Disclaimer: I do not own a thing.
"Shit, Kris. You said you found something. Not some-one!" I glared at my friend over my thick-rimmed glasses. If I knew he was bringing a girl by I would have dolled myself up instead of looking like a nerd. Hey Stupid, get your head out of your ass. I stepped aside so he could get her out of the pouring rain. Of all nights, it just had to be on the start of the first monsoon! I stopped in my tracks, analyzing what was currently going on, albeit a bit late, but hey! I was off in Hogwarts just a few moments ago, could you blame me?
That didn't stop me from frowning at him. "That's a human. A human girl, you dummy. Like you and I! Who do you think you are? Captain of the homeless and I'm your nanny?" I watched him carry her past me to my living room.
"I know, I know. Now shut up. She was on the side of the road just-" he set her down and threw his arms up exasperatedly "laying there! What the hell did you expect me to do? Leave her? I thought you had a heart, Anna." He ran a hand through his soaked dirty blonde hair. Sheesh, I should calm him down before he blows a gasket.
"Alright! Just stop your diva tears and let me see what you got here." I pushed him aside to examine what he'd splayed out on my newly furnished couch. Asshole. Nothing else mattered though when I got a closer look at the girl. The poor thing was absolutely filthy! Covered in leaves, mud, dirt, every possible confection of the outdoors all piled on to the passed out girl. I fought the urge to wrinkle my nose at the sight. Ugh, fuckin Kristoff, only he would pull something like this at one in the morning. I cast a glace to the poor fool as he wrung his hands, worry lines evident on his forehead.
"Calm down, dork. She's fine." I rolled my eyes at his very visible and entirely audible sigh of relief. "Where'd you say you found her? She's so dirty, your apartment is like the Queen's Throne Room compared to her." Kristoff's chest puffed out indignantly at the insult.
"Whatever, neat freak. Like yours is any cleaner than mine." He sneered and tossed an empty pizza box at me for emphasis, making me growl at him. I wasted no time in returning the box to his face, but he dodge when I threw it back. Almost got him. I hated when he acted better than me when there was no doubt that we were in the same boat when it came to the cleanliness of our living quarters.
"Shut up and answer the damn question. I have work in a few more hours." I grumbled while I pushed the matted bangs out of the girl's face, and paused in surprise. The girl- woman, was beautiful! Her skin looked so smooth and white it would make Mr. Cullen jealous and her hair? It would most definitely rival Thranduil's hair in my favorite movie. He was so hot with his elvish ears- 'ugh, get it together Murdock!'
"Actually she was at the corner of Riddle and Gallup." Kristoff rubbed the back of his head. He seemed to finally notice that his boots had been soaked and covered in mud, while they leaked into my carpet. He swiftly scampered off to the kitchen where there was tile. Dammit I just vacuumed! Wait-
"That playground with all the graffiti on the slides?" I asked with a raised brow at him as I pushed my glasses back up my nose. Instead of meeting my eyes, he shuffled his feet like a kid instead, knowing I knew damned well why he took that particular route. No matter how late, or dangerous it was at night. Especially today of all days!
"Well, yeah, you know-" He started.
I stepped in to stop him from humiliating himself for the thousandth time today. "Oh, drop it. I think she's waking up." She actually wasn't but I needed an excuse. This wasn't exactly the best time to be talking about the obsessive compulsiveness of my friend, though he did bring me this mess of a human. My eyes narrowed in on the sight before me while Kristoff stopped trying to explain himself immediately before snapping out of his thankfulness to work on removing his stupid combat boots so he could join me beside the couch.
The woman's face was twisted like she was having an awful dream so I couldn't get much of a feel for the way she atcually looked. But still, her lips were a full rosy pink and I found myself wanting to see what she looked like when she was clean. Her hair flowed in thick, blonde waves down around her in a tangled mess. The clothes she wore, or lack there of consisted of one hospital gown complete with one of those butt-ugly scrub bottoms that had been an disgusting shade of orange. The rest of her could easily be blended into the jungle that was my back yard.
"Think she's an alien?" Kristoff dropped beside me to poke a curious finger to her cheek. I glared at him before smacking his hand, which he pulled back in mock hurt. Drama Queen. I hit his hand again for good measure and he stuck his tongue out at me, making me snort.
"Very mature, Kristoff. Guess you get a gold star for very good job." I cooed like he was a five year old and even went as far as to tousle his shaggy blonde locks. He needed a haircut. Again. He pushed my hand away to pout like said five year old before his eyes snapped to the girl that began to stir on the couch.
Drawing my attention back too, I watched just as curiously as she began to regain consciousness. Her eyes moved back and forth behind her eyelids as they tightened into a scowl, taking on a whole new look of pain. Uh oh, was it something I said? I thought before yelping as I saw her hand slowly fly by my nose, punching the unlucky air infront of me. Whoa, that was like the Matrix! Go Murdock! I caught her next punch, though I can't say the same for my useless wall of a friend as he got punched three more times before finally pining her arm to the couch.
"Fuck she punches hard." He complained while flexing his jaw. I could hear the clear whine in his voice.
"Aww...but I thought you liked it rough, princess." I drawled mockingly. He growled at me and I smirked playfully at him. Too fun to tease, my bad bro. Suddenly I was looking directly into topaz pools of fear, confusion, disorientation, and oh maybe a dash of loneliness for the hell of it. The woman bared her insanely straight white teeth at us like a feral animal, making Kristoff jump up and quickly back off like she'd actually bit him. Fuckin bigot coward! Luckily for that big lug, I was too busy trying to keep my grip, not to mention, my attention, focused to worry about voicing that.
Instead, I decided to take matters into my own hands, "Hey, hey, hey calm down, missy." I treid to voice gently before promptly straddling her as she wriggled and bucked underneath me to try to get me off. Ooh, so its like that? I instantly clenched my thighs around her slim waist. When that didn't work, I ended up laying fully on top of her as I gingerly lifted her hands to pin them above her pretty little head. We made fierce eye contact just as her back arched in a last attempt to land me on the floor. Once she found she couldn't shake me, she exhaled heavily and deflated beneath me.
I win. Grinning inwardly and without thinking, I placed my forehead on hers. I watched those blue pools turn slightly cross-eyed as my glasses slid down my nose until they touched hers and then she was looking back at me. Guess I should get new glasses with straps that wrap all the way around my head for just such emergencies. Not that I wrestled pretty ladies for a living. And sweet Odin those eyes of hers!
"Easy. We're not gonna hurt you." I whispered soothingly. "Well, who knows, that big ugly thing might attempt to sit on you, but me? No, you can trust me." Our breathing mingled from our little display of a rodeo still, but she calmed almost immediately after I mentioned peace. Really. Were we barbarians? When I felt she wouldn't try to attack again I released her wrists and sat up so I could push my glasses back up my nose.
"Yeah, but you're the one sitting on her, ya know?" Kristoff had moved to the far end of the living room. Dumbass, didn't he know people could smell his fear? I held back a retch at the thought of his smelly arm pits. The guy could clear a room when he worked!
"So I am." I nodded nonchalantly. "But it's not weird." I concluded with giving him a cheeky grin. He flipped me off and I held in a giggle as I looked back to the girl under me who had stopped moving all together. She was staring at something on me, but what it was, I didn't know.
However, I did know that now that her face wasn't screwed up in pain, or whatever that was, I could clearly see that I'd been understating her. She was absolutely stunning! All that other dirty junk behind. This woman had the kind of beauty one would notice even when said girl would tie her hair up, wear a beanie and put on a hideously loose jogging outfit. Well, using her current clothes as an example could work too. She still managed to make my breath catch in my throat in both awe and amusement either way. Her pretty blue eyes were almost all I could see through her mask of mud. How a person could make all of this filthiness look adorable was beyond me.
All too soon, I saw a ridiculously muddy hand come up to catch one of my twin braids. I intently watched blue eyes turn incredibly curious as she suddenly sat up to closely scrutinize that braid with all her hospital gown, caked mud, and gunk wearing glory. My own eyes turned curious as she looked back up to me, tilting her head to the side in question. I felt my mouth break into a grin. Her face! It was so dirty and her hair had so many muddy flyaways that in a different light she could be Medusa!
"Can she speak?" Kristoff asked. Oh yes the dude was still there, virtually hiding behind my recliner. I tossed a glare at him. Coward. He shrugged sheepishly and I turned back to the girl I was still straddling. That should have changed sometime ago. Oh well, she doesn't seem to mind and neither do I.
"Yes. Can you speak my lovely forest creature of the east?" I managed to ask when she removed my glasses to inspect them before she put them on the coffee table. I watched her with just as much interest as an astronomer to the galaxy, only to grow nervous the instant she turned back to lean in very close to me. I gulped suddenly, not sure what to do, I- really what do you do in a situation like that? Her crazy blue eyes invaded my vision, her scent (if you call the smell of the entirety forest a scent) clogged my nose, her breasts pressed to mine and I gasped as a blush took over my features.
I let out an involuntary whimper. What the hell was she doing? Buy me a drink first! No, scratch that, she could do whatever she wanted- Murdock. Head out of the gutter!
She nodded, pulling back and I involuntarily followed, already missing the contact. Whoo what the fuck was that? A quick glance to my left showed me Kristoff's raised eyebrow. I was about to stick my tongue out at him when I heard the sweetest voice in the history of all voices.
"My name is Elsa."
"Hey! Wh-what do you th-think you're doing?!" A humongous blush exploded across my face as I just narrowly escaped peeking at the mysterious woman's naked front. She'd currently taken off that hideous gown and pulled those hideous orange pants down, giving me a clear shot to her perfectly round ass.
"Did you not tell me to shower?" Her melodic voice asked. I chanced a look but quickly averted my eyes knowing very well that I wouldn't be looking into her crazy blue eyes.
"Well, yeah, but you're supposed to strip in the bathroom! Not in front of me like- like-" I threw my hands up much like Kristoff earlier, not wanting to call the girl a stripper to her face, though I would pay her for a lap dance. I slapped myself mentally. Get out of the gutter! She's lady, a very hot lady. Stop it. I rubbed my eyes wondering what time it was. That blockhead left me with her, how could he do that! Surely he could have helped me but no, he had work..I did too!
"Where is this bathroom you speak of?" I stopped rubbing my eyes to point to the hall.
"Just walk that way and you'll see a door on the left. Towels are in the closet across the way and feel free to use whatever's in there, you know, considering you didn't bring your own." I chuckled at my 'clever' self. Oh I was such a master at jokes. She walked past me and I choked on a breath. N-naked as the day she was born! Way to got master of jokes.
"May as well continue my movies." After I calmed down a bit, I jumped over to my recliner and flipped the TV back on. I tried to get comfy but I got the feeling something was off. Why couldn't I hear the shower running? It took a second for me to gather myself before I cautiously padded down the hall.
"Um, Elsa? You good in there?" Okay girl, eye contact. Keep eye contact. I pushed the door open just as she turned. EYE CONTACT! My eyes immediately dragged down her body from her delicious looking neck to her creamy shoulders, to her supple breasts that were much bigger than mine, to some scars on her stomach, to her oh-so lovely hips, to her patch of pale fur and finally on down her impossibly long, incredibly sexy legs. I swear I got light headed during my travels of the forest beauty- I mean the woman named Elsa.
"I am not." She turned back around and I nearly fainted. This was too much! Not that I'd never seen another naked female before, but she- this was- I gulped, snapping out of it. Did she say she wasn't okay?
"What do you mean? Just turn the dial to the side." My feet took me to the tub in no time and with a shaky hand, I managed to get the shower on. "See? Its like magic." Ugh, why was I talking to her like she was a child? Just because you work with them doesn't mean you get to treat everybody like that. No wonder you don't have a girlfriend.
"I do see. Thank you Anna, but-" she then turned to me with fearful eyes. My own eyes widened in surprise. Was she afraid of water? Was that why she was so dirty? No don't be ridiculous! A woman as beautiful as her probably enjoys a hot bath after hosting a ball for a far away kingdom, or just for the hell of it.
"But what? I think you have all that you need." I double checked the shower supplies I'd recently restocked a few days ago. Maybe she still needs a towel? My eyes looked to the sink and saw a towel neatly folded on it. Then-
"I am not used to bathing alone."
There was a pause as that information sunk in. "W-what?! So you mean you- I- we- uh-" My face glowed bright red as I stumbled forward a bit. She couldn't be serious! I looked into her eyes. Oh. I guess she was.
"Does that make you uncomfortable?" Her downcast eyes had me frantically searching for an explanation.
"We-well no, I-I mean sort of, because, you know, I don't really know you at all. A-and here in Arendelle you kinda gotta be m-married to do so." I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly, knowing that was probably the lamest excuse known to man. But seriously, I didn't know this woman, where she came from, or if she was truly human. She looked like it but her dialect said otherwise. I shook my head. Enough judgement on the poor girl.
"Then tonight shall I be your wife? I can see that you want me clean but I simply feel uncomfortable bathing alone." She reached for my hand and I jumped at her cool touch. She was freezing! Then again it was pouring out there when Kristoff found her. The woman's emotions were unreadable but I could see that she was serious about the wife question. Wife. My wife. A stupid grin tugged at my lips at the thought. Hell, if it got her clean, then why not? Yeah.. this is probably going to end up in a mess.
"U-um, y-you don't have to call yourself my w-w-wife. I'll do it because you're cold a-and probably tired so-" I took my hand back so I could remove my shirt. Oh gods what was I getting myself into?
"I do not mind being called your wife, Anna. Please, after you." She pulled the shower curtain back and I tripped over myself. Did she just- I snapped my eyes to her. Wife?! Ooh, maybe it was a dumb idea to make that particular comment. Like I'm worthy of someone like her. Eh, whatever she was lucky she got brought to MY apartment and not my nerdy buddy's.
I gulped and gingerly stepped into the warm flow of water. May as well get the shower over with since I gotta work in a few hours. Plus, this whole deal had formed knots in my shoulders already. I rolled my neck to the side and groaned ahh..nice water. Almost feels like fingers. I put my hands on either side of the dial as the 'water' continued to rub my shoulders, getting them loose in no time. I wanted to whimper, suddenly feeling a little turned on. What was that?
"Does that feel good, Anna?" Came a chorus of bells behind me. I bit my lip and nodded lazily, wait, water didn't have hands! Shit, I already forgot! My eyes popped open as I spun back around to the woman that had been massaging my shoulders. Big mistake. My eyes instantly fell, following a single drop of water that plummeted past glorious mounds, down to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and disappearing somewhere along her insanely long yummy looking legs.
"Uh..." Clean, you're supposed to clean her you dolt! "O-oh right! I-I supposed to help me- you get- shampoo!" My brain refused to come up with any coherent words, let alone sentences as I reached for the bottle of cleanser so I closed my mouth. Luckily the woman didn't seem to mind my blubbering. In fact, she had stepped closer and when I turned back, I swear if the wall wasn't behind me, I would have fainted.
Easy Anna, easy. Just rub it into her scalp. I gulped and surged forward. That mud needed to go anyway. How dare it cover her perfect body. Then another thought entered my mind. What if she already knows how to clean herself? What if you're insulting her? She did mention that she didn't like bathing alone but that didn't mean that she didn't know HOW to bathe. I was just about to stop and ask when a serene smile spread across her rosy lips and a low, appreciative rumble came from her throat.
Oh fuck me! I stared wide-eyed into her closed ones, my fingers never stopping. The mud was long gone from her face and her pale cheeks had a bit of color in them now. From either the steam or my ministration, I didn't know, but damn it all, this was by far the most sensual act I'd ever done in my entire life! It left me feeling exposed and sensitive to the touch. I wondered briefly if that was how the blonde goddess was feeling.
"Allow me do your hair now." Her blue eyes fluttered open as she reached behind me to get the shampoo. Okay, how long was I rinsing her hair? Uh-oh, she wanted to do me- my hair!
"U-um, no!" I didn't mean to flinch away but I wasn't used to someone else touching my hair. I watched eyebrows raise before looking into those topaz orbs that suddenly filled with denial and hurt. Shit, fix it you moron! "W-wait! I-I didn't mean that! O-of course you can wash mine. I-I was just- I've never..." I swallowed whatever useless words wanted to come out and bowed my head forward in surrender. Well, if someone were to touch me I suppose it could be my 'wife.' I shivered at that thought and the fact that she gently placed her fingers on my head.
Remember, girl. You got to go to work in a few hours. My damned consciousness could be a big help and at the same time a huge pain in the ass! I pulled my lip into my mouth as she used those same divine hands, that had relieved my tense shoulders awhile ago, to spread the sweet smelling concoction into my scalp. Oh, fuck you consciousness!
We've got tonight. Who needs tomorrow?
A/N: Hey, hey, hey. Thanks to certain someones, I felt the need to return this particular fic ^^
I admit that I actually lost it but now that I got it back sometime ago, I'll put it back up. So 'here we go again, I feel the chemicals kickin' in...'
Tootles~