When You Had All But None
League of Legends one-shot. Jarvan x Shyvana fanfiction, with Lux and mention of Garen and Ezreal Angsty. WARNINGS: Not a happy ending. Happens right after events in The Skies Will Clear.
"Do you think I should tell him? I mean, he has the right to know. We've been inseparable ever since he came home. I'm pretty sure everyone in the Elite Guard knows about us,"
"I know I have to do what's right, but what if I lose more than what I gain?"
"What? No, I know he's betrothed. No, I don't mean to break his spirit. It's selfish of me, but I'm afraid for myself. I'm afraid of losing what I'm feeling. I've not felt like this… not for a very long time,"
"He keeps telling me he'll think of something. I think he means to break the betrothal. I want him, but that doesn't mean I want him to turn his back on his country. It's his birth right,"
"I should let him know… He must know. I wonder what he envisions, our future. He has a wide imagination, he sees things that people don't, farther than what's beyond the horizon. He dreams big, and I'm afraid… I'm afraid I'll only disappoint him,"
"He has the right to have what he wants. And I can't give him that. Lux can. I can't,"
The weather was unacceptably hot today. It was understandable, it was the peak of the summer. The prince knew better than to blame anything else for his frustration, but as he wiped the perspiration off his forehead, he grumbled to himself, swallowing the lump in his throat.
He stood outside the Crownguard estate – a massive, intimidating manor of white bricks and cerulean slate roofs, surrounded by a majestic garden tended by the best just as the Crownguards intended. He came not as a prince, but as a guest, garbed in a fashionable yellow doublet with the sigil of his royal House pinned beneath his left shoulder. Folding his arms behind his back, he waited patiently (though his toes rapped in his leather-laced shoes rather impatiently) for someone to attend to him as sweat soaked through his doublet.
The butler approached him and greeted him as befitting a prince, bowed as he should, then led him through the winding garden. Though the royal greenhouse at the back of the palace had a plethora of flora species that any botanists would envy, it wasn't as well-decorated or tended as the Crownguard's garden. The colours were well-mixed and not overly done, the leaves were trimmed extensively but not excessively. And no one understands beauty and elegance more than Lilia Crownguard did.
Instead of the head of the household, Lux stood at the front door of her manor, donning a white dress which ended at her knee, that modestly covered her skin but clung to her curves. Puberty had been well for her.
Lux smiled sweetly, which Jarvan returned. "Father has some matters to attend to, and he apologizes that he can't keep you company,"
"Doesn't matter, it's not your father I am looking for,"
The smile on her face vanished.
"Lux, you know why I am here,"
She shook her head. Her eyes were sad, gloomy. "And you know she'll never agree to your request. Even the king finds it hard to reject her, I doubt a prince will be able to persuade her,"
"Lux," Jarvan said, sternly. "When was the last time you genuinely smiled, that you never have to censor your happiness?"
She had no answer to that.
"I know you're smitten with that Piltovian boy,"
"Ezreal is nothing but a fling, Jarvan,"
"You don't cry days and nights for a fling, Lux, not for months,"
Lux narrowed her eyes. "Garen," she muttered under her breath.
Jarvan opened his mouth to speak for his friend, then a looming figure behind her spoke with such condescendence that made Jarvan felt small. Her voice echoed, Lux's shoulder tensed, Jarvan held his breath.
"Is that how you treat the Crown Prince, Luxanna? By holding him by the door? And conversing with him like an ordinary friend?"
Lux grimaced, holding her head in shame. Even reaching adulthood, she was still the girl who was afraid of her own mother, forever shadowed by her presence. Jarvan's heart tugged for her. He missed the wild little girl whom he played with when they were kids.
"It's not her fault, my lady –"
"In my house, I decide whose fault it is," Lady Lilia Crownguard snapped. As usual, she was dressed in black, her gown swept the polished floor with every step she took. The corset and whalebone she wore further accentuated her prominent curves despite her age. Her black silk gloves concealed her arms but stuck to her like a second skin. Despite the beauty that radiated from her figure, her lips were forever twisted in a displeased scowl, and the infamous emerald green eyes that dazzled with the strength of a brewing storm.
Lux kept her head down, and led him to their kitchen table. A maid had decorated the trays with cakes and finger-foods, with a kettle filled with piping hot tea. Jarvan inhaled the fragrance. The Jewelled Tulip, tea for kings and queens, and Lilia Crownguard.
Lady Crownguard held the ear of the porcelain cup with only two of her fingers, her pinky bent in a graceful yet unnatural angle that he felt painful just looking at it. "My butler mentions you have requested my presence,"
"Aye, my lady,"
"And I don't suppose it's because you are considerate enough to keep this old lady's company,"
He smiled. Blunt as ever. "I only wish to talk about certain matters, my lady,"
"The betrothal?"
Jarvan's smile remained, but his lips were to him, his fist clenched rather tightly.
Lady Crownguard put down her cup with such eloquence that there was barely a sound as the bottom of the cup touched the ceramic saucer. "Prince Jarvan, my dear. Do you think Marcus asked for this betrothal with your father just because the Crownguards wish to be a part of royalty?"
"As far as I'm concerned, you set the agreements of the betrothal albeit the fact that the papers were signed by Lord Marcus,"
It was a witty remark, a dangerous one. She did not take it to heart, however. "The Crownguards have supported the Lightshields for a very long time. Although your family has remained monarchs for centuries, there have always been some noble houses that don't exactly support your rule,"
"Perhaps you would name a few?" Jarvan took a polite sip from his tea.
"House Laurent," she simply said, not giving a damn if the maids or servants in her house heard her. "Even in council meetings, Lord Laurent disrespects your father. Not to mention the rich ones who play a huge role in Demacia's economy. Your father wed Catherine Spiritmight because the previous head of the house opposed your grandfather's rule. Once he pulled the marriage card, the Spiritmights shut up immediately, even licking your grandfather's boots,"
Jarvan let that sink in for a moment. She wasn't just there to give him history lessons, and it was obvious she was insinuating something. "I hope you don't mean to say that this betrothal is my only means to secure my throne,"
"I am not threatening you, Prince Jarvan. I am merely stating the truth. Nothing matters to me more than my own family. Unite the Crownguards and Lightshields through marriage, and our forces will be unstoppable. Divide, and we will be opposed, inside and out,"
He grimaced. "You think I am easily usurped without your support,"
"I can't make you understand what I understand," Lady Lilia spoke softly, but her words resonated with strong reverence and solemnity. "There will come a day when you have to understand that my family matters as much as yours. We are the pillars of this kingdom, you have no choice but to accept the fact that in a moment of a political crisis, we would both easily succumb to the enemy forces should we remain this animosity between us,"
The prince did not answer. She only continued.
"What do you think your marriage to her would contribute, hmm?" she arched an eyebrow. He did not need to guess to know who she was referring to. "A public outrage? The obvious dismay and disagreement from the other Houses?"
"Don't bring her into this, please," he pleaded, and he hated how little and pathetic he seemed before her, as though Lilia was the real future sovereign instead of him.
"Is that not the purpose of your visit today?"
"I visit to beseech you to dissolve this unfair betrothal,"
A palm slammed against the table, rattling the trays and cups. The maid behind her jumped and uttered a soft gasp.
"Do not speak of fairness to me if you can't understand the true meaning behind it," Lilia Crownguard stood, her chin held highly. Jarvan felt small, and he forced himself to look back at her stinging gaze. "I thought your expedition molded you well, but you still hold the childish wishes of a boy,"
Jarvan's hands gripped the armrests tightly. He couldn't help but admit that her words held a grain of truth. Lady Lilia Crownguard walked out of the hall without another word, leaving him to look down in shame.
"Something's not right. I know it,"
"You think I'm being paranoid? No, no, I am sure of it. No, I haven't spoken to him for days, but sometimes he walks by the palace gardens, and I can see him from afar. He looks like something's bothering him,"
"How can I tell, you ask? I don't know, really. Have you ever known a person so much that you can read what's on their minds? It scares me, sometimes. I've only known him for a year and so, yet it feels like I've met him for decades,"
"No… I haven't told him. I couldn't find the courage to break it to him yet. We don't spend that much time being together, and I don't want to spend those moments seeing him completely crestfallen,"
"He's been to the Crownguards' household? The week before?"
A long silence followed.
"I see,"
"No, I'm not upset. Nor am I angry. I just felt… foolish. How long can we keep going on like this anyway? I should have known,"
"I've decided. This has to end,"
The moonlight shone on her complexion. She was radiant – basking in the light with her skin giving off a steel grey hue. She straddled him, her mouth parted slightly as she moaned. He sang with her, holding his breath every time she rose and fell. Eyes closed in the midst of climax. He could feel the weight of her supple breasts in his hands, and the tough yet gentle way of her thighs wrapping around his waist.
She gasped for the last time, glowing in post-coital bliss. His hands remained on her hips, pulling her down onto him so he could bury his nose into her hair, murmuring at the shell of her ear the things she loved to hear.
They stayed in that position for quite a while. Her hair spread across her naked back while he stroked the back of her head gently, him pressing his lips occasionally to the crown of her head. Their breathing matched, their eyes looking off in an unknown distance, their minds wandered freely. and it was a solace they desperately seeked in times of turmoil.
Her head on his chest shifted to look up at him. He met her gaze, her fiery amber eyes so full of passion.
"Something's bothering you," she stated as a matter of fact. She didn't even need to guess.
He smiled. She knows, she always knows. There's nothing I can hide from her. "It's nothing to worry about,"
She kissed him on the chest.
"Tell me,"
"There will be a grand ball soon, hosted by the royal family and the Crownguards. All the noble houses will attend," he pursed his lips. "Your commander should break the news to you soon enough,"
"Is it about the betrothal?"
He hesitated for a while, knowing there was no easy way to let this out without getting an outrageous response from her.
"It is to be a day before my marriage to Lux,"
He had expected her to be sad, or angry even, considering her renowned temper. But her reaction surprised him.
"It must have been hard on you, and Lux," she murmured. "To have a betrothal that neither you both agreed to. I understand that you and her were the best of friends once, I hope this betrothal did not cause a strain on your relationship with her,"
His eyes widened. He stroked a finger against her chin to make her look up at him, so she could meet his eyes. "Shyvana… Please don't hide your feelings from me. I know how you feel right now. I spoke to Lady Crownguard a week ago, I asked her to have the betrothal revoked. But…"
Shyvana smiled sadly. "I know," she merely acknowledged.
He knew she was trying to sweep the matter under the rug, because it was her way of handling a problem she could not solve – if she couldn't be angry about it, she would prefer to ignore it. He wanted her to know that he tried, that he wanted her to be a part of him for the remaining of his life.
"Shyvana, please," he pleaded. "I'm sorry. I'll think of something. Mother would –"
"Jarvan," she stopped him. "You are a crown prince. An heir to the throne. An exemplar to all the subjects of your city, and soon to be the father of your people. I don't want you to forsake your birth right just for me,"
He gritted his teeth. "You don't know that,"
"But I do," she reached out and laid a palm gently on his cheek. He leaned into her touch, and raised his hand to cover hers. "You have to understand, Jarvan, there is no future for both of us. I can't risk you having your rights questioned by the lords. If you marry me, I will always be the root of your problems,"
He stared at her, confused, creasing his eyebrows while trying to make sense of her words.
"I'm barren, Jarvan. It's the curse of a halfling. An impure being born of two species can never be allowed to breed. I can't give you an heir,"
He took her hand in both of his, brought it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. His eyes brimmed with tears, but he willed them not to fall. "There must be a way, Shyvana, why have you given up?"
She shook her head vehemently. "I'm not giving up. I want the best for you, and that's my duty as part of the Elite Guard, and that's what I want as someone who loves you unconditionally,"
She leaned forward and caught his lips in hers, which he reacted by holding her close to him with a hand behind her neck. They pulled back after a while, his lips pressed firmly upon the top of her head.
"I'm so sorry,"
He felt something wet on his bare chest. She was crying.
They did not say anything for a very long time. Jarvan only looked out of the window, watching the moon that would soon slowly descend as the sun took its place.
"Jarvan?" she called out, with her voice muffled. He hummed in reply.
"How many days do we have left?"
"It's tomorrow,"
"I haven't spoken to Lux for a very long time,"
"No, I don't blame her. It's just that I've been so carried away recently. But I've noticed how she tried to avoid me, like she was ashamed to meet me,"
"I've already told him. He knows. He was apologetic. I was sad to see him so sad, but a part of me was relieved as well. I was worried that he would push me away, knowing that I am… incomplete,"
"Well, well, how nice of you to tell me that,"
"Maybe I should speak to her. She helped me a lot, after all. I should do the same for her, and let her know she's not alone in this ordeal,"
"You always give the soundest advice. Sona, thank you for being such a pleasant company,"
Sona smiled and strummed a note on her etwahl in reply, then signed 'You're welcome' to Shyvana who stood and was about to leave.
She sat before the mirror, running the brush through her smooth, golden hair that flowed like silk. Her large blue eyes stared at her own reflection, but her mind was wandering elsewhere.
Tomorrow would be a huge day for her.
She did not ask for this. She had stopped receiving letters from Ezreal, who was undoubtedly having some kind of swashbuckling adventure in Bilgewater. Ezreal had known about the betrothal for a very long time, but he preferred to keep a blind eye towards it. The last letter from him was about his expedition in a Shuriman tomb, and he had promised he would tell her more about it in the following correspondence.
It's not like Ez to leave a story hanging like that, Lux frowned. Mother had done something to those letters, I'll find out what. But now I'll prepare, just as she wants me to.
"You look radiant even when you're worried,"
She turned abruptly at the voice, and came eye to eye with Shyvana who leaned against the doorway to her room, with her arms crossed. She was still in her Elite Guard attire, which meant she had just finished her shift.
She looked down and smiled fondly. She had not spoken to her for so long, afraid that she was offended by her betrothal to Jarvan. It never occurred to her that she had missed her friend dearly all this while.
"Did Garen let you in? I hope you both did not quarrel,"
"Well," she grinned impishly. "Just threw him a few japes,"
She walked towards her and sat on a stool near to her. Her eyes turned towards her dresser which was full of cosmetics and accessories for tomorrow. Her wedding dress hung close to her bed, and Shyvana looked long and hard at it.
"How do you feel? Nervous?"
Lux nodded. "All the noble houses will be there, Mother says I have to look presentable, befitting the wife of a future king,"
"Well, don't you worry," Shyvana snorted. "Jarvan always makes a fool out of himself, willingly or not. He'll embarrass himself so much you'll look far more regal than he does,"
Lux burst into fits of laughter, and Shyvana merely flashed her a warm smile.
"I've missed you, Shyvana," she placed a hand on her knee. "And I'm going to miss all these soon enough,"
"You'll always have me around. The Elite Guard protects the royal household,"
"Shyvana, I wish there was something I could have done,"
Her smile did not diminish, but Lux could see the obvious tinge of sadness in her eyes – subtle, but still noticeable. Her heart wrenched with guilt, and it only doubled when she merely said, "You've done more than enough, Lux. You are the best friend I never thought I needed,"
There was nothing she could say. Everything that came out of her mouth would always be a pathetic excuse, because she knew there was something she could have done, blaming everything on Lilia Crownguard just proved that she was trying hard to make herself seem forgivable.
"Anyway," Shyvana said suddenly, desperate to change the subject. "How is Ezreal?"
Lux must have winced or made a sour face, because Shyvana instantly looked as though she regretted what she said. Nervously, she smiled, hoping it would at least assure her. "Well… it's just we have been out of sorts lately. He's an explorer after all, letters are hard to come by,"
Obviously unconvinced, the half-dragon merely arched a brow. "You're telling me with all the tech in Piltover, that midget still prefers writing you letters,"
"It's more romantic this way," she argued. "You can't tell the writer's emotions as vividly through digital messages. They are so bland and… expressionless compared to hand-written letters. Besides, I get souvenirs," Lux waved a hand in the air, jingling the bracelet that Ez had bought her during his visit to some sacred village in Shurima.
Shyvana cringed.
"Come on," Lux giggled. "You and Jarvan sneak into each other's rooms at night. That's even worse!"
Shyvana raised a hand and looked boringly into the distance, mimicking an enthused poet. "The things we do for love," she quoted, which made Lux fall into fits of laughter once she noticed it was a line from her favourite romance novels. She remembered lending it to Shyvana once, and spent the entire noon laughing at her priceless reaction at every cringeworthy scenes.
"I guess there won't be more of that soon," Shyvana muttered under her breath. Lux heard it nonetheless.
"Shyvana," Lux held her hand, urging her to look at her. "I wouldn't mind if he takes you as his lover. You deserve him, and he loves you. I have no rights to take him away from you,"
"That's fornication, Lux. I can't risk tainting your and his name just because of what I want,"
She knew she was right. There was nothing she could say.
"Tomorrow is your wedding," the half-dragon's folded her hand in hers, and she could feel every scale on her hand. They weren't cold and cruel like the nonsensical rumours the soldiers always spread, but warm and comforting. "Being rulers would be a heavy responsibility on you both, so know that I'll assist you both any way I can, every moment along the way,"
She was at a complete loss of words. She was the one who had unrightfully taken Jarvan away from here, and yet here she was, pledging her life to her. Lux felt unworthy, wondering what she had done to deserve a friend like her. All she had done for her, and yet she took more than she gave.
Shyvana raised a thumb and gently wiped the tears from her cheek, and she gasped when she realized she was crying.
"It's my fault," she choked on her tears. "I took away your happy ending. You deserve it, yet I took it away,"
Shyvana smiled sadly. "I already have mine," there was a slight crack in her voice, but she still smiled, for her. "And now it's yours,"
The Great Hall was filled to the brim, with representatives from every noble houses and other nations to witness the wedding. The Vanguards and members of the Elite Guard stood gallantly at every assigned spots of the Hall, each brandishing their formidable weapons and eying the crowd for any suspicious guests.
Shyvana stood closest to the altar where the exchange of rings and recital of vows would take place, clad in full Demacian blue-and-gold armour with her chest bearing the wing-spread eagle insignia of the Elite Guard. She laid the ball of her thumb against the hilt of her service weapon, watching the guests who came flowing through the gates of the octagonal Great Hall, each member accompanied to their seats by the household servants of the Palace. Filling the front row before the altar was the Queen Dowager in her full splendour, her white gown with frilly laces making her seem elegant and regal even without the silver crown and sceptre. Next to her, Lilia Crownguard sat motionlessly with her hands neatly folded in her lap. Funny enough, it was the first time Shyvana saw her in any colours other than black.
She felt a presence behind her, then inhaled deeply as the strong scent of woodsmoke drifted by.
"Spying something, soldier?"
Her hand on her sword slackened. "Nothing suspicious, Commander,"
"Good," Cymund Spiritmight said, his voice always sounding monotonous and akin to the low growl of a tiger. He was the only one who appreciated her dragon senses in her squad, knowing that she could inform them of danger whenever it arises. "Though I must remind you that if anything were to happen, your first responsibility is the Queen Dowager, no matter how dire. The king will be in good hands, so don't you worry,"
The king, she suppressed a smirk. It simply served as a reminder that the moment he was called the King, he would stop being hers. What a twist of fate.
"When have I ever strayed from my responsibilities, Commander?" most of the guests were already in the Hall, and the pastor on the altar was adjusting his robes before the podium, flipping the pages of a tome before him. "I had never doubted August's ability to defend his charge, even though we were often crossed with each other,"
Cymund was about to say something, but the blaring of the fanfare turned his words into a soundless murmur. The ceremony was commencing.
"Announcing the arrival of the Jarvan Lightshield, Fourth of His Name, the Exemplar and Crown Prince of Demacia and Luxanna Crownguard, the Lady of Luminosity and Vice-Chancellor of the School of Illusory Magic,"
All the guests rose from their seats. The gates opened, revealing Lux whose veil concealed her face, holding her Marcus Crownguard's elbow, who was clad in full armor with a shield that bore Crownguard's sigil. Another gate near the altar opened, revealing Jarvan in his full golden armour, together with the crown that held the blue jewel of Demacia that boasted of the grandeur of his status. He approached the pastor, and watched as Lux walked down the aisle, straight towards him.
Jarvan's face was solemn, yet he smiled for Lux's sake. His eyes flickered for a moment and met Shyvana's, which she quickly looked away. I must not look at him, eye to eye. She told herself like a mantra. I am sworn to protect, my duty is to the crown. There are no room for distractions.
Lux and Marcus stopped before the steps of the altar. Marcus turned to the crowd of the Great Hall, watching his wife for a moment. Lilia looked impassive, as usual.
"On this glorious day," Marcus bellowed. "I, Marcus Crownguard, stand before the Royal Family and all the noble houses in service of the Crown as witnesses. I give away my one and only beloved daughter, Luxanna," she thought she heard his voice wavering, but merely dismissed it. "to be lawfully wedded to the Crown Prince of Demacia. Long may he reign!"
"Long may he reign!" the crowd repeated.
Lux released her hold on her father's elbow, and climbed the steps until she was at the same level with Jarvan. Jarvan pulled back her veil, revealing her beautiful face and her splendidly braided golden hair. The Hall was silent, as though completely awestruck by the ceremony. The pastor filled two golden chalices with wine, and gave them to the couple. Jarvan and Lux crossed their arms with each other, and began reciting their vows.
Everything was surreal, a total blur. She watched their lips move and their eyes fixed on each other, but she could hear nothing. She watched the morose look on the Queen Dowager's face, still mourning for her husband and worried about the state of unrest in other nations. Lilia Crownguard's face remained impassive, barely moving at all. It must be done, if she had to speak that was what she would say.
She watched, Jarvan and Lux looking into each others' eyes. She did not have to guess to know that they were thinking of the same thing, that in their mind they were uttering an apology repeatedly. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry this isn't what I wanted I don't mean for this to happen I didn't want it to happen.
But did it matter?
Her best friend and the love of her life, wedded. She was happy for them. Was she?
I'll follow you both to the ends of Runeterra. I will lay my life down for you both, and for your children and your children's children. Because no one cared for me like both of you did. I am the one who should apologize, for owing you two a debt that can never be repaid.
A thunderous applause brought her back from her thoughts. Lux and Jarvan drank from the chalices, officially announced the King and Queen of Demacia. The pastor laid the crowns on the couple's head, and the applause did not cease even when they had exchanged a brief kiss.
Jarvan forced a smile, whether for his sake or for Lux or for her, she no longer knew. Lux shed a single tear, despite knowing that her mother would be displeased. Shyvana felt a deep ache bloom in her heart.
She had never seen a bride more sorrowful in her life.
I have been thinking of writing a Piltover-centric story, but it won't happen until I finished The Frozen Flower.