission passed between them.
"People shouldn't have to die just so I can figure out who I am." Ray sadly shook his head and folded his arms across his chest.
"No, they shouldn't." She mimicked his actions and wrapped her arms around herself. "But I think giving their end some sort of meaning and hope for the future, gives this world just another tiny push in the right direction."
"I have very little faith left in humanity." He knew he sounded cynical, but it was how he felt. He had given up on having faith a long time ago.
"I guess that's why our jobs are so important. A lot of people rely on these grand gestures to make things right. Except it's really not, it's about all those tiny steps you take in between. Life isn't about winning… it's about overcoming…"
"Overcoming, what, exactly?"
"Overcoming whatever it is that's holding you back." She replied, and studied him silently, "With each person it's different. But those people that just live life to win will wind up disappointed. But if you live life to grow, you'll learn more then just compassion."
Ray slowly nodded, "I just hate feeling this way about myself." Before he could stop himself, a smirk was placed firmly on his lips, "I've never had a problem with confidence before, or at least with a lack of it."
She grinned, thankful to see his mood lighten, "If it makes you feel any better, I broke down crying in front of Pratt. I made a total fool of myself and even now I still feel embarrassed about it."
Somewhat taken aback by her openness his smirk wavered, but caught it in time, "At least you can admit it though, right?"
"Yes, they always say… the first step to overcoming a problem…"
"Is admitting to the problem." They stated in unison and smiled at each other.
Ray's expression quickly sobered and looked away, "But how do I stop making these bad choices?"
"Well that's the beauty of our new relationship Ray, I get to yell at you and drive you absolutely mad whenever you slip up and make a bad decision."
"Oh, really?" He looked questionably at her; surprised to see how intently she was looking at him.
"So does this river cross both ways? And are we talking only topics specifically work related, or can I comment on that very interesting clothing ensemble you were wearing yesterday.
Neela shifted uncomfortably before pulling the blanket closer to her body, "If you have a problem with the way I dress, you'll have to take that up with the higher powers, because I am broke."
Ray grinned even broader at her obvious discomfort, "Hey, I never said I had a problem with it"
She narrowed her gaze on him, but he caught just a hint of a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, letting each others words sink in. Neela's eyes drifted around the room, taking in her new life. Ray sat silently with his head back against the couch and eyes closed, he finally broke the silence.
Ray finally broke the silence and opened his eyes, "So… I have something to call you on…" and lifted his head up from the couch.
"Already?" She said, interest in her voice was completely untraceable, "If we're going back to the clothes discussion…"
Ray smirked, "No, no. It's not about that." and raised his hands in surrender. "I just think you slipped up earlier, when you were talking."
"Really?" Not liking where this conversation was going, she sent a glare in his direction. "What did I say?"
He playfully shot her a glare back, before visibly softening his expression, "You said, 'our relationship'" He slowly clarified, purposefully stressing the last 2 words.
Confusion quickly spread through her, "Well, yeah. I mean. Friends have relationships. It's… a friendship." She managed to get out with an almost non-existent amount of hesitation.
Pleased with her answer, "So you admit that we're friends now?" he looked confidently into her eyes.
"Of course." But confusion was still fresh in her body, "No matter how frustrating you can be Ray, I actually find you tolerable sometimes." She paused before adding, "Rarely, but it's there."
Ray grabbed his chest and faked a shocked expression, "I do believe that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
In spite of herself, she laughed and shook her head, "Yeah, well don't get to used to it."
She discarded the blanket that was wrapped around her and moves to stand up but catches his eyes still studying her.
"What?" She lazily looks at him not sure if she can take anymore of this roommate bonding, "Is there something else on your mind?"
Unsure of weather to continue the subject, a torn looked crossed his face. Taking a deep breath, he went for it. "I just heard you telling Abby the other day that there was nothing going on between us… That this is strictly platonic… and that we're not even friends…"
She smiled slightly at his uneasiness, but caught something else in his eyes. Something she couldn't quite place.
"I guess I didn't give it much thought before. Think of it as my gift back to the world."
They shared another smile, and she headed off towards her room. He sat there unmoving, watching her intently. He had never really been 'friends' with a girl, just saying platonic even felt strange and foreign to him.
Free from physical desire… No, desire is definitely there…
Authors Note: After watching the S11 finale, I just felt compelled to write this. I also watched a certain movie last night starring a certain actor from this story and I couldn't stop myself from using some of the dialogue from it. Anyone know what I'm referring to?
This was just a way for me to get over my writers block so I can continue my other RN story. I have a second part in mind for this story, but I won't continue if people don't like it. I like reviews and I love criticism, so let me have it… Please?