Your Guardian Angel
Life has a beginning and an end, even if sometimes it's the idea of letting go hard to grasp. Years after Finn's death, Rachel is in need of some inner peace and she soon would learn he had indeed always watched over her. POST season 5. One Shot
A/N: Hello lovely readers! I bring you one of the few one shots I've ever written! So I wanted to do something special for Finchel since I have been watching a lot of Touched by Angel episodes. Sigh. I really miss that show, it was so good and never failed to make me cry, also I will be using some of the characters of the series which don't belong to me of course! Italics are Finn and the rest of the angels.
I hope you enjoy! I don't claim any right to either show…
Introducing Andrew, (angel of death) Monica and Tess fellow angels who help people in the most time of need.
I will never let you fall; I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Your Guardian Angel.
He remembered when it happened, even if it's a little vague now. He was 19 years old when it happened so yeah, years had gone by in the blink of an eye.
He had watched Ryder, Marley and the rest of his Glee kids graduate and now gone into careers, marriages and children, he had also watched Kurt grow from a boy to a man, gone to have a successful life and career in fashion, still into his guilty pleasure of doing theater, mostly sponsored by Rachel and Blaine who were now business partners running a successful company. Both having had their good run under the lights of Broadway, Tony's under their belts and critical acclaim, who was to say they were not going to be each other's Tony and Maria when their time came to play them on a real stage in New York, long far from Lima.
His mom was also doing well, she and Burt had gone to be quite the political figures which enabled them to fight for the right things, like when it became legal for same sex couples to marry anywhere in the country, well, let's just say Burt had had a thing or two to do with this change in the course of human history, he couldn't be prouder.
Santana had come back into Rachel's life as a vital part of her theater company, over the years for one she had been lucky enough to watch each other grow and go beyond their imagination. She and Brittany had somehow kept their promise to one another as well, being front and center at Mike and Tina's wedding when the time came. The time which had also given him a glimpse of Puck's life after he got on that bike, a life that ultimately led him back to the person who he'd always held on to, Quinn, who as a teenager had suffered her stumbles and somehow managed to overcome them, now a soccer mom and lawyer, she had come far from her creepy Quinn days, the days where being prom queen didn't seem nothing but a step on the ladder of self-understanding.
As for Rachel. Well, Rachel Berry had accomplished her long life dream of being on Broadway and now served as a vital part of the community she once admired so much, helping kids like herself to never stop believing in whatever they wanted.
Many years since his death had passed and yet he continued to be present in the memories of those who loved him. From a plaque hanging in one side of his old high school auditorium to having his own theater named after him, to having his last name being held by a child he'd never imagined he would have. And there he was, sitting beside his mother, his matching amber eyes sparkled as he enjoyed being in the school choir room, performing on a stage, as his parents had. His dance moves weren't anything like Finn's, he was able to dance! Imagine that! And his talent in the drums, had brought him such a peace of mind he never thought he'd have again, his mother on the other hand, well she didn't enjoy the late jam sessions as much.
He remembered when Cory had turned 6, his eyes focused largely on the box in front of him. He had received his father's drum set, tears streamed down both Rachel and Carole's eyes as they saw the same excitement in this child as Finn when he played.
"Do I really have to this?" Finn asked. Andrew stared at him with a reassuring smile. "She isn't going to believe any of this…"
"But of course she will sweetheart." Tess added in. "Especially if it comes from you she will…" Finn sighed, he wasn't sure why he'd been assigned to this specifically, to somehow help Rachel with her grief, one he hated seeing her go through. Finn had not being around for thousands of years like his fellow companions, he was merely a baby when it came to this job as a guide, an angel , in which through the years he had helped people overcome their darkest and lowest moments
As for right now, finding himself back where it all began represented a challenge. Back to being there for Rachel when in reality he had never left her and still it haunted him that she had to do it all, alone. . But you see, this wasn't about him or even about him and Rachel or the love they had shared, this was about her dad. The man who had raised her, loved her and helped her, he was dying and it was up to Finn to help his former girlfriend make that transition.
Rachel lay awake at night; her head was pounding as a terrible feeling made her shiver. She and her papa took turns to care for Hiram at the hospital the best they could but she couldn't help but think about what might go on when she wasn't there.
"Rachel?" The sound of Leo's voice made her turn her head. Her husband smiled sweetly as she began to cry for the second time that night. He held her, kissing her forehead as he whispered words of love.
Leo had been quite the surprise for Rachel as she struggled with being a single mother and having lost the love of her life so suddenly.
She remembered when he had moved into her building, Kurt and Santana were sure Leo had the biggest crush on her, and yet she ignored the signs of interest because she had other things to keep her mind busy with. He had asked her on the first date a few months after he'd seen her with Cory in the park, she would later find out he had a little one to care for as well, as her mother had died a few months before he found himself in New York. They didn't talk much about what they had lost, more like focusing on their children the best they could. She was a young mother of a ten year old when she began to take interest in a man who understood her, at 31 Leo wasn't much older to a 29 year old single Rachel, he had only gotten married a couple years before his wife had died and was responsible one year old baby to care for.
Yet, in spite of their connection, both of them were reluctant to try and find love again at first, as their priorities had been others. Perseverance and the desire to heal ultimately led them to one another and Rachel seemed happy to have found him. As their relationship grew, their devotion to their children seemed to correspond as Cory responded well to Leo; mostly because he knew it made his mother happy and little Molly didn't have to crave for the love of the mother who was no longer there. Rachel was.
"Honey?" Leo said again. She didn't want him to know she was crying again but he knew her too well. They suddenly heard a loud cry, the baby was up and Rachel had to gather all her strength to get up before he woke up the other children. Leo followed her close as they entered the nursery were Josh slept.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, as she settled Josh on her lap.
"There is nothing to talk about." She said quietly. "I'm just thinking about my daddy, that's all…"
"Rachel, you do know he's not alone right?" Her husband said sweetly. Right, he wasn't, but the point was that she wasn't there. "And neither are you."
Finn watched as Hiram Berry slept on a hospital bed, his skinny frame covered by a blanket Finn was sure Rachel had made, cancer had made the most out of a kind man like that one, the man who always seemed to be on his side even though his husband had not really approved of Finn's affections towards Rachel in the early years of their relationship.
"How much longer?" Finn asked Andrew, weird enough, having being assigned under the wings, literally, of an angel of death had brought Finn nothing but confusion at first, to later learn that it his had been his kind heart and soul what had earned Finn a place amongst these angels who had now become his family.
"Not long now…"
"You better be getting ready Finn, it's almost time." Monica placed a hand on his shoulder with a smile. "You must do this so you bring yourself and Rachel some peace at last"
"Mom?" Cory knocked on the door of Rachel's office one afternoon. Her now sixteen year old son was as tall as Finn and the same sweet temple was evident in his face. "Are you ready to go?" Ah yes, Leroy had called Rachel earlier to say she should come to the hospital soon as her daddy didn't have much time left now.
"Sure, honey… umm just give me a second okay?" Cory nodded and left the room, closing the door partially. He heard his mother move on the chair at the desk but didn't dare to look, afraid of her crying even harder because he'd seen her. His mother who had nothing but adoration for him was the most important person in his life as he had struggled to not having a dad growing up.
"Okay." Rachel sighed as she locked her office. "Let's go."
They drove to the hospital in silence, Leo and the kids would meet them later as he had a late shift he had to work at but promised to make it early.
"Papa." As soon as her eyes locked with Leroy's, Rachel lost all of her coherent ability to be strong, she fell into her father's arms as she stroked her hair softly, his voice breaking as he whispered it would be okay…
"Is there anything we can do?" Cory asked with a weak tone. "I mean, maybe if they changed his medicine…"
"It wouldn't make much deference honey." His granddad answered. "Granddaddy doesn't have the strength he once had, when all of this started, the best we can do for him now is, being here." Cory nodded, unsure of what he was supposed to answer to that.
"Baby would you mind going downstairs to get us some coffee?" Rachel asked her son as she sat beside the table, taking Hiram's hand in hers.
"Sure, I'll be right back."
Cory walked through the halls of the white building towards the cafeteria, his messy dark brown hair stuck as he ran his hand through it tiredly. He bought the coffees before making it back to Rachel and Leroy, having found a bending machine in the near end of the hallway, he smiled remembering how his mother said it was contradictory for there to be bending machines at a hospital were people were sick since those snacks weren't all that healthy. He picked the candy he wanted and waited for it to fall. It didn't. He moved it a little bit. Nothing.
"You're joking right?" He muttered frustrated. The next thing he knew it was unplugged until it roared back to life.
"The trick is, to unplug it, then fire back it back up again." A man said next to him. Cory looked up to see his face. "There." He said, handing him the candy bar.
"Uh, thanks." Cory took the candy from him. He noticed him staring. "I know what you are thinking, not the healthiest snack in the world, but man do I need chocolate." The man smiled.
"Rough night?"
"Do you ever just feel helpless, like you know you can do something and it's just stupid, because you know that no matter what you do it won't fix anything?" He really didn't want to lay all this off on a stranger, the poor man didn't need that, he was probably here for someone as well, that was until he noticed he wore a name tag, which meant he worked there.
"I do." The man who according to the tag was named Andrew answered. "I'm a grief counselor, so I know a thing or two about not being able to fix things and it sucks doesn't it?"
"Yeah." The boy said with a sad smile.
"Cory?" He heard his mother's voice behind him, he'd completely forgotten about the coffees. Crap. "Baby, are you alright?"
"I'm fine mom; I just got distracted talking to…"
"Andrew." The man said before Cory could answer. "I certainly wish we would have met in different circumstances." Rachel examined the man for a second before giving him a polite smile. "I was just telling your son, that if he needed anything, just someone to talk to, I'm around."
"Thank you." Rachel said. "We… we should really get back honey, Leo and the kids are here." They said their goodbyes to Andrew making it back into the room where tension was thick and coffees had gone cold long.
"Hey Cor, are you alright?" His stepfather said wrapping an arm around the boy.
"Yeah, I'm fine." He joined Molly on the couch as they remained silent. The only sound heard was the beeping of the machines. Cory hated hospitals as he had spent most of his early years in one. Having been born with a weak heart and a defect, his life had been threatened more than once by the thin line of illness, until he had had his last surgery to date and had gotten a heart, almost out of time. He wasn't anyone to say it had not been a miracle? And yet, it was something he was forced to still deal today and probably for the rest of his life, so yeah, there was a reason why he hated hospitals.
"Your son takes too much after you Finn, it's scary." Andrew told Finn as they watched the family solemnly support Hiram. The former quarterback however was lost in thought as he watched Leo with Cory. "He's a good boy, probably takes after you in that as well huh?"
"Rachel's done a great job; I still can't believe she had to go through it alone." Finn said with a smile as he moved towards Rachel.
"She wasn't alone baby, you know that as well as I do." Tess said.
"And she isn't alone now." Monica put in as she smiled. Finn smiled too even though his heart broke for the pain Rachel seemed to be going through, similar to the one she had suffered when she'd lost him.
The minutes turned into hours, Rachel was cuddled on a chair next to her daddy's bed as she rocked Josh to get him to calm down. Either way Hiram wouldn't even flinch.
"How about if I take the kids home?" Leo suggested. It was hard enough for them to be there with two young kids as well as doctors coming and going every so often. Cory incorporated himself on the couch.
"That sounds like a good idea" Rachel said softly. "I'm sure you can ask Mrs. Haskin to watch them"
"Yeah, of course or I could just call Kurt" Leo smiled. Truth be told, her friends had come and gone these past few weeks as her father's health deteriorated. Just as in magic, Kurt and Santana arrived at the hospital shortly after Leo had left. Cory of course had stayed by Rachel's side.
"How you doing?" Santana asked softly as they drank their second cup of coffee that night.
"I don't know, I am that's all I know…" Kurt and Santana shared a look worriedly.
"She seems to have good friends." Monica said suddenly calling Finn's attention.
"The best, although she and Santana had sort of a rocky start, now it seems like back in school they were just kids and now they are all grown." Finn said nostalgically.
He remembered the 10 year old high school reunion years ago. Rachel and Santana making up after the drama that had gone down in the early years in New York seemed distant even then. And his son's godmother, funny he'd call Santana that had been nothing but supportive of Rachel, even though they seemed to still clash as titans once in a while.
"Finn. I'm afraid there isn't much to be done now but to say goodbye " Andrew called his attention once more. It was time and he knew it. The boy looked down at Hiram Berry, a man whose kindness and perceptive soul had finally given up. The beeping sounds of the machines couldn't muffle Rachel's cries as she held on to Kurt who held her delicately. Finn's heart shattered at the sound of them as he'd heard too many times before.
"Hello Hiram." Tess said kindly, Finn couldn't bear to look away from his once to be wife as she cried. He had not even noticed the man next to him, his temple back to a warmer color.
"Wait. How?" He heard Hiram asked as he stared at Finn, then back at his family.
"It's alright Hiram." Monica said with a reassuring smile. "You are surrounded by friends…"
"Finn, I should have known you'd never leave her side." Mr. Berry said extending his hand to shake his, tears glistened from Finn's amber eyes as he did his best to keep composure.
"I'm sorry Mr. Berry." Finn said suddenly, his voice breaking. "I'm so sorry for leaving her when she needed me the most…"
"Oh my sweet boy, you are not still holding on to that, are you?" Hiram's answer and warmth made Finn look a bit more distraught, if that was even possible. "You had no fault in what happened to you, and I know if it had been your will you would have never left my Rachela alone. And the funny thing is Finn, you are here, even as she suffers, giving her strength"
Oh and he was the angel, right.
"And still you gave her one of the most precious gifts Finn." Andrew spoke softly glancing towards Cory. "You gave her the gift of love, of life and all she needed to when she thought she could no longer do it alone."
The funeral was crowded. Too crowded for Rachel's taste. It was held back in her childhood home. Old business partners and friends offered their condolences. She remained as complete as she could, but truth be told, she wasn't sure if she'd recover from this.
She made her best to accept hugs and kind words from those she'd seen perhaps once in her life. She held on to those who'd loved her father as purely as she did. Shelby was there, as was Mr. Shue, who Rachel had kept in contact, even after he and Emma had moved to Washington.
Carole Hudson Hummel spotted her in the far end of the room, quickly making her way to embrace her. "Honey, I am so sorry. You know I am here for you if you need me..." Rachel broke. She didn't want to look into Carole's eyes and see despair, the despair they had both experience when they lost Finn. Cory made his way to hug his grandmother.
"My Cory, how are you?" she held his face in her hands, just as she had done her own son growing up.
"I'm okay grandma. I just…" Cory hesitated for a moment. Rachel was soon lost amidst the crowd. "Is it wrong I'm happy grandpa is not suffering anymore?" the face he made, a mix between confusion and worry reminded Carole of his dad. "I don't mean to sound insensitive or anything…"
"Of course not Cory. In fact I think it's sweet, your granddad had already gone through so much, I'm sure he's finally found peace." She kissed his hand caressing it. "It's going to be hard being without him for sure, but he will always be in our hearts and in the love we had for him. It will never stop growing" Cory smiled softly. Tears fell from his eyes once more, not having Finn growing up had particularly drawn Cory to be close to his grandparents as he'd look up to them as role models.
"Grandma, do you think grandpa found my dad?" the childish question from the lips of a 16 year old seemed strange, sweet and somehow bittersweet.
"You know what honey? I'm sure he did."
She wasn't sure how long it would take them to find her. She'd sneaked back upstairs to her room. Sitting there on the bed brought her more sorrow than comfort. There were too many happy memories, sad ones too in that room, not only of her daddy but of Finn as well.
"I don't know why but I was sure you'd be here" Cory opened the door slightly. He saw his mother cleaning her face as more tears poured from her eyes.
"Am I that predictable?" Rachel asked. Cory smiled. Yes mother, you are. "I just, I couldn't be down there anymore. It just hurts too much..."
"And being up here on your own helps?" Her son frowned. Cory, the sweet talker, a Hudson for sure.
"I don't… I'm not sure." Rachel admitted. Cory sighed joining her on the bed. Silence enveloped them both.
"You came up here too when dad died?" Cory was direct and yet, he would not look at her.
"No." Rachel looked down at her hands "His room" This made Cory smile instantly. The same smile that had melted the heart of a teenage Rachel Berry. "It just brought me peace somehow."
"Has this helped?" her son asked curiously. "Shouldn't you be in grandpa's room?"
"Papa's there." Rachel answered without a hitch. "I guess it's a thing we need to do to process, the loss."
"Alone?"
"Are you sure you are ready kid?" Andrew asked Finn as they both watched Cory and Rachel.
"I don't think I'll ever be ready." Finn admitted. "Would that change anything?"
"Depends, that's up to you Finn, it's your choice. I can't make it for you. I might be your guide, but teacher, we teach ourselves what we need to, when we need to."
Well, that wasn't useful at all.
"You both looked so, I don't know, sweet here." Cory said of a picture of Hiram and Rachel at one of her recitals.
"Ah, yes. I remember this, we had practiced together for so long, papa thought we'd pass out." His mother held the picture close to her chest.
"Mom?" Cory asked suddenly, he was staring at a picture, a picture of Finn and Rachel. She gasped when she saw it, having no idea how it had ended up in her room after her dad's had made most of the cleaning after she'd left for New York to study, it was funny to think she had not noticed it was there before as she and Cory had come home to stay there countless times before.
"I don't…where was it?" she asked curiously.
"Just here, I don't think I had seen it before." Cory admitted picking it up. It showed Finn and Rachel with their graduations gowns, she had her arms around his neck, her small frame was on his back, where she had always felt safe, as he smiled brightly for the camera, and her smile had not gone unnoticed either. "I'm not sure who took this." Rachel said taking the frame from her son.
"I do. It was in my room." A voice said behind mother and son, a voice that seemed so familiar and yet, now so foreign. Cory was the first one to turn around. To come face to face with his father, for the first time ever. "Don't be scared Cory." Finn spoke softly. "It's alright…"
"No." came Rachel's voice, but she wouldn't turn around. This was all a product of her imagination, she had let herself be drawn into the memories, into the love.
But wait. Had he said Cory?
"Rach." She closed her eyes still, her lips almost white from suppressing a scream. "It's okay, you can turn around so you see I am real."
"No! You are not! YOU died!" she had most definitely lost her mind. She was screaming at Finn.
"Mom" Cory's voice came as a beg. "Just turn around so I know I'm not crazy, tell me you see him too." And so she did, for her son, or maybe for herself as well.
"Hey Rach." Finn said with a crooked smile. "You look good, amazing really."
"I'm almost certainly not the in the best state right now." She couldn't believe she was arguing with Finn, who was dead. He somehow stood in front of her and the first she had done was argue. She must had gone bunkers.
"Dad?" He had never been able to use the word in that context before. "You see him too, right mom?" Oh sweet lord, she did see him. Her Finn. He was here, but that was impossible as she'd lost him long ago.
"I… I do Cory." She said softly.
"Are we in some sort of inception combined dream or something?" Cory asked, very Finn like.
"It's not a dream Cory." The young boy found himself staring at the guy from the hospital. "All of this is real."
"Wait, what?"
"We are angels' son." Finn said. A glow began to radiate from their bodies.
"Angels?" Sure, his mom and everyone else had told him many things about Finn growing up, he knew so much that he had an imaginary friend named Chris for a while, who had an uncanny resemblance to Finn. "You are an angel? Are you an imaginary friend too, because I could have sworn I had made you up in mind." Rachel couldn't speak but she did look over at her son, her eyes leaving Finn's.
"You didn't kiddo, I was there, I have always been there, I just, I never told you you weren't really making me up." Finn admitted shyly.
"You were Chris? You were his imaginary friend?" Rachel's voice had begun to break. She never thought she'd find herself face to face with Finn ever again, sure, she'd pictured this reunion in her mind a thousand times over, and now that this was apparently happening, she had not even made an attempt to move or touch Finn.
"Kids can see stuff adults can't." Finn explained. "So from a young age to only a few years ago, Cory was seeing me. As Chris of course." He said with a smile.
"Finn Christopher Hudson." Rachel recited. Oh god.
"Finn?" She had said his name for the first time. "Are you really here?"
"I'm really here Rachel." Finn's usual sweet voice spoke with more confidence than ever as she was sure he hid a bit of nervousness as well.
"But not for long, sadly our time here is short." Andrew spoke, they all had completely forgotten about him.
"And who might you be?" Rachel asked. Suddenly something clicked. She had seen him talking to Cory shortly before Hiram died. She didn't need words to inform them he'd already indeed met her.
"You were there to take my granddad, weren't you?" Cory suddenly understood. "If we…"
"Yes Cory, I accompanied your grandfather to a place where he'd find peace, in fact, he's already found it."
"And he wanted me to remind you he loves you and misses you so much." Finn put in, he could see Rachel was shaking as the adrenaline she had just experienced began to run out on her. He'd seen this before.
"Rachel?" Finn asked sweetly. She saw him move closer. "Everything is going to be okay, I promise, I know you are stronger than this, all of you will get through this." She had not noticed he was now inches from her.
"Finn, God, ive missed you…" She whispered as he held on to her face, she raised her hands to touch his arms.
"I've missed you too Rach… but you've done pretty good for yourself, you made all your dreams come true." He brushed his thumb across her cheek as she cried.
"Not all of them, you weren't with me to raise our son." She said. "You were my dream too. You didn't happen."
"But I did." He said lowering his voice. His face was inches from hers. "I was there with you through Cory Rach, I never left your side, how could I?"
"You always knew didn't you, even though I didn't want to admit it. You always knew we were something special…"
"We still are." He said looking up at his son. "We will always be special Rach, and we'll always have each other, no matter what…" She felt him lean to kiss her cheek softly, when it was over, her fingers ran the same pattern. "I love you Rach, always have, always will." He turned to look at Cory, whose eyes were glistening, even though he didn't seem much older than his own son, in Finn's eyes he was still a small child. "Cor, you have no idea how proud I am of the man you have become, I wish I could have been there to see it happen, to help make it happen."
"You were." Cory said quietly. Finn took Rachel's hand in his for one more kiss and then moved to hold his son. "Dad, I love you."
"I love you too.." He felt his son's heart raise with emotions as he cried in his arms. "So much buddy, never forget that okay?"
"Okay." Finn hugged his son close for a few moments before pulling away, brushing his tears away.
"You take care of mom okay?" Cory nodded, unsure of what else to do. He suddenly felt as Finn kissed his forehead.
"And Rach?" He called her attention once more."Leo is a pretty stand up guy, I'm glad you found him."
Did he just gave his blessing. Oh god, this was embarrasing, then again, who was she to speak of anything so wonderful right now.
"I'm so glad you found happiness Rach, you really deserve it."
"Do you have to go?" Cory asked. Finn glanced over at Andrew. "Afraid so buddy, this isn't my place anymore."
"But... Rachel began. God. She did really held on to stuff. "You just. You can't go."
"that's not my decision to make." Finn said knowingly. "none of it was really up to me, I just got lucky." Finn said shyly with a smile. "I was meant to help you in your grief. Of loosing your dad, of hanging on to me." She pouted as if she was about to answer. "You know I would stay If I could." He smiled brightly. "But you and I both know that's not your life anymore." Rachel began to cry again as Cory held her close. "just remember to look up. I'll always be there watching. There is a star with my name on it after all, right?" She laughed softly.
"Finn?" She said softly as she watched him return to Andrew's side. "Tell my daddy I love him?"
"Of course." He said waving his hand. "I love you both so much, we all do." Andrew smiled their way. "Hey Cor? keep playing as loud as you can? I'll be listening for sure."
As sudden as it had happened, it ended. Cory and Rachel found themselves staring at the pictures again, only this time, one of them was gone.
But somehow, it wasn't lost forever.
longest thing I've ever written at once! uff! What did you think? It was just something that came to me watch gone of the episodes! It's not to insult anyone's beliefs or anything! Just wrote to get some piece of mind. Thank you for reading!
don't forget, reviews make writers smile. :)
